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Moq
Its Marie Antoinette. Also all this cake and icing talk is making me hungry, thanks.
On a more serious note, I dont know how accurate that OU statistic is. I dont know how official and thorough it was plus I dont know which group was polled and theres always a margin of error.
Besides that, there are many unhappy people that would be happy with a bit of counseling. Almost everyone marries who they should (I purposely didnt say Bashert because you dont like the word) if they arent happy its because one or both of them are making some basic bein adam lchaveiro mistakes. These things can usually be fixed with short term therapy or marriage counseling. Most people dont want to or dont realize they have to work on their marriages so of course some people will be unhappy!
mw13
“I’m not entirely convinced this system works, as it has little bearing on what type of mother a girl will be (which in my opinion should be the primary gauge), but it is what it is.”
How can a boy dating a single girl figure out what kind of mother a girl will be, especially in 10 or so dates. Please elaborate.
ronrsr
Thats great!
Moq
That just means that it shouldn’t be the sole reason of marrying the person. Nobody (or almost nobody, only the rarest yechidim) will marry ONLY for looks or money. Looks and money are maalos so why shouldn’t somebody try to get that if they can?
Dryer sheets? That makes no sense why would they keep bugs away??
Sacrilege
There are plenty of girls who get dates who arent rich and gorgeous. If someoen isnt getting dates it is very likely that they dont have the right shadchanim working for them, I know of plenty of regular looking girls (friends of my sister) who have no money who got plenty of dates and are married now.
A person has to do Hishtadlus and that means recruiting as many people as possible to work on their behalf.
(Oh and I dont inclue your aunt or siblings because nobody is going to believe a word they say about you because they are nogeiah bdavar. Find people who consider themselves shadchanim, who have made shidduchim and give them a call and stay in touch with them so that you are always on their mind.)
Boys look for girls who are chilled. Plain and simple. Guys cant stand whiners, complainers, MASHGIACH TYPES, critics, overly emotional (cries over everything).
There are other things that are important like looks or money, but thats not something you can do anything about. However any girls who are dating should know, guys want easygoing chilled girls. If you arent that way, you will have to learn to be that way because guys need their space and cant stand being bugged, nudged…giving your husband a hard time will not lead to an easy marriage.
BP Totty
Funny how you know what Yoish thinks. How do you know he doesn’t already work, he never said he was learning? You don’t even know his age, maybe he is 24 or 25 and been working a few years? Maybe he makes $500 a day?
EDITED
SJSinNYC
True, but all too often people with weight issues have them for life. Yes I’m sure you know some fat people who became skinny and vice versa but for the most part fat people just become fatter with time.
Dr. Pepper
Its a nice cheshbon but don’t fool yourself the prices are higher because little stores pay more for everything and the owners want to be able to afford a nice Jewish lifestyle. Nobody accept maybe the larger Jewish supermarkets can compete with a Shoprite Walmart or even Pathmark.
I would ask a Rav before deducting Tzeddakah money from your grocery expenses.
Horrified
So that the people who come late can catch up.
Kapusta
Maybe the concept is that a person needs the zchusim of X amount of tefillos shemonah esrei specifically so it can be 200 shemonah esreis is what the person needs. The Zchusim generated by tefillas shemonah esrei are not the same as tehillim.
Misterhock
Is it mentioned in Mishnah Berurah?
Mbachur
Yup looks like a stunt
apushatayid
“Suffice to say I don’t have much respect for you.”
I dont need your respect, but someone who doesnt respect Daas Torah will certainly not anonymous respect others on a forum.
HIE
Feel free to ignore my advice but this website is 99.999999999999% chances a scam. They use a fake Comodo SECURITY LOGO!!!! How can you trust such a website with anything??!!!
Stay away from this website
It is confirmed that paybox is using fake comodo logo you can check this manually on trustlogo.com and comodogroup.com.
Yes it is free to join, granted, but really nothing is free. eg watch your inbox be flooded with emails address personally to you, from people you have never ever communicated with. Maybe today, maybe in a month or even a year. – There is big money in selling email lists of opportunity seekers to online marketers.
Next: the free money offered is NOT real money, – it is funny money (see T & C) on site. Along with many other out clauses for non payment in future.
Next: Wait for the request for money (usually affordable amount like $99) so that funny money converted to real money & you become fully fledged member blah blah blah.
Moq
“I’m sorry; I don’t see how I demeaned you; could you point out what I wrote that insulted you? I can assure you none was intended.”
