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That is why we use Halacha as the gauge of what is proper behavior, and not our own feelings. Because excessive good is not always good.
Areivim is not like giving a dollar for an apple, because you are not necessarily getting the apple. first, you only get the apple if you die with unmarried kids under a certain age (and technically you are not getting the apple, your kids are), and second, there have to be enough apples left to give out.
A better mashal might be a Chinese Auction- you give money to the organization, that money will go to help others. There is some chance that you may gain something too, perhaps more than you gave. I think that it is muttar to give maaser to buy auction tickets (maybe because the chance of winning is low?)A lot of “innocent” children’s books are not so innocent. Many have subtle or not so subtle political or religious meanings- such as the Narnia series, Alice in Wonderland. Luckily this goes over the heads of the young kids.
Maybe Moshav Matityahu?
First, lilmod, I support your effort to keep these boards L”H free and safe for the rest of us. Although I assumed the mods were doing that already (maybe they want to hire you too?) since they are not perfect, or maybe interpreting words in a different way, it is good there is a watch-dog for when things fall thru the cracks.
There are a couple of things here that bothers me though, perhaps you can explain it to me. From all these threads it really seems you know these Halchos well, so maybe I am missing something.
You stated that “the main LβH issue was not the blue shirts and that is not what I was protesting. What I was protesting,…”
If telling over the blue shirt story was not L”H,- afterall, he was retelling an experience that disturbed him, with no names of any school or administrator mentioned (there are lots of schools in that particular city), and had he ended the post there it would have been a legitimate discussion, then why was it ok for you to call this story out as a lie? I could understand if you were doing so to remind everyone that when one hears L”H one is not allowed to believe it, but this you admitted was not L”H. So why not be dan lkaf zechus that this really happened? With all the research you did, you could not possibly have found out about what every principal told every parent. Maybe your sources told you something different because they were talking about official school policy, or something that applied personally to them, but in this parent’s case, it was different? How can you be so sure it was a lie? (I read what you quoted from the chofetz chaim about a rasha, but that would apply to the actual LH statement, not to everything he ever said, no? Or once someone tells L”H even once, it is automatically assumed that everything he ever says is a lie?)
The second issue is one of tochacha. Elsewhere on these boards people have pretty much come to the conclusion that tochacha can only be given if the person knows that his words will be heard and not do more damage. On an anonymous fourm when one does not know the poster or how he will take tochacha, can one give tochacha? Does he not risk that his words will be thrown back at him and lead to more insults and L”H? Granted that when pointing out L”H one is also protecting the listener (or reader, as it may), but what if it backfires on the speaker/writer leading to worse comments? Perhaps it is better to call attention to problematic posts to the mods rather than confront a poster who may not react in the proper way?
These questions are not meant as criticisms, but are halachic questions that have come to mind reading over recent threads, and I am looking for halachic answers, from Lilmod or anyone else who knows these issues better than I do.
Thanks.Daled is under construction, very beginning stages. Nor for sale yet- no building permits even- but there have been lotteries for the government-subsidized housing that will be built there.
I have the impression that gimmel is more Israeli than Aleph. Gimmel-2 which is being built now, and probably ready in a year, will have a number of chashidish communities. Even in Aleph, the percent varies depending what street you are on, and what schools you choose. But your concern about RBS is real- there are enough Anglos here, and infrastructure (English-only shuls, American style schools and summer camps) that one can live comfortably without ever really integrating into Israeli society. One has to make a conscious effort to integrate.
Beitar is more Israeli, with an Anglo presence, have some chasidish elements as well (especially in B, although probably fewer Anglos there) but I am not sure how comfortable you will feel there as a working chareidi.
I think the reason that so many Anglos end up in RBS is because there are not so many communities outside of Yerushalayim that an Anglo would fit into.This is way over most people’s heads, definitely mine. There is a concept of dybbuk, some sort of spirit that possesses a person. There are real stories of real gedolim in the past who dealt with removing dybbuks. There have also been famous stories about dybbuks these days, I believe these were for the most part debunked as hoaxes.
