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Buy something related to the role of preceptor.
They can NOT legally “uninvite you”, nor can they refuse to service you, if you are patronizing their establishment in a manner consistent with the law and clearly posted policy. Private property is not an excuse in an establishment open to the public. They have every right to establish rules for admission to and use of their establishment (as long as they are legal). Once someone is invited in, unless they are breaking the law (they should call the police) or violate the clearly posted conditions of use they may not legally decide to “uninvite” a customer.
“I’ve heard of a u-pick farm that only charges an entry fee on chol hamoad. Do we really pick so little, is it a form of crowd control or are we easy targets?”
Here is a little story. I was the holder of a seasonal picking pass for the third season at said pick your own, and had just gone to the farm 2 weeks before rosh hashana, I was surprised when I pulled up the 2nd day chol hamoed succos and was told there is a fee per person. I showed my pass and expressed surprise at the fee, it was then that the farmer explained that after “yesterdays disaster” of trampled crops, crops picked and left on the ground and garbage strewn all over the place he would charge an entrance fee to offset his other losses and damage.
So perhaps instead of asking .”Do we really pick so little, is it a form of crowd control or are we easy targets?” You might want to ask, why were we not careful so as not to destroy this mans farm. If you think he is exagerating, why don’t you make the trip to Hightstown on several random days in June, July and August and again on Chol Hamoed Succos and come to your own conclusion and learn the answers to the questioned you posed.
What heimishe restaurant would allow 2 people to sit at a table for three hours and drink nothing but water?
Want nice views and cheap drinks? Go to 7-11 for a big gulp and head over to central park or the staten island ferry.
Back to R’ Chaim. It is important to note, that this person is also still a Nebach, as such should be treated accordingly.
There is certainly room to be machmir.
What is the aggada r’ elchanan was coming to explain?
Anything from rabbi miller.
“we have two dishwashers, one milchig and one fleishig”
We also have two dishwashers, only ours are classified, male and female.
Depends on the dishwasher. If she is up to it glasses for supper and mugs for tea or coffee. If not, styrofoam for hot and plastic for cold and they get tossed when done.
Sponsoring the dowry would help.
If you don’t like it, don’t buy it. If enough people don’t buy it they will stop publishing it. There is no chiyuv to purchase every biography to hit the stores.
My rule of thumb. If I got the invitation because the baalei simcha want me there (my siblings, close freinds) then I will stay until after sheva brachos. If I got the invitation because the baalei simcha feel they must invite me out of some social obligation, such as a (not so close) neighbor, some guy in shul who believes my name is good shabbos, a co-worker or I’m invited because I’m the other half of the mr and mrs, they I go for the chuppa, dance a little with the baal simcha and leave. He was yotze and I was yotze. Such a pathetic way to look at things, but its what works best for me.
I’m not of the stature of those who alledgedly called Rav Soleveitchik Z’l, “JB” and I won’t ever do so. In my mind it is every bit as insulting, chustpadik and a bizayon hatorah for someone like me to call him JB as it would be to refer to Rav Elyashiv Z’l as Joey. I don’t think anyone reading this is of such a stature either that they should do so as well. It is also the same insult, chutzpah and bizayon hatorah to knock Rav Falk or his sefer. Disagreeing with the hashkafos or psak of someone is one thing, insulting them or their work is quite another.
I think a seder in mesilas yesharim, followed up by one in orchos tzadikim and shmiras halashon is in order for some people.
Kitsur shulchan aruch
“What can you do with an iphone that you can’t do with a PC and a regular landline telephone?”
Unless the conductor allows you to take up two seats, one for you and one for the pc, monitor and large battery pack and you have about 45 miles of rj11 cable extending from your phone jack, and the conductor on the morris and essex line allows you to trail it behind the train, the iphone is a much easier, cost effecte and efficient way to stream a shiur while commuting to and from work.
So, don’t sign up. Look for a new shadchan elsewhere. Plenty of them not affiliated with SYAS. Issue solved.
Extra effort does not mean, making things up and passing them off as the original.
Re: chilling out. How about playing ball. What about eating lunch in yeshiva? Yeshivas no longer serve food to the bachurim who dorm? I’m sure they are not serving 5 star gourmet fare, but is it horrible?
I don’t care if you eat pizza, what I do care about is that if my son is in a yeshiva, the yeshiva takes some level of responsibility in keeping tabs on him at all time.
Try this.I can understand how you feel, because I hear it from my own sons but I still don’t feel bad for you.
As for bachurim chilling out hitching for pizza is the only way? And when are these excursions held?
I’m the one who asked about supervision at the beginning of this thread. As the father of teenaged sons, I can emphasize with your comment about a jail like setting, I can’t sympathize with you though 🙂
Back to the subject at hand. Could you elaborate on why and when a bachur would have the need to hitch a ride somewhere? Is it to seder, davening or a meal? Is it to a simcha? Shopping? How much time (or alternately how often) do bachurim have to engage in this activity? When these bachurim are hitching, is the yeshiva aware of where they are, why they are not in the yeshiva and when they are expected back?
