From reading through your posts it seems pretty clear that you are from israel (the word disk on key is one big clue as well as the use of the word hareidi and the fact that he is in shiur gimel but won’t continue to yeshiva gedola like the israeli system). I would asssume in a pretty insulated community like kiryat sefer or the like. The system in israel puts a huge amount of pressure on young kids; by the time they are 13 they are expected to sit and learn all day. Anyone who is not able or unwilling to put in the crazy hours and dedication is looked down upon.

I personally was in the exact situation described a few years back. I think I can offer advice based on personal experience. The first thing he needs is to be productive. Being unproductive just makes you depressed and just leaves you not caring about much least of all religion. Only once he feels good about himself will he be able to really think about what he wants in the future.

To that end, you need to get him to a next step , any step. Its very easy to stick with the status quo. I personally remained where I was and wasted a year and a half of my life. This can mean going to a more chilled yeshiva, going to work, or maybe working towards a bagrut. I can tell you personally that some of my happiest times in the past few years were times when I was working 2-3 jobs and barely had time to breathe.

Another great option you have is the army. Yes, it goes against your hashkafa (I’m assuming) but you have to look at it this way. Right now your son is hanging around with a bad crowd, the crowd in the army isn’t any worse. There is netzach yehuda which is filled with quality frum guys and even the regular army is very accommodating to frum people. The chareidi community has this false perception of the army perhaps because of the way it was back in the 50s and 60s. You have to realize it is not like that anymore (personal experience). The army offers full structure and really makes you into a better person. At this point in his life this may be just the thing for your son. I know many guys who were drifting and involved in the wrong things who completely turned their lives around after joining. (Just to be clear I’m referring to combat units as being a jobnik is even more depressing than sitting around at home and there are a lot of girl issues). One possible motivator would be to get in to a sayertet. If your son gets it in his head that he wants a sayeret. He will have something to strive for and that is extremely important in maintaining a healthy state of mind. He will have to start running and getting in shape to get ready for gibushim. Most importantly he will stay away from drugs (which are looking like a decent possibility at this point) so he won’t fail any army drug tests. This is something you have to sit down and discuss with your rav.

Sorry if all this came and sounding a little disjointed. This was written on the bus on my way home from base after a week in a crazy intense courseam I didn’t sleep properly in a while and I’m a little exhausted.

You seem like a nice girl and I feel bad putting you on the spot like this. Just a quick question to see if you put your money where your mouth is. If a guy was suggested for you that shared all your values, had good middos, yiras shamayim, kovea ittim (or learning full time if that’s your thing) pretty much everything matched except that he had been in the israeli army. Would you go out with him?

People may want to be machmir on pesach but be careful not to go overboard. When I was growing up my mother used to go overboard when it came to pesach. The atmosphere in the house was tense and pesach was a bit of a traumatic experience. I haven’t been home for pesach for a few years. Even though my parents have relaxed a bit in the recent years, I am still hesitant to be at home for pesach.

Why? I am an israeli combat soldier and I read ywn coffee room occasionally. I am actually writing this while on shemira on a small hilltop community in ????. And I don’t just have a M16; I have an M4 with a trijicon sight. The truth is that for many american teenagers who are just not cutting it in yeshiva, ??? can be an incredible place of growth while helping keep jews safe. Americans can serve in almost all combat units with a commitment of a year 2 months without having to make aliya (???).

don’t worry, you haven’t completely lost your innocence. If you had, you would know better than to use the expression “lost my purity” which has pretty clear connotations that I don’t believe you were referring to.

I have seen it numerous times, whenever passing through RBS Bet. I have even seen little girls peeking off their porch wearing burkas.

The thing that annoys me the most is the R. My hebrew is pretty good since I am in an Israeli Yeshiva but yet I can not pronounce many words properly.

30 miles a week that is pretty impressive. I am doing 3.8 miles 6 times a week but I’m not quite by 30 ( though I am doing some pretty intense hills I guess that counts for something).

