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It is amazing to hear/read such uplifting stories.
It reminds me of a story where I live, a father succumbed to yeneh machle three years after his wife.
A person went to the kosher shops and instructed the store owners to deliver food/paperware etc to the house on his cheshbon.
This is more than a shiva visit. It showed these poor yesoimim that there are people really thinking of them on a daily basis and putting their money where their mouth is.
MI K’AMCHA YISROEL!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so proud to be a Jew.
Habeit mi’shamayim ur’ay these selfless deeds should speed up the bringing of mashiach.
Make yourself a cheshbon.
If you have the downpayment, then it certainly makes more sesne financially to buy. When renting an apartment, every month you pay someone your hard earned gelt, and you gain nothing more than a roof over your head for that month and thats it. When paying a mortgage, the money you pay to the bank for the mortgage, is reapying a loan, and eventually you will own your home. This can act either as a retirement package – you downsize and live off the proceeds, or you leave for the family after 120!
The only bonus of renting is the ability to move from one apartment to another.
Any other plus-sides to renting?
I had terrible experiences at high school. I was treated badly by many rebbes and hated every second of every day, to such an extent, that I left school early.
Now I am a Rebbi myself, and I am very cautious in the way I treat my Talmidim. Knowing how I felt, I am conscious of the way I react to my pupils.
The thought of the achrayos a rebbe has gets me nervous regularly. I only hope that I am never the cause of a talmid making the turn in life, and if c”v I have been, that the successes outweigh the failures, counterbalancing my future after 120!
We dated five times, and are happily married …. years later and … kids!
In the UK it seems to be the norm to date between 4 and eight times. The overall census there seems to be that if you have no reason to say no, then go for it. If you have a reason to say “no” then say it and move on. If you have doubts, then go meet again to clear up your doubt either way. If you have no doubt and no reason to say “no”, there is no mitzva to prolong the process. Say “yes”, drink a l’chaim, and live happily ever after!
No. Matonos laevyoinim is more often than not given to a sh’liach neeman who knows people who legitimately needs funds
m in Israel: “Are those the only 2 items on your budget, so one is at the expense of the other? These are two mitzvos, and everyone should try to give as much matanos leevyonim as they can, and to fulfill the mitzva of mishloach manos in the best way they can.”
You have a point. The basis for what I wrote is based on the fact that generaly Matanois L’evyoinim is done on the quiet – the only guy who knows what you gave is the shliach, whereas Mishloach Manos everyone sees what you are delivering, making it more tempting to do be more generous in Mishloach Manos.
The Oznayim Latorah says a similar idea regarding donations to moisdos. People generally donate more willingly towards buildings, where a plaque with their name is displayed, as opposed to day-to-day running costs, where no-one will know about the donation!
The gemara says “tav l’maysav tandu, mil’maysav armelu”.
Meaning a person prefers to be married rather than sit alone!
We are also Brits, and feel it is more important to give fewer Mishloach Manos and give “hakoras hatov envelopes” to the Rabbeim of our kids, than spend a fortune on food stuffs which will be thrown away on the approach to pesach.
Also Matonois La’evyoinim is a bigger mitzva than Mishloach Manos, so more money to the poor, and less foods for those who have plenty makes sense!
I would call it priorities!
When we were kids, we dressed up as the shushan band.
Each sibling had another instrument, and we all had a regal uniform
We didnt do it, because it takes away the surprise of the moment. If you know beforehand, the actual birth is a difficult process, but the element of finding out its gender makes it that bit easier
I went to some of his shiurim in Yerushalayim.
He had a fantastic koach of taking lofty ideas, and explaining them in laymans terms, using good meshalim.
Also I found with him, he used stories of himself to create lessons.
I recently saw somewhere, a man came to him to ask him to daven on his behalf that he should be zoiche to have children. Rav Shimshon said “I cant help you now. Come back at 2am”
Well, if that what it takes, thats what he did. At 2am he knocks on the door. Rav shimshon said “come, lets go for a ride”.
