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i am not sure but what are “shushvinim” discussed in Gemarrah and Halacha that would accompany the bride to the Chupa,
were these not the friends of the Kallah that took her to the chuap – or in modern terminology, bridesmaids??!!
so yes, bridesmaids is a “Jewish thing” much older than the non-jewish version.
and somehow i doubt that the Shushvinim who accompanied the kalla were wearing rags, they proabably put on their finest gowns to honor the occasion.
and as a postscript, Mazel Tov to seahorse, may you be zoche to build a bayis neeman beyisrael.
i have so much to say on the subject, but i dont doubt the mods wont let me pass…..
chosson, i must say you are very ignorant to the facts, probably you are still a chosson and dont know, but husband and wife holding hands in the privacy of their homes is Kedusha and nothing less. so please learn what is and isnt kedusha and tahara before expousing your views here!!!
but i will add, the Steipler Zatzal came out very strongly against the takanos of Ger, i dont believe anyone in the coffee room is of the calibre of the steipler to are argue with him.
so without going into details, the takanos are wrong, the joke about the grocery store is sadly not a joke!!! it is the reality!!! and that is why the Steipler came out so strong against it.
as my Rov once put it, nature beckons and if we try to fight the nature that Hashem created in this world then only bad comes from it. Hashem made the world to run a certain way, intimacy is part of nature and the torah stipulates how this works, to fight it is fighting nature and IT DOESNT WORK!!!!! not for anyone!!!!
as i began, i have much to say, based on fact, out of respect to the coffee room, the mods, and the readers i am witheld from writing them, i wish i could but i cant.
Chocandpatience
you are right, you may have been out a couple of years but those who were there know that nothing has changed and nothing is going to change for at least the next 100 years or so.
i lived there, grew up there and so i know.
Leah2222 – chocandpatience was more accurate
Zahavasdad –
although i havent always seen eye to eye with Yechezkel, in this instance he is right, i dont think this forum is the right place to discuss certain disasters that have occured in certain communities, lets not play dumb
nevertheless, in all fairness, i know of a number of shudduchim that came about as a result of a boy and girl standing behind each other at the counter before these rules were in place, one i know of is very happily married for over 30 years…..
i am not sure who took the shadchanus though, maybe old Mr. Stenhouse.
if the Shadchan doesnt give up???
thank you Hashem for making the shadchan NOT give up, that is why my wife – after saying no to me agreed to see me again and we are very hapily married today.
BTW, she doesnt understand herself today why she ever said no!
:))))
Yungerman1
of course i agree with you, we must thank Hashem for the rain that we need so much, especially since thge last number of years have been so difficult.
nevertheless, what is a Nes? breathing is a Nes, eating is a Nes, so is going to the batrooom, so is talking, so is seeing, the list is endless!!!
but what qualifies being a ‘Nes’ that we refer to it as such?? raining is a natural phenomenom that we dont usually see as a nes and that is what i meant in my comment.
but to give thanks to Hashem, to sing his praises for the rain that we need here so much!! definitly!!! every minute of the day!!!
blabla
i must say i think your post is rather obnoxious, i hope this doesnt reflect on you.
your teacheres are probably doing their best, having been a teacher for many years i have discovered that kids who think their teachers are obnoxious are usually saying that about the person they see in the mirror
and to write publicly “other than to kill them”, why??, did they try to kill you??!!, i know of kids who “killed” their teacher many times over, do you really think their teachers deserved that??!!! in most cases, not at all!!!!!
so why do you write that??!!!
i can understand school may be difficult these days, you may be feeling overwhelemed, the teachers may not empathise with you enough, and there may be a host of other problems.
and yes, maybe you want to discuss it in the coffee room and ‘some’ people here can give good empathy and advice……
but NEVER lose the respect you owe your teachers who for the most part spend days and nights, blood, money and lots of sweat, to give you the best experience possible, to give you the best opportunity to make your life the best possible.
even if things get tough, never for one minute should we forget to give them the respect that they deserve.
and imagine she is here in the coffee room reading your post, how would she feel???
No, this is not a Nes, this is the way it should be.
the Gemarrah in Taanis says that if it would not rain on the night they started saying Vsen Tal Umatar, the Perushim would immediately begin to fast, only the Amei Haaretz would wait a month before beginnig to fast.
nevertheless, obviously klal yisroel must have zechusim since many here in Israel dont remember the last time it rained at all the night of starting to say tal umatar.
let us hope this is the beginning of geula and yeshua for everyone, each according to his needs and it should be a year of Shafa for everyone.
