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Not to mention the problem with mass-marketing segulos. Often, a Rebbe or Rav gave someone a segula to do, not because the action had some “magical” power, but as a physical vehicle to transmit the Rebbe’s brocha, or an act of hishtadlus that would merit the brocha. But there would be no inherent value in the action itself without the accompanying brocha given, and no point for masses to go out and do that specific segula.
“ketchup on hot dogs is a Chicago thing” ??
I eat ketchup on hot dogs, and have only been to Chicago once, and that was limited to its airport.
“Winnie…the LBJ tag came from his campaign strategists. I still own political lapel buttons that read: “All the way with LBJ” “
Cool. Do you still wear them though?
My theory could still hold- his strategist may have felt it necessary to use LBJ to differentiate him from the previous Pres Johnson, and then they came up with the catchy line to rhyme with it.
There is something catchy and “large” about FDR, JFK, LBJ, but that may be just because I am so used them and their associations.
LU- why? why should it be any different than using the Persian names for months after galus bavel/paras ended- you know, Nissan, Iyar etc. before that they were referred to as 1st month, 2nd month to commemorate yetzias mitzrayim, but alternative names existed- like chodesh Ziv. Those names gave way to Nissan, Iyar davka to remember the galus, or salvation from. So if you follow that line of thinking, we will keep the names for the months after this galus ends, so Nissan will be April, etc.
By the way, where do the names of the months derive from- Latin? The days of the week come from Greek/Roman gods or planetary objects that were worshiped by pagans- like Saturn’s day, Thor’s day, Sun’s day, Moon’s day..is it the same for the months?
Truth- so how come we didn’t have a HST?
My subtitle is an incentive for me to write long posts; aesthetically it just looks funny when the actual text ends before the subtitle does, and there is all that empty white or grey space. See what I mean?
Did others notice how the media and liberal self-declared historians fawn over Democrat presidents and give many of them a loving nickname/acronym such as FDR, JFK and LBJ? (It isn’t anything recent.)
Or perhaps the initials were used to avoid confusion with Teddy Roosevelt, Robert Kennedy, Andrew Johnson (ok, not exactly a contemporary, but they were trying to be consistent). when it came to the Bushes, W sufficed.
According to your theory we would have had BHO and WJC, which we do not.
LU, why did you assume that your Purim nailpolish was a chatziza for netilas yadayim (as opposed to mikve, when it definitely is)? I thought it would only be a chatziza if it is cracked and ruined and you would not want to go around like that. Or maybe, because you would not want to be seen in public with it, for you it is a chatziza?
All visible hair is technically dead. The live part is within the hair follicle.
Health, I don’t think it will work out for you with Kanga, she is very overprotective of her kid. And I don’t know anything about Roo’s father.
So to summarize, some people are judging worst based on character, some on policies, and some on the long-term ramifications of their presidencies.
But only one vote for best president, as far as I can see. That doesn’t bode well for the state of the union…
O, I’ll make you happy LU, it’s assur to smoke even during the week.
“Furthermore ,there were many marriages in the past that [we would call] abusive that were not so happy, but raised wonderful children and have wonderful descendants”
Maybe so, but in today’s age, children raised in abusive marriages have a high probability to go on to be abusive or abused themselves. I’d say better to break the cycle and find a different way to raise wonderful children and wonderful descendants.
“it was through those means that greater glory was gained for all “
Not a Torah concept!
ubiquitin- thanks for explaining what you meant. and my choice of Carter was not based on just the one event, just that one stands out as the most obvious reason for him to win that category, in my opinion. But I am not an expert in history or politics, so my opinion is just that, an opinion.
CTL- I know that Carter did not execute the accords, just brought the parties together, and I did not bring them up in my original post. Ubiquitin brought them up as a reason that I should not dismiss him as a bad president, and huju argued how since it was successful and brought 35 yrs of peace, Carter ain’t so bad. I was just disagreeing with their rosy view of Camp David.
I think I am going to skip on the best president question, for fear of more people fighting with me on my own opinion.
I think though it is safe to answer LU’s question. First president I can remember hearing about was Nixon. Somehow I thought he had something to do with ice cream, because his name sounded to me like “Dixie cups”. I’ve grown up a bit since, but still can’t help but associate him with ice cream.
I have noticed that we have gone on and on about marrying divorcees with kids, and I think we may have lost Lavender, the original OP, somewhere back there. This may have been more than she could chew, I hope our good intentions have not scared her off. Can you update us Lavender if any of this was helpful?
