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Ask a Rov
coffee addict
Sadly yes. It breaks my heart that an organization thats saving the lives of OUR CHILDREN is struggling to stay open and is on the verge of closing. People donate tons of money to Yeshivos so they can build fancy buildings yet an organization which is so vital in saving Jewish kids neshamos cant get a $10 donation out of people!
HaLeiVi
Yes you are 100% in control, your body and mind are very relaxed and at peace and you are open to suggestion, however you are THERE the whole time, I remember the experience exactly and theres no way I would have accepted anything that didnt agree with my beliefs. You are in a higher state of consciousness which allows you to change certain negative emotions and feelings about certain things from your past or certain things you do. For example they can get you to quit smoking….but it only works if you accept what the hypnotist says and want to sincerely quit smoking. If you mentally resist what the hypnotist is saying to you it will be a waste of both his/her and your time.
If you are bored, bring an inspirational Jewish book to work and read it or browse articles on Aish.com or other Torah websites, or even listen to a Shiur.
adorable
“reading this post makes me thing that you can just do whatever you want and then do teshuva when you are done”
That is technically true. Hashem always accepts Teshuvah when it is sincere, however the mussar sefarim say or rather quote(I believe the Gemara says it first) that “One who says I will sin and then do Teshuvah” his Teshuvah is not accepted, but if one sins by accident or even on purpose because they couldnt control their Yeitzer Harah but regret it sincrely and did a real Teshuvah as outlined by the Rambam in Hilchos Teshuvah, then his/her Teshuvah is accepted 10000%
“The purpose of Cheesed is to do a kindness for the person, enabling someone to be more lazy or to become a user is not a chessed and in fact is a non chessed to the person. It is not beneficial for the person. So you haven’t done a chessed and in fact you have been cruel to the person and made your own middos worse.
I understand that Chessed is to help someone but isn’t a part of Chessed about improving ones middos? Even if they don’t actually need the help, why would I be “harming” (and not improving) my own middos by helping?”
Basically, if your act of “kindness” is not beneficial for the person you are doing it for, then it doesnt improve your middos either. If the person you are doing the favor for has developed a sickness that they use others or are lazy, by you doing them a “favor” you just enable them to continue being sick. You are “feeding” their sickness, not helping them and therefore your middos are not improving, Aderabbah what you have done can even be an Aveirah.
Sister Bear
Thank you for the welcome back!
I have spoken to a few professional hypnotists who have been in the business for many years. Additionally I have been hypnotized a few times and did extensive googling on the subject. Feel free to disagree, but doing thorough research will turn up exactly what I have said.
bombmaniac
Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.
Sister Bear
Do some more research about Hypnotism, theres a lot of confusion and misconceptions about it.
During hypnosis the subject is in control at all times, they are fully conscious and recall everything that happened during hypnosis. They will not and can not do anything they dont agree to do. It is just a state of relaxation where the mind is more open to suggestion.
A hypnotist cant FORCE anyone to do ANYTHING they dont want to do. So if someone does something against Halacha under hypnosis they would be responsible.
basket of radishes
The truth is other than Lubavitch shluchim (who were told by their Rebbe Zatzal to do so) there arent many people who would sacrifice to that extent to go do outreach in an out of the way place in the boondocks. Its extremely difficult to raise a family in these places and most frum Jews want to live in a city that has a vibrant Jewish community. Another point is that not everyone is dynamic to that extent that they can go to some place and just flip the place over and do Kiruv on a large scale.
If you want a better or more knowledgeable answer, call up Aish, Ohr Sameiach Gateways or Project Inspire and ask them. Im sure they will be able to answer you.
Goq
Thanks! Im glad you are doing well! BH!
Nobody has a right to mock you for answering “good” although it doesn’t sound like you were mocked but rather cticized.
The Goq
I don’t know what is going on in your personal life, but there are plenty of ways to feel more upbeat. Whenever I feel down I think of how fortunate I am to have all the blessings Hashem gave me. Nebach I saw a teenage boy who was blind. I Baruch Hashem have my eyesight. We complain about inconveniences and make a big fuss about nothing. Just look at crippled kids and blind kids and it will make you appreciate your blessings.
