zahavasdad

PBA

The law says a minor cant consent, so even if they arent civilly married the girl still cant consent

Yenta was a Shadchan (Matchmaker)

Taps

I am not a teen anymore, but I get it

Teens are trying to figure their place in the world, Part of being a teen is seperating yourself from your parents. You need to explore life for yourself and sort of figure out where you belong in Life.

Frankly a little rebellious is not so terrible, you need to learn from the wrong things too.

Maybe in your communities this is not allowed. Teens days are filled with learning and More learning , no time for breaks or fun. Teen Girls days are filled with school and being a mommy by taking care of younger siblings. Then they become engaged at a young age even 17.

the parents probably followed a similar path and dont realize that the kids need a “Different Dereach”. Jsut because there is a fork in the road doesnt mean the path diverege.

I posed a poem for the OP , It was written towards a mother, It seems many did not understand the Poem, The Poem was saying that teens will rebel and when the time is right they will return and that is OK.

I commend the OP for trying to keep her son. and the reason I dont have answers is people dont want to give answers, Answers exist, but they are not popular.

Its alot easier to throw out a kid than wait the years required for the kid to mature a bit. I certainly respect someone who went off a bit and realized this mistake than someone who was a Tzaddik all their lives and dont understand lifes challanges.

I read Soliek Story, And I really respect that, I dont condem his at all for the Video chat, I respect him MORE for doing it and realizing it was wrong.

In the Book by Hanoch Teller about Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach

He talks about some fund raising dinner where there was mixed seating.

One of Rav Shlomo’s talmidim complained to the Rav about the mixed seating and how could this be allowed. Rav Shlomo gave the talmid a sharp lesson in Dereach Eretz, and then sat next to his wife (Rebbetizen Auerbach).

There was an article in the Jewish press a few weeks ago.

There was a Kiruv Rav who gave a speech to a mixed religious/ non religious audience and realized many of the FRUM people didnt really belive either.

And he wondered why this was. One of the things he mentioned was Tzniut. Some schools claim some things are Halacha Tzniut, but really are only Chumras. When the girls find out about this, they are not too happy

< em> Feif Un: Taking on extra chumros doesn’t work? Really? I was taught ??? ????? ???????, and ??? ???? ????? ??. “It says very bad things” about following HaShem’s explicit directions???

One is not allowed to divirt from the Torah either left or RIGHT

Msseeker.

Lots of kids do things different than their parents. One could like Yiddishkite, but not love a certain kind of Yiddishkite.

Some look at Chassidus as a wonderful thing and an amazing thing, and other look at it as a terrible thing. its just OPINION.

You might look at marrying off your daughter at 17 as a wonderful thing to build a bais neeman b’yisroel with lots of wonderful children, others might look at it as being forced to marry a man they hardly know and become barefoot and pregnant.

People who go OTD do follow different traits than their parents, but so do Baal Teshuva and converts. I know of converts and Baal Teshuvas that have cut off ties to their parents and relatives (and some have even cut off ties to their children).

There is a difference between “enjoyment” and “deprivement” . There are plenty of things that can be enjoyed, but are forced “deprivement” because of Frumkite or Hashkafa.

A simple example bought up many times is a Baseball game, Lots of people say here they dont go, and lots of people say they go. Are those who go to the game “Enjoying” the game or are those who abstain “depriving” themselves of the game.

Its been quoted here many times, but Rav Shlomo Friefeld said, “If the only way we can sell our children Torah is by forbidding everything else, then we are bankrupt. “

This is really a powerful statment. Kids see everything not “Hemish” banned and think Yiddishkite is terrible and want to leave.

Chazal were not as interested in dates in History as Historians were.

The Torah is known to write things out of order (Like Avraham dying before Yaakov was born) and Stories in the Gemorah also are chronologically incorrect Like the Story of the 10 martyrs. Rabbi Yishmoel was a Cohen Gadol in the Beis Hamingdosh and Rabbi Akiva participated in the Bar Kochba Rebellion, they didnt live in the same generation.

Since internet is basically banned in Lakewood, why would someone who doesnt have internet want to go

@ Imaofthree

May I ask if you still have a relationship with this daughter or have you shunned her since she moved out

What I dont understand why you cant force him to either go to School or get a Job?

