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Zahavasdad
“So if a person is healthy but brings a Sefer to learn under the Chuppah (During the “break”)
Im not sure what you mean. Who brings a Sefer to learn under the chuppah unless he is an eid or something and they know that the mesader kiddushin is running late and isn’t there yet…
or a person is healthy but Learns a bit during Chazareth HasHatz (Between the Baruch Hoo and the Amens) its a good idea and shows he loves of learning.
Many people dont know that this is assur.
How about bring a Sefer in the car and opening it up at a Red Light (Ive seen this done too) when stopped”
This person is a shoiteh and endangering himself and others. I have never seen this but if I did I would not be impressed, I would probably tell the person something if possible.
I don’t think you need me to tell you that there are times when bringing a Sefer is appropriate and times when it isn’t. If you want to point out that there are extremists out there and people who don’t know how to judge what is and isn’t appropriate then I wont argue there are people like that. But most people who take a Sefer wherever they go and use it when appropriate are chashuveh masmidim and I have a lot of respect for such people.
Zahavasdad
Ki Heim Chayeinu Veorech Yameinu.
Most people I know are addicted to breathing. Well Torah is the same way. The Gedolim recognize the value of Torah and therefore don’t waste a second. An addiction is a negative thing, if someone learns to the point that they neglect their health and hygiene I would say that they have developed an addiction or compulsion…but if a person lives a healthy life and loves to learn and doesn’t waste his time, that’s a healthy yid not an addict.
Minyan gal and bpt
There’s enough divorce in our society already. Mostly because people are willing to work through their problems. Divorce should always be a last resort. Its not a quick fix…
deiyezooger
Sometimes a person can be inspired to change when they get clarity by speaking to those who have hit bottom or seeing a video about that…
People often don’t see the consequences of their actions, but there are ways that it can be shown to people.
Oomis
Thanks 🙂
GeshmakMan
“My friend taught me a General Rule of Thumb….If you are to em to walk into a place wearing a Yarmulka, then you shouldn’t be there at all.”
This rule would only work one one who has not compromised on his morals. One who has a strong mussar and hashkafa background and hasnt already attended places he shouldn’t. Once one has broken that boundary it can no longer be used as a barometer for where one should or shouldn’t go. A better idea is to picture your Rav or Rebbe in front of you and ask yourself, “would he be proud of me that I attended this venue or would I be embarrassed if he knew or at least would prefer he not know…?”
Mosherose
Im not sure if you are a troll or just a young boy needing guidance.
Chazals words are all extremely deep and cloaked with many layers of meaning. It is am haaratzus to take a line of chazal without seeing the meforshim and knowing what it means in depth. Chazal never intended Al Tarbeh to be a cause of Shalom Basis issues, if anything, most people are too busy these days to actually have a quality chat with their wife. Your wife is supposed to be your best friend. Ishto Kegufo! Your wife is like your own body! She is a part of you or rather she is you! You are 2 halves of one soul.
Wolf
“It is a basic tenet of Judaism (and there are also scores of examples in Jewish history and literature) that ANY evildoer can repent and achieve atonement for his sins however many or degraded they are.
Except Acher, of course.”
Everyone can do Teshuvah and even Acher was able to do Teshuvah, the Bas Kol was a Nisayon for him and he was not supposed to listen to it. Had he done Teshuvah it would have been accepted. Even one who has done things that are Chayyiv Kareis can do Teshuvah and be forgiven. However we must remember that Teshuvah isnt as simple as saying “Im sorry.” We throw around the word Teshuvah not recognizing that it requires absolute sincerity and a real change in the person. Nobody can fool Hashem.
Derek Hamelech
If I were you I would not recommend people take off Yarmulkes. A Yarmulke is a testament and reminder to the wearer that there is a G-d above him. By taking off your Yarmulke its like telling yourself “Hashem isn’t here he can’t see me now Im flying under the radar and can get away with this because I took off my Yarmulke so now Im not Jewish so the not Jewish guy whoever he is did this but me, I DIDN’T DO THIS” its a way of lying to yourself and trying to make your conscience feel better. If you know you have to wear a Yarmuulka the whole time maybe you wont end up going into the movie theater in the first place!
