WIY

Aries

I dont know how strong you expect a 11-14 year old to be in his beliefs. But its not all beliefs. If a kid has bad friends, bad influences in his class that will beat his beliefs any day. A kid these days doesnt have the strength to battle such a challenge when his friend and classmate introduces him to improper things.

Let me show you a vort I found recently,

Can A Malach Protect Your Children From Their Friends?

Chazal tell us that when Rivkah would pass by a house of Avodah Zara, Eisav would push to get out. When she passed by a Makon Torah, Yaakov would start pushing. Why would Yaakov push to get out if we know that in the mother’s womb, a child has a Malach that teaches him Kol HaTorah Kula? What could be a more ideal for Yaakov than remaining in a protected place learning torah with a Malach?

The Baalei Mussar say that we learn from here that even if your Rebbi is a Malach, if you have a bad chavrusa or you have bad friends, you need to run away. The impact of your peers cannot be diminished even while learning with a Malach.

While there will be better moral authorities and less good ones in your children’s life, their friends are more of a constant. They tend to turn over less and have a huge influence over your children, even if your child is sitting and learning torah with a Malach.

(From revach.net)

So your kid can be easily influenced by others even if he comes from a great family and has the proper beliefs ok?

The influence that a bad friend can have is likely the strongest influence there is. Thats why schools must be very tough about getting rid of kids who are a bad influence. It doesnt matter how great the Rebbe is, you see? He cant beat the influence of a bad kid.

aries2756

It doesnt take a kid long to go bad, or at least once you see the signs the kid has already been up to whatever it is for some time I would think.

Whats a Rebbe supposed to do if a kid is watching movies/tv shows at home and his mind is now warped? What can a Rebbe do? You think the kid is interested in what the Rebbe has to say?

I have watched movies and Tv in my day. I can attest that Rabbeim cant compete with the Movies, Tv, ipods, Xbox, playstations, handheld games (that can all access wifi internet) and cell phones.

If a kid has access to this stuff he wont have any interest in Torah and Torah will not go in.

The problem is that not only are these kids polluted, they pollute their friends as well. The kids get together by recess and what do you think they talk about? All of a sudden a kid who never saw a movie hears all kinds of filth. Hes curious. Now he wants to see it. He borrows his friends ipod or other hand held whatever device (that he can easily hide from his parents and will only watch under the covers in his room… or goes to the kids house Motzai Shabbos or Sunday and they watch some movies….thats how these things work. Its like a virus you can wipe out a whole class of kids in a short amount of time.

I dont have any solution and if you have one please provide it.

Aries

The schools aren’t perfect but they can’t keep a negative influence in the school. A Yeshivah is supposed to be an arei miklat from the shmutz of the street. If there are kids bringing it into yeshivah and educating their friends it must be dealt with decisively. You have so much Rachmanis for the kid getting kicke out but not for the 5-10 or more he can take down with him. If the bad kid is popular in the class there’s no limit to how much damage he can wreak on his class.

GAW

The point is that there are enough yeshivis out there that span from one side of the spectrum to the other and if a kid no longer is fitting in to where he is its not a big deal that he switch yeshivos if he isn’t willing to go along with his/her current yeshivas program.

Nobody forces anyone to go to any specific school. But a student has to understand that he or she has an obligation to abide by the rules and be a mentch and not bring other people down. If you can’t abide by rules and is actively negatively influencing others its time to make a change of yeshivos.

(If a kid is in Satmar and tells other kids its ok not to be chassidish and you don’t have to wear a streimel that is likely grounds for kicking him out if he won’t stop. Every school is geared to different hashkafos and if you don’t want to fall in line find a different school. Like I said its not like there’s just 1 or 2 schools there are 100s every chassidus has its own yeshivos as well as in non chassidish circles there’s tons of different yeshivos ranging from ultra yeshivish to ultra MO you don’t like what our school has to offer take a hike find one that fits what you are looking for, but every menahel can say “if you want to stay in this school you must abide by the rules and stick to the program.”)

GAW

Go to the Hanhala? I was a young teenager and he was my friend I was brought up not to snitch and it goes against my nature to snitch on a friend. Obviously looking back, I should have snitched. But hindsight is 20×20.

GAW

First of all I was talking a kid in the higher grades of elementary school and high school. You are taking sedarim so that’s beis medrash. No a bochur who is stam not interested in learning 3 sedarim (as long as he isn’t doing anything bad and bringing others down) doesn’t need to be transferred out. The issue is that often a guy who can’t keep the sedarim will look for company and he can shlep his friends (who ar more serious about learning then him, just they don’t have th backbone to say no to their friend) out of the BM to go hang out with him. This happens in every BM. Its really a tough call. There’s no easy answers.the bottom line is a kid, bocher whatever, doesn’t matter the age, once he is up to no good he will influence his friends. All the more so if it is a dorm or out of town yeshivah where the guys spend the nights together as well.

GAW

You are a bigger Rotzeiach by keeping a bad influence in a school where that kid brings down his/her whole group of friends.

I am speaking from experience. This happened in a regular “frum” yeshiva. I had a really sick guy in my class and he brought down everyone he came in contact with. The thing is from the outside he looked like the sweetest kid, he had a good sense of humor so people liked him. Then once he feels “close” to you he introduced you to pornography. This guy used to steal porn and beer from delis and bring them to school. Then by recess he’d go with guys and show it to them.

The school didn’t even know he was this bad, they strongly suspected he was up to no good but at most they thought it was movies and music and they did know he was a chutzpinyak and had 0 respect for a Rebbe and that’s what eventually got him kicked out, he cursed out our Rebbe to his face for kicking him out of class.

I learned some very sick things from this kid which had a serious effect on me in my teenage years. Baruch Hashem it didn’t destroy me but it took its toll.

Such kids are a cancer and schools have to be extrememly vigilant. You don’t get it, 1 kid can destroy 10’s of kids or seriously rob them of their innocence.

For all those who think I don’t get it, I get it. I get it all too well because in my life I was exposed to such kids. They are literally like a cancer.

The world is not like it once was. Today you can ruin an innocent kid with a magazine or a short video clip on a phone or ipod. schools can’t sit on their hands and “mull it over” for weeks and months. They must take decisive action.

I’m not saying kick a kid to the curb but a bad kid must be transferred to a different school, one cut out for troubled kids.

Again, in 5 minuted a kids entire innocence and value system can be robbed from him. That’s why its SO HARD to be a mechanech today. We don’t even realize the odds they are up against.