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I don’t think it is about building the land of the goyim and turning one’s back on kedusha, loving galus or turning our cities into Jerusalem.
OOT Jews living in small communities among a goyish majority probably feel that they are in galus much more than the average Jew living in a frum enclave in BoroPark or Lakewood. By leaving the established communities, If anything they are showing that that the greater NY area is not the new Jerusalem.
besides, leaving/being forced out of established communities and having to build new ones has been a trend that is typical of our long galus.If it was only so simple for everyone to move to E”Y. Parnassa is a real issue- how many Americans are telecommuting and spending significant chunks of time working away from their families? How many are stuck in low-paying entry level jobs that do not cover their expenses because they cannot break their way into the Israeli employment scene? Chinuch is a real issue- for anyone with older kids (usually set as 10) it is quite hard to get used to a new schools system/culture and most chinuch experts would advise you that it would be a disaster for them to make aliya.
Yes, EY is like no other place, there is kedusha and Torah and it is our Home. But we do not have the Beis Hamikdash, the shechina is in galus and Israeli society and government are far from ideal. EY as it is today is a mere shadow of what it should be. I think there may be a greater danger for a Jew in EY to forget this than one living in Norfolk.
I think Yekke, that the strong reaction many have to the Burka ladies is because they are dressing in a way that they think is more tznius, ie that they are at a higher place than others. Even for those who realize that they are misguided, and not following legitimate halachic opinions, at some level there is a vibe that what they are doing is superior, ergo what you are doing is inferior. They may not mean it that way, and you who think they are foolish do not believe it, but still that feeling exists and I believe that is what is triggering your response. It is similar to the common attitude that anyone to the right/more frum is a fanatic. It is just hard to have someone who is “more” even if that more is not legitimate, so the very human instinct is to prove just how not legitimate it is! Does this make sense?
There are some musts that really are musts. When I was dating, I was advised to think about the 3 things I could absolutely not compromise on- notice, only 3. It was a bit of a challenge to do that- but it really clarified what I was looking for/needed. There were lots of other things on the list that did not make the top 3. Those were the icing on the cake- great if he had them, not a deal-breaker if he did not.
So to some degree, the list should be tossed, or at least not considered binding. But you do need to know who you are and who you are looking to marry, or else you can spend years dating just anyone and not getting any closer to actually marrying someone. In other words, you need to have certain musts, but be open-minded about how those musts are packaged. And realize that just like people change, the list of musts can change too.I prefer vanilla, simply because I do not like chocolate ice cream- my one exception to the chocolate is great rule. but I must confess that vanilla tastes even better with chocolate syrup or fudge over it. So yes, I guess that makes me inconsistent.
Tzlil V’Zemer does/did (circa 1985(?)):
Feel the breeze, see the trees, miracles every day
Fields of grain, drops of rain, what are they trying to say?
Aybeshter, oh Aybehster, Aybeshter, oh Aybehster
Won’t You help us realize the miracles that You do.
You created every star and put them all right where they are
You made Heaven and You made Earth and all of your Work is true.
etc.
(Did I remember the words correctly?)Your welcome. Better to learn the sad truth now than to put years and your heart and soul into a sefer only to find out that it needs a miracle (or a yerusha from an unknown relative) to get it published.
Hatzlacha.Ah, Little froggie I wanted to volunteer to play keyboard.
Here is a sample:
A AS ASA
I can even do it with 2 hands without looking! (Don’t count the typos please)This is all rather complicated. Are you talking about the Jewish book world or secular world?
Over the last several years, a drastic change has taken place in the Jewish book/sefarim world. Books do not sell like they used to, people do not read like they used to (for example, Parsha books used to sell well. Now everyone is happy with the Parsha column in the Jewish weekly magazines, circulars given out in shul, on-line Parsha blurbs). there is no money to be made in the publishing industry. Now the only way to get a book published- unless you are already a famous author- is to self-publish. There are various companies that will do this service for you. They charge the author around $8000-10,000, more if it is a large book (this is the only way to make money in the publishing industry). After the bookstore and distributor take their shares, the author is left with around 30% of list price. That means he is making around $5 a book (depending on price of course). He has to sell 2000 books to just break even- meaning 2 printings get sold out. Very unlikely. If a book sells out the first printing, it is considered good. So the only way to make it affordable is to get sponsors and raise money that way. You can also do avoid the publishing company and hire your own editor, typesetter, cover artist, etc, go directly to the printer, and probably get it done cheaper. The problem with that is it will be very hard to get a distributor as a lone unknown author. So that means you have to approach bookstores yourself and convince them to sell the book. Probably will be far less efficient that a known distributor who has access to bookstores all over the US and Europe, Israel so you will end up selling far less. Then there are advertising costs if you want anyone to know about your book.
