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dunno,
The point is that although you think you are uping the stadard for yourself, you are uping the stadard of everyone, until noone can afford we they are (as we are all in that boat today).
dunno,
my message is to the yungerman, “As try as you might to be like a baalabus, the baalabus can always upgrade much easier and doesn’t want to be seen as in the same status as you, so keep to your bashed up stationwagon and dont up the standard for everyone else!”
when the simple yungerman/yungerlafy who sopposedly lived w/o any income and is being moiser nefesh for learning, is using all these fancy gadgets and spending on totally frivilous items such as silver pacifiers, yes, that ups the bar for everyone. Just as in the “olden days” yeshiva guys had yeshivish station wagon for $200 w/o mirrors or a hood, the “gvir” had a ford minivan. When the yungamanchik needed a ford minivan the gvir upgraded to the Odyssey. When the kollel fellow gets an odyessy the gvir leases a Avalon. Its a wild goosechase starting with the simple $5 items.
That is why it IS everyones business. You aren’t giving your child a silver pacifier because he needs it or even wants it. It is because YOU need it!!
As a stutterer myself, (and very happily married), the less self conscience you are about it, the better off you are. Just ignore it. She will obviously notice it, and if it bothers her, she will say no. If she can see beyond your speech impairment, then she is someone who really deserves you!
Hatzlacha Rabba
Well we now know thanks to another thread that the seminaries charge 22K. Harvard is probably about the same. And Brisk is somewhere in the $0 range, so I would assume for those financial savvy people Brisk just makes more sense…
Every person has his crazy dating stories, lets not start a dating story website here. This is a simple coffee room…
Does the YW CR have the same halacha as a bar? Can I drink a beer in the CR??
1.
The white gown actually does NOT come from Queen Victoria, nor from some symbol of purity.
The white gown was actually a innacted by chazal ???? ??? ????? ?? ?? ???? ??, not embarrass someone who cannot afford it. In the times of Chazal white clothing were the norm because it was the cheapest and didn’t require any dying of the materials.
The jealousy that the kesones passim which Yaakov gave to Yosef caused, wasn’t just that the brothers recieved a solid black suit and Yosef recieved a pinstripe, rather the entire jacket was made from scratch differently. The threads were dyed different colors, and the cloth was weaved custom made, showing the extreme love that Yaakov had shown to Yosef more than the brothers. Thus Chazal innacted the white gown to prevent embaressmant, jealousy, and hated.
2.
While the aisle at weddings may have a non-Jewish source, in todays day in age, with all the mixing of genders, could you imagine what would be going on if we in Amewrica did the Israeli style??
Winston Churchill once said, “I don’t care if you talk good about me, or talk bad about me…Just talk about me!!”
What are frum (yeshivishe) people petrified when they find a lizard in their home? Or a louse in their hair???
Where does the 4″ rule come from? I think its a chidush of R’ Falks.
From looking at pictures of 30-50 years ago, the skirts were alot shorter on the Rebbitzens than they are today. Take a look at your parents or grandparents wedding pictures. The skirts are not exactly what we would consider Bais Yaakov length of todays generation. When we were growing up, knee leangth was for the frummies, but the 4″ rule signed by some anonymous vaad means zilch!
It is not a question of 20 – 30 years. It is the current situation. How many people in Klei Kodesh WITH JOBS commit themselves to a number of years of support (because they want to marry off their kids) and at the same time are collecting money for the chasunah. If they can’t afford one wedding, how will they support a few daughters support at the same time?
I believe the only solution is to make the young couple mary and survive ON THEIR OWN. Like has been done for past 5725 years. Suddenly, if the couple need to marry themselves off, diamond rings won’t be so popular, and Shul halls will be in demand and a chosson whose friend plays the harmonica will be a real catch.
The problem is that that the one on the recieving end gives NOTHING and gives up nothing and expects EVERYTHING. This lifestyle leads to disaster, as ones dreams can never be fulfilled, unless he gives something.
i was told, bsheym Rav Yaakov Kamenetzky zatzal, that the source for lighting one candle per child is that it used to be that after childbirth every mother was in the hospital for a minmiumum 10 days. Hence they always missed a Friday night candle lighting.
So it would seem that a second marriage would NOT require lighting for all the children of the other spouse.