Basket
I second Kapusta on 8th day. You should also look into Israeli music there are many good religious Israeli artists like Chaim Yisroel,Ohad, Itzik Eshel, Gad Elbaz, Ben Snof, Meidad Tasa (I like his older stuff better)
you can test out many things for free on mostly music, or watch free clips on youtube (I am not recommending youtube but if you use it anyways you might as well use it for a good cause)
Maybe even try out matisyahu and the group akapella it may be for you.
Fiu
Firstly, she will need to want to be helped. You can’t help someone who doesn’t care or doesn’t think they have a problem or doesn’t feel the need to change.
If your friend is ready to take action, here’s a great place to start.
basket of radishes
You can go to mostlymusic.com and listen to samples from many different Jewish singers and of various genres of Jewish music. That should help you narrow down what you like.
I stopped listening to no Jewish music a few years back and I must tell you that although I no longer have a desire to listen, whenever I am in a non Jewish supermarket I find that I have a real struggle not to listen to the music. Once you get some things into your system its very hard to get them out.
I honestly dont think anyone 100% normal can do such a thing however I cant accurately say what specifically is wrong with him. But that brain is not a normal one.
BTW does it matter if we think he is crazy or not? Our opinion will not be asked by the jury or the judge. So why are we bothering with all these threads?
The last Rebel
I dont know, all I can say is that I used to smoke a # of years ago and once I quit I realized how selfish and arrogant it had made me and had to work hard to change.
Smokers really dont get it how non smokers hate the smell of cigarette smoke and it really bothers them yet they will insist on smoking near them or smoke next to open windows or even in shuls and bathrooms and stink up a place. Smoking is a selfish habit and self destructive at the same time. Quit as soon as possible for your own sake.
Ender
In such a case where the men and women are separate I am sure that it would be ok. Inter-gender schmoozing is inappropriate and leads to problems even though these days it is “accepted” in most circles.
Fix-it-up
I have heard that it is better for young couples (at least first few years of marriage) to avoid this.
The problem is that it leads to comparisons. You compare your spouse to your friends, how they look, act, interact, cook whatever its not a good idea and bizman hazel with things being the way they are people should really avoid it.
Sascha bchachma
Don’t date a smoker. Unless you can confirm that he only smokes socially and that he is not an addicted smoker. It is very hard to stop and its a disgusting habit that reveals a lot about a persons character.
The last Rebel
Im a guy but I will answer for the girls. The reason there’s a shidduch crisis is because there are way more good girls than good boys out there. The fact is, i know many people who smoke and although some of them are good people many of them are arrogant and aloof and selfish or have an attitude. There I said it. Now attack me for stating the truth.
Beingbusy
You have no authority to say that. Unfortunately there are crazy people in the world even crazy Jewish people. His mind is messed up that doesn’t prove he has a Yichus issue. He’s a criminally insane person, he was a ticking time bomb. There are probably others like him out there and I hope they are rooted out before they do anything to anyone.
Bombmaniac
Mesirah is not assur with a child molester. The only option of doing justice and keeping kids safe is to get them off the streets and that’s by doing Mesirah. We as a community are not equipped with any way of stopping abuse, however if one with an abusive nature knows that we will have no mercy and hand him over to the police it can help prevent many cases of abuse. Additionally we do need to do what we can as far as educating children and putting up surveillance cameras in Shuls, schools…
Msseeker
I think the tznius issue is part of a general lowering of standards issue which I believe has a lot to do with how much we are influenced by the non Jewish world. Im pretty sure that a family that doesn’t watch movies, doesn’t read non Jewish newspapers or books and magazines and stays away from non Jewish music and anything else that’s influenced by the non Jewish velt like Disney stuff……will likely have women and girls who dress Tzniusdik. The idea to wear those crazy shaitels does not enter a pure mind, same thing with wearing certain clothing.