Shabbat Shalom to all.
i know i am replying a little late but if you sre still hungry you can come over to my home and i will cook you up something good to eat……
somehow i think you will have to wait till 120 and then when you get to Gan Eden you will finally find that ‘perfect’ Shul,
till then….
sam2
i fully agree with what you wrote.
i have seen people that misbehave very successful at work and making lots of money.
i have seen people who are more machmir than machmir who didnt succeed at all.
so yes, maybe somone who was machmir was successful, but still every business, place, city, even country and its ways, attitudes and work ethics.
what works for one may not neccassarily work for the next.
ultimately, every boss and every worker must be careful and watch themselves and not let ‘work’ take them to other places they should not be going.
The Goq
i cant disagree with you more.
Gentiles are also commanded not to serve AZ and so it is a MItzvah to belittle the AZ and show the stupidity of it.
i think scissors’s husband was Mekadesh Shem Shomayim, i wish i would have the opportunity to do an equal Kiddush Hashem!!!
we should be a light unto the nations, true, but when it comes to AZ we should belittle and mock it and show them how wrong it is.
i recall a story i once heard, funny i dont recall with who, about a kid whose father had a AZ store, big ones, little ones, and some old lady came with a white loaf of bread or something other food and he smashed all the AZ with a sledgehammer except for the biggest one and when his father came home he told his father how they had all been fighting and the gig bad guy took the hammer and smashed the little guys so that he got the food.
boy was his father angry, especially that he was making such fun of the AZ, he was mocking the AZ and although the boy one day became religious, his dad was still a gentile.
i dont know why the boy was making fun when he should have been a light unto the nations, actually i think he was a light unto the nations……
so maybe my morah got the story wrong!!
or maybe it is a MItzvah to belittle AZ.
SOOOOO!! where exactly do the buddahs wash up after lunch? and do they floss or just brush their teeth???
Bein Hasdorim
You got the wording right, the meaning wrong, this is the true and correct version.
There are a few ‘special’ girls (not quite sure why these are special), most of the rest are just plain ‘good’ girls. To some it came naturally, to some hereditary and to a select few others they actually worked on themselves. These are all good girls, good middos, good looking, good personality, good acting, good sisters, will be good mothers, just good, there is nothing wrong with them, but it is true an odd few girls get singled out for a particular ‘maalah or two’ that they have. Being that there are so many ‘good’, yes, really good girls out there sometimes makes them seem abundant and excuse the expression, a cheap commodity. These ‘good’ girls sometimes become the best wives possible.
pac man
sorry if i get peronal but it is the secondthreat today that i opened and see you quote non-existent halacha.
even the source you quote is not a p’sak that a woman may not hold office. if you want to interpret it that way, maybe you may, but only for yourself but not to quote as a halacha.
if you know of a torahdik authentic source that a woman may not hold office, especialy a gentile woman in a gentile country and coulture, then i invite you to quote the source.
if not, please dont quote halachos that do not exists.
although what you wish to do on a personal level you are invited to write here as a personal opinion.
so in my opinion, yes i would vote for a woman if i felt she was competent and capable.
Pac-Man
please dont quote non-existent HALACHOS on a public website.
yes, the Halacha is a married woman covers her hair –
BUT concerning a Kallah the day of the wedding, it is steeped in MINHAG and as has correctly been written, some say before the Chuppa, some say after and some say only the next morning without going into the reasoning in this public forum.
and for your info, some say a Besulah MAY NOT cover her hair before the Chuppa so that all will see she is a besulah.
the issue here is Minhag/Chumrah and NOT halacha.
aries2756
please get real!!! Mishenichnas Adar Marbim Besimcha!!! it is just a fun homourous thread, if you didnt get around to eating breakfast, so sit down and eat now and you will see the humor.
yes, one can make light even of the serious things in life, life is too tough as it is not to make a joke once in a while.
Zeeskeit
please stop apologizing, you are a zeeskeit and i find this very funny, there is no reason to apologize, if someone finds it offensive, there are plenty of other threads to read.
and i, well i dont have a car, but i do have a motorbike and i pray that he stays on the right derech all the time.
“you are a master of your silence – and a slave of your spoken word”
as retold to me by my Kallah
wrong question!!!
if the world had ended i guess i would have ended with it, so i would not have to do anything.
not being a Posek, i will leave the Halachik discussion to my more learned friends and peers here in the CR.
