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Interjection
If a boy is being redt 10 girls at the same time (I have 100s of resumes) and they all sound basically the same from similar homes hashkafos….so I should go on a date with every one of them? Or my parents should quit their jobs and spend the whole day on the phone looking into each girl until they narrow it down? The pictures do a very good job of letting me know if there’s a point to the date and saving my time my parents time and the girls time. We aren’t all looking for “models” we just all have different “taste” in who we find attractive. Its pretty standard to send pictures and most people do it. (I have gotten pictures of Rabbis daughters and very yeshivish girls). The only ones who were reluctant were usually rather unattractive and would rather that their friends lie and say she’s attractive so I would have to find out on the date that I was lied to.
I’m sure they were shorter in their early childhood.
Popa
Not sure this is a joking matter….
torah613613torah
Guys are visual so yes if a girl dresses up…we will notice. Girls work differently or so I have been told 🙂 so what will make a girl notice a guy?
just my hapence
Chassidim (as a whole) don’t do things out of a fashion sense. There is always a reason be it Halacha, Kabbalah or Hashkafa.
iced
1. There is no need to touch a child that is not your son period.
2. I dont think most Rabbeim love their Talmidim anything close to the Rabbeim of previous generations and therefore any touching is really inappropriate.
3. Rabbeim and teachers should be giving compliments and find other ways to show value and make a kid feel good.
4. Yes, due to the fact that some sickos messed it up, we can no longer allow teachers to show physical warmth. You are correct that there may be some small benefit to children by receiving a warm hand on the shoulder or whatever, but you have to change methods due to what is going on. This is just how things work. Whenever there are people taking advantage and doing things wrong, laws and rules must be put in affect that will make things harder for everyone else, but will ultimately be to the benefit of society. DEAL WITH IT.
yentinyenta
Well your house sounds like a fun place and in truth its very difficult for kids to relate to the seriousness of a mitzvah and therefore the gifts and all the other stuff helps them feel excited about Yomtov (I dont know if this is the right approach or not, however I personally think we overemphasize the outer trappings and make too little stress on the importance of the mitzvah and what its all about).
Maybe try to push for singing Maoz Tzur. That may add some meaning for the family. For yourself though to feel “into” any Mitzvah you have to be involved in it. Know what its about and why we are doing it. I think it would be beneficial to think for a minute or 2 before lighting about why we are lighting, and try to feel thankful to Hashem for all the goodness he has done and constantly does for us, and that we live in a country where we can light a Menorah and keep the Torah to our hearts content as opposed to living under the Greeks who made it illegal under the penalty of death to do many of the mitzvos, as well as the Avodah in the beis Hamikdosh and specifically the lighting of the Menorah. You can also dwell on the fact that a little light dispels much darkness. Not only is this true in a physical sense, but it is even more true spiritually. You with your Menorah lighting are doing the will of Hashem and bringing more Godly light into the world and chasing away some of the darkness that is so prevalent in the world today. You are making a difference.
Im glad you have decided to light this year and I hope it will be more meaningful than ever.
Ready now
How is accusing someone without proof an Aveira? If you stole from me but I can’t prove it because I am the only witness I commit an aveira for accusing you when I saw you steal my object?! No logic in this.
Buster
If he is asking for another chance you need to make it clear that it be on your terms. You should also tell the Rav or whomever he listens to if he listens to anyone that is that this will only work and he can only recover if you do this together. Meaning he has to trust you and allow you to help him. If he won’t cooperate and allow you to filter his computer, as well as set up a system where you or the Rav or someone else you can trust can monitor what he views and monitor how much time he spends on it and if he won’t work on himself then there’s no reason for you to stick around. I hate to say this but you need to find a way to get on his “devices ” and see why he spends so much time online. Is he hooked to gaming or is it something much worse? You need to find out. At the end of the day, if he won’t cooperate then you have no marriage and you will just get more and more miserable and he will get more and more addicted (and eventually ruin himself totally jeopardize his career and Yiddishkiet).
I’m just wondering, was he always so problematic or is this recent like the last few years? How long has this been going on?
Yenting
How was it trivialized?
I think you would gain from reading some inspiring divrei Torah on Chanukah and maybe hearing a Shiur on Chanukah. If you are the deep type of person I would recommend Rabbi Akiva Tatz he has a lot on the topic. Or for more down to earth you can try Rabbi Shafier from the Shmuz.
Btw do you sing the maoz Tzur every year? If you don’t maybe try that for this year you and your sisters sing it. Maybe you can even come up with a song and a dance you can do with your sisters that would make it more exciting for them and give it more meaning for everyone involved?
Bustercrown
Every addiction starts out as a bad habit. It is only through repeating that bad habit and allowing it to become ingrained that makes it an addiction and very difficult to change. People can get over addictions. But it takes a lot of therapy hard work, dedication planning support and what not. The addicted person must get that awareness that he is ruining himself utterly and completely and then can begin the long road to recovery. So basically Hashem challenges you with the first drink gamble whatever, 2nd 3rd..and if the person doesn’t stop him or herself it snowballs. Hashem didn’t do this to him, he did it to himself by repeating the negative action to the point of addiction. What he should have done is realize hey I am very strongly pulled to this thing almost like a magnet. I better set up gedarim to protect myself so that I don’t get caught up in this behavior. But sadly most people think they will never get addicted. Like the 20+ year smokers who still think and say that they can quit at anytime. Yeah right. Well that’s basically your answer, Hashem didn’t do it, the person used their bechira to make negative choices and repeated it to the point of addiction.