Its odd that there seems to be a mistaken double standard in that men have to stay away from all the shmutz and shouldn’t watch movies…but its ok for girls to do so. I know of many “frum” families that don’t let their boys watch movies…but the girls are allowed to and they take the girls to broadway shows and let them read novels magazines…
If you fill a girls head with trash she will view herself as trash and become trashy. Its obvious that non Jewish girls have very low self esteem and think that they should be objects of desire as is promoted by Hollywood and the media that they are so absorbed in. A Jewish girl who is involved with non Jewish media and entertainment will come to the same “conclusion” about herself. We need to guard our senses so that we have pure minds and don’t act like the immoral people of the world.
Adorable
Your story with your friend that took months to get over it, how many dates did they actually have?
Zahavasdad
Actually, since all of klal Yisroel accepted arvus (responsibility) for each other at Har Sinai, any aveira any Jew does brings down the rest of us. Unlike the non Jews we are 1 nation one family one soul, in Shomayim all of Klal Yisroel is considered one soul and we are responsible for each other. So if one Jew doesn’t keep Shabbos he brings down all Jews. On the same token when we do a Mitzvah we elevate all Jews. Its something to think about before doing an Aveira or Mitzvah.
One who smokes is oiver an issur deoraysoh with every puff. No question about it. Dating a smoker means you are dating a guy who doesn’t give a darn about his health. If he doesn’t care about himself, don’t expect him to care about you and the kids…
ronrsr
“Many non-jews participated in the search. YWN reported there was a group of 20 Pakistanis involved in the search.”
That is true and that really moved me. It was comforting to see that there were non Jews who got involved.
outoftownjew
I think (and hope) that after 15 years of marriage you should know your wife well enough to know what she likes. Think about things she has mentioned and pointed out or oohed and ahhed about.
If you can afford it either buy a nice piece of jewelry, maybe theres something she really wants like a certain type of earrings or the like…
If you have the money and the time, go on a vacation with her even for a weekend, spend a few days just the 2 of you.
shev143
No I dont need alcohol to make me happy Baruch hashem, and as for facebook, it has ruined lives, destroyed marriages, lost people jobs, lost people friends, and caused people to kill and commit suicide. But you go ahead using it as long as it makes you happy…
Ragachovers Assistant
His name is Yehuda not Yehuda Leib.
This may be a bit general and every guy is somewhat different in nature but I think if you find that he seems very comfortable around you and he is open about himself and tells you personal things, as well as seems genuinely interested in you then you know he likes you. But these things can’t be seen before a 3rd or 4th date in most cases.
Shev143
Because facebook and alcohol don’t lead to depression?! What moronic advice….
Adorable
I don’t mean to diagnose you but do you think it may be a lack of confidence issue? Also are you generally an anxious person or nervous person?
I second the Goq, thank you YWN. You guys were on top of this story as it unfolded and your coverage was second to none. May we only hear simchos by Klal Yisroel.
happiest
“I’m having a hard time taking extra things upon myself or even davening right now because of all the anger that I feel towards GD right now. I just can’t understand how He could have taken away a 9 yo boy from his family like this… an innocent boy. He must of been so scared. How could He have done that?!?!”
What makes you think you or anyone else for that matter is even remotely capable of understanding Hashem’s ways?
Hashems wisdom is so far beyond a humans that to compare it is ludicrous. He created this world and all it contains and manages it constantly. Try to fathom that He knows the thoughts of every human being, imagine knowing all the thoughts every last one of every second of every day of 10 people at once, now imagine 100, now a 1000…there are approximately 6.5 BILLION people on earth and He knows all of their thoughts, which means at the bare minimum He has more brain power than 6.5 Billion people COMBINED!!! Hashems IQ is infinite.
Our puny minds are so so so so so so far to the infinite power from comprehending G-ds thoughts that we have no place doubting Him. We must live with the knowledge that there are some things we just cant know or understand and never will understand.
Sounds like you place way too much value in unimportant decisions. Its a coffee for goodness sakes!
What I would tell you to do is start focusing on minimizing how much time you give yourself to make such minor decisions (like food and drink and similar). Give yourself a set time on the clock for example 60 seconds or whatever. Nothing way out there…and also accept upon yourself that whatever decision you made is fine and it really isn’t important. It isn’t. Hazelnut, french roast regular? What’s the difference. You like them all just some flavors may taste better or appeal more at other times. But realize that at the end of the day there’s no wrong decision in these areas.
