yitzymotcha

Reb Zelik Epstein told me that if we would see the best in each other instead of looking for our chisronos we’d all be better off. This was in response to my asking him about modern orthodoxy and what I thought was treif about it.

DovidBt
Maybe Rashi did quote himself in conversation. Who knows. I read last week that someone asked the Chofetz Chaim a shalyla and he told him to look it up in the mishnah berurah.

When I was growing up in the 70s-80s I think they yeshivish world felt more threatened than the modern orthodox world so they put a bigger stress on on outward dress? Does anyone find that to be true today? I remember taking a bchina in 5th grade for a new yeshiva and a kid there had a knitted yarmulka on. The head said :”I told you to not wear that in yeshiva” and the kid said “I forgot not to wear it” to which he replied “if you threw it away you wouldn’t forget”. You don’t want to know what scandals that yeshiva had. Its unfortunate they cared about the kipa sruga instead.
Sometimes I wonder why when I went to yeshiva we heard about wearing a hat instead of how much Hashem loves us.

huju,
Being that you are an African American, I hope I haven’t insulted you. Do my comments earlier ring true to you? I am honestly curious.

I hope our kids are looking up to gedolim, not singers. Do yeshivish kids (only community I really know) look up to singers over gedolim? They spend all that money on gedolim cards.
Re who you look up to-it depends on how you are raised. I taught high school social studies in the public school system for a year as a student. The first half year was in a heavily minority program. When a black kid would say how “we blacks are better than this” the other kids would say “who are you? Rosa Parks?” Then I switched to a much better school. I had one black kid in my class-straight A student. On PTA night his father told me how they talk politics every night at the dinner table and come from a long line of politicians. This kid played guitar was cultured etc. Funny thing was he once took out a bottle of Kedem grape juice and this jewish kid said where’d you get that!

After Bloomberg spoke at the Democratic convention in 2016 I heard De Blasio on the radio say that it was a good speech even though Bloomberg is a rich person and it was the rich people who caused all the problems in this country. He kept saying it over and over.
I wonder if on some level perhaps even subconsciously, De Blasio likes it when he sees all the symbols of capitalism like the rich people’s stores being trashed.

I don’t know the particulars. My understanding is that poskim rely on research done on non Jews. However, there is scholarly literature arguing that the food you eat does effect metabolism and can impact test results on say the effectiveness of medication. That is why certain people call for the inclusion of minority test subjects in studies.

Does anyone know of tshuvos dealing with Mother’s Day in halacha? Chukas akum etc. I looked and couldn’t find.

I expect anti vaxers to claim that COVID-19 was invented to force them to vaccinate. I don’t believe that of course. I do wonder if we would be forced to vaccinate but I believe the medical establishment so lmaasa I’d do it. But I admit that the potential overreach of govt can be concerning. (This from a guy who hasn’t left house in 6 weeks since I live with my older parents).

Re colleges. Because the governor in NJ required colleges to clear out the dorms the college I’m in offered students a prorated refund for dorm, dining, and parking charges so they did give somewhat of a refund.

rox-is there an inyan behind this?

There was a Viznitzer Rebbe in Shotz Romania before the war. He was a member of the Hagar family. Not many people know about that. My great grandfather was his shamas or gabay. I’m named after him. I think Seret Viznitz in Eretz Yisroel might be a continuation of Shotz Viznitz. I am not sure. I am not chasidish.
Back to your topic-how many pages is this?

Its true that you don’t need a minyan. I once overslept so I called my rov and asked if there was any heter to eat. Instead he told me to come over and he made a siyum for me. He finished Rosh Hashana. Then he told me the rema says the minhag is to redo the eiruv chatzaros Erev pesach so he had me be zoche in the matza for his block but he said we won’t make a bracha because itsa a safek if there’s an eruv in Flatbush.

In the beginning I also thought COVID-19 was exaggerated. Afterall, “don’t X amount die from the flu every year!” (I don’t remember the number). But I watch Dr. Fauci, who is the gov’ts dr. but says it is it is, and he explained that if you look around you can’t see how bad it is because untill it peaks we are always two weeks behind since a person can have the virus yet not show symptoms for two weeks. So we walk around thinking “gee I’m ok” and keep infecting each other.
It’s been pretty stupid the way people continue to spread it around. I got my parents to no longer have our cleaning lady. Instead I’m cleaning for Shabbos and Pesach.