16 – the age you can get a driver’s license
Truthfully, it is probably a great investment now. One day it will probably be turned into a museum with a mosque.
Shticky Guy who wrote: “After all, why would we still keep 2 days ??? ??? in ??? ???? when we no longer have a doubt when rosh chodesh is!!”
See the Mishna Brura on Yom Tov Shayni who says a totally different explanation for two days Yom Tov. Because of the leangth and bitterness of the looooooooooong golus, we will forget the cheshbonos and come ch”v to eat chometz on Pesach. (We may end up in a concentration camp and not have a calander with us to know the exact day!)
Yontel (original poster) wrote “Live fish only”.
What are they eating? Live lobster? Goldfish from the tank?
Never heard of that one before!!
Telling someone a secret and asking them not to tell anyone is asking that person to do what you can’t.
The point is that the “bracha” is a tefilla to Hashem.
TBT,
Rabbie Yishmoel ben Elisha, the last Kohen Gadol, was in the middle of doing the Avodas Yom Hakkipurim, in the Kodesh HaKodoshim: The holiest man, on the holiest day, in the holiest place. His whole bracha was tefilla that the churban shouldn’t take place and Hashem should have rachmonus on Klal Yisroel. It wasn’t that, “You should be zoche to …”
The concept of going to a Gadol BiYisroel for a bracha is fairly new.
While Rebbes have been giving brachos for generations, the bracha idea in the litvish world is reflection of the melting pot of Yidden of today’s age. When one went to the Chofetz Chaim, he didn’t just give a bracha, he davened hard for the person, did mitzvos and took on kabalos for the person in need. I don’t recall that any story when someone went to Rav Boruch Ber, Rav Chaim Ozer, Shaagas Aryeh or even the Vilna Gaon for a bracha. They went for eitzas. They went for chizzuk. They went for Torah… but a bracha by itself, comes from the chassidishe world.
Where are you? Alot of places are “out of town” like Lakewood and Monsey.
Try Tripoli. There are great fares now.
Popa, is your statement a lie, meaning, in reality you never say a lie and always the truth?
There is actually a shaila in the teshuvos if a person who eats gbochts is allowed to change and stop eating gbochts because he is deminishing his simchas yom tov. (Might be a chasam sofer, but don’t recall, I’m not yet into the Pesach mode, still recovering from Purim).
If you’re from out of town, the minhag hamokom is to be polite and say something to show the other person that you recignize him as a tzelem elokim. For some reason, in more in-town places (Brooklyn, Monsey and even the new Lakewood), the minhag hamakom is different.
Whenever I travel to these places, I say “Good Morning” and “Gut Shabbos” to everyone just to see the reaction. Usually it’s just a double take, like,”Do I know you?”
How come there is only Mod-80 and now for the first time we see Mod-72?
Where are Mod-1 through Mod-71 & Mod-73 through Mod-79.
Maybe Mod-80 is the new recruit and they all make him do all the work???
Why not just explain to your children (yes, if they have such demands they are still children), what ever they get from you, they will be expected to give to each and every one of their own children?!!
You’ll never see them be so anxious to get a real shtella or job and never ask for a penny again.
Many of us, don’t own homes. While homes are great investments, there will always be more and more costs (broken roof, leaking pipes) and taxes will forever be going up. Purchasing a home to rent out may be a good long term investment, but for living it may be cheaper to rent in the long run (unless the home is the only yerusha you are leaving for your kids).
My Rav told me that one cannot be oiver on Bain Adam L’chaveiro because of a chumra of Bain Adam l’Makom.
The example he gave was that if a guest came to your house and brought you a cake or a bottle of wine with a hechsher that you would normally not eat, (not because it’s treif ch”v, but because you are machmir on a better hechsher – I think the example he gave was a wine with the OU only) you have a chiyuv bain adam lichaveiro to serve it and use it. And that overrides your “minhag” of only using badatz.
Now with regard to your dishwasher, (I would ask my Rav first, but I think he would tell me) that the dishwasher was (probably) cleaned well before your first use and there is no treif in it now, so whatever chumrah I would have would be innapropiate at your home.