Another thing to think about is how fortunate you are that Hashem created you as a Jew. You have a holy Neshama that can cling to its creator and have a close relationship to its creator and to do His holy mitzvos.
Middlepath
The outside can only influence the inside when the inside isn’t resisting and the inside wants what the outside is doing, it just isn’t “holding” there yet but is trying to feel like what you are doing on the outside.
Mitch shelo lishma bah lishma is only effective if your intention is on the bah lishmah. If you don’t contemplate and work internally to get to the lishmah it wont happen.
There’s plenty info on google. Just avoid anything dealing with “energy” type of healing because they all involve kochos hatumah.
YW Moderator-42
2 B or not 2 B that is the question
S2021
If she did Aveiros, and di Teshuvah on them good for her. Baruch Hashem, but that’s not the ideal. You are a hero that you fought the nisyonos and didn’t cave in. That makes you mighty. Baruch Hashem she was able to come back. Not everyone has that Mazel. Who knows if you would have been able to come back and do Teshuvah?
Either way, bottom line is she did Aveiros and did things against Hashems will, you should never wish that you could have done the same. It is a mistake to look at her current life and say, “look, you can do blank blank whatever, and then everything turns out alright.”
Everyones life has its own cheshbon. If you haven’t met your “Geshmake Kollel guy” yet that doesn’t mean he’s not going to come into your life in the very near future. Keep Davening and keep having Bitachon in Hashem. You should actually be thankful that Hashem gave you the strength and guided you on the right path so that you didn’t dirty your neshama. You have every reason to be proud of yourself and you should know tha overcoming Nisyonos is the purpose of life and the path to growth. I have no doubt that in the zchus of your overcoming your Nisyonos Hashem will have mercy on you and give you a zivug Hagun Bshaah Tovah Umitzlachas.
kapusta
Thanks for the welcome back! Not sure how long Ill be around…but im enjoying myself so far…
The purpose of Cheesed is to do a kindness for the person, enabling someone to be more lazy or to become a user is not a chessed and in fact is a non chessed to the person. It is not beneficial for the person. So you haven’t done a chessed and in fact you have been cruel to the person and made your own middos worse.
Does this make sense?
If all the info is good and only the name bothers you then at least go out once. Then if you find that she’s not for you at least you have a valid reason to say no.
HaLeiVi
Writing isnt mutar lchatchila either, it is only permissible in rare cases that are a shas hadchak where it is a very important issue and necessary.
MiddlePath
The key is to learn what Chessed is. A person has an obligation to do chessed, although how much is very subjective and depends on who you are and your madreigah and free time….
One thing that many people dont know is that its not a chessed to help someone who doesnt really need your help at all and can do the thing on their own but are just lazy and want someone else to do it for them or help them. It isnt a chessed to enable someone to be a user.
PBA
I asked the asktherabbi (gateways) if it is muter to text during Shacharis and this was his answer:
Personally, during Shacharis I think that it is forbidden at all points in davening because it is a cause of hesech haDa’as. At the very least I do not see how it can considered to be less than talking and it should be forbidden for all the moments that talking is forbidden.
observanteen
Hashem is the mezaveig zivugim. He makes the shidduchim, so regardless of how things appear, He arranges it that people marry the right one. Then we go ahead and mess it up many times….
There are plenty of cases of BT girls or guys and people from other non typical backgrounds that married into regular frum families and didnt have to “settle.”
You really cant know why your friend cried, it could be that she feels she may never get what you got or just going to a lchayim or the like brings up too many painful emotions.
Either way, I would say for ALL KALLAHS. You are likely bringing jealousy and a very big ayin hara on yourselves when you gush and go on and on about your engagement. Its great for you to be excited and happy but be sensitive to the single girls, especially the ones getting older…
adorable
Well there are plenty of non wheelchair bound people who get treated like garbage on a regular basis. The obligation of treating people properly has nothing to do with whether they are physically handicapped or not. If you have good Middos you treat all people properly, if you dont, then you only treat those who you consider “on your level” or “worthy of your respect” properly and everyone else can go jump in a lake.
wellmeaning busybody
You were the one who wrote LOL I only said lol in lower case 🙂
adorable
I learned many things Baruch Hashem, one of the things I learned is that the more you learn the more you realize that theres so much to know 😉
whatrutalkingabt
what are you talking about? 🙂
Yummy cupcake
This thread is going from bad to worse. You are judging all guys based on the story of what someone wrote on a thread in a blog which may or may not be true, and even if true, may not have been at all as described, and even if it is as described there can be numerous reasons why it would only apply to these guys.
