WIY

Shticky Guy

I dont know who you tested, but any truly Chashuveh person should at least know perush hamilos, (if not in depth mefarshim on Davening) not to say that they arent good Jews, but if they can stomach Davening everyday to Hashem and not knowing what they are saying, there most be something missing with their “chashivuskeit.”

Shticky Guy

I can translate all of those but its partly because I daven daily with the Artscroll Interlinear Translated Siddur and I have memorized the meaning of many words.

chesedname

“If someone can’t translate davening (I know many can’t) call your elementary school, and ask for your parents tuition back.

This is the first and most important thing they should be teaching!!”

True but they dont teach it or only teach bits and pieces. I am still waiting for my refund lol.

Sacrilege

Its ok we are on the same page 😉

Sacrilege

Men don’t like being whipped.

Sacrilege

But you also get the coolness factor with iphones and Androids, they are touch screen, they have great graphics…

aries2756

Age does not mean that the older person knows more although technically an older person should know more its far from being the rule. Intelligence is something that you are born with. Its up to the person to use that potential. I have seen young kids who think deeper than many adults and can put them to shame.

Trying my best

Age has little bearing on the value of the comments that people make. If someone speaks Torah truth I respect their statement. If someone is 65 years old but spouts am haaratzus and apikorsus I will not respect the statement and will feel free to attempt to correct the person or at least clarify the subject for the others who are reading and think that the person may know what he or she is talking about because of their age.

Age is NOT an accurate barometer for intelligence, knowledge or maturity. Yes technically an older person should be wiser more mature and more knowledgeable but it isnt always the case. Especially in areas of Torah where you have people who are past middle age who rarely opened a Halacha, Hashkafa or Mussar sefer in their lives. There are plenty of 50 year old children out there.

eclipse

What I wrote is based on a famous story with Rav Moshe Feistein. Yes reality is that a parent can do more harm then good for their child without even realizing it.

From Revach.net

Rav Moshe Feinstein – ‘Siz Gut Tzu Zein Ah Yid!

The Meoros HaShabbos tells a story of someone who once posed the following difficult question to Rav Moshe Feinstein. In the early part of the last century if one wanted to be Shomer Shabbos, he would very often need to find a new job on Sunday, after being fired for not coming to work the previous day. Nevertheless there were many Giborei Koach who passed this Nisayon and were moseir nefesh to keep Shabbos despite the hardship. How is it possible that many of these courageous Yidden had children who went of the derech, even as conditions for a Yid considerably improved as the community grew, with the influx of European Jews after the war?

Rav Moshe’s answer is heartbreaking but something we need to learn from. Rav Moshe said that this all depended on what the child saw in the house on the holy day of Shabbos. If he saw his father, the worn out warrior, bemoaning his terrible fate and worrying about his future, then despite his mesiras nefesh his child learned the lesson that being a Shomer Torah U’Mitzvos is torturous. If we feel that “Shver tzu zein ah Yid”, our children may opt for the easy life despite our decision to serve Hashem in light of the difficulty. However if the father came to Shabbos glowing, feeling fortunate to be able to bask in his Creator’s warmth on this special day, even at the expense of his job, this child understood that Shabbos is very special, and it is a priceless privilege to be part of the fold.

Our children are watching carefully. Not only our words but also our body language. What we feel is important and Geshmack is what they will come to value. Happiness screams louder than words. Enjoy Hashem, enjoy Shabbos, enjoy Yom Tov, enjoy learning, enjoy giving tzedoka, and make it enjoyable for them too. If torah and mitzvos are a burden, in today’s day and age there are plenty of alternatives and they are readily available, Rachmana Litzlan. When we grew up it was enough to “Enjoy Coca Cola” but today they want more. It isn’t a trick, Diracheha Darkei Noam. But we ourselves need to believe it and feel it before we can pass it down to them. Oy es iz gut tzu zein ah yid!

eclipse

Im not a marriage counselor nor am I married so I cant say for a fact what would make someone unsuited as a spouse but there are certain basic traits that cause most marriage problems.