Off they went, in the car, along the road leading out of the city. They come to the dessert, and they drive for a few minutes. Rav Shimshon stops the car and gets out.
He turns to the guy and says “stay here for a half hour, daven, scream to Hashem from the bottom of your heart. Tell him how much you want this. You are in a dessert so noone will be disturbed, no-one will hear. I will be back in 30 minutes to fetch you”.
30 Minutes later rav Shimshon returns, and says to the guy “No. You havent done what I said. I want you to really pour your heart out. But really let it all out. I will be back in half an hour”
Half an hour later he returns, and the guys shirt is wet from tears and sweat. His face is stained from tears. Rav Shimshon says “ah. I can see you did as instructed. Now we can go home”
Within the year the couple had a baby.
Rav Shimshon explained, that a serious pure tefilla from the depths of the heart never goes unanswered. Is better than any B’racha. – BUT IT MUST BE 100%!
He was a “no frills” emesdike tzaddik!
As a Rebbe, I would like any ideas I could play on my class tomorrow – Purim katan.
They are planning something for me, and I think they may appreciate it if I was a sport and had something to play against them!
Any ideas? ASAP please
So, did you get the job?
iyhbyu: White wine is lighter than red wine, which is why you may find it easier to swallow.
Normally white wine is served with fish whereas red wine is served with red meat.
As for a good wine to be mekayeim the mitzva on purim, try Chateuneuff (however you spell it). Its white not too sweet and not too dry. Be aware, that whatever you get too drunk on,you wont be able to look at again!!
Q: How often is Divorce the better option for the entire family?
A: For the couple always, for the kids never.
I speak as a rebbi who sees these kids struggling immotionaly and socially. They are emabarrased every time anything is mentioned to do with marriage, they keep things bottled up, and suffer in silence, hoping no-one will notice.
At the moment I am involved with 10yr old boy, whose parents divorced because of violence. He has been thrown from pillar to post, is embarrased to go to shul because he has no daddy to sit next to, and is extremely quiet and reserved. My information only comes through the rov involved, who asked me keep an eye open for the poor kid!
Ask any adult who has dealings with kids and invariably they will say the kids suffer immensly.
I am not saying that divorce should never happen. Only the kids should be thought about.
This post as gone way off subject.
Allow me to remind you all that this post was originaly about shalom bayis. It has been hijacked by tznius issues.
I just wanted to mention, that the actual B&W halachos of tznius are few and far between. Most of it is hergush – personal feelings. For examlple, find me the halacha that one should not call a strange person of the opposite gender by their first name. You wont find it. Most People wont do it. Why not? Because it doesnt feel right. it creates familiarity
Most “harchokos” are as a seyog to avoid problems, as are a lot of hilchos Tznius.
I may be wrong, but this is my take on the subject.
Perhaps we could return to original subject or close this one before we have explosions?
To set the record staight, Manchester is not 3.5 hours away. It is 144 miles door to door, making travelling time 2 hours or 2.5 hours in traffic!
Gateshead is lovely village, based on the alter shtetl style. It has one rov who does a great job. The vast majority are litvish yeshiva type. There are about 5 yeshivos, two sems, one girls school and one and half boys schools. (A new started a couple of years ago, and is still in its teething stages.)
One butcher and baker. There is a tax charged for meat brought from out from town – shechutay chutz!
If you are a “heavy weight” you would fit in well.
Having said that, there are many baalei batim there too, but they are looked down upon as inferior by the “bnei torah”
These are my own personal views having learnt in the yeshiva Gedola and married a good lady from there, but HATE going back!
Health:
You may be correct to a certain extent, but your comparison is not that valid.
A texter/talker etc is conscious at least of their actions, although not totaly alert.
A sleeper is neither conscious nor alert.
I guess you took offence as the guilt is staring you in the face!
