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Sparkly, I know what speed dating is, and how it began, I just don’t think this is the place to discuss it.
End of cherem, end of shidduch crisis (also just kidding)
We’re talking about davening not dating, Sparkly. And no it isn’t the same as shidduch dating.
Isn’t it possible to preserve the minhag of kaparos with chickens but not be oiver on tzaar baal chaim?
I’m also a bit confused by some of the posts- I don’t believe they do the actual shecting at the kapaaros site, they just pile up the chickens and then haul them away to the slaughterhouse (presumably), where processing time should be the same as all chickens.
Chickens that I have seen at kaparos do have feathers.
Anyway, I am very thankful to my husband that his minhag is to use money.
more words from the wise. 4 yr old daughter wants an esrog like her brothers, but a girl type, in pink and purple.
Mazel tov! I am glad that everything became clear when the time was right!
Sparkkly- Read BJJgirl1’s post again, you will find the answer there.
Sparkly, I don’t claim to be an expert in physiology or medicine, but I don’t need an A&P textbook in front of me to know that UV radiation causes skin cancer. and that melanin protects from UV.
My 4 year old was sharing with us what she learned about Rosh Hashana in school- she was listing off the 4 names- Rosh Hashana, Yom HaDin, Yom Terua and Yom HaIparon. You know, because Hashem remembers what we do and writes it down in the Sefer Hatzaddikim. (This same child thinks we fast on “tissue bov”)
Lenny, both of you need a counselor who is not biased to one side. The wrong counselor can do even more damage sometimes, especially if he/she is making conclusions from only one side of the story. I do think it is great that you are trying to get her to go for joint counseling. Perhaps by starting to go by yourself, even if she does not agree, will show her that you do care about her issues and may soften her stance. Maybe you will learn something about yourself and your relationship with her, and you can make changes that might help the situation.
As you know it is very acceptable to relocate for a shidduch, and for the wife to follow the husband.
But that doesn’t mean that it is not hard, or whether you can handle it. Maybe this will help- rather than think about what you will miss/lose out by marrying him and moving to Montreal, think about it the other way- what will you miss/lose out on by staying where you are and not marrying him?
Such a decision is easier to make for someone who has been dating for a long time, or who has a particular reason to think finding a suitable shidduch is hard. But we don’t know what your circumstances are.
Something else – considering the state of France these days and that a lot of Jews are leaving, can you be sure that all of your family will stay in one place? even if you marry a local, it doesn’t mean you will stay in France.
When I was dating, I once ended a shidduch over the issue of where to live. But I don’t think that was really the main reason- if he had truly been the right one, I would have been willing to relocate for him, it became a big deal for me because somehow I knew he was not right for me.
I heard that Rebbetzin David is retiring and closing the school next year. Don’t know if it’s true.
It is true that many people, especially tznius women with little sun exposure, are Vitamin D deficient, and that taking vitamin D supplements can help may issues. My Dr advised me to take supplements when I complained about being tired and getting headaches. But you can overdose on vitamin D, since it is not water soluble it can build up in your body and is not excreted.
some quick googling about vitamin D:
from the mayo clinic: “The main consequence of vitamin D toxicity is a buildup of calcium in your blood (hypercalcemia), which can cause poor appetite, nausea and vomiting. Weakness, frequent urination and kidney problems also may occur….taking 50,000 international units (IU) a day of vitamin D for several months has been shown to cause toxicity. This level is many times higher than the Recommended Dietary Allowance (RDA) for most adults of 600 IU of vitamin D a day.”
WebMD says that current recommendations are that up to 4,000 IU/day are safe, but some studies suggest that up to 10,000 per day are still safe for a healthy adult. But there is also no proof that megadoses provide any health benefit.
Sparkly, as far as I know, vitamin D does not cause cancer- in fact some studies say that it protects against some kinds of cancer. It is also necessary for keratinocyte development. Exposure to sunlight (UV) can do 2 things- it is a natural source that allows the body to produce vitamin D, which is good, but UV radiation can also damage DNA in skin cells (e.g. melanocytes) thereby causing cancer (melanoma), which is why people prefer to get their needed vitamin D from supplements rather than sun exposure. The vitamin D does not cause the cancer, the UV does. melanin actually absorbs the UV rays; which is why darker people need more UV exposure to make enough vitamin D than fair people, but on the flip side, fairer people are more prone to skin cancer.
