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i think its irrelevant to this thread 😉
anyway best luck 🙂he\she meant u cant type it in a row after a word.
and i dont think its a good idea to marry a person not in the same [give or take ofc] religius level.
but im very precise with my words, 1 need to make sure the CURRENT level of the other is about the same, coz thats what important. as i said im looking at myself and i can easily say im not less Frum than when i was in a fulltime yeshiveh…i just care for my financial future.
same goes for a guy with a past, all Poskim say if its not a thing that gonna be a part of your life after getting married- u dont even have to tell those things of ur past! this is how not important it is!!!
so a girl who think “if he was bla bla bla, i cant marry him” [although currently he is a perfect match]
is disagreeing with those Poskim! and i dont think its a good Middah for any girl.“yeshivastudent, so what do you say about a girl the type that your looking to marry to marry someone less religious than them and modern orthodox?”
-sorry, i didnt understand.the emojis- its unintentionally haha…im just typing “: )” and “; )”
without the spaces…i guess the forum platform programmed to interpretate these to the right emoji automatically.i didnt say anything to insult anybody!
i do say a modern girl wont be a good fit for me.
its wrong to say about “modern” that they are bad or good, same goes for Frum and also for Goyim 😉
theres only a good fit, and not a good fit 🙂Lilmod Ulelamaid
i just couldnt put it better thatn u just did!!
i wish those were the suggestions i get lol.rebshidduch
wow its just like hearing myselft talking!!
im so not used to it.about whoever might got offended i have a correction:
[i actually wanted to put it in my 1st message but forgot]
IM FROM ISRAEL, and here in israel things are very different, a guy who even put the tip of his nose out of the yeshiveh, even if its for a realy low precentage of his day [a degree alongside yeshiveh], concidered Muktze!!! just the way the guy who opened this thread described himself…its the same Hoomreh here :\ thats why i used this example, although i know in USA its not as much Chommur. just was talking about getting a good Shidduch against the odds :).btw, if the language in my messages isnt good enough too -now u know the reason 😉
Hi 🙂
Pesach Kasher veSameach!!
the moment i saw the headline i just had to enter and read 😉
I was a yeshiveBucher the classic way…then [of a very legit and understood reasons, not “cand learn etc] left yeshiveh and started working on my computersScience bachelor degree…
i still learn in a Kollel every day, and plans are to stick with it forever BH!
i look like a yeshiveh bocher, and much more frum than many of my yeshiveh buchers friends!
AND, im in shidduchim for about 3 year, dated a lot of girls. 95% of them were too modern for me! the shadchanim think its a good fit only coz im not in a yeshiveh.
Ofc most girls wouldnt dare dating such a guy, right?thats what i thought, i was so sure ill never find a girl who fits my iddishkeit well enough, and that at some point ill probably settle for a very modern girl, and change the whole shape i wanted my home built.
But then some of my friends, Charedi students just like me got married…after long years in shidduchim too, and to girls whom are not any kind of a settlement!
[from the side of the girls it was also not a settling]
and they told me not to settle…
from this (our) point of view- dating a lot of girls without finding a good fit- its such a hard thing to believe in, i know because its so hard for me.
but i understand that, even if our way\path is very very long -we will still also arrive at our destination in the end.so i dont think u should give up!!
stick to what u believe in!! Hashem knows your worth! dont forget that.
eventually, u come with a guarantee! u r what u r because u chose it! and not because thats how all ur friends are, or because the whole yesiveh are, or whatever stupid reasons sometimes keep ppl the way they are.
best luck 🙂my sister dated long time ago a guy, everything was perfect…
he was an extraordinary gentleman, wise, mature, realy the Bashert.
after the same period of dating as u described he stopped everything, and sort of “disappeared” -was hard to reach him on the phone, and almost impossible to set up a date.
[all of the details are only 99% correct -i was pretty much a child back then, so maybe he said the same as in ur story. idk]
she was realy broken…
after some time, she found out somehow, that he wasnt exactly the type who can marry a girl, and all the dating he does -was mostly for fun, and to fill his life with who knows what.
u can imagine how thankful she was to Hashem for saving her…
ur story sounds realy alike…especialy if you say that he is converted -quite weird not to have any sort of relationships prior to being jewish.
tons of Hatzlacha though 🙂
(btw sorry if the English isnt perfect, im from Israel.)
THE GOQ- well said!
how its related to the topic?
-i found out that many of the times i feel some sadness [call it whatever u want] its after talking with a married friend or relative.
its easy to notice, for some reason, once people get married they suddenly feel “wiser” andor more adult than u, even if you are older than them!
it results in “knowing” exactly why you are still single and what u dodid wrong,
and in general arrogance on you…
so my main method for staying happy is to minimize seeing them to minimum, and finding new, single friends 🙂 .
also, finding brothers in arms is quite comforting, so… 😉
{
AND the root of the problem i think is {already said above} the fact that the Charedi society “overlook” the singles…its like u dont exist until u get married.
the general feeling is like there is no such thing as being a single, its like falling between 2 stools…”u can be a child, or married, but being single is weird”
and its absurd!
THIS should be changed!
being a single is not any single’s fault(or will)! its Hashem plans…
}
a good week and a gezunte winter all.