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I’m not sure the “Yeshiva World” website is the best place for this discussion but good luck I’m sure there are some sports fans here.
Arc
Did that really happen to you? Wow.
its_me
I have my doubts about the authenticity of this “psak” considering that we have video of Rav Shtaynman and Rav Elyashiv being pressured by Rav Yitzchak and refusing to give in to him to assur concerts. I hope the psak isn’t a forgery.
Poppa,
If you don’t live in the Northern Hemisphere that pretty much leaves South America, parts of Africa and Australia. Where do you live?
He lives in Antarctica.
Missme
Please read what I wrote and don’t take me out of context. You also took me out of context from my previous posts. I really should tell you to reread them. I thought I was clear the first time 2 times but Ill try a 3rd. There’s nothing wrong with telling your friends that you “are in shidduchim and are thus dating” and therefore if on certain nights you won’t answer your phone it will be and should be obvious that you are on a date, I never said you should discuss who what when…just say you are in the dating scene and will not always be available at night. Its normal for girls post seminary age to be dating so if you can’t be straight up with your friends on that and have a simple discussion and get an understanding something is wrong.
As for my posts regarding not discussing past, I said one doesn’t have to disclose what they did in the past. It wasn’t my opinion, it was a psak Halacha, furthermore there was a very good reason not to disclose, if the person is past it and it has no bearing on who he is now and who he will be in the future, then it has no purpose, it will only get in the way of him finding someone normal to marry. One doesn’t have to tell their spouse about every event and stage they went through in their life unless it will enhance the marriage. Such information won’t so its not necessary. We see in the Torah that Hashem altered the truth when telling Avraham what Sarah said regarding him having a child, Hashem wants people to have Shalom Bayis and one may lie for shalom bayis. We also saw Yakov steal the Brachos and alter the truth by that event. Clearly when its necessary and within specific Halachic parameters one may lie.
Lieing to your friend every time you have a date can equal many tens of lies for no reason. I would ask a Rav before going that route. If the lie isn’t mutar it will only distance you from your friends.
frumladygit and SmartTeen
I have heard shiurim and read up on Chessed. In a nutshell Chessed is doing something for someone who needs your help and who can’t do it on their own. However if someone is being lazy and is using you that is most definitely NOT chessed andis an AVEIRAH, that’s not a typo, its an Aveirah to help someone who is using you. It is Assur to use another person and by letting them use you, you are an accessory to the Aveirah. Don’t let others manipulate you into doing things for them. Its NOT Chessed! Think about it, if someone has a sickness that they manipulate and use people, if you “help” them when they ask for something you just reinforce their sickness of using others. Again, Chessed is only when they need assistance with something they can’t do alone or 100% help with something they aren’t capable of doing.
In your case she has Bachurim who have a Mitzvas Kibbud Av Vaem. They have to go shopping for their mother, or some other relative. If your daughter does it once its a chessed, everytime is 100% using you. Tell this friend ad kan. She’s draining you and you must look out for yourself.
rebdoniel
If you think you have what it takes go into politics.
dunno
I find it strange that you would rather lie (yes making something up is a 100% lie except in the rarest occasions like for Shalom Bayis) than be mature and honest and tell them that you are dating and you won’t always be available. Saying you are dating isn’t talking about your dating life. It should be a given to your friends that you are dating and if they are normal people they will respect your wishes for them not to pry into your dating life. If you have to hide fom your friends the fact that you are dating and you would rather lie to them than tell them then you and them aren’t really friends, you are just people pretending to be friends.
D a likely assumed we all knew it was a song give him a break!
What’s wrong with being on a date? your friends should give you space and realize that since you are of age (as they likely are as well) there will be nights that you will be out on a date. If they can’t give you that space and have some respect for your privacy then there’s something wrong with them. Just tell them that there will be nights you will be unavailable and you will be on dates and you don’t think that its anyones business that you should have to announce in advance “oh I have a date tonight don’t text me from ___ to ____ time.”
Nothing wrong with a purse. Some girls bring hand bags but that could be overdoing it.
The fact is that men in general are better drivers. Especially men who are out of their teen years. There have been studies done on this. Don’t believe me? You can google it.
Popa
You’re on a roll. By the way what’s to see in Nigeria other than the guys who do the email scams?
reenmasheen
Road trips can be a lot of fun, just plan well if you want to have a good time, you need to know where to eat sleep and daven plus interesting things to do in all the places you pass.
Just keep in mind that the Yetzer Hora loves bein hazmanim and I know plenty of Bachurim who “ended” up in inappropriate places because one or 2 guys on the trip were bad apples who made sure they went to some places that a Ben Torah should never go.
reenmasheen
You asked for it. The “ideal” Bocher will be very Makpid not to be Oiver on Bittul Torah and will never go on a road trip. If you mean an ideal “chiller” bochur then yes, an ideal chiller would go on a road trip.
Volvie
I’m opening a thread on Hungarian.
Ofcourse
Thats a pretty big thing to say, but then again we are on the internet and we are anonymous so we can say what we want and nobody will know if its true or baloney, but some people do use common sense when reading comments. Be advised.
popa_bar_abba
Dont expect honsesty. As far as I know and as far as I was advised, its best to never mention your wife’s weight unless it is a danger of becoming a health issue. I agree with you Id love to know what girls truly think about this.
Sacrilege
Do you know how many people don’t pay full tuition. In most schools tuition levels are insane and if one has 3 or more young children one has to be wealthy to afford full tuition. 2 cars is often a necessity if there are 2 working adults in the house.