“Or you can schoolpool with a neighbor!” (great term!)
I have a great idea- hire a private tutor/melamed, invite a few like-minded families to share them, thus splitting the expenses so it’s more affordable for all. once you have enough kids, you can divide them into groups by age/level, and hire tutors for each group. You may not have enough room in your living room, so you’ll rent some space somewhere. Then you will probably want to hire someone to supervize/coordinate the tutors, and develop curriculum and make hiring decisions. You’ll probably also need someone with administrative skills to deal with collecting money from the other parents, paying everyone, paying bills, etc. Wait a minute…this is sounding a lot like school!
That’s a big step. Speak to someone you trust, a mentor, rebbitzin, former teacher or relative- they can give better advice than some random people online who don’t know you.
We can’t possibly know what is really going on, but I see it as 3 possible scenarios
1. wife is delusional/paranoid
2. husband is abusive/controlling
3. or something in the middle- bits of both of these but in a non-pathological way, maybe husband has a more domineering/stronger personality, wife is not assertive but has grown to resent it, so sees everything in a more sinister light. If this is the case, then hopefully counseling for both can help and avoid the divorce.
If the wife is convinced that the husband is abusive for either reason 1 or 2, then it is much more serious.
sparkly, I think you need to give a little more background if you want helpful advice. Trying to put things together from your various posts recently, I am assuming that you heard bad news recently, involving someone who committed suicide, and that you are really shaken up by this. Am I right? Are you seeking advice on how to deal with this news, how it affects you, or are you referring to a general feeling of depression that has little to do with a specific event (that fits gofish’s definition)? The advice given would be very different for the two.
It is normal to feel depressed by bad news. If it is very bad, then a person might not be able to function normally, or think about anything else. But for an emotionally healthy person, this feeling should pass with time. In such a case, strengthening ones emuna by reading sefarim, getting chizuk to put things in perspective, can help.
Actually they both were successful- Trump did not insult any national heroes or innocent little old ladies, and Clinton did not collapse from heat exhaustion, or whatever. Winners all around (except for American voters, who will be losers no matter what the outcome)
Flown the coop or changed his feathers?
Anyone notice the change in thread name?
What happened to PBA?
What kind of decoration- hanging, posters?
If made from paper and are flat, they can be laminated.
Good for you HGG, you are 100% right that you should deal with your issues before you get married, whatever approach you decide to take. That is a very mature approach, and you should be proud of that.
I think that ultimately, the fall-out from not doing the required therapy, if it includes a 12 step program, will be worse than the fall-out from potentially meeting people you know.
Hatzlacha, I hope you get the right advice on how to handle this.
Sparkly, can you tell us why you feel these amazing Rabbis are so amazing? please give us some highlights of their amazing speeches. I’ve heard only 1 of the 3 speak.
Dov- because you get good hours, good benefits, summers off- ideal for working mothers, especially. No job is perfect, and very few will automatically grant you off for Jewish holidays, unless you work for a frum boss.
Besides, small children usually use a lot less nivul peh, and show a lot less pritzus and immorality than you might find in an office/business situation with adults. Yes, these required topics would prove problematic, but I doubt these are taught at every grade level. Nor would it apply to paraprofessionals, therapists etc who work for the board of ed but not as teachers. The non-Jewish kids would love to be taught by frum Jews as long as they are good teachers who care about their students.
And it is not at all hypocritical- And plenty of teachers don’t send their kids to the schools they teach in. How many white teachers in inner city schools would send their kids there? For that matter, how many upper-middle class educated people would send their kids to public school at all (specifically, NYC, other areas are better). Even in the frum schools- are there no MO teachers in yeshivish schools, or chasidish rebbes in litvish chadarim or hareidi teachers in MO schools?
I believe (correct me if I am wrong) that included in Amira l’akum is not mentioning the melacha, even if it is not a direct request. so saying “I can’t turn off the light because it is shabbos” would be assur. The way mik5 said it would be ok because no melacha was mentioned.