BUT: this is very IMPORTANT!!!!
if you are using a digital camera, do not point it directly at the sun when you are taking a picture since it is liable to burn out the ‘eye’. it will cost you a couple of pennies to fix or replace.
it happened to me and to one or two others i know.
by the way, the picture the wolf posted is absolutly stunning!!!! how can i get a high res copy of it?
i think this is known more universally as heartburn.
i take medication for it, if left untreated it can cause real damadge to some internal organs, therefore if it is persistent and bad, you must see a Doctor,
a. to make sure all is OK
b. to treat it as neccassary
Refuah Shleima
and i thought that Mothers day was invented by Yom Tov Ehrlich when he sang his song about Matan Torah.
then it was reinforced by Avraham Fried when he sang the song again.
i am sooooo suprised to hear that this Yom Tov was around before Yom Tov Ehrlich.
maybe someone here is making a mistake??!!
BTW, when is Mothers day??
i remember a nursery rhyme,
what are little girls made of?
sugar and spice and everything nice
what are little boys made of?
frogs and smails and puppy dogs tails.
OK, thats just for the info…..
but the idea is true coz one day your boy may bring home a cockroach he found and ask you for a box to store his new pet.
get used to the idea….
as a kid we always went sunday to feed the ducks in the local park, much better than all the problems mentioned here.
i dont know where they have ducks in BP or FB but maybe on the boardwalk or somewhere close. it saves the mess and the uneaten bread falls in the water to be eaten later or by the fish.
no neighbors complain and so everyone is happy.
this answer is based on knowledge from when my grandparents passed away and from looking into some holy books.
the term unveiling is a secular term and we dont actually unveil the stone. nevertheless after the stone has been put in place there is a minhag to go to the Kever, preferably with a minyan.
the following is the list of Tehillim customarily said and in that order, 33, 15,17,72,91,104,130.
then we say the name of the deceased following the letters in 119, follwed be the letters ????. (just the name and not the parents’ name)
then some say Kaddish followed by Keil MOleh Rachamim, some say Keil Mole Rachamim and then Kaddish. (i think more correct is Keil Moleh Rachamim followed by Kaddish.)
i have seen people read out loud the text on the stone but i dont know the source.
then one can light candles, say personal prayers, etc.
may we only hear of Simchas
???? ????? ???? ???? ?’ ???? ??? ?? ????
well Mr Wolf,
i cant agree with him, i dont think you are out of your mind for not saying Hallel.
you will though excuse me for being blunt,
but i think you are out of your mind for letting his stupid foolish comment upset you and make you change your seat.
please get back into your mind….
cleverjew – i liked the strory about Hagbah, from now on this is what i am going to be doing all morning, then i am gauranteed to be a Talmid Chochom.
wow, thanks for the advice. what a handy Segulah, its even gonna put artscroll out of business.
ompradex – works for me for 24 hours. but it is prescription meds.
BTW, i live in Israel so dont know what the US equivalent is.
i must agree with what is being said above.
friends are friends and good for a cup of coffee (and some!!) but business is business and if they are real friends they will undrestand and not expect a free dinner.
maybe you could make yourself a few basic rules. you will answer friends their questions or even help them with work so long as it is less than 5 mins a week, beyond that they must pay, although as has already been mentioned, you can give them a discount.
i didnt read the story and i dont know the details but i will answer blind!
when i was getting divorced someone told me, “you couldnt have been worse than my husband, i put him in prison for what he did to me!!! today we have a great marriage” she was with her husband when she said this to me.
Divorce is NEVER a solution, it is switching one (or more) problem for many others, especially when children are involved.
if there is a realistic chance for them to get back together, if he is willing to go for help, therapy, whatever, if there is a possibilty that things will get better, then my advice is to get back together.
divorce wont run away, Beis Din aint going out of business any time soon, there is always time tomorrow to get divorced why run into it.
dont rush into divorce, definitly dont listen to those who tell you to get divorced, either they dont know what it means or they are looking for “sisters/brothers in sorrow”
RedNails19 – do you have a list for the girls too, i sure would love to see it!!
sorry, but i dont buy this thread, there is a lot of men bashing going on here, much of what was written is basic common sense anyway and if a guy doesnt have basic common sense, then just dont say hello to him again.
and now for some replies;
RedNails19: most of what you write applies to the fairer sex too. i dated somone not so far back, she came direct from work, hot, sweaty, hair was a mess….. yes, i didnt say hi to her since.
about holding the door, well this is an old kvetch of mine, but MEN GO FIRST, that is the tzinusdig halachik was to go!!!! yes, abviously after going through, you make sure the door stays open for her too!!