You know that its HIGHLY unlikely that even a large minority of guys are like this. Boys in shidduchim who are 22 and up are generally mature enough and sensitive enough to know how to treat someone who is slow. Im frightened to think that anyone is actually thinking that this is typical for the way guys in their 20s behave. Get a grip on reality.
Happiest
I would like to add that even if these 10 boys acted as they did, that doesn’t give anyone the right to paint all guys with the same brush. Maybe its a group of guys who know this guy and maybe he is very difficult to deal with. There’s no way I can accurately judge this story without hearing both sides at the minimum and im certainly sure that you, being a girl were not sitting with the guys and not knowing the histories they have with this boy really have no right to judge them.
Again even if they were 100% wrong this doesn’t mean all guys or even most guys are like this. Correct me if im wrong, but I sense that this “slow guy” may be a relative or close family friend of yours which makes you even more biased if true. So really, its best not to judge others ever because we never know the whole story. Trust me as much as we may know we can never know the whole story.
PBA:
I actually think low self esteem is a lot worse than an individual bad middah because if a person suffers from low self esteem or rather very low (because we all suffer from low self esteem to some degree except maybe a few Gedolim here and there) it takes over the persons personality and effects all their thoughts, feelings and decisions and middos. Having low self esteem and acting a certain way because of it does not negate the notion that the person has bad middos. Self esteem issues does not give anyone a right to have temper tantrums and treat others like trash. Its not an excuse to do what you want.
However self esteem can be built up by working on ones middos. The process of working on middos and building ones self control leads one to have a greater sense of self respect and self esteem is the result of having a healthy dose of self respect.
Another point about Middos. We are all born with good middos and bad middos. It is our job in life to use our good middos to build up our bad ones and perfect the bad ones through that process. So no there’s no such thing as a person who doesn’t have bad middos. Just some have worse middos than others, and some middos are just very glaring and in your face like arrogance or anger…and some people hide their flaws well but those close to them are well aware of them.
am yisrael chai
????-????? ??????-?????, ???? ??????-?????, ???????? ???????????, ???-????????; ?????????? ?????? ?????? ??????, ??? ????????, ?????-???, ????-???????.
5 For a child is born unto us, a son is given unto us; and the government is upon his shoulder; and his name is called Pele-joez-el-gibbor-Abi-ad-sar-shalom;
From Mechonmamre.org
on the ball
How about Eldad and Meydad giving Nevuah about Misas Moshe Rabbeinu and Yehoshua leading Klal Yisroel into Eretz Yisroel?
PBA
Thanks lol. Baruch Hashem I’ve shtieged over the year and its even less nogeiah now then before.
Mewho
You sound like you are from the group that wants it covered up. The kids are the targets! Maybe someone should tell them?!
Happiest
I agree with you 100% as well. It is rampant and it is covered up and very little is being done about it. The only thing left is for parents to educate their kids I don’t care how old they are a 3 year old is old enough to understand. You explain in simple terms not to go ANYWHERE secluded with ANYONE, even if hes frum and even if he looks like a Rebbe…not into a car not into a room…and that nobody has a right to touch them in places “private places” and if someone tries to then make sure to tell Totty/Daddy and Mommy about it immediately no matter what the man…said.
Real-brisker
I think that although on some level it may appear untznius, it tactually benefits many women who just don’t realize what dressing tznius requires, as well as how detrimental their lack of dressing tznius is for themselves and for the men they cause to stumble. If anything, the issue of tznius in our communities is not talked about enough.
Thanks for the welcome back! I have missed this place and all of you, but I know Im better off limiting my time here for various reasons. I may be in and out from time to time but I don’t think Ill be a “regular” like I once was.