“I thought this thread was gonna be about people going to places that are sick…”
Don’t laugh- I also was a bit confused about the title- and at first glance thought it was an extension on the sports bar thread (people going to places that are sick).
it could also be “people going places – sick!”
Would have been better stated as “sick people going places”
“I don’t understand why people feel threatened by considering the notion that great people they esteem and respect are or were capable of making mistakes or of not addressing a changed circumstance with the keenness they displayed in almost every other circumstance. “
A gadol has a certain siyata dishmaya when he gives psak, and sometimes, ruach hakodesh (there hasn’t been nevua in a long, long time), which stems both from his immersion in Torah and from the fact that the klal relies on him. And there were gedolim who talked about the tragedy to come in Europe (I believe the Chofetz Chaim was one). But perhaps Hashem removed the siyata dishmaya from most of the gedolim when it came to this issue, because that was the desired outcome? Case in point- Hashem withheld nevua from Yaakov Avinu so that he would not know that Yosef was alive in Mitzrayim. History may have been very different had he known that- but the point is that Hashem wanted the shevatim to go down to mitzrayim, and for there to be a shibud of 210 years, and He orchestrated events so that it would happen that way.
ZD- is the info about jamming phones in the Har Nof shul reliable? it doesn’t really fit the image of that particular shul and its mispallelim. Besides, I think they were running for the exit to get away from the terrorist, not so that they could go make a phone call. Doubtful security forces could come quickly enough to prevent the massacre whether or not someone immediately called for help.
4 mispallelim were killed inside the shul, plus the druze traffic policeman who bravely responded to the attack and was killed outside the shul, and 1 more mispallel died of his wounds about a year later.
umm, my memory must be failing. I think there was a thread about what to do in your gap year, where people recommended various options for seminary in Israel to you Sparkly, and you rejected them. If you changed your mind, just go back to that thread, so we don’t have to go thru the same thing all over again.
BY the way, I was not saying that it was a good thing to take a sick child to work, only pointing out that they are not necessarily doing it because they are thoughtless and selfish, maybe they are just stuck. Even if they can use a sick day to take care of a sick kid- any family with young kids can testify that kids get sick one after the other, especially in the winter, and a parent can quickly use up all the sick days! B”h my schedule is flexible and I can work from home, since there can be weeks at a time when someone is home sick.
“What used to really tick me off when i worked in an office is parents would get a call from school that their kid is sick and then bring that child to the office!! the school dismissed the child for fear of spreading illness to others and the parent brings that child to the workplace, cant afford a babysitter? I don’t care I don’t want to get sick. “
true, and I’m not saying it’s right, but it is not exactly easy to get a babysitter with no advanced notice in the middle of the day, who has no other kids with her. The only option would be for the parent to take off- would the boss allow that? Don’t forget, the kind of contact the kid would have with others sitting in a corner of the office is much more minimal than what he would have in school among other kids. And sometimes they send the kid home, not just because he is contagious, but maybe he needs some rest and TLC.
Many work places give limited amounts of sick days, and some require Dr’s notes when they are taken. how many people run to their Dr when they have a cold, or even the flu? This policy, supposedly to make sure that people only take off when they are truly sick, and avoid excessive absences, can back-fire, since it means that people are forced to go to work when they are sick, only to infect others and reduce productivity all around.
In any case, you can’t force people to stay home, there will always be viruses and germs lurking in our environments- on the door handles of your classroom, or public bathrooms, the buses and subways, on the money you get from the cashier, etc. B”H our immune systems are kept very busy. The immune-suppressed do have it hard, they often are confined since it is impossible to make our world sterile.
Sparkly, I was giving general advice on how to approach the parsha of dating, not referring to one particular guy. The advice still holds even if someone already suggested a guy to you, especially since the suggestion is not relevant now.
If you meet on your own and set up your own date, it is not exactly a shidduch date, which by definition means that there was a shadchan who set you up, a certain amount of pre-dating research, and then the shadchan acts as the go-between. Shidduch dating refers to how it is set up and carried through, not by the behavior on the date. I hope that you keep all the halachos and date tniusdikly no matter how you meet the guy.