(Get some sleep, when you wake up, hopefully this may prove to be nothing more than a dream/nightmare)!
apushatayid: I cant stand when someone calls and then mid conversation asks you to hold because someone is “clicking in”.
Yes. I agree. Basically, what they are in fact saying is “wait a minute, there is someone else more important than you that I prefer to speak to”.
These guys dont deserve yours or my precious time.
My kids call one of my grandmothers “Choclate Grandma”.
She is the one who gives them chocolate each time they visit!
My other Grandmother is Grandma.
My Mother is Savta, whislt the shivg is Bubba.
P.s I know someone who calls her mother in law “shvig”!
HEALTH: I aint a qualified Rabbi by any stretch of the imagination. However I am sure most people will agree, that someone who gets behind the wheel knowing that he is tired, has the din of a Roidef.
Haba lehargecha hashkeim lehargoi.
You had better hide your identity, or else next time I see you behind the wheel I may end up reporting you.
The sensible solution is If you feel lethargic, take a nap before getting in that car, or get another driver to take you from a to b!
I did the same with my good lady a few weeks ago. The shver n shvig came to our place for the weekend whilst we went to a nice hotel.
The shver n shvig got nachas from the Kids, the kids got to know their Bubba and zaida, and we got a weekend of bliss.
A WIN-Win situation.
The kids were warned well in advance that Daddy & Mammy are going away, and Bubba & Zaida are coming to stay. After shabbos when Daddy & MAmmy come back, Biubba & Zaida are going home. They were so well prepared, they were even excited for the little adventure!
What can you make out of molehills?
Isnt giving a ring direct, a problem of kesef kidushin?
LBK:
As far as I am aware, this halacha of aveilus for the children of parents who are sitting shiva r”l, only applies when the children are in the same town as the shiva. This is out of respect for the parent who is in mourning, that they act appropriatly and not enjoying life as if nothing happened.
This is known as “Misablin imoy”
PL”B: Ask a competent Rov for a final p’sak.
To all in CR: We should always share simchos with each other!
Rabbi Mordchai Miller Zt”l used to say:
What is the definition of a nudnik?
Someone, who when asked how they are, answer in detail exactly how they are.
How long is a piece of string
MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL:
Don’t forget to continue opening the door for her after marriage!
Dating is not a show. It’s a way of showing each other who you really are. If it is a passionate act then it should be continued throughout life!
Using the copier only to find that the previous guy used coloured paper/card and didn’t remove the remaining ones from the drawer!
Who are we to decide what psak is correct or wrong.
So many times people on CR “think” they know better than G’doilim.
WE DONT We are daas baalei batim, they are daas torah.
You cannot go wrong by following their advice. If they got it wrong, for any reason, at least we get rerwarded for following their instructions
Someone told me an interesting true story this afternoon, that took place pre-war.
A guy had met a non-Jewish girl and wanted to marry her. When he informed his parents of his plans, his father gave him an ultimatum, “its either me or her”.
His father was a chossid of the Vishnitzer Rebbe, so the son went to the Rebbe, asking him to persuade his father to allow him to go ahead with the marriage.
The Rebbe said, I cant persuade your father, as he never came to ask me. But I can talk to you about your predicament.
The Rebbe proceeded to ask him details about this Goyteh. Do you love her? Is she Beautiful? Is she what you are looking for? Do you have similar aspirations? Is she geshikt? etc etc.
The “bachur”s response was “yes” to all these questions.
The Rebbe said to him “do you think she is the only one with these qualities, or do you suspect there may be others?
“I dont know. I am sure there are others”
“Do you think perhaps there is a Jewish girl with these qualities?” the Rebbe asked.
“I havent looked, but there probably is” was the reply.
The rebbe replied “To me its a no brainer. A father who is not replaceable v a girl who is. I know which one I would choose!”
Seems the guy got the message loud n clear!