You can try the Amazon publish on demand route, but again, unlikely to sell that many that way, unless you heavily invest in advertising, which will raise your overall costs.
So there really is no “making it as an author” in the frum publishing world. Think of it as an expensive hobby and a way to be marbitz Torah is it is a book on Torah.Not that it necessarily means anything, but since you asked, I have never heard of this, and apparently neither did any of my teachers, my siblings’ teachers, my kids’ teachers. The baalei haggada don’t seem to hold from it, nor any of the multitudes of generations who have read their nusach at every seder. R’ Yehuda used to abbreviate them, but I was under the impression that it was done as a mnemonic, not to avoid saying them altogether.
When I was dating, I used to be disturbed when a total stranger would sometimes call me up, saying she/he was a shadchan, and would want to set me up- not knowing me, what i was looking for, and would be vague about where she/he even got my name from. I would not use the services of a lawyer, real estate agent, psychologist etc without a recommendation that the person is competent and fits my need, so how much more so a shadchan!
I don’t think it would be proper to interview him in person, but for sure before you agree to meet him and “hear” proposals from him, find out about him, what is track record is, what type of people he knows, how easy it is to talk to him, etc. You can ask this person you know these questions.I too noticed that it’s been dimmer around here, ever since around Purim time. I was looking forward to experiencing Pesach thru LB’s eyes. Please come back.
personally, I can’t imagine having Pesach anywhere but home, even though it is difficult. There is nothing like sitting down at the Seder in your clean house, kids’ eyes shining with excitement, and being able to enjoy it with the satisfaction that the hard work all paid off for this wonderful moment; the cheirus is palpable.
Yet, for some, it may not be possible. Not everyone is going away because they have money to burn and want to live a life of extravagance. There are families who really want to spend yom tov together with all the marrieds and grandkids, but can’t fit everyone in, so they take the whole extended family away. If they can afford it, and it brings them simchas yom tov to be with their families, then great for them. It does not necessarily have to contradict the spirit and meaning of Pesach.
One year I was expecting right before Pesach and was on bed-rest for most of the pregnancy. Our options were to go to family, which meant traveling with a newborn, hire help to do all the cleaning and cooking, which would still have been stressful and difficult, or go to a hotel. In the end we chose the first option, but I don’t think out priorities would have been skewed if we had chosen the third.assuming small OOT communities count:
South Carolina- Charleston
Alabama – Birmingham
Iowa- Postville (smaller than before, but apparently still functioning)
Tennessee – Memphis
New Hampshire- Bethlehem (at least in the summer)Does absent mindedness due to exhaustion count? Looked for an hour for a piece for the mixer before I realized I had put it away in the food processor box. Almost added confectioner’s sugar instead of potato starch to the apple kugel.
While people here can be very wise, and have lots of experience to share, this is something only someone who knows you can help you with. We don’t know what you discussed already, or what issues are important to you. You have to feel comfortable that this is a decision that works for you, that this is the right person for you. If you have doubts, reasons to believe there is something serious being hidden from you, or things that need to be clarified before you get engaged, then now is the time to speak to a rav, mentor, parent, even the shadchan.
AviK, the point is to accommodate so everyone can eat. your examples are weak ones:
If there is a patient who is machmir on eating gebrochts (?), he can take a paper cup, fill it with water and dip his matzo in it without compromising any other patient’s ability to eat.
And sefardim might like to eat rice on pesach (not all sefardim by the way, and some who would don’t because they find it to burdensome to check it 7 (or is it 10) times) but they do not have a mitzva to eat it and get no aveira if they don’t.Would you have a problem with the army or hospital enforcing a nut-free menu because some are allergic? but what about those people who really enjoy their PB&J sandwich? Is it right to force someone’s food sensitivities on them?
I don’t think people are eating while bullets are flying in the fox-hole, so what does this point have to do with getting mehadrin food while on the base?
lilmod, very well said. The whole point of the arba banim passage is to show us that there are different kind of kids/people who require different kinds of chinuch approaches.