This guy is clearly insane. I doubt he will get a death penalty. The guy showed up to work and acted as if nothing happened. I don’t even think he would be chayiv meesah al pi halacha as he is insane.
A mamin
“THIS IS A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY FOR KLAL YISROEL!!! We need to daven to Hashem to have pity on us!!”
Hashem has pity on us, He has more pity than we can imagine in a Trillion years. Lets stop blaming Hashem for every darned thing!!!! If we acted as we should and stopped harboring and covering up for abusers and molesters this wouldn’t happen.
Happiest
I agree with yankdownunder. As much as a pill can help, the main thing is to learn how to eat healthily and to develop a consistent exercise program that works for you. Pills are only a temporary aid.
I know of a product that is 100% natural that many frum people have taken and it works. Im not able to give you more info here but if you want more info you can ask the mods for my email address. This is a product that really works.
happiest
What do you mean by not herbal?
ZeesKite
You see that a person can be so blinded by his Yetzer Hora that an open miracle can happen before his eyes and it will have zero impact on him. That was the Rishis of Bilaam and that’s the power of Rishis. It can blind us to the point that even open miracles that go against the ways of nature will not effect us once our minds have been made up to do an Aveira.
If you are bored read an inspirational book or watch or listen to a Shiur on TorahAnytime.com
A Jew is never bored. There’s always a Mitzvah you can be doing.
“The comment was not helpful, it was guilt inducing.”
You are right, just keep on texting, in fact why don’t you even text during Kaddish, and Kedusha and while davening shemoneh esrei, whatever your friend is texting you is obviously more important than talking to Hashem….
Popa there’s a fantastic Sefer called Olas Tomid by Rav Shmuel Hominer Zatzal. Learn that Sefer and your appreciation for Davening will greatly change.
Frankly, I think most of these types of questions that people ask come from a lack of understanding what Tefillah…is, as well as a lack of knowledge in the Halachos.
Once a person recognizes that he is standing in Hashems house and speaking directly to HIM he will realize how absurd it is to do anything that has nothing to do with Davening.
If you were unemployed and you got a job interview with an opportunity to make a lot of money if you get the job, would you pull out your phone and text in middle of the interview? Imagine, the interviewer asks you “why do you think you are qualified for the job?” Instead of answering him you just ignore him or even tell him wait a second, and pull out your phone and start texting.
Draw your own conclusion if you got the job…
Real-brisker
I meant for the future so you actually know what to do Halachically.
Zahavasdad
Wow. Do you know that touching a Niddah is assur and may even be an issur Kareis for the boy that she allows to touch her?
Shomer negiah is a big deal!
coffee addict
Well I don’t know if you noticed, but lately every organization has resorted to raffles and chinese auctions to get people to give, or to ridiculous segulos… Old fashioned Tzedakah is just too boring and blah for people these days.
Face reality, we live in very dark times in the Ikvesa Demishicha. Its hard to find true Ehrlich Yidden that feel proud to be Jews and are self motivated to do Mitzvos the way they are meant to be done because its what Hashem wants. People need gimmicks today to do anything these days…
Im not bashing, I agree its sad and there’s a lot that goes on these days that bothers me. Im not happy when I Daven in a Shul and a significant amount of people talk throughout chazaras hashatz and kaddish as if there’s no issue with it. There’s a whole laundry list of things that bother me, but you know what, its not my job to judge them and i cant change them I can change ME. All I can do is try my best to do what Hashem expects of me.
Something I noticed is that many people learn by example to do good just as they do to do wrong. If they see that those around them act in a certain positive way like Daven with Kavana, do chasadim…it rubs off on them and influences them, sometimes it makes them feel guilty and they end up doing the right thing because “if he can do it so can I.”
So dont focus on the negative. If we put all of our energies into spreading light in the world and trying to be a kiddush Hashem wherever we are, there would be a lot less things that will bother us out there…