That’s quite a story. You really have to run this by a Rabbi to make sure your conversion was legit because from the sounds of it, your mother was never Mekabel Ol Mitzvos so she’s a bonafide non Jew. None of this is easy but I do know of a Giyores who married an FFB. However you should know that you will likely feel more comfortable with a BT or Ger as they have been through similar life experiences to yours. Additionally, due to the level of complication involving your mothers conversion most FFB families won’t want to hear of a shidduch with your family.
frumladygit
The story was with Rav Shach ZTL or at least thats who they say it happened with. nobody knows if this story really happened or if its something some people dreamed up he “would have said.”
Mod80
Maskim. Perjury is only in court. If I ever need a lawyer I hope he knows that much!
Sacrilege
So much for Ahavas Yisroel.
Sacrilege
Maybe the pshat is if you don’t diet you’ll tie with a t?
rebdoniel
I know you are right I guess I should have said the guy who Christians consider god or the son of god.
rocker
I think what you are asking is, if it is necessary for a girl to learn to drive before she gets married. I think its quite essential for every day living in most families. I wouldnt date a girl who has no drivers license, and I would find it rather strange that she has no license.
pascha bchochma
You are welcome. Of course He does, the question is do you or do we really know yet what is right for us. Shidduchim is in many ways a process of self discovery where people begin to figure out what they are really all about, what they want, and what is important to them.
Sacrilege
With all due respect, you really shouldnt say geez or jeez as it is short for the name of a certain Jew boy who went off the derech and started Christianity.
Teshuvah Meahavah will eliminate it in Hashems eyes but that doesnt mean people will get amnesia, however I believe that if you do a sincere Teshuvah Meahavah then Hashem wont punish which means you wont have to suffer any embarrassment due to what you did which means what you did will remain private, nobody will talk about it…
My opinion.
pascha bchochma
Ok thanks for clarifying. So for what you are saying you would need a boy with a good job or good degree, who is also a ben torah. Not a big pot to select from but there are some good boys like that left out there Hatzlacha with finding him.
This whole thread belongs in the joke section. As far as I know chassidish girls don’t drive before marriage and I see nothing wrong with single “responsible” girls learning to drive. One has to be careful who they give a car to in this day and age. As years doesn’t always equal responsibility and good judgement.
pascha bchochma
Why is asking for someone who is a talmid chacham and will have a parnassah too much to ask for? I don’t know you and what you have to offer but you seem like a good person and you should go after what’s best for you and believe you deserve the best. There are a number of good boys out there who can say over Torah and also have a degree or are going for one. It is possible that some of those boys want stay at home moms but you should know that in this day and age it is very uncommon and most girls work ESPECIALLY if they marry learning boys. I do know of a few stay at home moms but their husbands are from wealthy mishpachos so they work for the family business and the wife is at home with the kids.
pascha bchochma
People will tell you lots of things. Not everyones advice must be taken. Listen, you have to do what’s best for you. You have to know yourself and what you really want. Live your life, not the life everyone tells you that you should be living.why not look for a guy who has a degree who is serious about learning, that way you get everything you want (granted he may not be as externally “yeshivish” as a full learne)?
MIDVAR SHEKER “TIRCHAK!” Enough said.
Sacrilege
I’m more in touch with myself and the subtleties of my personality and I saw a very clear difference how I felt after listening to non Jewish music and after listening to Jewish music. We have to go no further than analyzing rap music, its utter filth and it has been proven that those who listen to rap are influenced and become much more inclined towards a life of crime. I will tell you a story which I saw with my own eyes. One summer in camp when I was a staff member there was a fellow staff member who was a bit of a troubled guy. He was from a broken home and he seemed troubled. But he was a frum guy. Davened 3 times a day hat and jacket by davening, learning…well anyways somebody lent him a rap cd from a famous white piece of human trash rapper. This guy had never listened to rap before. He fell “in love” with the cd and started listening to it for hours and hours a day. It was pathetic how many times he must have listened to that cd. Well within a week or 2 there was a marked change in this guy. He started talking very prust and cursing, walking with a certain swagger, giving attitude…and shortly thereafter he started sleeping late and acting very depressed a short while after the summer I found out he was on drugs and off the derech. I was so upset. There was NO DOUBT that it was from the music, so nobody can tell me that music doesn’t have amazing power.
Regarding movies, for me as a guy it was easier to fill that time. I started learning more and reading inspirational books. You made a point earlier, about inspiration leaving after being out of school. The way I look at it, Yeshivah, BY…is a training ground. They inspire us and teach us how to live when we are out in the world. Now that we are adults and out of school it is our responsibility to inspire ourselves, be it by attending shiurim, listening to mp3 or watching video shiurim (there are many amazing torah websites on the net) reading sefarim and inspirational books, speaking to Ravs, Rebbitzens if we have questions or need chizuk…(going to shul on shabbos for girls)
Sacrilege
You are welcome. That music reflects the neshamah is not so easy to explain. But if you ever watched a singer on a music video youd see that they sing with “heart and soul” and that “treif” feelings backed up by treif words go into you. Music is very powerful. Think about it, one song can make you happy, the next make you sad, another one relaxes you…
I quit movies partly for the same reason you want to. It really effects ones Hashkafos and it dulls ones spiritual sensitivities. Also, its a massive waste of time with no productive purpose. Its pure fantasy and stupidity and I think I am above that. The real purpose of movies is to escape from reality, however the more movies you watch, the more difficult your reality becomes for you because movies make you idealize a fictional fantasy life and world.
Sacrilege
Giloy Arayos means revealing nakedness. Theres no shortage of that in rated R or unrated movies. I used to watch movies and listen to non Jewish music as well. Baruch Hashem I did Teshuvah, I must tell you its very rewarding. Its admirable that you are willing to change and I wish you much Hatzlacha in doing so.