I’m no expert in the Rambam, but doesn’t the Rambam write something similar to a husband in regards to his wife?
How do the meforshim on chumash explain hu yimshol bach?
“it was considered a sign of aveilus. If we wanted to take off our shoes, we had to put on slippers”
Why. Aveilim wear slippers too.
You don’t need a “great gadol”, you need a rebbe. If he doesn’t know, he will ask his rebbe.
I’m also looking for a yeshiva for a son who is a 12th grader this year. At least as important to me, as the learning and yeshivishness is the supervision provided by the yeshiva. Are the bachurim somewhat supervised when not in seder? Is the dorm a house of hefkeirus where any aliya made during the day is lost at night? Is there a zero tolerance policy for the consumption of alcohol and smoking? Is there an enforced curfew or do the bachurim drop off to sleep wherever and whenever after doing whatever?
Regarding your kids and taking off their shoes.
1. Minhag aveilim is a funny term for not wearing shoes. Is it minhag aveilim to wear slippers? To serve eggs to your family? Perhaps she was coming from the ayin hara angle and she isn’t as “nuts” as originnaly thought.
2. I’m not into ayin hara stuff, but what if your kids wore a “roite bendele” to counteract said ayin hara. Maybe they neuteralize each other.
3. Perhaps it’s the shoes that are all over the floor that really bothers her and if they were lined up neatly somewhere she wouldn’t think about it.
4.Perhaps your kids take off their shoes for comfort. How about a compromise when bubby is around, wear slippers or crocs.
5. If the kids are small, just double knot their shoes, they won’t be able to take them off. The older ones, just be open and tell them, listen it really annoys bubby when you take off your shoes, do me a favor and keep them on when she is around.
We pasken that the mitzvah of kibbud av is “mishe av”, I was told, but did not see this inside (will bli neder look into over shabbos) that not only does that means financially, but if it causes emotional or other hardship it may possibly (emphasis on possibly) fall into an area where is not mishel av. I agree shoes one would be hard pressed to find a hardship unless they tell you to walk barefoot over broken glass.
Avhaben, even then, you are not 100% correct (meaning, your statement does not apply 100% of the time). Go through siman reish mem and resh mem alef and the nosei keilim.
For starters, if her husband tells her to go buy shabbos shoes she must listen to her husband (I believe reish mem sif yud ches, somewhere near there).
At any rate, there was no such explicit command or demand here.
The way I read the OP, the MIL is making negative comments, not dictating what she should do.
Which of the aseres hadibros obligates a person to subscribe to every suggestion of their parent? Please tell me where in shulchan aruch it is written. Please cite any legitimate source, that explains the halacha is as you state. Just one.
Regarding shoes. How old are the kids?
Avhaben. WADR it appears you are creating halachos that do not exist. The OP wrote about her MIL’s opinions, not specific requests to do or not do things. There is no halacha that says you must side with every opinion expressed by a parent.
Your husbands Rav (ergo your Rav) is correct. Halachos of kibbud av do not require that you follow all her suggestions. It only regulates how you respond to her, or not.
Regarding shabbos shoes, seriously, ask her why it matters what shoes your son wears? Is she paying for them? Perhaps it is her way of saying, we have to cut back on support? Does your mother in law wear her weekday shoes to a chasuna or lihavdil on shabbos or yom tov, why should your son?
“How do men pick streimel colors?”
The same way Yeshivishe males pick their hat color.
“Does it match their hair”
Blonde stremels or hats, would look kind of stupid, don’t you think? I’m trying to picture a flaming redhead and his streimel.
“or does it go in the family?”
The only family that matters is the beaver family the streimel came from.
Request does not mean, “there is no reason to buy shabbos shoes”. That is an opinion. Kibbud Av does not require you to subscribe to or follow the opinion of your parents. Now, if your parent forbade you to buy them shabbos shoes, that is something else entirely and I would suggest going to your Rav for advice how to tell them to keep their noses out of your business.
“She thinks shabbos shoes are a waste of money, and told my teeenage son that even yoisef Moikir shasbbos didn’t have separate shoes for shabbos!”
He didn’t have a meddling shvigger either, just saying.
“Am i supposed to bend to her opinion even on such things?”
Well, are your in-laws supporting you? If they are, right or wrong they feel they can dictate how you spend their money. If they are not, then politely say, this is how I choose to spend my money. Does she wear her weekday shoes to shul on shabbos? Why should your son.
“She claims that disposable tableware is bal tashchis. Is she right?”
Is she offering to wash the silverware and dishes after each meal?
“I think that if it is cheaper than the price hired help would take to wash real than it is a good investament.”
Tell her so.
Or you can try a duel.
Perhaps you can use them as dowels.
I don’t get it. Against the yeshiva you have a complaint for not being understanding, but your frum boss, you don’t. Why?
