i feel bad that somehow i caused negativity to be braught out against large groups of Jews. we are all brothers and sisters, and one thing that everyone can agree on is that baseless judging(especially in a condescending way) is useless and only leads to negativity. my intention here was to offer personal experience to help those looking for info. in this topic, not to spur bickering.

i would like to clarify, my upbrining was exactly like SYAG describes. i feel silly using terms like “off the derech” because growing up that type of thinking was totally not around. hair covering, skirts, “shomer negiya”… were things that “chasidim” did, not “regular people”. but shabbas and kashrus were absolutely not negotiable. people like me strayed from shabbas and kashrus and everything else simply because we felt no reason not to (aside from family pressure and guilt, which takes you only so far). i felt no connection to any of the “rituals” i was braught up to observe, and it felt natural to leave it all. interestingly, through the years i have become close with many who came from more intense yeshivish upbringings who have gone “otd”, and they seem to have the exact opposite feelings. that they had too much pressure and not enough options. i am well aware that every individual’s circumstances are totally unique and and that no sweeping generalizations can be made on issues like this. whith that being said, the one common denominator i have seen personally is that kids growing up without feeling a connection and an excitement towards Torah and mitzvos are the most vulnerable to leaving it. (obvious, i know.)

ok, so before i really share any experience or opinions, i think context is important. when is say i grew up “modern”, i mean that my religious upbringing on a practical level consisted of strict adherance to the rules of shabbas, kashrus, and tefilin/davening every day. rules regarding dress, music/movies, or how/with whom to socialize were non existant. however, a “Jewish spirit” and strong values of chesed and kindness permeated my home( and community to some extent).

i am going to work backwards and start with Rabbaim( most specific questions)

i actually like the fact that you didn’t ask what “pushed me off”, or what caused me to “go off”, i was not trying to rebel, i got along well with my parents and respected them very much. for me (and many others i know), there was very little really holding me in, going out to experience things that are out there was easy once i got past the initial fear of the unknown, and fear of dissapointing my parents. in other words, for me and many others like me, the issue isn’t what pushed us off, but rather that there was nothing really keeping us in. ( i know that was vague, i am sure i can elaborate a lot if more specific questions are posed)

– i was only about 14 when i started dropping the basics, like shabbas, kashrus…

-my “return” came when i was about 19, i went to visit israel, and met certain incredible people who helped me see the beauty and depth of the world through the prism of observant Judaism, and serious learning of the Torah.

-i have spent the last few years learning seriosuly full time in very serious yeshivas(places i never even heard of growing up), and in fact, my family has moved forward with me and has become more commited to learning and overall shmiras hamitzvos. i am now working part time, as well.

– i have absolutely no concern about returning to things that i experienced “out there”. my clarity in what is true has been strengthened exponentially as a result of my experiences and realizations. i actually am active in dealing with teens/college kids who are struggling with things that I and many like me have struggled with.

– there is a lot more for me to share, but without more pointed questions i could end up writing non-stop, so more specific questions/concerns will be easier for me(sorry i am not a regular internet poster, this is a little foreign to me).

i hope i helped at least a little, so far.