WIY

Pashuteh Yid

You are right. In fact I think any kid who looks like hes going a bad way and says stuff like “I want to go off the derech” Or I dont want to be Jewish…” his parents should take him to a public school and let him spend a day there, if he is still in one piece at days end, he will come galloping back to Yiddishkiet and his Jewish classmates!

The non Jewish world has nothing real to offer.

I noticed. I think its actually very rude and will confuse people.

The saying is “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” But I wouldnt be flattered Id be very unimpressed.

Sacrilege

I wasnt sure why you werent answering anything I was saying. Thanks for clearing that up. The awwww really touched me 🙂

GAW

I know that sifrei kabbalah say that the eyes are the entranceway to the soul. Any image on sees becomes a part of them whether good or bad. Its nearly impossible to erase an image that one has seen and therefore if one has seen many inappropriate things, that has a very powerful effect on their neshama.

BP Totty

That’s ridiculous. People aren’t perfect we just ignore our friends flaws.

Sacrilege

The TV of once upon a time is not the TV of today, the shows our parents grew up with were “Kosher” compared to todays TV.

People who have a TV today will have a much harder time getting rid of it and the damage done by todays TV is much worse than the TV of 10-15 or 20 years ago. You can watch shows that border on pornography its disgusting. The amount of garbage one can watch in a day is mind boggling. There is no heter, it is assur gamur to have a TV today or watch movies. A person is watching dvarim assurim every second on every show. Even the kids shows are filthy.

“Also, I have thought about that but I choose not to. If you think of all the reasons why you may be single and what you have to do in order to get married Bellevue will have a shortage of beds.”

Not true. Either way, dont think of why you arent married yet, think of what you can do to come closer to Hashem so that He should want to give you what you so desire. If you want to get married so you can live a life of Kedsha and Tehara, and bring holy children into the world to do Hashems will you have a better chance of Hashem helping you get married than if you are just lonely, need someone to watch movies or whatever with, want to get married because everyone else is and all your friends are…or all the other wrong reasons that people think of to get married.

Red sock

I agree but there’s a simple answer.

The early leavers may not appreciate what davening is. To many people davening is a bother and a burden. Its not fun. Its Avodah (avodah shebelev) it takes hard work to daven like a mentch. Many people have no connection to their davening. Every second is torture for them and they can’t wait to get out of shul.

We should be happy these people come to shul at all.

amichai

I will 2nd Rabbi Noach Weinberg.

Or Rav Shach

Sacrilege

People talk about growing together after marriage. However the only way to grow together, is if you are both on a process of growth before marriage. People “push off” the growing until after marriage and for those people they never grow. People don’t realize that they need to work on things before they get married because some things if not eradicated before marriage will likely never get eradicated. Or take many years or a serious wakeup call from Hashem.

A couple who both watch movies….before marriage will not stop after marriage. That’s not the natural way things work. A couple who both quit watching before marriage have a very strong chance that they won’t do so after marriage.

The same is with other shtusim that people are caught up in today. Stop while you are single!

Growing together isn’t about stopping to listen to non Jewish music together, movies, magazines, novels…

Its about growing your middos and growing in avodas Hashem. If someone is doing any of the above they have a whole list of things they have to stop doing before they can even begin growing together.

Maybe the reason you are still single is because Hashem wants to give you the opportunity to clean up shop so to speak. Hashem has a great guy ready for you but you may not be ready for him. You aren’t the person you need to be yet to be ready for marriage and maybe now is the time that it is mesugal for you to improve. You had the idea to stop movies and music. Keep strong with that. Listen Rabbi Mizrachis shiurim, listen to Rabbi Wallersteins shiurim. Maybe join Ohr Naavah….Continue to work on yourself and be inspired and become the person you know you can be.

Sacrilege

I will start off with the same apology. I dont mean any of this personal and please dont take it that way.

“Because someone watches a movie or listens to English music they cant want a husband who is a Talmid Chacham, and wants a home surrounded with Torah?!”

A home surrounded with Torah has no Tv, movies, non Jewish music and other secular stuff in it.

One of my Rabbeim said to a fellow bachur who said “Rebbe, I want to learn, he said “You want to WANT to learn, but if you wanted to learn, you would learn”

My point was that someone who has such feelings for Yiddishkiet would not be watching movies and listening to non Jewish music or doing other such obvious things which are not permitted. They dont go together.

The mistake people make is thinking that “Oh if im not yeshivish, now I can watch movies, listen to music…” It has NOTHING to do with yeshivish. Nothing! It has to do with being machshiv Torah and living your life according to the Torah. If you are Machshiv Torah and want that to be your life, there is no room for things like movies and music which are clearly assur. The things you see and hear on movies, the hashkafos, the znus….those things are all antithetical to Torah. The things you hear in the songs as well. Even the nice songs are all about lust and sex. Theres nothing about true love and a real marriage in any of the music.

A real passion for Yiddishkiet means you couldnt entertain the thought to be involved with movies and non Jewish music. It would disgust you on some level. You may want to be that person but you arent that person yet.