If you have an idea of someone you want to date, then you can approach someone who knows you both and ask them to set it up and act as the go-between.
But please, as I said before, do this with your parents’ consent!!!
Sparkly- “NO MORE talking about drugs thats boring!! back to organic chemistry and a and p interesting stuff!!”
I hope you are joking, since you plan to spend the rest of your life talking and thinking and handling drugs!
And by the way, a ligase is any enzyme that catalyzes a ligation reaction- i.e covalently conjugates 2 molecules- it could be in the context of adding nucleotides to DNA (DNA ligase), or it could be joining a ubiquitin molecule to a Lys residue on a protein (E3 ligase).
First you have to figure out who you are, understand yourself, your strong points, your weak points, and what your goals are. What sort of home to do you want?
Then you have to think about what you want in a husband, what are the qualifications in a husband that you must absolutely have, what are the things that are nice to have, but can be compromised on, what are the things that don’t matter very much, and what things would be a “deal breaker” (I imagine smoking would fall into this category for you).
These are very big questions, answers are not always easy. Best to figure this out with the help of wiser adults who know you well- like YOUR PARENTS, or mentor/teacher. There are also dating coaches who can help you work these things out.
When you know who you are and what you are looking for, then you can approach shadchanim, or friends, or anyone who may know guys of that type, describe what you are looking for, and IY”H someone will know a guy who fits the bill and set you up.
But Health, how is the pharmacist supposed to know who is the competent one and who is not? Even if the incompetent are only, say, 1% – that is still a huge amount of potential error, especially for those whose Dr happens to be in that 1%. Isn’t it better to have the extra check in place? And even competent people can make mistakes.
And as you said, you are checking up on the pharmacist. Better to waste the Dr’s time, and the pharmacist’s time, then to harm a patient!
Borrower of Common Sense (funny that common sense can be loaned out- this would be wonderful if it could be loaned out on a large scale ;))
Thanks again. I am actually looking at Res. ability to induce autophagy, not apoptosis, in cell culture. Its stability in circulation doesn’t apply here, which is why I was wondering if there was still a difference between raw and modified. But it turns out on closer inspection that the difference in effect that were observed were not statistically significant, so I don’t think we will be continuing this line further. Thanks anyway…too bad we could not continue via private email, I guess we have bored everyone enough already.
Sparkly, this is probably the most important question you have asked on the CR, and it is really hard to answer it without knowing you, your parents, your older sibling, the reasons why your parents want you to wait, etc etc. I know people in this situation who consulted with their Rav, and then decided on a deadline- wait until x-(an age, time of the year, etc) to see if the older sibling will get engaged. If not, then the younger can start. This way the younger sibling does not wait indefinitely, but it is still respecting the older one.
while most non-chasidish girls will start dating after their year in seminary, at around 19, or 20, 21 is not that much more. You had a head start since you started college younger than most, you have been feeling like an adult for longer. I know that 21 can feel very old- I remember feeling very old when I was 21 and not yet married- but objectively, it is not. Starting to date at 21/22 is really not that old, only slightly behind everyone else, and you would have the advantage of having finished the first stage of your education, and bringing a more mature form of yourself to the next important stage of life.
It sounds from what you are saying that your parents are not expecting you to wait for your sibling no matter how long, but just to wait another year. They know you better than we do, so maybe you should trust them on this. And if you feel that it is very unreasonable, then turn to another adult who knows you and your family well (not just a rav giving a shiur, but someone who you can really talk to) to give you an objective opinion and if needed, intercede on your behalf with your parents.
And by the way, while you are waiting to start shadchan-style dating, you don’t need to hang out with guys.
No, it’s not ok. One needs a lot of bracha and siyata dishmaya for dating and for marriage, I don’t think that deception and potentially hurting your older sibling is the best way to bring that bracha into your life.
That said, although I know that some communities would never skip and marry kids out of order, I personally don’t feel it is right to hold back younger siblings when older ones have not yet gotten married, since then the younger siblings might have a hard time getting married if they wait and miss out on the prime dating years. But it has to be done with sensitivity, and with the permission of the older sibling and parents.