There are few kids OTD today who are doing it because they are consciously denying ikrei emuna and don’t believe it Hashem. Rather they stop doing mitzvos out of pain (for whatever reason), as a reaction to feeling hurt by people/society who are frum, and/or out of taava. Far from being kofrim.That kabbala is easy. I already have gone 4 days without wearing a sheitle outside, since it’s at the sheitle macher now being washed. And during Pesach- probably will be some days I am so busy that will not get a chance to get out at all- like erev shabbos chol hamoed and erev last day.
Colorado, Denver
tobs, Lev Tahor sang an a capella version of the song originally put out by country yossie and the shteeble hoppers. Country Yossi made that and many other songs as parodies of the originals.
The story goes that when he was finally captured by his uncle’s soldiers, Unkoles kissed the mezuza on his way out, and despite the Caesar’s warning not to talk to him so as not to get influenced, they were curious, asked why, and ended up releasing him and joining him. So kissing mezuza had been around a long time.
RebYidd you are absolutely right-also we should stop using the word black.
No more black-list, black and blue, in the black, blackmail, blackjack, black market, black eye, blackout and Black&Decker will have to change their name. For the color, we will use jet or noir or ebony.Boy, it seems Pankos are very complicated. Goq, I only heard about them from recipes I have seen lately using them, but as you can tell, like you I had no idea what they were.
YY, what does it mean to cook with electricity? My oven is electric, is that called cooking with electricity? I usually just think of it as baking. Electricity generates heat. Do you mean zapping it with an electric current? I wonder how they could do that…ubiqutin-my exaggeration was meant as a joke. in my opinion, the “man” in “woman” or “mankind” is no more offensive than the “man” in “manipulate” etc. Just as it is silly to think that the word “manage” is insulting to women, I feel that it is silly to think that mankind is insulting.
And RebYidd’s example was from my list.AviK- animals have gender too, so it is not strange to say he or she. Or maybe I am just used to hearing Hebrew, which has no word for “it”. (ever hear an Israeli speaking English and referring to inanimate object as he/him or she/her?)
What would the PC folks do if English was like other languages and actually assigned gender to all objects- like Hebrew, Spanish, French? Would they analyze why some words were feminine and some masculine, and get insulted?ubiquitin, I meant it tongue in cheek to highlight the ridiculousness of the issue.- Geordie and RebYidd got my intentions.
So if I follow a recipe that calls for panko crumbs (non-Pesach kind), am I missing something if I use regular bread crumbs?
But wait, can the PC police explain why human/humanity is better than man? it also has “man” in it. So does Woman. Once man is erased from the English language, what do you do with these words/phrases?
manila envelope
manifest destiny (although the PC police probably wouldn’t let that one get by in any case)
manifold
mania/manic
manipulate
mandible
mandarin
manage/management
mannequin
etc.So Panko Bread crumbs is redundant.
If they are gluten free then I guess they are really not Pankos.
Seems to have an identity crisis.Right now, no one is forcing yeshiva boys to leave yeshiva and go the army. All they have to do is register at the draft office and they get a deferment for as long as they are full time yeshiva students. By the time they are not, they are usually much older, married with several kids and no longer needed by the army, so they do not end up serving.
Etznikim (aka Peleg Yerushalmim) refuse to register, and then rant about the terrible gezeira of forced conscription. If any one them run afoul of the police, they get arrested for draft dodging. Then they protest the arrest. And more get arrested…endless pointless cycle.If they keep it up, they will get enough of the chilonim enraged, the draft/anti-chareidism will once more become a major issue in the next election, and Yair Lapid will win a majority over likud…and then there really will be a draft issue for everyone!
If they are gluten free then I guess they are really not breadcrumbs. Can anyone explain what a Panko is?
I have always found that girls’ education focused on the global, how they can contribute to others, whether it is their families or communities, while boys’ education focused more on their personal development, in learning and mussar- how to have more hasmada, how to daven better, etc. So I think the statement of the OP fits this perspective.
I never said I was in my 60s and never said I was old. Better go back and re-read that thread about age gaps in shidduchim- I think you are misinterpreting a theoretical conversation LU and I had about people’s perceptions about who is old. I never discussed my age at all.
LU, you raise a different point now – denial. You felt that the 40 year old guy was old, but you were not old at 35 since you didn’t think of yourself as old, you still felt 25. So all we have to do is extend that open-mindedness to others, and they too won’t be old!
question: when you turn 45, will you still think that the 40 year old guy is old? I guess it will depend on whether you still feel 25.Countries also take tunes from others.