ZeesKeit, i liked what you wrote, you should not have apologized you were right on most counts.
dont talk about money, agreed, but hey girls, not every guy is a Rothschild!!! so go easy on him, offer to pay your own dinner (BTW, i never accept the offer but i take note when a woman offers) i dated somone who was telling me when to take her to resturants, it started getting expensive.
and if a guy slips. unless it is really bad, let it go!!! he may still just make a good husband.
but if any of you take the entire above checklist and check your date, well, sorry to say this but at 80 yo will still be writing here about looking for the guy who gets it right.
may each and every one of us be Zocheh to find his/her other/better half soon and live happily ever after.
how about coming in on a motorbike?!
a friend of mine did it and brought the Chosson in on the back….
if you are in Israel i can lend you mine.
i think whatever G-d gives us is the biggest brochah, no difference if its a boy or girl!!!!!
and i thought from the header that it was a question, if you have had enough of your present spouse, how easy is it to change spouses. like can i pick one up in a second hand shop….??
i once heard the story of the guy who went to the Kosel and saw his friend there at the wall crying and wailing like never before, thinking what terrible tragedy must have befallen his friend he runs over to him and says, “yankel, what happened”??
“oy!, said Yankel, “all my friends are already on their second or third wife and i am still stuck with my first”!!!
sad, maybe not funny, but too true!!!
we are living in a dispoasable world where we want to keep on changing instead of being happy with what weve got.
so to answer the original question, anyone marrying their spouse in the hope they will change and be someone else, should rather stay single!!!
and this is my ‘two sense’
i think the it is a sad day when this becomes a public question.
what does it bother you to say a simple ‘thank you’???
YES, YES, YES, say thank you as often as possible and to whoever there is even a slight reason to say it. it doesnt hurt, it makes people feel good, it doesnt cost you money, and ultimately, what goes around – comes around.
it is like asking ‘do we say thank you to the bus driver’? too often i have heard people say, well he gets paid to do his job, why does he deserve a thnak you? the answer is, he did you a favor and took you from A to B!! it makes no differnece he is getting paid, he did you a favor say thank you!!!!!
you went to the grocer and he has the almost good enough product, you were too lazy to go a further two blocks to get the better stuff, so what??!!! you bought something, he brought it there for you, no differnece that he wants your custom and needs you, say thank you!!!!
or maybe i will never thank my parents agian for all they do for me, after all, they caused me to be born, so they owe me everything they give me!!!! does that make sense to someone????
and my wife, i will never thank her either, she married me, she has to do everything for me!!! maybe that makes sense to someone???!!!! of course we say thank you, whether she owes me or not, in fact the more she owes me the more i should be grateful and thnak her!!!!
it never hurts to say thank you, if only to make the checkout girl feel good, say thank you!!!!
and ultimately, if we say thank you more often, we are ultimately training ourselves and making ourselves a person who has Hakaras Hatov, so becoming a better person. in this way, we also grow to appreciate more all that Hashem does for us bringing us closer to Hashem and the Geula Shleimah!!!.
thank you all for reading!
edited
i think the SK stands for the words “so kool”
like my broski, my brother is so kool
or doorski – its kool to go through the door.
or icecremski – really kool ice cream.
the “I” i am not really sure, i think it was an add-on by the chassidim who daven nusach ari……
the answer to the above question:
NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVRE EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVRE EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVRE EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVRE EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVRE
DIVORCE IS NEVER A BETTER OPTION!!!! A THOUSAND MILLION TIMES NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
have i expressed myself clearly enough. the question is wrong, because divorce is never a better option.
i will agree though that in the rare case it is the ONLY option, never better, but in most divorce cases, the couple (both) should be lined up against the wall, given “six of the best” and told to start behaving themselves.
there is no “product” of divorce that does not carry the scares with him for life!!
the child didnt ask to be born, but if the parents produced him/her, the child is entitled to his/her birthright of two parents raising him/her together.
but we live in a disposable world and so marriages too have become disposable, something to be discarded if it gets a little hard, instead of both sides giving up their pride and working on the marriage like growups should.
so please, let no-one think for even a remote second that divorce can ever be a better option!!!
the best bubby
i must take issue with what you wrote, i dont know when you were last in Gateshead, but,
1. the Rabbonim never decided how much to pay the help, there is a standard going rate, but it was never a rule
2. girls from both Seminaries help Thursday night. i was recently invited to eat by somone Friday night in Bnei Brak, it turned out his wife was my mothers thursday night helper, so you know where she learnt to make Chicken soup.