(Disclosure: I have not learned well bassar b’chalav – so I don’t know what the practical issues of the machlokes with regard to dishwashers is and if its a question of chumra to wait a year or if its a shaila of real tarfus)
“Why is Chanukah 8 days if there was enough oil to last 1 day, so the real nes of Chanukah was only seven days? So why is Chanukah 8 days?”
Then come up with one of the answers and let everyone have a nice laugh!!
(Of course, you can come up with the oil of Menorah represent Sopporting Torah (just like in my Yeshiva) and the extra oil ($$) makes more light (Torah) LaYiHudim Hoysa ORAH…)
to aries2756,
You CANNOT be yotze the Mitzva Meshloach Manos at night, nor can you give Matonos L’Evyoinim (unless you are giving it to a person who will give it to the evyon during the day) nor can you be yotze the Seuda by night. All these mitzvos need to be done during the DAY!!! ONLY!!!
To The (Revered) Wolf,
You signed off, “The Wolf (who, for the record, correctly guessed the gender of the first and third, but was completely wrong on the second one.)”
What does “completely wrong on the second one” mean? In this case, what’s the difference between “almost right” and “dead wrong”?
Where do you get that you have to stand for a kohen??
Rashi and almost everywhere in chazal say that v’kidashto (to kovod but kodosh) is to give a Kohen the first aliya and and the honor of benching when there is a zimun.
Standing is for a godol or parent.
Twisted asked “A bigger kasha is where did the white dress come from?”
It is actually a takana that chazal made “ksei shloi l’vayeish es mi sheain la” In order not to embarrass someone who doesn’t have.
In the times of chazal most clothing were white, because colors meant that you had to dye the threads early on in the process of making the clothing. This was a major and expensive job and many did not have the means to do so.
When you realize this, you can understand why the ksones pasim that Yaakov gave to Yosef was a big deal. It wasn’t that the brothers got solid black (or white) and Yosef’s was just striped, the whole jacket was made from scratch specifically for Yosef at a great expense, thus showing the world that Yosef had special status in the eyes of his father.
I once heard from Rav Nissin Kaplan (from the Mir) that the pshat is zmiros l’shabbos, Kol Mikadesh, “K’Challah bais reoseha Mishbatza” (like a kalla who is beufified by her friends) is refering to this thought. That every kalla looks the same, because of this takana of chazal, but if you wantto know which kalla is fancier or more wealthy, look at her friends, if they are wearing colors than this is a high class wedding, but if they are wearing white then the kalla is from a more basic home.
So to with Shabbos. By the way one makes sure his friends and neighbors have a beutiful Shabbos is a reflection of his own respect for Shabbos.
(Sorry for such a long answer to a short question).
Wasn’t Ayshes Chayil the hesped that Avrohom Avinu said on Sara Imeinu??
I always thought that this is basic.
I read a number of years back that it is estimated that there are about 250,000 chareidim in the entire world.
How does one define chareidim, I don’t know?
How does one define frum, I don’t know?
If the criteria is shmiras shabbos, must be much higher, if the criteria is black hat and to the right of that it is probobly much lower.
Getting back to the original question…
I think you may have the wrong idea of what life is all about, if your decision about where to live it is based on resteraunts.
Shuls, Rabbonim, crowd, Shiurim, schools, salaries, transportation, ok.
But resteraunts???
Let’s say the city you find is perfect both for you and your spouse, but the resteraunt doesn’t carry Chinese, for that you’d rather go too a city where you’d be misrable???
If the income reported on your credit card application and mortgate application match the income reported on your food stamp application then ok. If not, no.
Without it there would be an over population of tuna in the sea.
Davening from a Blackberry or FOR a Blackberry?
My Nokia 5160 still works great and it even has games on it, like Snake.
It known that the Staipler said that in all of Lakewood onlt two people married their zivug rishon. So bashert doesn’t really play a roll.
You get married to someone you like, and as with everything in life, you learn on the road how to make your marriage successful. What worked in you parents home may not work for you, becasuse you are not your father and your wife is not your mother. So with trial and error (yes, there will be errors) we learn to perfect our marriages.
I once saw a grown man walking around on Purim in Israel (where many wear frocks only on Peasch, Shavuos & Succos) in his frock, tallis with a lulav and esrog in his hand. After many years I am always reminded of that man!