Basically, the concept is real, but most ordinary LORs would not be seeing them or telling people about them. Perhaps someone great who is steeped in kaballa could deal with this concept.
Something about this story sounds fishy (pun intentional, for those who know what I am talking about). To encourage someone to give beyond the allowed amounts of tzedaka and damage his own family? This IMHO does not sound halachically sound.I think that it really does not matter what I think, or anyone else thinks, except for the 26 y.o. woman and 34 y.o. male in question. There are couples who are closer in age, and couples with a larger age gap, as long as the couple in question feel comfortable, why not? (Just don’t tell Nasi!)
Actually it does explain it- it says that “Hashem looked into the Torah and created the world” accordingly, i.e. that the wold was created in a way so that we could do the mitzvos. According this logic, since there are mitzvos involving toes, Hashem had to create man with toes. The natural word is an outcome of the Torah and MItzvos (see for example, Maharal on the mitzvos of Neta Revai and Orla)
No it’s not. And RebShidduch would not be welcomed into the mekomos of Torah in Lakewood; those are reserved for men.
Nothing wrong with shopping and eating. It is often hard for OOTers to find tznius clothing in their hometowns, esp the summer. So they go to the nearest large frum community on shopping sprees. They may get hungry too while they are shopping all day. I bet RebShidduch needed to be in Lakewood and is taking advantage of the opportunity to shop for things she cannot find at home.As an American-born litvish person who does not like crowds, I can’t understand the desire to go to Meron on Lag B’Omer. But for many, especially Israeli chasidim and sefardim going to Meron is a spiritually uplifting event and an amazing opportunity for tefilla that they would not miss. Rabi Shimon promised yeshuos (salvation) to those who come and celebrate “with him”, and some even come from outside of Israel to daven for special needs. I can’t say that all 500,000 go for the same reasons- some are probably just going for the adventure and because it is a happening place, but for the majority, it is a spiritual opportunity. And for the vendors, an opportunity to make some money (on a live stream of Meron, they featured a guy selling spinners!)
Daas Yochid summed it up well. To expand, ATIME helps couples navigate and understand their medical options, and the halachic issues that may come up, they have Rabbanim for the latter, and for the former, affiliated doctors who give lectures and answer questions on online forums. They provide emotional support for those experiencing infertility, undergoing difficult treatment, experiencing pregnancy loss through online forums, seminars, literature, shabbatons, etc. They can help with insurance coverage issues.
But the world has changed. There is an increasingly growing phenomenon of college grads being underemployed or unemployed. Many professions require graduate degrees that take years to complete. Add a few years of post-HS learning before college (common even among those who don’t proscribe of the kollel lifestyle) and by the time the young man has a job to support a wife and family he is not so young anymore. It is not very practical to expect young men to wait until they are in their upper 20s or nearing 30 to get married. So I can understand where Joseph’s statement is coming from even if he does not have the evidence to back it up.
“Or maybe this is Hashemβs way of getting us to stay away from germs and/or substances that can make us ill?”
Yes. Sense of smell is a very important protective mechanism.
LB, that is an important point-and I think what the expert says is right, I want to stress again that just because it happened that way with me, does not mean that it always happens that way. (And even though when I dated my husband i did feel that something was different about this one right away, we still went out quite a few times until we were sure). And even if that feeling does come, it doesn’t mean that it comes on the first date or the second date, etc. But, bottom line, Hashem is in charge, and one way or another, He will make sure that you get that message that this is the right one- maybe it is a feeling you get, or maybe it is an advisor that helps you to figure it out. Just make sure that you are listening for that message.
It works great for families with mostly boys.
“He said that a girl determining whether or not she will go on a date based on his picture is a secular notion and unacceptable for JewIsh girls in shidduchim.”
I think the statement is equally valid if you replace “girl(s)” with “boy(s)” and “she” with “he” and “his” with “her”.
