tzippi

JFem, I don’t understand why knees are attractive myself. The most elegant length is just past mid calf, IMO, though I wear longer.

A lot depends on minhag hamakom. Generally, to feel comfortable anywhere, women should keep their collarbones, elbows and knees covered; I do feet too but there are communities that are more liberal and I don’t mean MO.

I think this a CYLOR issue, and everyone who considers him/herself observant should have a rav/rebbetzin/mashpia to ask questions of and bounce things off of.

Re Heshy: no relation.

Shindy (q. #2): surely someone will bring a source but the short answer – I don’t think so and I’m not comfortable with it. I might extend the first name to a few more family members, such as brothers- and sons in law, cousins, nephews, etc.

Re Heshy, and your daughter and the parasha, and maybe “I will be one of them”: regardless of whether or not she ever sees Readers Write, what you have to start doing now is making sure her sense of self-worth is strong, and that regardless of her marital status, she can be a contributing member of klal Yisrael (something a well-run high school chessed program and family chessed can provide). This way she’ll never feel in crisis-mode. Sounds like you want what’s best for her, so I doubt this is any chiddush, but had to say it anyway.

eggs – you can go simple, sunny side up, scrambled, etc. or you can make omelets (especially if nice veggies like mushrooms go on sale), fritatas, etc. You can go fleishig, e.g. salami or sliced hot dogs and eggs. And if you object to nitrates, you can buy the nitrate free kind; more expensive but a little will go a long way.

stuffed potatoes – bake potatoes (taste much better oven baked than nuked), cut off tops, scoop out insides, mash (mix with marg/butter, powdered soup mix or spices, milk, your choice), refill potatoes and bake for a few minutes. (This rebaking I do do in the microwave.) You can add all sorts of veg to the potatoes. Broccoli – frozen with a hechsher – may not be cheap but you can add a small amount and make it feel more luxurious without breaking the bank.

homemade pizza – making your own pizza dough is really easy, and doesn’t always require proofing the yeast, which saves time. Another time saver – prepare the pizza the night before and put in your freezer, to bake when you get home if you work or are out during the day; just add a little extra to the baking time. As has been mentioned, buy the 5 lb. bricks and shred. I bought a good quality hand grater for about $6 – paid itself off in no time, and grating a lb. or two at a time only takes a few minutes. Incidentally, my kids noticed the improved quality of the cheese, much better than pre-shredded so they actually feel spoiled, as if we’re getting the better stuff. (I guess we are 😉

re Heshy: and if the girl has older siblings she’ll know a bit about the shidduch insanity anyway. And as for questions, that’s the whole point!!!! Kids, and I include early teens, should know that there is a rich body of literature of hashkafa that, like so much of the body of knowledge they may or may not learn systematically, but it’s there, if needed.

Sounds like Dov Haller’s story, In Black and White.

What do you let her read? Sounds like she’s very limited, and is either not a big reader or reading stuff you may not know about.

LakewoodBubby, one of Rabbi Avigdor Miller’s grandsons, I think Rabbi Brog, quoted his zeide as having said that when he was raising his children, he davened that they should keep kosher and know how to learn a lttle mishnayos (or something along these lines); he couldn’t imagine being zoche to more than that.

We’ve come full circle. I don’t get the people who are raising children to be gedolei hador. If my children are shomer Shabbos, have an enthusiasm for Yiddishkeit and love each other I will be greatful beyond belief. We can’t take anything for granted.

I have to say that as has been mentioned, you can say that there are two kinds of ways of going off the derech. To see a child grow up focused and aware of his/her dignity is no small potatoes in this day and age either.

There are two excellent tapes/essays by Rabbi Frand. One is on cynicism-leitzanus. The other, not exacly apropos to this thread but still magnificent, is an essay called To Give is Divine.

I had never heard of the long-standing minhag to give money gifts to teachers till we were well into our school career, and unable to give enough to all 50+ teachers. What teachers have appreciated are personal thank you notes, including mention of a donation made to a meaningful tzedaka. (There are local tzedakas that let us give a block amount, amortize it among the teachers and it doesn’t come to much but the thought definitely does count.) Then, if class mothers go above and beyond the line of duty and organize a class gift, I will participate in that too, even if it’s a stretch for us,out of gratitude for the class mother’s efforts, and to give a more “balabatishe” (you should pardon the expression) gift.

re toeiva marriage: He’s NOT for it, and there is major flack being given in the toeiva community against all the people who they thought should have been with them for having experienced discrimination themselves. This is going to be one of the defining issues in 21st century America, IMO, and B”H we won’t be alone in the so-called faith community on this.

re feivel: why hyper patients should avoid RAI even though the vast majority of the endocrinologists in the US recommend it:

It will leave a patient hypO for life, and not all docs modulate it well. (I have undying thanks to Rebbetzin Weisenfeld zt”l for bringing up that point, which made me think it over.)