Part of the “Divorce Crisis” is ironically the “Shidduch Crisis”. Young girls are so desperate to get a date, that when they finally do, in their mind they are practacally engaged, without ever giving serious thought as to maybe this is not THE ONE! I don’t want to be the 25% of my class who will never get married! There is so much pressure on the girls these days, that just get married and later will try to make things work.
The truth of the matter is that EVERY marriage has it bumps. Two people, from two different families, from two different backgrounds come together and in a relitevely short amount of time they decide that they belong together forever. They discussed all the big issues and everything clicks. So what could go wrong? Everything! While both boy and girls have a desire to have a guests on Shabbos, one has in mind bachurim, and one has in mind couples. One is used to fish with alot of chrain served in the middle and one has a little mayinaise on each plate… One has a yekishe mother and one has a galitziyaner mother… Unless both sides are constantly working on themselves not to be bothered by the other’s mishugasin things will HOPEFULLY work out ok.
And stop making the Shidduch Crisis the topic of every day, it only puts pressure on everyone for no good reason!
To get a real idea on this topic one should list what he currently does and what he’d want to do.
RONRSR says DENTIST. Is he currently a peditrician who finds it too hard to always be availabe for every Mommy who thinks their child might have TB because he has a daiper rash; or is he a cardiologist who has seen too many patients die (ch”v) or is he a musician who finds the music too loud at weddings; or maybe she is a at home mother with a husband a Rebbe who hasn’t gotten paid in three months and is finding it too difficult to cope on one (no) salary.
If you catch my point, it better to say, “Currently I am a garbage truck driver, but if I had to start all over again I’d love to be a microbiotic scientist working on sabatoging Iranian nuclear advancement of the Arts!”
I once had a Rebbie explain it. He asked that the answer of “Boruch Hashem” in not an answer, because we all know “??? ??????? ?? ???? ?? ?????? ?? ???”, so answering “B”H” is not a real answer. And he explained that in today’s language, the words, “How are you?” or “VOs Macht du?” is not really a question. It is a way of saying, “Hi!” And the correct response to that is “???? ???” also meaning “Hi!”
In todays venacular it is not a question and answer, rather, it is a simple greeting.
Do you think “Mod 80” really is a moderator? Or that “the Wolf” is a Wolf? or “that BP Totty” is from Boro Park or a Totty?or “Baron Fritz” is a Baron?
When I was learning Jewish History, I was taught that all of the original Tzionim were European and all spoke mostly Yiddish. When thay decided to make Hebrew the national language, Ben Yehuda was trying to eradicate everything yiddish in the country. Yiddish represented old school and mesorah while Hebrew represented the new and the enlightened. They wanted to totally break away with their mesorah and anything that would connect them with the frum Jews who spoke Yiddsh. Hence the creation of modern day Hebrew/Ivrit. But they also changed from their own natural havara to the sphardic havara because they wanted no connection to their own past and mesorah. (For those who think I went to some Satmer school and this is part of the shita against Tzionism, I actually lived on the west coast and had a pretty liberal secular education. But that is what I was taught and it makes alot of sense.)
The gemara in Gittin (I think) says that a person who raises a dog is possul li’eidus. Of course that could mean raising dogs as a business. I learned it many years ago, so I may be VERY off.
I have heard that the real zchus for the sick person is that because of him, people are praying and bettering themselves with Torah, mitzvos, and tefillos. The words of Dovid HaMelech about the dealings with his son Avsholom and the like are not prayers for the sick, they are mostly a zchus for the one saying the tefillos, and the zchus that I said them because so-and-so was sick, or so-n-so needs a yeshua, that zchus goes to the one who needs the yeshua. But the main zchus is for ones self and his connection to Hashem
Why cancel a wedding? Why not get 10 neighbors to come to the living room or some shul basement hall, get two aydim, a ring, “Harei At” and finished.
In halacha it really is not so simple to postpone a wedding.
Of course, if the Chosson or Kallah are out of town then one should not put his/her life in sakana, but if its 18th Avenue to 14th, IMHO it would be more proper to do it “the old fashion way”.
If I recall correctly, during the LA Riots in 1992 (maybe 1993 – don’t recall) someone who had a hotel ordered got married in a backyard.
Just, MHO.