BaalHabooze
I believe the word you were looking for is Apocalypse.
yentingyenta
I think you should try and psychoanalyze yourself to figure out why you no longer want to light. Do you maybe feel its “boyish, or feminist” or do you feel you are too old, or do you feel like you have no clue what its all about and therefore feel weird doing it? Think it through and get back to us if you like.
always runs with scissors fast
Firstly let me say that my heart goes out to you. I am very sorry that you have suffered so.
You should know that there are many men and women who have addictions. There are certain people who have “addictive personalities” where it is very easy for them to get addicted to things. There are many things in a persons nature or in their upbringing that can lead one to develop dependencies on drugs, alcohol or other types of addictive substances or behaviors. Once someone is addicted it is very difficult to break out of it. Imagine your worst habit x 1000! Its takes a strong hold on a person and constantly pulls them very often taking over their lives and ruining it. Not everyone succeeds at getting over their addictions.
Dont hate him, he isnt a bad person. He probably did not want to hurt you and likely did not do any of it on purpose and to be malicious. You have no idea how much he battled and hard he probably tried to get out of it. Thats not to say that it makes him not responsible for the pain he caused you, he is very much responsible but at the same time in a way he is like a choleh who couldnt help themselves. Addiction can literally take away a persons bechira.
Matan1
Every person I know from a home with a bad marriage or from divorce has baggage. In some rare cases where the kids are made of tough stuff they can handle it. Most however get damaged emotionally and have a very hard time in relationships with the opposite gender.
a mirrer
Stop looking in the mirrer and look around more you’ll see that chassidim button their top button.
Frumnotyeshivish
I heard an interesting thought from Rabbi Shafier of the shmuz. He asked why is it that we should hold someone who grew up in a bad environment where drugs and murder is common place responsible for crimes he commits. His answer was that Hashem created every person with an inner knowledge of right and wrong and everyone therefore knows right from wrong (not talking about someone mentally deficient) with regard to things like murder and theft. Therefore if one does it he has made a bechira choice and done such a crime he must be held accountable.
Mod42
You have a gift for these jokes : -p
Aurora77
I must have mentioned it before, I really like how you write. 🙂
Twisted
They are also more dignified than a borslino et al.
This isnt the hoadama corn thread…
You need glasses sir 🙂
Curiosity
The shidduch system is supposed to vet prospective marriage partners so you dont waste endless hours dating people who are not for you. I can go chat up every girl I meet at a chasuna and still end up single and so much more frustrated and confused and having spoken to so many more girls than necessary. The shidduch system is supposed to match you up with someone compatible and looking for the same thing. Its much harder to find that when you just start talking to random girls/guys.
Nem621
You can believe in aliens too but you would be totally wrong about that as well. Teenage Jewish girls and boys should not be “hanging out” together under any circumstances. There are many issurim involved. And if you think you can have them hang out and become friendly and yet prevent them touching there or outside someplace you are a fool and I dont like talking to fools so please confirm you arent a fool.
Yekke2
In the Torah by the Avos and Moshe Rabbeinu and Aharon it says “vayigva” which means they died a missas neshika from Hashem no malach hamaves involved.
Regarding the future, Im not so clear on the sequence of events but its likely that ghe shechting of the malacha hamaves will be at a later time than the building of these arei miklat. Btw is this future arei miklat discussed?
crisisoftheweek
So do we side with the Rabbonim, or the Lipas of the world…I know where I stand. There are very valid problems with Lipa and the kind of music and videos he has introduced into our population and culture. He does more harm then good.
They sell diaries with locks on them to keep others out…
frumnotyeshivish
Incorrect. I believe that just because a man has physical thoughts it does not make him an animal. Additionally Im sure there are times women have physical thoughts and it doesnt make them animals either. Furthermore I believe that a man is fully capable of being on a date and keeping his thoughts under control.
frumnotyeshivish
I think he said it in the platonic relationship shiur and he was referring to teenage boys who hangout with girls. Most frum Yeshiva boys who hit shidduch age are out of that mode of thought and behavior and if they arent they shouldnt be dating for marriage yet…
Oneofmany
Then he should speak for himself and say “I am an animal” its ridiculous to call men animals and its damaging if a girl thinks guys are animals. Theres nothing beneficial in this from a frum perspective. If you are a non Jewish guy then yes you probably want girls to think that so that when you are unfaithful you have the excuse ready “what do you want from me we are animals we cant help it…” I would also hope most non Jewish men would be insulted by being called animals but I have no doubt some take pride in being called one.
” It’s just a shame he can’t play live without getting the show canceled.”
That should tell you something about the person and his music…
Josh31
Its not so simple. The point of the hat by Davening is to look dignified. Not like a sloppy person or as a way to look cool or yeshivish-cool or whatever statement they make with the way they wear it. Personally, I feel more like a mentsch since I started folding it down.
Chopped liver got plenty of attention too 🙂
Frumnotyeshivish
Men are not animals. Certainly not most frum men. All rational discussion goes out the window when people make extreme statements like that one. Since you are a female you will never understand the male psyche and how our system works. Instead of knocking men you should open your mind and understand that Hashem purposely created men this way so that they should have a desire to get married and keep the world going. At the same time a man has to keep himself in check but unfortunately we live at a time of many nisyonos. However at the end of the day a man should only get married to someone he is attracted to. Frankly I dont even understand the girls who complain about this stuff. You really want a guy to go against the way Hashem him and marry you even if he isnt attracted to you? You think that will lead to a happy and fulfilled marriage? A person must marry a spouse that they find attractive. If for that person attractive means a certain weight, height hair color whatever it is their right and you should respect it. I dont tell girls what to like so they have no business telling me what to like.
P.s. Girls are plenty picky about looks too. I know overweight guys who have a hard time getting dates. Girls are plenty busy with guys looks height and hair color way of dressing and all that as well.
What is better apples or crayons?
Who is he? I never heard of him. Is he new?
Lol