A picture is not accurate. It is only 2-dimensional. It does not reveal the charm/grace and inner beauty that can make an otherwise plain person beautiful. It should not be used to decide if the girl is pretty enough to date. In terms of other info, I disagree that it can tell you anything about his health or hygiene. They guy could dress up all spiffy for the photo-op and in real life be a slob. And what does it mean to look healthy? He can look tanned and muscular from the shoulders up, but the picture misses that he can’t walk without a brace. Or has any other internal medical ailment. If you are anxious about meeting someone blindly, and that he might not really be Chaim, then have him meet you at third party’s house, or if meeting in a public place, get a detailed description of what he looks like.Don’t know about the bleeding, I imagine since they were humans, they must have bled if they got injured.
One of the miracles in the midbar was that their clothing did not wear out. The Clouds of Glory “laundered” them.Gadol-I didn’t exactly call it a minhag, I just said that in some circles, it is accepted that if a girl wants to marry someone who will learn in kollel, than either she and/or her parents will provide the means for the couple to live. the boy’s family are busy supporting their sons-in law.
No comment whether this is right or wrong, good or bad or whether it can work for everyone.I was not being cynical. I actually do want to know, how do you define a “sefer?”
LeftySeferStam, based on his post above, seems to think it depends on the gender of the author.
Here are some more criteria to consider:
Is it treated as sheimos if ruined?
do you kiss it if it falls?
Can you place it on top of another sefer?
Can you read it prior to saying the morning Birchas HaTorah?
I really am curious to know how people define the word sefer.He was? According to wikipedia, he was the first head of state in 113 years to be buried in a church ceremony.
LOL, when you said “it must be aging” I first thought that you were referring to why I could not make-out the small font. Then I read on, and realized you were talking about the CR. I agree…it takes too long to open threads. I thought it was my connection.
I was using the word sefer as any written work that teaches Torah. A novel or collection of stories, whether fiction or non-fiction is a book. Anything with Torah content is a sefer. I would not take a sefer-book into the bathroom, for example, Shira Smiles’ work, but I would a novel-book. Some sefarim are more intensive than others, some are light reading, some are lomdus. A compilation of nice thoughts on the Parsha may not be as choshuv, as say, Ramban al HaTorah, but it’s still Torah.
I was wondering how you define a sefer- a volume in Hebrew? Part of Tanach or Talmud? Commentaries by Rishonim? Halachic discourses? Mussar works? Does it have to be bound in leather to be a sefer? Or does the level of the author determine if it is a sefer?
By the way, Pachad Yitzchak, which consists of ma’amarim given by R’ Hutner, Z”L, was mostly edited/compiled by his daughter, Reb. Bruriah David, although you will not find her name on the sefer (or is it book?)There are many very fine, very bright female Torah educators who are teaching other women and girls. Many have recorded shiurim. Every so often, one of these will collect her teachings into a sefer (not book, it is about Torah topics), this way she can teach to more than those in her immediate community/school. It might not be so common, but it has been done. Women can read too, you know. I even know some men who have read/learned these sefarim. It’s far more tznius learning Torah from a woman’s book than directly from the woman.
Examples: Nechama Leibowitz, A”H
Reb. Shira Smiles, Torah Tapestries
There must be more- probably some under male pen names.For most people, it was overnight. I had to go without my daily caffeine boost almost the whole day yesterday. By the time it was back online, it was almost bedtime, and the caffeine just got in the way of sleeping.
By the way, I appreciate the larger font of the threads, and especially these reply windows. Now I can actually see what I am typing.I’m not a guy or a dating mentor so I can’t answer for the guys. I don’t even know if it holds true for all girls, since my experience is limited to the 1 time it happened to me. Not exactly a large sample size.
Anyway, you can’t worry about or really change other people’s dating attitudes, only your own.
Think of it as like the kids’ game Hot and Cold. You are wandering about trying to figure out if you are in the right place. At some point, someone will say getting warmer…hot..you found it. Hashem knows who your BShert is, and will make it clear to you (“hot”) when you are in the right place, which is why you will know when you get there. If you keep in mind that Hashem is in control and orchestrating things so that you will find your husband when the time is right, then it gets a lot less frustrating and scary. On that matter, you might find “Pinya’s Lamp”, a short story by Chaim Uri Gottesman (in, I think, his book “The Birdsong”) uplifting.