Rule of thumb- when you see quotes around better think sarcasm.

mischiefmaker- coming from a bais yaakov highschool student. Now I am not saying I don’t have a lot to learn in life but how would you know anything about it. Now I am not blasting the entire bais yaakov movement. I am talking in particular about the very frum seminaries in Israel. It is the time of the year when I am starting to see the glazed look in the eyes as they are coming down with an acute case of seminaritis. This will last for about a year until real life hits them in the face. There is a reason many of my friends won’t date a girl straight out of seminary. I guess I was being a little cynical about that.

I don’t care about what highschool a girl goes to. It is what seminary they go to that really matters. It shows what kind of girl she really is. Yes there are many types of girls but to me it is different shades of black (which is all they wear, BTW, don’t they ever get hot.) everyone has their own personal preferences and I really don’t want that.

Sorry about attacking bais yaakov seminary girls. I just had a bad experience by the seder where the grandfather leading the seder kept trying to stimulate a discussion on the hagada but they couldn’t seem to come up with anything original (or much of anything) to say. These were seemingly smart girls who kept mentioning how much tanach they learn. It was only the non bais yaakov seminary girls who actually came up with smart things to say. For each their own but I don’t want one of those.

learn how to handle your alcohol. If you can’t, drink low percent or grape juice.

I have a couple of friends who are specifically into overweight girls.

sorry it was after a full day of cleaning for pesach. I wasn;t myself

Adorable- That’s the problem! That they might end up married. What is wrong with that. I kind of feel like your missing the point over here.

If you are going to use yeshivish words at least use them right.

don’t know where 37 seconds come from. It seems like a random arbitrary number

obsevanteen- “and, in MY book that’s absolutely considered stealing”

in your book it may be considered stealing. Fortunately, the rest of us have this book called the Torah (ever hear of it) which we consult to actually see if it is stealing. You can’t just use logic to decide something is assur.

I was just trying to point out that just because it is a sefer doesn’t make it true. I chose a sefer that he would certainly disagree with (after just hearing a summary) to prove my point that he doesn’t necessarily agree with everything that is written in a sefer.

If you need to know it for nursing it is not inappropriate. Most guys I know who are going to college are not sheltered and are not really learning things that are a shock to them. Bais Yaakov girls on the other hand…

Give up there is no such a thing as law and order in Israel. There are some yeshivos where they are more on top and some where they are less but if he wants to do anything he will do it. I personally think it is a good thing; you have to give him an opportunity to get some of this stuff out of his system. Some guys won’t do anything wrong and other will go wild. It all depends on his personality and where he is holding. But if he needs to get this stuff out of his system and he doesn’t get the opportunity he will eventually do it when he is older and you want him to get married. I’ve seen this with people I know.

The end of the joke goes like this

The girl reaches into her bag and pulls out another apple and hands it to the guy, “Here take this apple because when adam ate the apple he found out that he needs to work for a living.”

funny thing, my cousin in seminary only heard the first part.

why wouldn’t you wear blue ones. Why would you have a problem with wearing a pair of pants just because they are blue. The whole black and white mentality has gone way too far.

I agree that the engagement doesn’t change the status of the relationship (halachicly) it’s just a commitment. The point I was trying to make is that there has to be a physical attraction and an emotional attachment before that commitment is made ( and definitely before marriage- the ultimate commitment). Your flippant attitude here and on other posts, calling marriage nothing more than best friends, for example, makes me wonder about how much you really understand about marriage.

Assuming you really are dating you better learn fast or you will get the shock of your life when you get engaged.

As I said you really should ask your parents. This is the kind of thing that really can’t be posted on the cr. And I don’t particularly feel like educating you on the facts of life. Just one thing to leave you with (mods, cut me off if you don’t think this belongs) there is a physical aspect to the relationship as well.

Women are the only people who believe in platonic relationships. If a man like a woman he will want to get with her; there is no in between.

bjjkid, yes you probably are. Marriage is more than just being best friends. For more information speak to your parents or mentor.

and here I was thinking this topic had to do with The Apprentice