You havent demeaned her or anybody else. Shes making this personal because she cant intellectually debate you.
Sacrilege
I have been controlling myself for some time now but I must protest for Moqs honor. Moq has not demeaned you in any way. If anything he has been very respectful to you and it is you who seems to have a hard time being respectful of others either as individuals or groups. Quite a few of your posts are caustic, negative, angry and derisive and if you are in shidduchim then it may explain why you have as yet failed to find the right guy. Guys are very turned off by girls with such “attitude.”
charliehall
From Revach.net
Parshas Vayeitzei – Vilna Gaon On The Value Of Physical Beauty
The pasuk (Vayeitzei (29:17) praises Rochel’s beauty. Why, asks the Vilna Gaon, surely Yaakov the Bechir HaAvos did not marry Rochel for her good looks?
He answers that Yaakov definitely married Rochel to have children to fulfill Hashem’s wishes. He chose Rochel because of her stellar character. However, says the Vilna Gaon, do not dismiss the value of beauty. It has great value in keeping one’s husband naturally focused. The gemara in Taanis (23a) tells us that Abba Chilkiya’s wife would greet him, all made up.
However, says the Vilna Gaon, the torah only praises beauty of an Isha Yiras Hashem. Only if she is truly an Eishes Chayil is her beauty praiseworthy. This is the meaning of the pasuk ‘Sheker Hachen V’Hevel HaYofi”, charisma is deceitful and beauty is nonsense, if that is the woman’s only claim to fame. “Isha Yiras Hashem”, however if she is a Yiras Hashem then, “He” her beauty, “Tis’halal” is also praiseworthy.
This also explains the gemara in Taanis (31a) that there were four kinds of girls. The pretty ones would say to the boys, “look at my beauty”. The ones from good families would say that marrying them will yield good children. The rich ones would flaunt their money. The less than good looking ones would say, “Marry me L’Shem Shamayim, but make sure to drape me in gold.” Why was marrying these girls “L’Shem Shamayim” since they obviously weren’t from good families? And why should they be draped in gold?
He answers that these girls would say that the boys should ignore the trivial reasons for marriage and marry a girl for nothing other than to fulfill Hashem’s command. But since you are humans and not malachim, just drape us in gold and you will have both, your L’Shem Shamayim and a nice looking wife.
HIE
R’ Tzvi Kaplan gives a deep shiur and it is very difficult. Maybe it was too “deep deep” for your friend?
apushatayid
Shes a shogeg, but you are a mazid. You clearly have no respect for Daas Torah. What kind of example do you set for your kids if this is your attitude?
Hi mischiefmaker
I would put http://www.simpletoremember.com/ in my top 5 or 6 Jewish websites. Really amazing reading, mp3s and videos on the site. Definitely worth checking out.
didu
You may want to ask some Rav or Rebbetzin who knows these things to find out for sure. To me it certainly doesnt sound 100% correct. I think that on some level anything a person needs can be provided by them davening. however it is possible that to accomplish the zechusim you need for that request you may require 200 shemonah esreis.
Im not an expert but I have read in seforim and books on Tefillah that the reason we arent answered (and there are many) but a major one is because we simply arent davening correctly. Tefillah is a lot more complex than it looks and if done correctly works very quickly and very satisfactorily. Maybe you should read some books on Tefillah and then see if your Davening changes.
Moq
Fantastic post. You speak to the point.
SJSinNYC
The joke has a few things going on that make up the joke. Maybe the main part is husband and wife dynamics, but the way the message is conveyed knocks daas Torah so its not appropriate. I can be sure this joke wasn’t invented by someone who respects Rabbonim and Roshei Yeshivah.
oomis1105
Some topics should not be joked about even if there is humor to them and its technically funny. Whatever the joke is worth, we lose a lot more when we make jokes about certain topics, as it says, Leitzanus achas doche meah tochachos. Im not trying to nit pick, we just have to realize that if we make such jokes and find such jokes funny we automatically lose respect for whatever who whomever is the content of the joke. Think about it, really think about it, then tell me once you joke about something you can never have the same respect you had for the thing, true or not true?
I know its just a joke but I really don’t appreciate this type of humor that clearly is poking fun at Rosh Yeshivas and how they make decisions or make a psak, as well as making fun of the concept of separate seating which is no joke and is so necessary bizman hazeh lo alaynu what goes on out there.
I’m pretty sure there was an Al Cheit on Yom Kippur for this type of humor.