Hatikva is based on Smetna’s Moldau
The US’s “My country ’tis of thee, sweet land of liberty” uses the British national anthem “G-d save the Queen” (how ironic!)ZD- the fact that someone took a secular song and put “religious” words to it, does not mean that the pop culture from which it came is ok. And the fact that a song is popular does not mean that it is ok to sing the shem hameforash to a rock tune.
I think it would be more grammatical to say:
Brov Todah L’Hashem Yisbarach, Nolad lanu ben B’shaa tova, Habris Tiskayem Bezras Hashem Yisboruch Byom — , — Nissan, etc.
Or,
you can use some form of “Nachnis as beneinu hanolad lanu l’briso shel avraham avinu IY”H”..” instead of just saying the bris will be such and such.The 25 year old probably does think that the 40 year old is old.
That’s human nature. Anyone who is more than 15-20 yrs older than you is old, and anyone 15-20 yrs younger is a kid. No matter how old you are. there will always be almost a generation in between.
PS no harm done, I figured you must be responding to someone else, just could not figure out who.Joseph: “WTP, what would you do, if anything, were you to c’v find your neighbor’s kid using drugs? “- See more at: http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/how-to-increase-tzinius-2#sthash.dql6fnsC.dpuf
Knowing that this was way out of my league, and that I could not personally change him, I would daven for him.
If the neighbor’s kid is doing drugs, then going over to him to tell him that drugs are assur, illegal and damaging to his body will not get him to stop doing drugs. It probably will make him more resentful and feel more isolated and more likely to feed his habit. So you are not saving him, but actually hurting him.
Telling his parents, who probably are very well aware of the problem, will only increase their pain and shame and and their anger towards the interfering do-gooder.Same with tznius- yelling at someone that they are not dressed tzniusly, lecturing or forcing rules down their throats will not change anything. It will only re-inforce the negative behavior, and then, perhaps, you too are guilty of being machshil someone.
These are delicate issues that must be dealt with chochma, by capable people who can bring about change and not by every busybody kanai with an agenda.
Reb shidduch, you should pick a seminary based on what is the best place for you to learn and grow, both spiritually and emotionally, and not based on what is the best place to meet boys.
The latest CR topics that appear at the top right corner of the main page are not the first ones listed (ie most recent) when you enter the CR
Where is lightbrite- she has not responded to this thead, or any others that I have looked at in the last few days. Very unlike her. CR has gotten very dark lately…
LB, if you are there, are you ok? Busy cleaning for Pesach?LU: “WTP – if my husband is 75, I probably will.”
Will what? What is this in response to, I don’t recall writing anything about any husband being 75 or anything like that.
Besides the inheritance issue, there have been cases of technical marriages between a younger person who was a caretaker for the older person but could not live in the same house unless they were married.
I think I must not be human because I usually can’t figure them out and need to reset them
Since this should not be an issue that is best left up to people’s individual feelings, levels of maturity and preferences, we need to make a rule.
calculate the difference in age of the girl’s parents, and the boy’s parents, and the girl’s grandparents and the boy’s grandparents. Then calculate the average of those 4 values.
To that, add 1 year for every 1 inch difference in the boy’s and girl’s heights.
To be machmir, average the boy’s and girl’s IQs. If it is an even number, add another year to the value gotten above. If it is an odd number, subtract a year.Rebshidduch- think very carefully.
He may have just been pointing out (correctly) that you are not ready to marry a full-time Lakewood guy. When he said you should marry a more modern guy, he may not have been referring to himself. And if what you wrote is accurate, then he asked you to be friends and not to date towards marriage, which is a huge difference.
I still think you should seriously think over the things I and others here have said.On the small chance that the following advice will be noticed:
Rebshidduch, you have been telling us that you are ready to build a bayis neeman with this guy (the one you only recently described as being someone you would never date), but also that you have not actually started dating.
so 1. how do you know that he is really for you and that he makes you happy, etc when you have not dated him for tachlis of getting married?
2. how do you know that he even wants to get married and if so, marry you, if you have not even dated?
3. Are your expectations grounded in reality, or wishful thinking because your first attempt at trying the standard shadchan way have not been successful?I suspect that all the attention that he is giving you right now may fade away when you show that you are interested in him and want to date to get married.
Where will that leave you?Stick with giving the girl the ride.
When did the CR turn into a soap opera?
We’re trying our best to contain it to only one
networkchannelthreadLubavitch is from Lita, so I’d adopt stam yeshivish minhagim
I thought Lubavitch is in Russia. But the point would be not where the chasidus you follow was based, but on where your family originated and what minhagim they had before they became Chabadnikim.