When I was dating, and davening, I used to wonder what I should daven about- should I daven that this particular shidduch work? But what if he is not good for me? What I ended up davening for was clarity- that it should be clear whether or not this shidduch was right for me, and that that realization should come as quickly as possible with as little pain as possible.Having done so many contortions to fit into this box, I can’t seem to get my hand out to raise it.
Love it!!!Β ThanksΒ forΒ theΒ laugh!!
Be aware that chulent in slow cooker is different from chulent in pot.
An advantage to slow cooker is that you do not have to leave the hot plate or blech on all shabbos to have hot food for lunch-it’s safer and cooler. You can warm things on top of the slow cooker, or set a timer for the hot plate to just go on before the meals.
(note, you may want to consult your LOR about using times on shabbos and on how to set up a blech for the slow cooker, and how to take food out from it on shabbos).
Once you have it for shabbos, a slow cooker is nice during the week too- set up food in the morning, hot meal waiting for you when you get home from work.RY, aren’t those sharp blades enclosed in plastic or metal with the sharp part facing inward?
LOL. I thought for sure this thread was started by a female.
1. I gather from your post that you are not coming from a place where learning in kollel is the norm and the wife and/or her family support the couple.
Even so, the fact that the kollel set-up is so prevalent, and that it is also very common for the wife to work even if the husband is not in kollel, has changed perceptions and expectations, and it is no longer a given that the husband must provide for his wife before he can get married. Considering how long schooling can take in certain professions, couples would have to wait until they’re in their mid-upper 20s to get married if they waited until they were set up in their careers. Many girls work part time even while in college, or maybe their parents will help out.
2. Some people care about family background, some don’t. You probably would find it easier to date girls from a similar background.I forgot to mention, here on the CR, acronyms come easy- I am often WTP, you are LB, there are PBA, DY, LU, CTL, etc. Sorry, Joseph, no acronym for you.
Not only does it help being dead, but it also helps to have made such a significant contribution to klal yisroel, that people are repeating things in your name or learning your Torah, so much that they need a good way to refer to you.
I wonder if it originally developed as short-hand by people in the printing business? Easier to write Rashi (3 letters in Hebrew) than R’ Shlomo Yitzchaki.
Many of the Rishonim (Rabbanim who lived in Mid Ages, 11-15 century) are known by their acronyms. Achronim (period following rishonim) are known by their acronyms (e.g. the Gra, Malbim, Netizv, the GRYZ) or their sefarim- (e.g. the Chofetz Chaim, Chasam Sofer, Meshech Chochma). Contemporary Rabbanim (including those who were niftar within a generation or so) are known usually by their names-probably because people still remember them as people, not just from their sefarim. So when you say R’ Moshe, you are referring to R’ Moshe Feinstein, not the Rambam or Chasam Sofer. It takes some perspective of time to consistently call the Rav after his work instead of his name. Most likely eventually we will permanently add the Igros Moshe and the Yabia Omer (R’ Ovadia Yosef) to the list.Squuezing the toothpaste out of the tube on shabbos is also problematic.
OK, if DY quit, then I volunteer to be the perush on Joseph.
Joseph was being purposely, umm, well, Joseph.
Technically, his answer was correct- we all use water to wash our hands on shabbos.
His answer ignored the deeper question, which is whether and in what form are we allowed to use a micelle-forming amphipathic surfactant/emulsifier in addition to H2O to make sure our hands are clean and germ-free.
And in classic Joseph style, his omission was successful in stirring a mini-controversy.
(Joe, how did I do?)Thanks. I figured it out, since my work announced Mon as an optional paid vacation day for parents with kids who are off (we are allowed 2 optional days/year, in addition to the standard days off for chagim). So what about people like me whose kids are off on Sun the real Lag B’Omer?