It is still your house and you have the right to tell him that he cant just hang out all day

You are being soft IMO, Dont force him to go to Yeshiva Gedolah, but force him to do SOMETHING productive. You can even give him a choice, College, Yeshiva or a Job that way he wont feel trapped

FYI there are some Rabbanim who are AGAINST closing the streets in Jerusalem.

The reason is these people are driving anyway, and if the streets are closed there will drive MORE causing more Chilul Shabbos

Imagine if the streets were closed and you needed to call Hatzolah or there was a Fire on your block.

Now Hatzolah or Fire Department cant get to your location because the street is blocked

“A really good dvar Torah is no match unless the child is thrilled learning Torah to begin with.”

I disagree. I child who is used to being stimulated by using his or her brain will be perfectly happy to be asked a question at the shabbos table and be quite happy to get involved.

NOT True, I spent the Sedar with Charedi relatives

They have large family with Kids ages from 23 to 3.

I noticed the younger kids were asking alot of questions and then found out they were BRIBED with tickets to ask questions at the sedar, the more tickets the better the prize, then the kids started asking me what questions to ask so they could get more tickets, they couldnt care less about the questions, they just wanted the Candy (Tickets meant purchase of candy) and one of the kids involved in this was a 13 year old girl who is fairly mature

zahavasdad-I wouldn’t consider inviting them over for a number of reasons. One, is that my children would probably misread it as an approval of their behavior. Also, my son would absolutely forbid it bc he doesn’t want us anywhere near his chevra. I also wouldn’t be able to do kiruv with kids who are helping my son to go off the derech. I do, however, pray for all of them to do teshuva.

Its NOT Approval. Its Harm reduction. Lets say they are hanging out at the Local McDonalds. Would you rather him hang out there or in your back yard. You would NOT interfer. You would NOT tell them what to do. Its not about Kiruv at all. Its about minimizing the harm done.

Ive seen the poem around the internet and I think its very appropriate here

The idea of teenage rebellion and return is very clear

At 3 yrs “Mommy, I love you”. At 10, “Mom whatever”. At 16, “My Mom is so annoying”. At 18, “I wanna leave this house”. At 25,”Mom, you were right”. At 30, “I wanna go to Mom’s house”. At 50, “I don’t wanna lose my Mom”. At 70, “I would give up EVERYTHING for my Mom to be here with me”.

My Rabbi Told me they are having a meeting in my neighborhood, but he couldnt go so he asked a question (via e-mail..The invitation came via e-mail) He wanted to know if the speakers would only be Rabbanim or would include people who actually understood the internet and internet security.

He got no reply so he thinks the answer is no.

He feels the event will be a bash the internet event with the only solution for people to look over other people shoulders (Big Brother) and he feels this will not work

Anyime you have an event, you need to make turnout, Turnout should equal or exceed expectations.

If you have an event at say a High School Auditorum You need 800-1000 people to fill it up and call it a success.

At Citifield you need 50,000 people or the stadium will look empty. If the Stadium LOOKS empty even if you get 20,000 people, its still a failure. You have made greater expectations.

And I dont think 50,000 is that easy to get. People have to work, People have to watch little kids) People just cant get to Citifield. Some might think its Bittul torah and not go, others might have Simchas to go to instead etc.

And considering other than the date, details have been thin about such things as the time and ticket information. Its all a receipe for disaster

If this is as common as is it being made out to be, we can stamp FAILURE across our entire system of chinuch (as parents, teachers, rabbonim and community) and look for a new approach.

Why do you think Texting and “half Shabbos” is a problem. I dont think its a Majority, but I do think its a significant minority that feel this way (Otherwise it wouldnt be mentioned many places)

The reason I dont give solutions, is real solutions require thinkng outside the box. Telling some NO YOU CANT is not always the best solutions, the best solutions is give them something ELSE to do hopefully more or at least as appealing.

I am as far from a Rav as possible, but as far as Shabbos is concerned, Dont worry about it now, for many Teens especially its a terrible day.

While many here look forward to Shabbos as a day of Davening, Learning and Rest for a teenager its a day they cant listen to the Radio, Cant Use the Computer, Cant Drive to their friends house, Cant Talk to their friends on the Phone or computer and basically a day of NO , Cant do this, Cant do that. In fact all they can do is Eat Sleep and Learn a Sefer which they find unplesant.

My advise is try to get him to do things that are “Not Shabbosdick” but not Melacha either, Like Play basketball or stuff like that. (Yeah I know many arent going to like that advice, but the choice isnt Basketball or Learning, Its basketball or driving to the mall)