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Please don’t think I’m casting any kind of aspersions on Ner Israel but before sending your son away, anywhere, think: are there decent options locally? If he goes, can you bring him home/travel to visit him often? Do you have people there who will have his back to some degree, e.g. family, old friends, etc.?
Any flies on the wall, especially for this morning?
They all have great potential.
All have several elementary schools; there are distinct differences and yet they are very similar and have a lot of crossover; in any event come high school the boys mish quite well.
Both offer good high schools too; even though people do send their boys away the options are there.
Chicago is bigger and doesn’t have the same small town feel, though it’s still not exactly NY. You’ll be able to get a lot more house for your money in the other cities. There is the feel among older people that when they see a strange face it’s a bit disconcerting because you still expect to know everyone.
I assume you have good parnasa opportunities in each city?
Is proximity to extended family a factor?
Womanoutsidebrooklyn, I sympathize and see it all over.
For people struggling with thyroid issues who can’t seem to lose weight, make sure your doctor is testing you, nonitoring and dosing you properly. Anyone who’s only had a TSH and was told s/he’s normal had better get a hold of the numbers and double check.
Have some seichel, would you recommend that people who are fifty lbs. overweight gain another fifty to qualify for surgery?
Are they courting subscribers outside the tri state area?
Some good reading materisl: Rabbi Leff’s articles and books on Shabbos, Shabbos Secrets by Rabbi Meisels. Others I can’t think of.
And check out http://www.azrieljaffe.com and her link to the chatzos group.
WIY, I am a proud granddaughter of grandparents who managed to keep Shabbos. But there are reliable heterim given under extenuating circumstances for yarmulkes. Of course, each person has to ask, and be prepared to be told he doesn’t have the option.
So re p_b_a: you think the heimish men’s stores should do away with portly suits?
Can you give more details?
If not, how about “yehi ratzon seyemalie Hashem kol mishalos libchem l’tovah”?
R’ GAW, that’s why I said there’s some middle ground. I haven’t read it yet; we get it courtesy of the USPS, almost inevitably after Shabbos and I try to save it for the following Shabbos. But from looking at the question (that much I allow myself) I would need more info: what kind of activity? Appropriate? Ridiculous? Lots more details; Aries put it well.
Oh, sure, and also, gemachs, please don’t let the plus size simcha gowns be taken in more than one size so the extra material can be kept in for letting out again.
Wanderingchana, what about 12 seaters?
Here, in out of town (does that explain it all?) I’ve seen LOTS of red cars (cue out to Twilight Zone music, because I don’t get it otherwise)
To MosheRose: “Tachas asher lo avadcha es Hashem Elokecha b’simcha…”
Probably a redefinition of simcha is in order; I would hate to condemn someone to a life of unhappiness.
BP Totty, thanks for the clarification, because otherwise I too would have feared what message you were giving your son.
The Hamodia articles were interesting, in context. Yes, there’s the (apocryphal?) story of the guy who hid his yarmulke on route to an interview, last minute decision, and did NOT get the job due to a perception that he wouldn’t stick to his principles.
OTOH, last year Rabbi Reisman spoke about nisyonos of the work place. Didn’t advocate ditching the yarmulke but evidently, the way he spoke it may still be an issue for some. But as time goes by, there are probably progressively fewer people for whom this is so.
Last year R’ Birnbaum had an article riffing on Dennis Prager’s “excitement detoxification” theory (he gave credit to him). No one’s saying to throw out all your toys and let the kids have the fridge box, but there’s a middle ground between the two posters so far. Sometimes everyone really IS doing it. (And don’t hesitate to call everyone to confirm.) But parents can put their feet down, either out of practicality or hashkafa. Under the circumstances there has to be some sort of alternative; or at least, a really good, strong, upbeat family ethos that will make it easy for the child to mekabel.
I’m very curious what the outing is.
I mentioned this idea on the other thread: the numbers don’t count, there can be a daas yachid or close to it who is yet widely respected and thus can be followed. But one would do well to be sure that s/he is following a live expositor of those shitos, for the reality check value and to have a shaichus to someone IRL.
My eyes are glazing over big time.