Blueprints:
“so hitting children who are naughty is alright in small quantities and these people make the best teachers.”
As a Rebbe I disagree with you wholeheartedly.
Each Dor has its means and ways. Perhaps in the times of the Ravina etc, it worked.
Nowadays, you hit a kid, you risk being the cause of that child going off the derech.
Is it worth the risk?
Perhaps daas Torah would be in order, until then I am not prepared to take risk my dear Talmidim losing it!
Jewish people acting as though they own the world especially in front of non-Jews.
Any other form of Chillul Hashem.
The view of a Rebbe:
I am a Rebbi of Grade 6 boys. From my experience, boys like and respect a Rebbi/teacher who respects them. Its a mishna – “aizehu mechubod, hamechabeid es haberiyois”.
Talmidim resent tough approach. I see myself, when getting too tough, ie shouting yelling etc, the kids hate it, and close into themselves, dislike the rebbe/teacher, and it takes time to repair the relationship.
Talk to them in a caring way, explain to them why what they did was wrong, they are good people, and the expectations are higher, the kid will not want to let you down. By building that sort of relationship with the kid, you stand far more chance.
I have the type of relationship with my talmidim, where a mere look at them as though saying why, results in them choosing the correct behaviour, because they feel they dont want to let me down/ruin their relationship with me.
All this without raising a voice or finger at them!
Two things to remember:
1)They dont mean it personally when they misbehave. This avoids the anger issue. If you do feel anger, tell the child to see after the session. By then you should have calmed down, and deal with the issue sensibly.
2) When chastisng a child, tell him/her he/she is good etc, but they made the wrong choice this time. Explain why it was wrong and what they could do differently next time. (better still, have a discussion with the said pupil, in a way that they figure it out themselves. This helps their growth)
Hatzlacha to all mechanchim out there! Its tough, but the reward is immense – lefumm tzara agra!
A good scotch
How about:
a nice After shave (for the shaving guy)
Ipod,
Voucher at the local in car entertainment store (he can have reverse sensors fitted or a handsfree)
I think that nowadays driving and computer skills are included in the Gemara that says “aviv me’lamdoi umnes” (A father is responsible to teach his son a trade). Which Job does not require computer skills? Who can manage without driving?
Of course it requires careful planning. What age etc.
My parents encouraged my learning to drive from the age of 18. In fact they paid the full cost, on two conditions:
1) I do not rent a vehicle until after mariage.
2) I do not drive on the highway until after marriage.
These two conditions were planned in a way that my only chance of driving was the family vehicle, which would be monitored, because I would need their permision each time I planned on getting behind the wheel.
At the time I thought they were just controlling (as all teenagers think), but agreed to it because it saved me a fortune in costs.
Now (18 years later) I realise just how clever they /were/are, and thank them for their foresight!
Oh!
Also, please dont stress the “ches” and “z” “S and” soundsespecially during quiet Shmoine esrai.
This is most annoying to other mispalelim who are trying to concentrate on their tefila but are being disturbed by “ch”s and “s”s being said so “thick” and loud.
Generally, think of others. Dont be selfish. In this zechus, your prayers will be answered.
GOOD WAY TO SAY NO WITHOUT HURTING FEELINGS:
Try saying “We really appreciate that you thought of us, and for all your efforts, but we feel this shidduch is not compatible. Many thanks. Please try us with other names”
A little episode that happened to me persoanlly a few years ago.
I had been married for 6/7 years, and was flying to NY. At the airport a gentleman came over to me – I did not know him personally. He asked me my name, and then proceeded to tell me that his wife wanted to suggest a shidduch for me whilst visiting New York. I told him “No problem. I must first check with my wife and kids!”
He soon enough ran into his little corner, quite embarrased.
Is that a good way of saying no?