There was a big issue made by the usual anti-religious MKs when the rabbanut in Israel threatened to remove hashgachas from hotels that had new year’s parties- so yes, at least in Israel hashgacha includes more than just the food, and obviously, being closed on shabbos.
Don’t get over-excited by Health’s use of !!!. He sprinkles his posts liberally with them the way other people sprinkle their food with salt. Check out his subtitle.
PreMed, I assume you know of Stern- their science/premed program is pretty good, from what I have heard, YU in general has a good academic reputation. Hashkafically, it is different from Touro, but still it is a frum school.
Common Sense’s Borrower….
Thanks for the info. Do you mind me picking your brain? Is it like asking your lawyer neighbor for free legal advice?
All I’ve done is simple PubMed searches. I have only come across studies describing effects on drug availability, or effects on metabolism of drugs applied as co-treatment. I’m trying to figure out if the unmodified drug has different cellular effects from its metabolite- specifically, why resveratrol is not lethal to lung cancer cells when glucurodination is blocked.
Thanks!
Sparkly- first of all it’s Pooh, not poo. Hope that was not a Freudian slip.
Second, I think people were connecting the red nail polish bit (didn’t you just ask in the Halacha thread whether red nail polish was ok?) more than the “I come here when I am bored” bit of this thread.
Sparkly: “i dont know anyone who posts and so i dont know her. how would i know if i would hit it off with her?”
I meant hitting off with her here on the CR, if she was still posting.
If you go back and read her old posts, I think you would see that you have lots in common, and it would be very interesting to see a CR discussion between the 2 of you.
That’s funny Menno. we were recently on vacation in Northern Israel on a frum moshav. It wasn’t exactly what we were used to in our hometown. My husband was definitely the only suit in shul, which was ironic, because we actually had forgotten to take the suit bag when we started out on the trip, but had to go back home for some other reason, and then remembered it the second time. Guess it would not have been so tragic had we left it afterall. My little boys, in their white shirts and dark pants, couldn’t understand how the kids were wearing regular polos like they would wear to school, or even less formal clothing. I tried to explain that the point is to wear something more dressy l’chavid shabbos than you would normally wear, and these kids probably wore other things during the week that they consider more casual.
Health, what did you mean? That the problem is too many foreigners that don’t correctly write scripts, leaving the pharmacist as the watchdog? Or is the problem the shortage of medical professionals, they are over-worked, meaning more falls on the pharmacist, and the comment about the foreigners just another ramification of the problem.
In any case, the next time I am waiting in line for the pharmacist, wondering why it is taking so long to serve each customer, I will appreciate him/her more!
Sparkly said she is not MsPrincess, so that’s the end of it. But don’t you think Sparkly, that if MsPrincess was still around, you guys would really hit it off?!
Back to the main content: as Meno said, you are not obligated to listen to your mother when it comes to shidduchim. But you still have to do this wisely- you do not want to alienate your mother, you will want her advice and support when you are dating and afterwards when you are married. So I advice not to turn it into a fight, but to try to show her that you are serious, and why, and address her concerns and hear her side too, keep her involved even if this is not her ideal shidduch. And if need be, get someone to intervene for you to explain things.
“The problem in this country is they make schooling very hard, so there’s a desperate need for med professionals. So many of them are foreigners. “
So you are saying that the pharmacist needs to be a watchdog for the foreigners? Presumably for the foreigners to get licensed in the US they have to prove their competency. I heard from students that the boards for foreign-born students were harder than for US students. Don’t know what licensing procedures are for those already qualified doctors who want to practice in the US.
In any case, even if the doctor/PA is sure of what he wrote, it is still good to have another layer of review in place. That saying, do all pharmacists realize that they should be checking the dose etc?
I really didn’t think I was exposing anyone, or making fun. Just curious about the similarities. I didn’t think she would have any ulterior motives for possibly changing her identity, maybe that she just forgot her old username or something. Sorry Sparkly if you feel otherwise. When she said it wasn’t her, I believe her, which is what my last post meant. Now please be dan me l’kaf z’chus that I did not have bad intentions with this.
Now Sparkly, you have been pretty quiet through all this, I assume because you are in class. Please chime in so that we know that you realize this was not meant to hurt.