Your assertion that you pay for 10 months of schooling is also wrong. Your tuition covers the school “year”. That the yeshiva allows you to pay it out over 10 or 12 months is not an indication of a monthly charge.
As for your social circle, surely it can be expanded to include teenagers, you don’t know any responsible teenagers?
Lastly, regarding this comment “And when one has a perk at a job it should not come at the expense of paying customers”, there are a number of legitimate responses a yeshiva might have, including
. Perhaps if we had more paying customers we’d be able to offer money instead of perks, to our employees.
. At what percentage of tuition paid, is one considered a paying, or non paying (depending on how you look at it) customer that their concerns should be met even if it creates a hardship (read more cost) for the yeshiva.
. Should there be 2 sets of policies, one for paying customers are one for those who are not?
Lastly, is it necessary to take off every isru chag or day of chol hamoed, perhaps you take succos and your sister takes pesach and you take turns watching each others kids.
Where there is a will, there’s a way (and of course, a lawyer).
Miritchka. I can say with near 100% certainty that you work for a frum person, the corporate norm is more than 5 days. As such, your employer should work with you. I can say with even more certainty that your social circle includes some combination of parents, inlaws, siblings, nephews, nieces, other relatives, friends or neighbors who can watch your children for you on isru chag, certainly their older sons and daughters who have no school can do that for you.
To avoid this machlokes altogether we don’t eat at all on shmini atzeres. This has the added benefit of being able to be mekayaim the mitzva of eating stuffed cabbage leil simchas torah litayavon.
Considering all the older bachurim and girls who have no yeshiva/school today….there are not enough available responsible people to watch the children of those who are working?
Are these working parents not a part of the same social circles that they don’t know a single one of these bachurim or girls? I’d venture a guess that not only are they part of this social circle, they are close family where payment is not a necessesity, especially in the situations described by the original letter writer.
Who said the bachurim must sleep until the 10 o’clock shachris and the girls must spend all day at the mall? A little chessed for their parents, uncles aunts and cousins, or neighbors wouldn’t kill them. If it would we have a bigger problem than just another day off from school.
From the way people are complaining, I’d guess a whole bunch of poppa types are running the asylum.
Why would we want to save a crisis? I’d prefer they all disappeared.
People don’t plan to fail, they just fail to plan. Yeshiva calendars are not a surprise to anyone and have not changed much in years. Sure you don’t like asking your neighbor, sister, parent or whoever of they can watch your kid, but you have to do what you have to do. One year we spoke to my sons mashgiach about allowing him to learn second seder at home to watch his younger siblings on a day they off. For the record, while he preffered to say no, he allowed it because he too is a parent and knew we came as a last option. You do what you have to. For some people it seems whining and complaining is hishtadlus enough.
All industries come along with its positives and negatives. One of the “perks” of being a rebbe or morah are the days off. If it bothers you to no end, petition your boss for similar perks, or join the industry. So easy to whine and complain about everyone and everything.
1. Call it chanuka vacation or mid winter vacation, it’s a matter of semantics.
2. Kids have an entire summer to “recharge”, not sure what an extra day of isru chag will accomplish. I do agree that with the crazy schedule kids keep over yom tov, isru chag is certainly a day to recover (especially for those who are machmir and are mikayem ad dlo yada on simchas torah).
3. Put yourself in the schools shoes. You get vacation from work, who says it has to be on your time to take the kids to hershey labor day weekend, take your vacation isru chag and chol hamoed.
Could you be a little more specific? Where did the thousand dollars you donated come from? Your checking (or other) account? The ebt card? Some other source? I’m glad you got the benefits you are entitled to, I’m just hoping you are not telling us a story of hashgacha pratis and simulaneously telling us you committed fraud with your ebt card.
I highly doubt rav elyashiv said what is attributed to him here.
If it is “discomfort” we are after, why not sleep on a bed of nails, stick razor blades in our socks and make sure the shul is at least 105 degrees.
Rachel.
1. Look into the ownership of the land. They are jews.
2. Whether they are jews or not, is irrelevent in that they don’t want tashlich parkers using their lot. Whether their reasons are valid or purely hateful, doesn’t matter. If they choose to enforce it in such a sleazy manner and someone decides to risk it anyway, that’s a risk they are willing to take, and if they lose, they can’t call out the towing company/landlord.
3. If you really believe there are nefarious shenanigans going on, call any of the local TV stations and have them air a “shame on you segment” on these guys and their practices.
Rachel. If you feel there are wrongdoings, call the cops, the BBB and the public advocates office. If there is hesitation to do so might it be because you are not 100% certain you are correct that they are wrong?
Its good to feel “odd” on yom kippur. Getting out of your “comfort zone” probably helped you submit yourself to hashem and daven properly.
You can always go to payless and pick up a pair of “shoes” that look like the real deal but are plastic.
As for goyim and their stares. People dress in all sorts of weird ways these days from pre ripped jeans, to outrageous colors to (unfortunately) practically nothing, body piercings, tatoos, shaved heads that crocs seem perfectly normal with a suit.