Chein
Firstly, there are many blogs and im not sure all of theim are necessarily in the wrong. Yes, its hard to stomache but many of these bloggers are speaking about real problems in our co/munities that are not being dealt with. They have a right to be angry and frustrated over valid problems that are not being addressed. However on the other hand there are many bloggers who go WAY overboard and say crazy things and speak in ways that a frum Yid may not speak and use words a frum Yid may not use. So in many cases I think you make a valid point. Yes many Jewish blogs are disgusting and full of Apikursus and Gedolim bashing as well as foul language, malicious lies and what not.
Unfortunately, there are many people who either didn’t receive a proper education, have been overly exposed to secular thoughts and media or have issues with Yiddishkiet because they feel Hashem gave them a raw deal or whatever the case may be and it has caused them to become r disenfranchised, otten and miserable.
I really don’t think there’s anything that can be done but people should be warned to avoid these blogs because just reading the topics and comments…can have a bad effect on ones emunah and yiras shomayim. There’s a big mistake people make. While American law states that there is” freedom of speech” (which is actually becoming less and less free as the days go by) the Torah does NOT believe in the concept of freedom of speech and in fact there are many Issurim Deoyraysoh that deal with speech such as taking Hashems names in vain, Loshon Hora, Rechilus, Onaos Devarim, Issurim involving nedarim and shevuous….in Judaism speech is sacred so is the written word and we have an obligation to do our part to keep the Torah to the best of our abilities.
Yolk
Iyov is a sefer that connotes suffering and the struggle for faith in Hashem. It is a sefer subject to many interpretations and meanings. The Gemara in Bava Basra (14b) says that Moshe Rabbeinu wrote Sefer Iyov. The Malbim explains that Moshe wrote Sefer Iyov to comfort Bnei Yisrael from the burden of their immense suffering in the crucible of Mitzrayim. Moshe Rabbeinu had struggled with the paradox of the suffering of the righteous and the prosperity of the wicked from the time he ventured out from the luxury of Pharaoh’s palace. It was then that he first became aware of his brothers’ suffering and joined in their pain. Moshe Rabbeinu, with his compassionate heart, became consumed with the question of why the righteous suffer. When he had the opportunity to request what he most wanted from Hashem, understanding this mystery was his second request. (His first request was that the Hashem should rest His Shechinah exclusively on Bnei Yisrael until the end of time. This request was granted.) Chazal tell us that Moshe’s request to understand the meaning of suffering was not granted. However, there are many opinions of when Iyov lived, only one of which is consistent with the time of Moshe, which is that he lived at the time of the meraglim. Others believe that Iyov was one of the Jews who returned to Eretz Yisrael from Bavel, and he lived in Tiverya. There are other opinions that he lived at the time of the Shoftim, the time of Achashverosh, the time of the reign of Sheba, the time of the Chaldeans, and the time of Yaakov Avinu. Those who believed he lived at the time of Yaakov Avinu, such as the Targum, say that he married, Dinah, Yaakov’s daughter.
All of the opinions agree that Iyov was Jewish, except for the one who asserts that he lived in the time of Yaakov. Iyov could not have received nevuah if he had been a non-Jew, since, as mentioned above, Moshe had davened that the Shechinah rest only on Bnei Yisrael -a request that had been answered. However, in the time of Yaakov, non-Jews were still able to receive nevuah. The opinion that Iyov was non-Jewish stated that Iyov descended to the world in order to receive reward. However, when Hashem caused him to suffer, Iyov began to blaspheme. Hashem then granted him double reward in this world to keep him from the next world. There is one opinion in the Gemara that Iyov never existed at all; he was a parable. However, this opinion is unanimously rejected because of the detailed account of his name and location. The Pachad Yitzhak quotes Rav Hai Gaon that this opinion means that Iyov’s sole purpose in life was as a parable. People will learn from him to trust in Hashem during difficult times and maintain a belief that Hashem could change their fortunes for the better in the future. The Vilna Gaon expounds that the purpose of Iyov’s existence was for mankind to learn a lesson in the proper way of accepting suffering. Additionally, we learn that man cannot judge Hashem, whose ways are complete justice. Hashem’s ways may seem harsh at times, but a human being who is light years away from the loftiness of Hashem, cannot even begin to understand Hashem’s ways. Unfortunately, the enigma of what seems to be the absence of justice in this world has been responsible for many turning away from a belief in Kal Rachum Vechanan. Iyov, of whom Hashem Himself attested to his great tziddkus and faith, was unable to come to terms with his suffering on one hand, and his belief in the compassion of Hashem, on the other hand. Instead of choosing to believe that he was unable to fathom Hashem’s ways, he chose to believe that Hashem was not involved in his day to day affairs. In his eyes, Hashem was too lofty to micro-manage the small details of a humble human being’s life. Ultimately, he reached the conclusion that mankind is subject to the whims of nature and astronomy, and his life had been fated to be one of suffering. Fortunately, his friend Elihu convinced him of the truth -that Hashem controls every detail of mankind’s fate, that Hashem is merciful, and that we as humans are not capable of understanding the cheshbonos of Hashem.