No health, that was not what I was saying, B”H I have never been divorced, but I know people who were, so this is not coming from nowhere. What I was trying to say, I guess not clearly enough, is that even if the divorce was amicable, and everything is smooth in terms of custody and visitation etc, the dynamics can change when one party remarries- things will be better IY”H for the remarrying father and his new wife, but not necessarily for the ex-wife. so as much as Lavender can check out what the relationship with the kids and ex are now, it does not mean that it will stay that way, and she should not have any illusions that things will be smooth sailing in such a complex situation.
Sorry, I wish I had someone for you, but my friends all have issues, I don’t think you would want to date them (think Rabbit and his neurosis, Eyore and his lack of self-esteem, Tigger and his hyperactivity…) Besides, they’re all guys, except Kanga, and she has a kid (from a previous marriage???)
I really did not want to have to argue politics here, but I believe that Camp David set a dangerous precedent for “peace treaties” that have had worse consequences. Giving away the Sinai meant Israel cannot control the entry of terrorists and weapons into Gaza. And although there have been no active conflicts with Egypt B”H, they aren’t exactly our friends. It’s not so much peace, as a cold war, which I guess for the MidEast is as good as you are going to get.
And I do not believe that Carter was motivated by his love for Israel. His actions in the more recent past has shown where his true feelings lie, something we probably did not realize when he was president.
Camp David aside, Carter was not exactly a successful president- at least the electorate thought that, as he wasn’t even elected to a second term! I guess Christopher Robbin bumped all those heads too?
Only thing needed brushing right now is my teeth, memory is fine B”H. I rather forget the Camp David Accords though, I do not think it was ultimately a good thing for Israel.
I am not sure if It is Time for Truth meant his words literally.
Perhaps he meant that in the past, certain behaviors and relationships that we would now consider abusive were considered normal and so people were happy. To give an example, an authoritarian husband who orders everyone around, with a wife who fulfills every whim of his without ever being able to consider her own needs- today this would not be considered healthy, but was probably common 2-3 generations ago when gender roles and behaviors were very different. And as long as the husband was frum, and provided for his family, the wife was “happy”.
Not counting Obama, since he is still president and cannot yet be considered in past tense, I would say Carter.
Why? The only thing memorable about his presidency was the Iran hostage crisis.
Abba_S your points are good ones, and I agree that bad relationships with the kids and ex can be a deal breaker or ruin a second marriage, and Lavender needs to know what she is getting in to. And finances must be discussed.
But considering that they have not even discussed his divorce and kids, it is too early to bring the kids into the picture or ask to meet them. When it is serious, she will meet them. I do not think it healthy for kids to be meeting every girl their father dates, only the one who will become their step-mother, and it seems that Lavender is not yet at that point.
even if all goes well, and they do reach the point when she meets the kids, I am not sure how much she will be able to tell by meeting them- as you say, dynamics will change as the kids get older, and even when they realize what it really means for their father to be married to someone not their mother, and have other kids with her who will get more of their father’s attention than they do… it is hard to predict how people, especially children will react. And the dynamics with his ex also may change if she is jealous that he is remarried, and she not, etc.
Better than how the kids or ex-wife responds, I think is how the father responds- when conflict arises between kids and new wife, whose side will he take? Will he be truly supportive of his new wife and her struggles to accept his kids and deal with his ex? Will she feel like the outsider when the kids are visiting, or will he present a united front of “we are the parents now” to his kids? How will he deal when the kids challenge his new wife’s authority?
I think these are important things to work out with him while dating, neither of them can predict or control how the kids or ex will behave, but they can work out how they will act and react to these situations, and that is ultimately what is important. Even if the kids or ex turns their lives into a living nightmare, if the father is truly supportive of his new wife and they can build a strong marriage, they can survive the nightmare.
I think a fourth date is way too early to be meeting his kids, nor is it fair to the kids to be meeting someone until it is a sure thing that she is going to marry their father. While the kids will be a big part of his life, they should not be involved in his decision to remarry or whom to date. No matter who it is, or how much they might like her, it will be hard for them to accept a new step-mother; you should not base your decision on whether to continue dating him or marrying him on their reaction, but whether you can handle a long-term challenge, because it will be.
Israeli tissues that come in bags are folded one inside the other, so when you pull one out of the bag, the next is pulled so that it sticks out. They are not glued/attached together. But you cannot open the package on the perforation on shabbos, so when we buy them, I automatically open all the packages before I put them away. The tissues are not as thick and soft as American brands (my poor nose!), and they definitely disintegrate when they are wet. Just ask my kids who like to play with tissues in the bath, and then I have to clean up all these little soggy crumbs of tissue before they clog up the drain.
