tzippi

AZ, it may not be a lot of money from the shadchan’s side but what if it’s a lot from the parents’? And is this just parents of the girls, or both sides?

As it is, I’ve seen amazing, beautiful efforts for hachnasas kallah in US communities, but if this is going to be added to the burden (and I’m talking about the working poor, who get help from the community to make a simple chasuna – not support, furniture, just the chasuna, rather than let the girls go unmarried) I think that’s absolutely untenable.

Detroit really sounds like it could fit the bill; unfortunately it hasn’t seen the growth it really deserves. Maybe this year, if it’s true that BYBP is closing…?

GREAT! Ask the question! Of course. We’ve bought flowers or otherwise expressed our gratitude to shadchanim (in this case, lay shachanim), and they found it appropriate enough that they came up with names again.

But it is really disingenuous to bounce around such an idea, say that you spoke to rabbanim who will start implementing this in various communities (Watch this space!) then say, nah, all I meant was to get people to start showing hakaras hatov. What gives?

Pashute, my apologies. It too me another reading to get what you’re saying.

There’s thinking outside the box, broadening your horizons, etc. but if you know your kids, what they’ll need to build a happy bayis neeman, then I’m sure you’re doing everything you can. May you dance at your kids’ chasunas b’shaa tova (and it should be obvious it couldn’t have been any sooner) and see many doros yesherim.

IF, and I say IF, the mother in law asks for it with full knowledge of the girl, she must provide and pay for her own handwriting sample. (If both are maskim, it’s probably a shidduch 😉

And heaven help us if she uses an old sample from a yearbook….

May I suggest changing the name of this thread to Maaser, as masser has different meanings?

This would be fascinating followup to anyone who wants to try:

Go to a local rav. Propose this idea. Include the comment about the community coughing up if a person is unable to foot the bill. Ask what yashrus dictates as far as implementing this. Share details with us. If at all possible (anyway to do this anonymously through the moderator to protect one’s ID?) share the rav’s name.

I feel for you. But could you clarify what you mean?

600kilo, in some way, I get how these frum boxers make a kiddush Hashem. But it’s still terrible to make a parnassa in a job where you know you’ve succeeded if and only if you’ve done some physical harm to another person.

I would say, like HIPPA, let the kids decide who they want to allow to talk with the shadchan, even informally. I think that my kids, if older, would still value my opinion.

Devil’s advocate, we don’t know if he catches the shmuz, or listens to kosher radio and the occasional shmuz, etc. For all we know, he may do exactly what you’re saying.

Do you mean, BTW, to advocate a fellow sitting in yeshiva with a Midrash Says to pass the time?

Chasdei Hashem, that while for whatever reason he can’t get into learning, he’s still committed to staying on the derech. That says a LOT in my opinion. AND another factor is not so much a situation like this but how the family handles it. Sounds like they’re getting an A on that score too. Sounds like a GREAT family to be meshadech with.

To bombmaniac: I don’t give a lecture. Not worth the effort.

This morning I was in the gas station and the cashier wished me a blessed day when she handed me my receipt. I smiled warmly and said, Thanks, you too. (You can smile, omit, the thanks, say back at you.) What did I lose? Maybe she’ll treat the next overtly frum customer nicely. Who knows?

The comments section is kind of like instant letters to the editor, difference being that since space isn’t an issue, most letters will get “published.” I have to weigh the fun of that aspect with being intellectually honest (I basically agree with you).

aj-briskdude, it’s a sad state of affairs that outlets like music and shop are no longer in for the good boys. I don’t know if it’s still done but a quarter century ago it was the really good guys in a major yeshiva who visited and performed in nursing homes erev Shabbos.

So we’ve got to the point where it’s either or, huh, smoking, or pool…

(I wonder if this is contributing to the shidduch crisis.)

to PY: just pointing out that a lot of famous people have Jewish sons in law, or intermarried themselves. Does it give you that kind of pride, or warm fuzzies, in every case?

I’m just including this here if the mods allow. There was a thread on the meeting with Obama, the professor and policeman. My comment was the one that seemed to have closed it. I was merely commenting on a previous comment that I though might have been intended to be offensive. I did not mean MINE to be, and hope no one understood it that way.

It was what was starting to come in after your post that closed it. -77

About Morey Amsterdam: Didn’t he have a real life bar mitzvah in his seventies?

Wow, four months already?

And how many more kegs has the pres. gone through? I don’t think it’s gonna happen.

To Pashuteh Yid: Have you read Shtickshift by Simcha Weinstein? Interesting take on the impact of Jewish humor in America.

What does the olam like? If this is a gathering of family and friends who don’t always share your Shabbos table, make an old family favorite. Repeat yourself if it went over well. Go with a theme only if it won’t bring you lots of stress; or better yet, let the theme be Shabbos…dessert.

Actually I don’t know you well enough to say I would use your judgment. Should have just been, “use your judgment.”

If a person is acting in a way that “shem Shayayim misaheiv” al libo, I doubt levush is an issue. But the public menorah stuff is a different story. I’m sure there are places where it’s handled well, is still so far overshadowed by the dominant culture that it’s not in anyone’s face, etc. and in those cases, kol hakavod.

Have you been to a doctor/podiatrist?

And have you tried duct tape? Even doctors say it’s effective.

Es chatai ani mazkir, but I listen to liberal radio. It is clear that the public option is simply a stepping stone for single payer; that IS the ultimate goal.

Right now I just heard an interview on an Air America program with Marlo Thomas, focusing on her work with St. Jude Hospital. The hostess gushed, look at the success rates with childhood cancer they have – see what happens when no one is turned away and money is spent! If it weren’t erev Shabbos I would call in – all that money is from private funding and philanthropy, isn’t it? What comes from the government? Can someone crunch the numbers and see what would happen if they would rely on government funding?

To melechmalko: what you have to say is interesting. I’ve heard that when boys usually look at a few girls, these are girls who have already said YES. This is why girls often do their checking out and give the yeses to the boys first.