From Revach.net
Hi Its been a while since I contributed I hope everyone is doing great!
ilovetheholyland
Please face reality and realize that many guys are by nature a little unpolished and may not realize that their middos need work. Its not that these guys are intrinsically bad, they just don’t get it. Maybe nobody ever taught them about these things. Unfortunately they don’t focus on middos and chessed in most yeshivos unlike like they do in Bais Yaakovs and guys can end up being really insensitive by the time they hit shidduchim age.
You may not want to hear this but one of the reasons of marriage is to make a mentch out of the guy. Marriage is meant to teach guys to be kind, loving, generous…
Yes there are guys who Baruch Hashem have worked on their middos before marriage, but still guys are guys that’s how we are, we need to learn how to be more sensitive and the only way we learn that is by being married to a nice sensitive girl who can help us bring out the best in ourselves and reach our true potential.
On the other hand, don’t be so fast to judge these guys, maybe they had a little too much too drink which may have affected their conduct. Please be dan them lkaf zchus.
Additionally, we shouldn’t be so tough on others because we aren’t perfect either and while they may have a problem in one area, you may have a glaring problem in another and you wouldn’t want some guy writing a thread on a forum about a chisaron he saw in you.
Be Happy
This inyan is very complicated and its best to ask a Rav because there are so many factors that come in to play with Brachos like Shinuy Makom, Hefsek, Shiur for Bracha Achrona, if the food/drink was eaten within the zman of Bracha Achrona like Kdei Shtiyas Reviis or Kdei Achilas Pras, Sheilos of Brachos Levatalos and Sheino Tzrichos.
PLEASE ASK YOUR RAV!
PB
“WIY
No, No, No, Never tried.
You see to me it’s a recreation activity. Just because you like/enjoy doing something whether it is cooking, playing games, talking to people, does not mean you are a slave to doing so.”
Technically true, but sports becomes more than that. You begin to “idolize” the players and take sports seriously as though it were actually something that mattered a “Ki Hu Zeh.”
I know people who scream and curse when their team is down they get all riled up…and then get really down and sad if not depressed when their team loses, or gets out of the playoffs or whatever. If thats not Avdus I dont know what is.
PB
“WIY
I didn’t mean it in a bad way! That’s good to hear!
Though, I don’t get why your bringing in “Shelo Asani Eved”.
I follow whats going on, but I don’t consider myself a “slave” to it.”
Anyone who follows sports consistently becomes a slave to it to a certain extent. I dont know your level of involvement but
1. Do you watch your team’s every football game or listen to it on the radio?
2. If you miss the game for whatever reason are you upset or anxious to know what happened?
3. Do you try really hard to find out who won, the score the details…?
4. Can you go a week not watching or talking about sports?
You dont have to answer but most sports fans are Avadim to some extent.
PB
I choose to shelter myself. So yes I’m sheltered. I don’t watch TV, movies, listen to non Jewish music, read non Jewish news papers and magazines or follow sports. I rarely even listen to am news radio or talk radio. Baruch Hashem I can say “Shelo asani eved” every morning and mean it!
1. Striving to gain closeness to G-d (through striving to fear and love G-d. Avoiding aveiros…)
2. Loving all mankind and loving your friend as yourself
3. Being a light unto the nations.
Sacrilege
“I am for the right to bear arms.”
Thats not Tzniusdig.
Why dont you make Hamotzi already so we know what you are trying to say?!