Being selfish or uncompromising

Insensitive to others

Anger issues

Control issues

Low self esteem (depends how low) or lack of confidence in self an abilities

Overly critical or judgmental

Unforgiving (bearing grudges)

Aloofness or closed emotionally

Unable to admit wrong or apologize

Disloyal or untrustworthy

I could go on, but since you were once married you can answer a lot better than I can and Im sure you know that many of the things I mentioned can be major factors in marriage so if any has a problem in the above areas it must be worked on before marriage.

I think all humans to some extent have anger issues although there are certainly those who have extreme issues of anger or rage.

Theres a wonderful sefer called Haseir Kaas Milibecha that was translated into English the Hebrew English version is called Remove Anger from Your Heart(the Hebrew is on one side and the English on the opposite facing side so you can learn the Hebrew and when you get stuck go to the English or just read the English if that suits you)

Something that personally helped me is the following:

I think this and remind myself about this a few times a day especially when I feel myself getting annoyed with someone or something…

Parshas Kedoshim: Arizal – How Can We Possibly Love People Who Have Wronged Us?

The Arizal says that before davening one must have in mind to fulfill the mitzva of loving every Jew. What is the connection asks Rav Shimshon Pincus Zt”l. He explains that if we believe that everything that happens to us, whether pleasant or otherwise, comes from Hashem than the people who deliver Hashem’s will are simply puppets. We therefore harbor no resentment against people who have wronged us.

If we want Hashem to answer our tefillos we need to acknowledge that he is the master of our fate and there is no better way to prove we believe that than to love everybody regardless of what they have or haven’t done to you.

(From Revach.net)

abcdefg

“That is not usually the case at the beginning of a marriage. A young couple supporting themselves and getting married at a youngish age are not often able to afford a maid.”

Most young couples get cleaning help or something for a few hours once a week at the minimum.

blinky

You for got the regular Murphy’s law:

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

eclipse you are right.

However I hope that you are having your child counseled by a social worker or psychologist…its a nutty world out there and it doesnt take long for a troubled teen to end up on drugs, or to do something worse that cant be taken back I wont be more explicit but you know what I mean. A troubled teen boy is “halb a tzara” a troubled teen girl is a big problem because they have very low self esteem and they will look to the boys attention for self esteem. Dont think it cant happen to your daughter as its happened to 100’s of girls from frum homes as young as 14 and 15 years old.

Eclipse

There are certain flaws that get in the way of finding a spouse or keeping one. Those need to be worked on no matter how long it takes and if its taking really long its likely that the person isn’t going about it the best way. Its not easy to change bad habits or middos but if one is persistent and throws themselves behind the self improvement project they can change a middah in a matter of months. In essence its about changing how you think which leads to how feel and how you act….

Sacrilege

Is gatherer a euphemism for “taker?”

Good Jew

Are these in brand new condition and recent publications or are we talking old prints and old typesetting…?

WolfishMusings

You can do Teshuvah, you can come to the point where you regret it and then you can do Teshuvah. I know from personal experience that there were things I did that took me a long time to get to the point where I sincerely regretted it. A person has to work on getting close to Hashem. Our purpose in life, if we were to sum it up in one sentence is to get close to Hashem. The closer you get to Hashem the more remorse you will have for having done things that are against His will.

WolfishMusings

With that mindset you will never improve and never even try to do Teshuvah because you think you are a lost case.

Rabbi Nachman M’Breslav says, “Im ata ma’amin sh’ykholim lekalkel, ta’amin sh’yecholim letaken”

The worst thing in the world is Yiush. You sound like you have given up. This is the most powerful tool of the Yetzer Hara. Anyone can change and its never too late. Until you are dead. (Even after death actually, a son can be Mezakeh the father.)

The point is no matter what you did, Hashem still accepts Teshuvah if its sincere. Learn the sefer Shaarei Teshuvah of the Rabbeinu Yonah (with the English translation)

blinky

Lol ok I have that one many times on this site!