Im very impressed that you have stopped and congratulations on week one. I wish you much continued Hatzlacha in your spiritual growth. Come back in a few months after cold turkey on movies, tv, music…and other non Jewish shmutz and then we can discuss this. You will see what I mean. You will feel different. It will be real.

Sacrilege

Touching a Niddah is assur. If they have intercourse it is Kareis for both, which is all the more reason why they should avoid such a relationship.

Ben Torah

Thank you for posting, but I think we all know this.

Smile E. Face

If you do all that reading than you arent typical because I think the average BY girl even if she has questions will not go to the point of doing so much reading. She will just live with her questions. You are amongst the special few who care enough about your Yiddishkiet and it bugs you that you have questions and you want to do everything in your power to have them answered. You should be very proud of yourself that you care so much about your Yiddishkiet. Its a beatiful thing to see.

BTW if you still have questions after reading all those books why dont you call up Gateways, they will put you in touch with a Rabbi who you can call who will answer your questions for you.

I heard someone say

“We ordered the same thing in the restaurant so we knew it was bashert.” I thought that was a poor way to judge bashert.

justabachur

I was thinking of starting a similar thread. Let’s see what people say.

Smile E. Face

Sadly the teens at risk problem and otd problem has gotten really out of hand. I cant comment on what you read on that book but rest assured the problem is huge and many of the best homes are suffering.

You mentioned that you have questions and that you dont always do the right thing. Dont worry, you sound like a normal Jewish teenager. When I was a teen I was plagued by many questions. Like you, I didnt want to turn to my Rabbeim so I started reading. I read many books on Hashkafa and that saved me.

I have a few suggestions that can make a huge difference for you.

1. Theres a website called http://asktherabbi.org/

It is a Gateways website where they have Rabbis who answer any question emailed in to the service. They get back to you within 24 hours. Try it out. It is 100% anonymous. You dont have to tell them your name. What I would suggest is that when you ask your questions or at least the first few times preface with a short intro about your background so they know they are talking to a frum girl and not a non frum person with questions…

You can ask anything pertaining to any Jewish topic. I have asked on Chumash, Gemara, Halacha, Hashkafa…they will answer any question you ask even those having to do with topics that your teachers would never discuss so dont be afraid. If you dont understand an answer ask again and say you didnt understand whatever point it was and they will help you with that too…Its an amazing service and 100% free. (Although im sure they wouldn’t mind if you donate if they have helped you!)

2. Check out http://kiruv.com/ they have 100’s of articles discussing many Jewish topics including all the famous Hashkafa questions. You will certainly find answers to many of your questions there.

3. You can do some reading to educate yourself. Id recommend first reading

1.THE GARDEN OF EMUNAH

A PRACTICAL GUIDE TO LIFE

Its an amazing book and has helped many 1000’s of people improve their Emuna and come closer to Hashem.

2. What the Angel Taught You by Rabbi N. Weinberg and Rabbi Y. Salomon

These are both amazing books that will have a very powerful impact on your life. Once you have read those you will be in good spiritual shape. After that you can check the book list on Kiruv.com and see what interests you.

Hatzlacha Rabbah and please, dont push your questions off. Get them answered as soon as possible.

charliehall

How are we going to know if the Tefillin have been retrieved by the owner?

Sacrilege

Yeah he mentions the debate in some of his lectures. Its really out there because I don’t think its been done by anyone else.

What I do sometimes to relax at home lateat night, Ill put on something comfy like pjs… gather a ton of junkfood and sit in a comfortable chair or couch and listen with my ipod while happily noshing like there’s no tomorrow. Lol.

What I do other times is listen to a lecture while exercising, that way I get to exercise my physical and spiritual muscles at the same time. I used to think I “have to listen to music” when exercising but I found that I’m quite happy listening to a lecture.

You should know I really gained a lot from listening to Torah lectures. I must have heard hundreds over the last year or 2. If you make it a habit to listen daily or a few times a week to a shiur you will become a changed person and it will make it easier to grow in yiddishkiet.

twisted

You got hacked by going to shmutz sites and you decide not to go to YWN anymore for that reason?

That is twisted!

Sacrilege

You said on another thread how you listen to non Jewish music and movies.

A husband who loves Torah and wants their home to built and filled with Torah, and will spend all his free time learning doesn’t do those things and won’t want a wife who does such things. A Torah life means living a Torah life, not just learning and doing what you want in your free time. A masmid of the caliber you mention will likely be very makpid on his mitzvos and will be anti anything “goyish.”

You may think you want such a guy (maybe because your father is that way I don’t know) but your actions say that you don’t really want such a guy. Lots of people think they want a certain type of person but are fooling themselves.

Or maybe your reply was sarcastic and you aren’t looking for such a serious guy and that’s ok.

Sacrilege

You don’t sound like the type of girl looking for that type of guy. Your father learned with R Shmuel ZTVKL bchavrusa as a bachur? That is truly impressive! Your father must be quite a talmid chochom and lamdan. So that would make you a bas Talmid Chacham.

Memo

Don’t call the references. Call other people who know the girl/boy. Let’s face it, references arfe the people that are good friends and will make you sound great. You won’t get the whole truth from references. Call acquaintances.