I have had that problem too. Usually what happens, is that I instead go do something else that I really should have been doing anyway, and some time later when I try again it works. I know, not a very technical solution…
Frumkid97, PCOS may or may not be a factor affecting Believe’s or anyone else’s ability to lose weight, but you raise an important point- Metabolic disorders like PCOS can affect fertility and lead to other issues, and should be treated properly, whether or not such treatment helps you lose weight and makes dating easier.
I am not saying this to give another reason to the guys to turn down an overweight girl, but to encourage the overweight girls/women to determine whether there are treatable medical issues that are causing their weight problems.
lesschumras, the OP asked for people’s opinions, and they are giving it. If he wanted a statistical study and documentation, he would have turned to other sources of information. Yes, “real” data would be enlightening to this thread, but most common people – and I am assuming that this includes most of us here on the CR, (except maybe CharlieHall who has been established to be MIA on another thread) do not have statistical evidence at their fingertips, just knowledge about regular people that they know.
Hearing from the shadchan or people who know him is important, hearing from him directly is also important- especially how he deals with the aftermath of the divorce now, which will be very relevant to anyone he wants to marry.
I don’t think Lavender is being timid, just wanting to know when is the right time to ask very personal questions without risking a relationship that may not be deep enough yet to handle such big issues. Again, I think a shadchan is a good resource for finding out what the other side is thinking and what he is ready for and whether it is appropriate to ask him directly at this point.
But I do have a feeling that he is really itching to talk about it, but doesn’t know if you are ready.
One trend that I have noticed that since the frum population has B”H grown so much, problems that once involved a few people, now involve so many more, just because the numbers have increased, but not necessarily the percentages. Does anyone actually know if the divorce rate (% of marriages) has actually gone up, or just the number of divorces, proportional to the population? Say the 5% number thrown out here is correct, 5% of the frum population in the US in the 1970s works out to be far fewer people than 5% of the frum population of the 21st century. I think this is one reason that so many issues have become crises- because the number of people being affected is staggering, not necessarily because things have changed.
If my very non-statistically significant experience counts for anything, among the parents of my classmates, friends, extended family members, or my parents’ friends (ie the generation above mine), I can think of 7 who were divorced or involved in blended families (the parents themselves were married, but had been previously divorced) when I was growing up. A few (3-4) more divorced after their kids were grown and married. Among my generation of friends, former classmates, extended family members, I can think of about 11 who are divorced, most right away, a few after several years of marriage and several kids, and a few more recently after long marriages. Of these, 6 I know stemmed from either serious emotional issues or abusive behavior in one spouse. From the next generation, the oldest kids are only starting to get married and B”H I have not heard of any divorces among these. So not a huge difference between the 2 generations. But this is purely anecdotal and represents a very small sample size, and does not cover those married within the last 5-10 years.
All very holy answers, but I think the honest truth is because I was born into such a family. I shudder to think what would have happened had I not been- would I have had the opportunity and courage to recognize the truth and change? I’m in awe of BTs how they can leave so much behind and take on a new life. And I wonder what was my zechus that I did not have to face that challenge. Just thinking about those odds- frum Jews are just a small percentage of total Jewry, yet Hashem decided to send my Neshama down to my family, from all the Jewish families out there, so that I could be raised frum and appreciate Torah.
I wasn’t sure, and I was afraid to take it as a joke in case you were not.. or maybe the next poster would not be. It’s hard sometimes to read things properly without facial expressions.
maybe we should start using those little cute smiley face thingies (emoticons, I think they are called?)
If there is a shadchan between you, this is the type of question you ask ask him/her, who can find out more directly from the guy.
If not, you have to take cues from him. He already mentioned his ex and kids, so probably does not mind talking about them, and may even be wondering why you have not asked yet.
This is an important issue and should be raised earlier rather than later.
As to why he did not get married since- don’t hold that against him, it is not so easy to get remarried, and it could very well be that he needed a recovery time before he started dating again. Those years would have been time for wounds to heal, for new family dynamics to work themselves out, for self-improvement to be ready for a new marriage.
Don’t forget that E”Y has more hashgacha pratis than other places, although that does not mean that bad things do not happen. yet, even when bad things do happen, we are also zoche to many miracles that prevent even more loss of life. Does anyone remember the Scuds during the first gulf war. Yes, scuds falling nightly and people sitting in sealed rooms was bad, yet there were almost no fatalities, while 1 scud in Saudi Arabia killed over a hundred (I don’t remember exactly how many) American soldiers.
Think of this mashal- a parent punishes his child, the child may feel like bad things are happening to him, but he still would rather be home with the parent, and feels safest there, than anywhere else.