Last week’s Yated had a must-read letter from Rabbi Shmuel Bloom. If I was more techno-savvy I’d post it here but I’m not about to type it all over. What I’ll glean from it re this discussion is: if someone has a rav, even if he is kind of a daas yachid, but who is widely respected [he didn’t say this but I might suggest the Rav] kol hakavod.
BUT to claim such a rav as your rav, he’d better be alive, or have respectable talmidim who are carrying on and espousing his legacy and who can be consulted.
Leaving aside the secular learning (and one might argue that this came from a noted apologist, but in Breuer’s we were taught that secular knowledge was a “handmaiden”, auxiliary to Torah, which is supreme) we are all living under the profound influence of Rav Hirsch. Look at his Torah and other hashkafa, as taught in BY’s all over; that’s where Sora Schneirer drew her inspiration and it has since pervaded BY curricula.
Myfriend, not nogeiah to me, but some people would need Sunday to drive back through the woods and over the river.
FWIW, navidad means nativity. Not the same issues as xmas.
Scratching my head here. My BY had a menahel (shlit”a) who was mekurav to one of the gedolei hador. I can’t remember a single year that at least one teacher didn’t say that while we should be grateful every day it is good to have a day to focus on living in this malchus shel chesed, if we had to be somewhere else besides E”Y.
That said, we didn’t celebrate because my father was makpid on not eating a heavy fleishig meal so close to Shabbos, unless it was a real yom tov.
But I’ve heard repeatedly that there’s nothing wrong with getting together with family if this a time that is convenient. And think of all the people with non observant family who all have off at the same time and can find a nice, neutral day to get together.
And be very generous with
– por favor
– gracias
– the universal smile, same in every language.
Talk straight…and sit up clearly.
Men, I’m sure you can find some fine cheap black hats in department or discount stores. Start a trend!
Smartcookie, you may want to find another place to get the info you need.
(For the record, I have bought cheap wigs, beauty supply, Especially Yours [a division of Paula Young that has my color], etc. but I do understand the difference.)
Can we get back to the scheduled program and leave the anti sem proselytizing for other threads? I just saw an ad for Lahav, and unlike Mezuraz there were no names in the ad. Anyone know who the menahel(es) is, teachers, etc.? Thanks.
Minyan gal, a few years ago I heard the author of..can’t remember the name of the book, something like The Modern Jewish Mom’s Guide to Making Shabbat. It was a sweet book, and heartening, though skimpy on the Shabbat day. I asked her about it and she said, she and her family are a work in progress and hope to get there some day.
I’m bringing this up because just as there’s a whole dimension to Shabbos – the day – that is neglected in the non observant world (though there is attention paid to Friday night and havdalah) there is, similarly, so much to Jewish life (and a Jewish woman’s life) besides what you detail.
I’ll tell you a great story I just heard at a national women’s program from the Tiferes division of the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation (possibly still showing again in your area) about a group of merchants who met with the Chofetz Chaim. He told them, You’re coming to me for inspiration and are probably expecting me to tell you to take on something extra, an extra learning seder, etc. I won’t. My advice to you won’t involved any extra action on your part. But think: right now you spend most of your day at work, which is honorable, but not a mitzvah. There are so many holes in your life, the hours in which you’re not involved in active growth. Imagine if you could turn that into a mitzvah. If you start your day thinking, I am engaging in the honorable mitzvah of taking care of a child of the Creator [myself], or my family, or being able to help my community and Torah scholars. Then, everything becomes a mitzvah.
I’m not doing justice to the speaker’s delivery; she was awesome. But the point is, living Jewishly can be so enriching and I hope you get equal satisfaction from your life outside shul too.
To Cherrybim: from what I heard, Rav Aharon also paid his kollel members. Not gloriously, but consistently and from the start.
Addicted, thank. I completely forgot about Lakewood. In addition to this new sem there is an established one.
And this new one is outside Lakewood, not in it? What kind of dorm facilities will there be?
I also forgot about the sem/college in Chicago. (WITS?)
Soright, it would be interesting to poll all the 50+ maggidei shiur, etc. and see how long they learned full time before starting to teach, etc. Five years meant long term, back in the day.
Sure.
There are sems in NY but besides BYBP I don’t know which offer dorm facilities.
In Baltimore there’s Maalot and Bina.