A guy has every right to date a good looking girl and a girl has every right to date a good looking guy. The guy I was referring to in my story was a guy who wanted to date a pretty girl he never said she has to be drop dead, but people were describing her as though she’s really attractive and she’s very clearly not (she also dresses very plain) that’s just plain lying and not right to the boy and the girl, why should people have to waste their time and come to distrust the dating process because of liars?
If a girl isn’t beautiful don’t rave about her looks, call her cute. If a girl isn’t smart don’t call her a genius when she is very clearly average, if a girl is quiet don’t say she’s a great conversationalist and then the guy has to suffer through a painful date…now this goes for the guys as well I’m not picking on anyone, guys have to be honest as well, whoever is giving the info has to be honest!
Aries,
Unfortunately lying is rampant in shidduchim. Shadchanim lie big time as well as the guys/girls refrences. I know someone who went out with a girl recently who was described as beautiful (not cute but beautiful!) By 6 different people who were called. Not only was the girl not beautiful, she’s very plain looking. The shadchan pushed for a 2nd date but the boys parents could not believe that after all that info she wasn’t even cute so they arranged to be there when their son picked her up and they saw that she was clearly not attractive. The fools who lie for these girls or guys are only making them go on wasted dates. You can “mean” well but they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Popa and aries,
Its good to see some people have seichel yasharah here.
HadaLXTP:
Fair enough. So what are the rules and where do we draw the line?
Mw13
Thank you I was going to post similarly to what you did. It really isn’t fair when people generalize about groups.
I really don’t understand you people. Doesn’t a word mean anything? Furthermore, if a guy wanted to learn a certain # of years or for life, that’s something that’s very important to him, considering that he’s a serious learner and its a MAJOR life decision, not something minor where you can see oh just grow up and forget about what you want. Yes marriage is about compromise but not at the expense of completely throwing away everything that’s important to you!!!! If he gives in what type of marriage will they have? He will likely be utterly miserable and resentful for the rest of his life!!
BP Totty
“Bochurim-soon-to-be-chassanim.. READ THIS AND THINK FOR A MINUTE. What would you do?”
Its very clear that in the chareidi system the parents do all the research and this type of information is basic to the marriage and I can’t imagine how this happened unless the girl and father fooled themselves into thinking they’d “change” him or manipulate him to go work. The father and girl are both dead wrong and theres a whole bunch of colorful words to call them. How dare they use this guy as a pawn and then bring a child into the world who will have to grow up with divorced parents?!!!
I think the time has come to start getting things in writing. They should sign a shtar that says that the father is willing to support the boy to learn x amount of years after which he will go work. I’m surprised this isn’t done yet!!!!
AinOhdMilvado
Good story. Do you see the mussar vort in your story? Gaivah is exactly like the Sukkah that looks firm but if you touch it it collapses. Gaivah is fake.
Sacrilege
The cell phone has allowed people to become ruder its a fact. Ever sit on a bus or train and have someone yaping away at loud decibels about their personal life? Its very rude and most people are bothered by that. I have heard girls curse out their boy friends on the phone and all kinds of garbage over the years. The cellphone has broken down privacy. Now everyones private business is discussed on the street, in a bus, car….
Then what about the people that go to Levayas and leave their phone on? Phones going off in middle of Hespedim, are we officially crazy?! Phones, going off in middle of shemonah esrei in shul, phones going off in a shiva house… Oh I have another one, how about people not looking at you in the face while they talk to you because they are so busy texting, a good friend once did that to me I almost walked away from him, it took a lot of self control to not do that or grab his phone away. My conclusions are as OOMIS said, we have become a lot ruder thanks to cell phones!!!
Ite me
Good story 🙂
Helpthisjew
Yes because people won’t need Tzaddakah because the world will be a perfected world where there will be no sickness or lack. Tzeddakah is a huge Mitzvah but its only in existence because Hashem wants us to have the great zchus of helping the poor and overcoming our natural tendency to be selfish and hoard our money. When Moshiach comes the Yetzer hars will be greatly lessened and therefore there won’t be much schar for mitzvos done after Moshiach comes so we should chap arein our Mitzvos now!!!
Sacrilege and Hashemlovesme
There’s a difference between speculation and talking about what the Gemara and Rushonim say. Baruch Hashem we have plenty of information about what will be in Moshiachs times and there are plenty of Rabbanim who have given shiurim on the topic. So yes we may think and talk about it and yes we have an obligation to know what will be.