Not to mention, that most people in most places feel perfectly comfortable walking alone late at night, letting their kids go out alone, etc. How true is that is most other places?
I think RebYidd has a good question- if the emphasis is on “bear”, what you can carry, and not on “arms”, then originally the second amendment would have meant a rifle or sword and not a cannon. Nowadays, a literal interpretation could mean a pistol, machine gun, grenade, hand held SAM, etc. But there are gun laws that limit what can be owned, whether it can be concealed, who can own it, what sort of training you need etc. In other words, the constitutional right to bear arms has been limited/interpreted to adjust to a new reality. I guess the NRA knows which battles to pick.
It’s really not all that different from freedom of speech or assembly- these too are limited, e.g. for safety reasons, or if it is done intentionally to harm someone else (libel).
In other words, one individual’s rights are always looked at in balance with the rights of other individuals or the public as a whole.
Guys, GoGoGo used to post tons of these strange comments about moving and running, I don’t think they were meant to be analyzed, especially not a year later. Some sleeping dogs are best left alone.
huju, they don’t use it as a name for yogurt. you mean leaven (English word) not leben (originally Arabic, now used in Hebrew). I assume that Leben is derived from lavan, white, the color of milk. An etymology search told me that Leaven comes from French, levain, which derives from the French levare, meaning to raise up.
Wikepedia defines leben as curdled milk with the butter removed, also known as buttermilk.
A certain amount of hishtadlus to make yourself look nice is appropriate for those in shidduchim. But, losing weight is hard. Maintaining it off is even harder. There are many good reasons to do it, but it needs to come from you wanting to lose weight for yourself, not for how other people may perceive you.
Keep in mind that lots of people have a hard time in shidduchim, often for reasons beyond their control.
When did Oreos become pareve? I just had some last week and was so excited- tasted just like the dairy version that I used to eat in my pre-CY days. Meanwhile, I had been eating the heimish sandwich cookies, which are ok as far as cookies go, but do not taste anything like an Oreo. Oreos weren’t kosher at all when I was a child, so I can’t compare to childhood memories of them, though.
goodness, this wasn’t meant to be a scientific study, I don’t know anything about population growth and I don’t feel victimized. My point was to say that they were not half the population, and I was counting 17-18 as the 1 year between 17 and 18, not both 17 and 18. The number wasn’t based on anything concrete, which is why I added “or so”.
I think parents who use a harness do it out of desperation, and not for your average kid. Parents often face lots of challenges from their children, some of whom just do not conform to “normal” behavior. If the choice is to keep a particularly hyperactive child locked up inside where he can be safely supervised, or take him out with a leash, what would you chose?
Fascinating discussion, YY and CT. Pity it is hidden in this thread..
Anyway, YY it is clear you have never been to the US Embassy in Tel Aviv applying for citizenship/birth certificates for your kids.
We had to supply dates of when we lived in the US, and brought along lots of proofs like college transcripts and voting registration cards, etc. There is also no guarantee that if you proved it for your first kid, you don’t have to prove it all over again for the next. They may not always ask for everything, but those were the official instructions at the time when it was relevant for us.
YY- what you quoted supports what I said- at least 1 parent has to have had residency. Not necessarily so easy to prove residency by the way.
I agree with mammele that it is not necessarily a good thing to pass on US citizenship. Once upon a time, everyone wanted to do it to get child allowances. But that is not easy to get anymore, and it comes with a price- the US citizen has to file tax returns and FACTA reports, and if not, can be penalized.
I think a lot of people would disagree with a lot of the things on the list.
like
improved the view of US abroad- really? where?- Cuba? Iran? maybe Russia, because with the US failed mid-east policy created a vacuum for them to fill.
delayed Iran getting a nuclear weapon. now they have become legitimate and will for sure get one within the decade, maybe sooner, with backing from the rest of the world.
health care reform- some people are better off, most are worse off. Great to “fix” a system for the benefit of a few and bring the country to bankruptcy in the process.
stock market is up- hasn’t it been going up since the 1980s, with exception of a few dips here and there? In the 1990s in jumped from 5000 to 15000.
boosted us auto industry- you mean bailed them out at huge tax-payer expense.
etc
If they were to secede then the Democrats can forget about ever winning the presidency. Why stop them? They can also take in all the immigrants, solving another problem.
YY- thanks for the correction, I am so used to thinking of it as ex-pat, that I forgot the real spelling.
In order for a child born outside the US to a US citizen to become a citizen, the parent must prove US residency for a certain amount of time. US citizens who never lived in the US cannot pass on their citizenship automatically to their offspring, so your question does not apply.