I have heard from one of the gedoilim (I think it was R’ Matisyahu shlita), that the shabbos table requires preparation. The same way a teacher prepares lessons, and a maggid shiur/lecturer (lehavdil) wouldnt stand before his audience without preparing precisely what he will say, so too every table leader of a shabbos meal MUST prepare divrei torah, a story or two etc to keep everyone interested. This keeps the family at the table and prevents the lashon hara seeping in.
Also, the shabbos meal is not a time for interogating the kids with questions on the parsha. That can be done any other time on shabbos. The meal should be a relaxed and pleasant enviroment, where adult and children alike are happy to partake.
Perhaps with these ideas the kids wont be tempted to curl up on the couch with a book out of boredom. And if a kid does fancy 20 minutes reading, what can happen? Is it the end of the world?
Take a chill pill, relax and be happy your kid comes to the shabbos table in the first place. There are those who unfortunately cry every shabbos at the absence of their kids because they are “elsewhere”.
We are B”H parents of four young boys.
All of them were trained from 8 weeks!
There is a book written by Gina Ford, where she gives full “instructions” on how to get your baby into routine, enabling him/her and the parents to get a full nights sleep.
Yes I know a baby is not a machine where you follow instructions how to use it, but the facts are that we tried it on 3 out of four kids, AND IT WORKED!
It is hard to keep to it, but beleive me it is worth every penny of the book, and every difficult moment to reach the target of a decent nights sleep, making your home a more calm and peaceful place with less tension.
This is primarily useful for the average child in good health.
It probably wont help on the occasion when a child is sick or with a child with needs.
Wishing everyone much nachas from all their offspring, gezunteheit.
A number of years ago there was a tragedy here in town when a lady was Niftar very suddenly. Her husband left for shul and returned to find hatzolo and ambulance trying to revive his wife, to no avail.
Reb Nosson Tzvi Finkel Shlita “happened” to be in town at the town, and went to be menachem avel. He came in and sat down. He did not speak a word. After a few minutes silence he said Hamokoim yenachem etc and rose to leave. R’ Ahron Chodosh shlita said “az der rosh yeshiva red nischt, maint as es iz nisht da vas tzu zagen” meaning if the rosh yeshiva doesnt speak means there is nothing to say.
As I have said before, I have a motto “if you have nothing to say, dont say it”!
Mr 80:
You say “now if we would put it into a beautiful glass bottle
with a label extolling the history of the dedicated family that has been making it for many decades in the highlands of florida
and gave it a name like glenorangie
we could sell it for $60 a bottle.”
Well try making a range of 10,12,20,25 etc years. lets see then how many people will pay yor $60 per bottle!!
Lets not forget, anyone can take some juicy oranges and squeeze them into a bottle. With scotch, if are a little educated (ever been to scotland and visited a brewery where they manufacture this “liquid gold” – I have!!) in its origins and makings, depends on good quality water, mastering a skill in its production etc. Thats what makes it taste so good, making it worth it weight in gold.
The wolf:
I have now given you the link below
http://hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=14171&st=&pgnum=155
good luck
The wolf:
I should have been clearer in my first post. The Shaarei Teshuvah I was refering to was in siman shin of the Mishna berura not siman shin in the shaarei teshuva.
The one I quoted discusses the issue at hand.
Please accept apologies from an am haaretz who assumed people would understand that I meant siman shin in mishna berura. I forgot there were talmidei chachamim like yourself who would turn to the original shaarei teshuva.
I have dealt with it!!!!!!!!
The wolf:
I dunno where you are looking, but my Misshna b’rura, chelek gimmel, siman Shin, is titled “she’yesader shulchanoi b’moitzei shabbos”
And to clarify: I never said you shouldnt eat leftovers during the week and sling it. I certainly did not say or imply any notion that food made for shabbos should not be eaten during the week. All I said was that Moitzei shaboos is not the time for leftovers. In my house we gladly enjoy the leftovers on Sunday. It is not wasted and the l’chatchila of the halacha is upheld!
I highly recommend you read what people write before replying with such strong words in return!! DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!