Sorry to get off topic.It’s hard to explain, and I don’t want to resort to “when it happens to you, you will understand what I mean”
I can only explain from my experience. When I was dating my husband, pretty quickly I realized that he was the right one. It had little to do with lists, although he did have the most important things that I needed. But of course he didn’t fit everything, yet that did not bother me because I knew/felt it was right – even issues that may have been a definite no with other shidduchim in the past. Was I wrong to have said no about those issues in the past then? No, because I was not meant to marry them. That is where the siyata dishmaya comes in- you make your decisions, and Hashem will help that those decisions bring about the right result.It’s a good question. It may have to do with the homogeneity and insularity of certain communities.
It may have to do with the parent-child relationship- how well does the parent know his/her child and what he/she needs in a spouse? How much is the child like the parent? how much does the child trust the parents and rely on their judgment to identify his/her B’shert.
I think the prolonged dating comes in to play when the single is relying more on his/her own judgement than his parents’.bmyer, I am trying to understand what you asking now- are you asking whether it is essentially possible for a girl to marry just about anyone (who fits the basic picture hashkafically, etc), as long as she has the right attitude? That there is no point in extensive dating because the emotions that one expects to see aren’t real or important anyway? That since you will never be 100% happy with everything about the guy, that it doesn’t really matter who the guy is, as long as you are prepared to live with his faults and make the marriage work?
Perhaps there are those who approach marriage in this way, I even read a dating advise book along those lines, but i personally can’t accept that. Marriage is supposed to be about uniting 2 halves of a neshama. I think when people talk about “just knowing he was right” they mean that their neshamos connected, not that they fell in love. One needs a lot of siyata dishmaya to find her/his other half, so a lot of davening is necessary.
What’s a fidget cube?
As I said in a different post above, I was extrapolating what I learned from the OT about crayons/markers to pencil/pen. But as a professional, I defer to your opinion, as I said..”I imagine if you ask an OT.”
Question- is the sensory issue holding the pencil (texture? shape?) or the scratching of the lead on paper?maybe, or maybe they just have not shared their reasoning with the general public. Considering how frequently the curriculum is changed, and not necessarily for the better (new math anyone?) , I don’t think that schools will continue a practice with no redeeming educational value just because that was how it was done some 50-60 years ago. I mean, how hard is it to let kids bring in pens instead of pencils before 4th grade?
But if I ordered them online from China, by the time they arrived, the fad would be over and the kids have moved on to something cooler.
The grandfather one was funnier. Or else the humor is getting overused.
And then there will be those who will take you seriously and start ranting about unnecessary chumros, and how this does not reflect Yiddishkeit, etc etc.CT, your explanation makes sense for back then, and maybe for when I was in school shortly after that time period, especially because the teachers may have used pens with ink when they were in school, but do you think people are stam continuing the practice 50 years later for no good reason? Especially considering what a mess pencil sharpeners make? After all, they don’t continue to make holes in desks to hold obsolete ink bottles. Learning to write with a pencil does have an advantage for developing fine motor skills, and perhaps that is why the practice continues. Meaning same practice continues, but the reasons have changed. My son’s OT stressed that he should draw with crayons and not markers for that reason, and I am extrapolating that to the preference for pencils over pens.
Then again, it could be all a plot from the pencil and eraser manufacturers.
PS- your description brought back fond memories of one of my favorite childhood book series by author Caroline Haywood (B is for Betsy..)Sorry for your pain, RebYidd.
Reminds me of when my 4th grade teacher scared my parents at a parent-teachers conference by telling them I had a real serious problem. I did not old my pen correctly. Oy vey.
I was also one of the last to receive that coveted “pen” on top of my assignments that meant we could graduate from pencil to pen.
I still hold the pen wrong to this day. B”H I have very few opportunities to write with actual pen and paper these days. Yesterday, someone asked me to write something in my own handwriting and I typed a rough draft on the computer first.oh my goodness, I agree, more than cool. They are the latest rage in my sons’ school. The local stores cannot stock them fast enough. We bought one for my son (I hate to give it to fad toys, but he does have sensory issues and these sort of things have a calming effect on him) and everyone in the house is fighting over whose turn it is.
What DY said.
Of course, that is not evidence it does not exist. Most people on this planet have never heard of me, yet I exist. I think.Moshe and Aron did not have a problem with it.