People don’t listen to rabbonim when it comes to “fashion” as R’ Moshe famously said (paraphrased) I can’t compete with a shaigetz in Paris. If so Mutav sheyihu shoggin… (and every girl who went to BY knows what they’r doing wrong so telling them again won’t help).
As for the Rabbonim “cozyong up” – I don’t think that’s fair. What do you expect – they shouldn’t talk to any of their balabatim? I’m sure there is a strategy along the lines of “if I am a part of his life then I can influence his life” which is a proven one.
I think maybe instead of writing letters to YW we should all try and improve ourselves and our families and maybe, just maybe, we’ll rub off on our neighbors. and in the meantime – skip the kiddush.