The risk of developing thyroid eye disease increases; if already present it will almost definitely be exacerbated.

Many more reasons. Check out the graves_support@yahoogroup board. The homepage, when I last checked it out is excellent.

To the olam: does this win the prize for greatest tangent from the original topic 😉

I don’t know if this applies in all states but in mine, kids under 18 must take driving classes and have 6 hours of driving with an instructor. In addition to the hours required. (And I don’t care about everyone else, we kept a log.) Those hours do make a big difference. Even though they started their instruction within the year of the state age minimum for licenses, no one had their hours in before.

Then, once they get their license, there are still ground rules, the state’s, and the home’s.

I once heard a fascinating and beautiful series (series, and even then the person speaking said it was just the tip of the iceberg) on why bad things happen to good people. From a very, very kosher source, BTW. What you suggested, Gila, are just some of the possibilities. No one can, or SHOULD, try to figure out specifically why one got a certain nisayon. Maybe, maybe speaking directly to a rav who personally knows you may shed some light, but as you look for reasons behind the suffering, just know you will not find THE reason, and that’s not a bad thing in this world. I’ve very impressed with the posts so far and hope they give you some chizuk.

Gila, Rav Matisyohu shlit”a is English. I can’t believe he said that, or that, if he did, he meant it to be circulated. Please go to your source and get an exact quote or the circumstances.

Yes, Gila, whatever is in the outside world does tend to seep into the Jewish world, doesn’t it.

JewishFem, 5’4″ and size 12 can be great! The girl would weight what, 140? Moderately overweight according to some charts but healthy and attractive. Why do we have to label like that?

And GILA, were you in a rush? Is it that hard not feel good about yourself if you’re not THIN??? Slim, maybe I could hear, without worrying to much about the opiner’s self-image, but thin isn’t even always attractive.

I have a good friend who has some moderately overweight daughters who are the BEST catches – beautiful features that they make the most of and more important is what’s inside, how competent, talented, charming etc. they are. These girls have every right to feel really good about themselves and what they have to offer the world, and sorry for those who don’t appreciate them.

I’ve raised a bunch of girls myself so I’ve worked very hard not to obsess about my weight (considerably more than when I married but then again, I have considerably more kids 😉 but I do care for my health, eat healthily and exercise. And they know that numbers on a scale are meaningless to their father.

re insurance guy: Once I asked the shadchan about going to Dor Yesharim (not that serious but wanted to catch something before it got too serious; no need for heartbreak) and he said, I’ll ask the other side but you do know that some people feel it’s inappropriate, tamim tih’ye etc. My answer was, then it’s a good thing we’re doing this now because I would want to find that out too. This is a mindset that I suppose is legitimate for people who are consistent, but for the rest of us, that is for most of us, it is not our derech, and Queen of Persia, we are NOT obligated to ask the shaila because we have a different mesora in this inyan and this general approach to life.

It might just be prudent if only because you won’t be able to get to Canada with just a birth certificate and there will be a big rush as the deadline approaches.

Jewishfeminist, one of – to me at least – the most effective approaches to teaching tznius focuses on the meaning of the pasuk in Micha, walk humbly with Hashem. This applies to men too, yes?

Thanks for all the input.

I do have an appreciation for vegetarianism, such as the modern factories’ pollution, and avoiding red meat. But I have met people with physical conditions, such as rapid metabolism due to endocrine disorder, people on the specific carbohydrate diet for Crohn’s and other IBDs, and it’s very difficult to them to maintain health while avoiding all animal protein.

re zevi8 and jewishfeminist: I have a question on this week’s parsha that you may be able to help me with. I just started a cursory review of Parshas Noach for Partners in Torah and came across this: that Noach was told to bring extra kosher animals for sacrificing after the mabul. I haven’t done further research yet but – and I am extrememly serious about this – I wonder if you have and what insights you may have.

Why was he told to bring sacrifices? It couldn’t have been because he was entrenched in animal sacrifice and this was something on his comfort level. Hashem was reworking the world and surely wouldn’t have encouraged something that wasn’t 100% to ensure getting off to a good start. Apparently there is something to all the other mefarshim besides Rambam in the concept of sacrifice, which has its etymological origin in the root karov, coming close. Or is there something else?

Re poppa bar etc.: No, our first priority has to be, what do our children need to build a bayis neeman. What do our children need to do to grow into the people who will build a bayis neeman. Understanding diet, nutrition and health may fall under the rubric. Concentrating on getting thin – THIN?!?!, not even slim??? – does not.

How about working backwards, from where the boy or girl is now? By the time one gets to some so-called red flags in the earlier years, one can then ask appropriate people if this is behavior that was outgrown or if it should still be of concern. I put it this way because by the time one digs that deep, and finds red flags, hopefully there are enough positive things to outweigh it, and lead to overlooking.

Will we be allowed to keep our medical and dental insurance?