So I called a girl tonight and she says, a great guy like you, why aren’t you married. I get evasive and ask her, why aren’t you married? She sighs and says how hard it is to fimnd a guy who isn’t divorced OR ON MEDS
Ok. So I’ve proved my point. Truth is, evberyone has their pekel.
How do I get positive?

Is there a way to respond to each post separately? I’m relatively new here.
Mrs. Most told me she doesn’t work with mental illness only physical issues or people in their 40s. She was nice when I spoke to her.
RebYidd-you make a good point. Certain meds are problematic during pregnancy. Not all though.
Shopping-I think you are making two points. 1-You seem to be not looking for a guy in kollel who will be supported by others. That seems separate from struggling with issues. I can understand that. Then 2-a person can struggle without it being mental illness. I understand that too. I agree with you that not “everyone has issues”. I hate when people say that. But in a sense, the older I get and the more I see, I start to see people really get issues! I think its a statistic. Every day is a potential for an issue.
When I was in yeshiva I was mkana the two best guys in my shiur (good friends of mine). I was depressed and they were the top learners. Well what happens? One nebuch loses a child to cancer and the other survives (bh) cancer. When I was having kinah did I know what was going to happen to the people I was having kinah on? Of course not. And terribly there are people younger than me who I have watched pass away. So in a sense I can count my blessings that I am alive. But I still so much want to get married and fear rejection for taking meds.

Can anyone tell me how I could find a great girl who is on meds like myself? All I get are girls who have “no problems”. I want someone who struggled a little like me so we’d understand each other as strange as it sounds. There are shadchanim for this but they have no one.
When I am married I will be a shadchan for people on meds. I would do it now but I am not sure how.

Many many years ago, way before the frum community could ever dream of such a thing as Relief (they barely had meds in those days like today), my menahel told me to go to a psychologist for my depression. (I went, he was a lousy psychologist but that’s beside the point).
When I did poorly on my bechina my menahel explained to me how in the stock market there is something called a correction which means the stocks are artificially undervalued but will rise in price any day. A good investor knows where to invest then so he can buy low and sell high. My rebby told me how “I’m a good investor and I know you about to have a correction so I am investing in you and giving you a 100 based on the future”.
My rebby was from those that understood. There are others that understand too though but definitely not all. I feel for those that had rebbeyim that didn’t get it.

I think that bitachon may help some (I stress some) people with anxiety.
Anxiety can be irrational and bitachon can be rational (if properly understood) but being rational actually can help one deal with irrational thoughts. In CBT or cognitive behavioral therapy one looks to replace irational thoughts with rational thoughts. I could potentially see bitachon incorporated into this.
Now, you do what works and if it wouldn’t work then definitely don’t do it. And you can’t just say, have bitachon. When you use CBT you are taught how to use it, not just told, think rationally.

Are you open to going out of Brooklyn?

Rebshiduch,
Where do things stand? Are you going to speak once more on the phone to say good bye?
If it was me
I’d start by respecting their decision
I would thank the person for learning with me because of how much I gained from the experience (new insight to my own Judaism, thinking about great questions they rose).
I’d ask for feedback on what they found most interesting/enjoyable from the learning.
I’d ask if they were to consider continuing or restarting what time would they see working best and topic they’d find most interesting.
Of course I’d talk to the group who sponsors the learning.

A guy I know told someone not frum a hashkafa vort and the guy got interested in learning. I was set up with the person to learn through an organization and told that “gemara works better than hashkafa” so we learned brachas for a few weeks and the guy really was uninterested and dropped. In hindsight I would have learned fascinating hashkafa with him. The truth is that would have been a lot more work for me at that time but it would have worked I believe. There may be packets made by smart organizations for kiruv. I recently participated in a one night session through Ohr Sameach and they had a fascinating packet. Wasn’t hashkafa but it was done top notch intellectually for college kids. It traced the gemara about yaharog vaal yaavor to questions like abortion, when to give over a person in a city etc.
Hatzlacha in your kiruv.