3. the girls going out to help learn tremendously valuable parenting, social and other family oriented skills. they derive tremendous benefit and it is only to their advantage.
4. under what asis do you say that the new sem is less academic and therefor teach more life skills. i dont think it is true, it is a differnet style, meant for different (maybe more open) type of girls, and it was set up to give more life skills. it filled a need that was missing. both seminaries are excellent just this focuses here and this one there.
5. one of the main differences is that the old sem is a three year program, the new is only two years.
6. i am not usually so patriotic, but there is plenty to do in Gateshead, it boasts the biggest mall in Europe, many times bigger than the mall of America, (i was in both) the girls go there plenty, there is beach, there is country walks, there is ice skating, there is a park with boating, and then there is Newcastle with plenty of Museums and castles and what not. trust me the girls dont get bored.
7. it is true that the store has seperate hours for boys and girls, excellent rule for a city with 2 stores only, but over 700 boys and girls of all ages in the various mosdos. B”H Gateshead can boast a minimal of underhand behaviour.
8. the dorms are fine, the showers give more than a trickle and the food is actually quite good, so says my sister. but yes, food can get expensive.
Professianal
i can only say i was recently (last year) involved with a girl from a terribly broken home that went there. she grew by leaps and bounds and came out two years later a differnet person. so possibly it doesnt help some, but i believe the majority have big benefit.
Hummingbird,
you have done your homework pretty well.
being a single parent, albeit male, with a similar question coming up, i think the only ones qualified to answer this is a Rabbi (or similar) that knows you, your daughter and the school well.
having said that, i grew up in Gateshead, (for better or for worse), i know Rabbi Katz, and i know the system somewhat, my sister learnt there, and i will say the following, that there is no question girls that go to Gateshead come out different people, the grow, they mature, they develope, they advance in every which way….
so yes, if you can manage the seperation, the financial burden, the downside of sending your daughter away then there is no question your daughter can have tremendous benefit from these two years.
in addition, i agree with tzippi, she doesnt need to come home 4 times a year, many friends will host her some of the vacations.
edited
good luck with whatever you choose to do and may G-d help you make the right decision.
@derechHamelech
i think you left out the most important part of your post.
whats the recipe??? who doesnt want to try a new Challah dough recipe
SHOULD THE WIFE HAVE TOTAL CONTROL???????
WOW!!!! i wasnt even aware there was an option!!! when does the wife NOT have control of everything??
the husband is just a guest and should do as he is told!!!
INTERNET??? whats it doing in the house anyway??!!!
probably because they are tired and dont have the strength to have the correct Kavonos.
i used to say Perek Shira at night until someone told me it cant be said at night, so i went into Rav Chaim Kanievsky shlita and asked him if there is such a rule and he told me i can say it whenever i want. so now i still say it at night.
good night
and i think that people here have it all wrong!!!!
has anyone thought of going over and just crying with the parents!!!, not giving Chizuk (wrong time) not giving advice (what do you know) cut the nisyonos talk (no-one is looking for such a nisayon) cut the advice and chizuk that may be oh so out of place and just sit and cry with the parents!!!!
Rav Segal zatzal, the Msnchester Rosh Yeshivah used to call up people to be menachem avel, and cry on the phone, not say anything just cry!!!! and then he would hang up the phone.
at times so difficult as this, that only someone who sadly enough experienced it has any kind of right to SAY anything, only someone who experienced it can know what to say, everyone else should save their words and chizuk and just cry.
because there is no greater nechama that to see someone who is able to cry with you and feel your pain.
i am lucky enough to live in Israel, so i dont suffer from this serious problem.
but as i recall from my parents’ home, they would give a gift for the new year and wish them a happy new year, it is close enough and then you dont have the x-messy problem.
Dear Uncle Homeowner.
my husband joins me in thanking you for that beautiful gift you gave us the occasion of our wedding back in 2008.
what with all the wrapping paper, toiveling all the gifts, setting up house and then getting pregnant and having triplets, it took time to get around to writing this letter and i do apologize for the delay.
may we merit to always share in each others simchos and i want to assure you that next time you give us a gift, you wont wait three and a half years for the thank you note. i know it caused you great distress to wait for this note.
with great love,
your niece and nephew,
tikvah and moishe.
p.s. we had triplets two months ago, i am not sure if you got around to sending us a gift……