In Cleveland, Yavne.
In Detroit, the Detroit Teachers’ Seminary.
There are Chabad sems in NY and Fla.
If you want to go to Canada, there are sems in Toronto and Montreal.
I’m not enamored of these kinds of lists because yeah, it shows, how over the last century we Jews were into bettering the world, but there’s a lot more to our history, and a lot more to who we are now. Not to mention the fact that sometimes unworthy people can win these prizes too.
But anyway, to paraphrase a joke, if you don’t know the difference I’m not sending you grocery shopping.
Aries, they can’t promote it and push kollel at the same time.
To PY: No, but it would make an excellent name for an rock band.
Minyan gal, we’re a little different than the Amish, not just in the fact that here we are communicating by puter but we have a different attitude toward integrating the physical world into our lives in a spiritual way.
Back to the original post: the question is, what do we include in acceptable outlets. There is so much out there – sports, music, woodwork, crafts, this is the tip of the iceberg. If I read one more time, smoking’s the only acceptable outlet and chill because most guys give it up when they hit shidduchim…well, you’ll all hear the scream.
Tooperfect, I would never want such a “catch” as a son in law.
And while there is merit in accountability, and possibly some sort of meritocracy, I do know men who have simply sat and learned, not going on to a shteller, a shiur, etc., possibly becoming an informal shoel umeishiv, writing sefarim on inyanim they attained bekius in (yeah, lots of $$$ there), and more. They’re not all bitter and feeling impotent.
No one prepares anything? Fish, salads, etc.?
Metrodriver, that’s beautiful in theory, but
a) what kind of part time work?
b) when do they get the training?
c) at that point can they get by on a part time salary?
This is kind of the theory of the learner/earner model, which in its truer form, of the boys already primed for working by the time they were married, could really prolong the learning of many. I know of a professional who was able to pull this off. Yes, he invested a few years of training (happened that he got married late) but he was working half day, learning 2 sedarim till his mid thirties. (I said prolong the learning of many; of course he, and others like him, are still seriously learning even though they work full time now.)
I’ve been frisked, probably because of long skirts and shirts in summer, but even in winter. The type of body search they’re talking about now is kind of distasteful absent some serious cause.
Three words: “Chemotherapy as Metaphor.”
Absent a grinder or (mini, might be worth it) food processor, a hand grater.
You could try a “no reading till dessert” rule, or something like that.
2 questions: what’s s/he reading and where’s the couch? If s/he’s picking up a Jewish paper or book, and the couch is basically in the same room, not a terribly big deal.
May I suggest losing the apostrophe in the title?
I tasted ptcha, which wouldn’t have been that unusual, but it was at a reception, and there were gourmet mushrooms being sauteed at the same station. Now that’s fusion cooking!
Raq, I don’t think clever is misogynistic but is picking up on that in some parts of the frum world.
Also, it’s entirely possible that one will find that the stereotypical yeshivish milieu isn’t for him/her, but let’s not deny that there is great beauty there. There may be many narrow-minded people but there are also people who are narrow (in insulating themselves and editing their exposure) without being narrow-minded, who are full of ahavas Yisrael. The read deal IS out there.
Part and parcel of being in galus is that there is no clarity; and in this day in age it is especially easy to grow cyncical. (Rabbi Frand has a great tape on this, about leitzanus.) Trite as it is, think of the famous story about Simon Weisenthal and Rav Eliezer Silver. Don’t focus on the people who are selling their souls, focus on the people who nourish their souls and others’.
Hatzlacha!
“what dressing shlumpy leads to”
SHLUMPY! It ends in an “ee” which rhymes with P which stands for pool!
There you go, folks.
Not having access to the sources, did the Rav endorse coed schools or allow them under given circumstances?
Leaving aside dina demalchusa dina (and I wish people wouldn’t) it’s stupid; there’ve been cases where the music companies have come after people and they’ve lost their shirts over it.
WIY, not ignoring you but I only want to discuss this in theory, not give my opinion on the case I assume you’re referring to, which is tangential to the original thrust of thread, yes?
If you get a front load you’ll want to get a newer model, to be sure that all the kinks – like possible mold buildup – have been ironed out.
Not sure how large your family is, but you might want to get one with small AND large load options.