tzippi

I’ll take the tangent over blatant lashon hara any day.

What does that bumper sticker say? Oh, yeah: Do teshuva now, beat the holiday rush.

To mdd: you’re the first person who called me on that and you’re right, I just looked it up. Sanctimony is “feigned” piety and I have no doubt that most people are sincere. I guess I’m still conflicted over this medium and expect people on such a madrega not to be on the internet for anything less than business, not shmoozing, especially in a mixed forum.

This is interesting. We never learned gemara. Sure, lots of mefarshim, but not gemara inside. The way it’s been presented is that the standard BY chinuch isn’t preparing us for learning like the boys’ chinuch, e.g. flashcards, starting at a young age, focusing largely on gemara, etc. For good reason: it’s not for dabbling and women don’t have the time men do. I could go further and say it’s not satisfying for most women because it’s so theoretical. If I want intellectual stimulation there are classical sefarim or lehavdil secular stuff.

Now one might argue that to really, really understand even Rashi you need some extensive background but considering that we start so young, for boys and girls, I would venture to say that the mefarshim as in Mikraos Gedolos and contemporary mefarshim are still of a very different quality. And they help us understand pshat as well as provide the hashkafic basis for what we’re supposed to get out of our learning. (Rav Hirsch is a must for any teachers, as much as is feasible.)

Supporting per se is not a bad thing, but I feel terrible for this girl. If this is going to be an issue shadchanim shouldn’t dance around it or finesse. If a girl’s parents say they can’t/won’t support, they have to be upfront so no hearts get broken.

Are you going into 12th grade or did you just graduate?

I assume HaleiVi is replying to me. If so, thanks.

There’s always talk about getting the boys who won’t be klei kodesh out working earlier. How about a learner-earner model, where boys work and learn? These boys/young men will be able to learn substantially for years if done right.

Haifagirl, to me, underuse of apostrophes is much less annoying than overuse.

Just be excited! And grateful to your parents for giving you this opportunity. Stay real. Spend as little money as you can: you will be very glad to have got into good habits after the first few months.

Don’t fall into any I’m so homesick ruts around the yomim tovim – you’re going to be in E”Y (I’m assuming, or somewhere different and interesting) for goodness sakes! Of course you’ll miss your family but not as much as you might think.

Find someone in the sem to have create a really good relationship with. That’ll take time but you will be so glad to have a mentor, along with your parents, for reality checks through life.

Hatzlacha, and may we all be there sooner than school’s scheduled to start.

To anyone who needs help: please get it. Iy’H after you do you will then be in a place to help others with your (let’s hope!) positive experiences.

As an aside, anxiety, diarrhea, and tremors are classic symptoms of hyperthyroidism. If there’s not prior history of anxiety, ask your dr. for a full thyroid panel.

Useful info for anyone who sings Tzur Mishelo.

You know ladies, there are other places than the coffee room. This is just not going to work out and why I only check in intermittently these days.

to Englishman: if you’re not married yet, give your kallah a wrapped copy of a book by Robert Munsch called The Paperback Princess. Trust me, you don’t have to read it. Tell your kallah if she draws inspiration for her wedding gown from there, kol hakavod.

to PBA: good point. But this will not be the first time in the history of mankind or womankind this has been done. Seamstresses, especially who work with frum kallahs, are very creative and experienced.

smartcookie: I hear you. B”H my city’s blessed with not just a beautiful gemach but one that works at gemach prices. Any kallah who has to spend near 1K on a wedding gown needs to exhaust all other options first.

Yeah, it is for just one night. But yeah, she should also be a princess. There’s a way to do it within reason.

Men, get out of here. You’re not being helpful. (Bpt, can’t wait till your daughter tells you she deserves xyz.)

Shells: for mother of the bride, ok. For bride, no.

Gemachs: so don’t go for the gown with the holes. What’s the problem? Now, if this is one of those gemachs that charges an arm and a leg then yeah, see if you can get a less expensive sample or whatever if you’d like.

Is this gown final sale? Can you take it to a seamstress or is there a seamstress on staff to consult with? I saw a stunning gown last year that started off as a strapless dress, had straps put on for security, and it came with a jacket over it. Very beautiful, real fifties type elegance. (You could see Audrey Hepburn in it easily.)

I didn’t know Amy Winehouse died. How sad. I don’t know the details but I know how sad her life was. Let’s daven and do what we can so our kids – all our kids – have wonderful Jewish exposure and opportunities, and I hope that she’s finding some level of peace in the Olam Haemes.

Re Binyomin1: many people have experienced that the girls research first. The boys have so many names that they can narrow it down by focusing on the yeses first.

To GAW: you can’t bring a BT couple (or half BT couple) as proof. I know of such families. It’s a beautiful thing when it works; why should children be deprived of a parent who is a fundamentally decent and loving person? Why should the children be deprived of a chance to grow up with shalom bayis? I could continue.

Comparing a couple who decide to overcome these differences to stay together because they found each other at a different place and want to stay together to a couple that chooses to embark on this experiment, without the same kind of starting out common ground is apples and oranges.

To adams: that is an interesting suggestion. A big factor in the crisis is that we have so many girls who want a serious learner, and while this is beautiful, there is no way they would, could, or should consider someone who isn’t shtark in his Yiddishkeit. Now if there was a large pool of working boys who are serious learners in their 5 – 9 hours, well, we might be on to something there.

BTW, why in the world should the less frum boys agree? And if they would be interested, why shouldn’t they be the ones to “compromise” and be willing to have a home with higher standards of kashrus, chinuch, and shmiras Shabbos?

And a P.S. Marriage has to be built on mutual respect. Not just “to have children.” Children will know if there’s anything less.

And BTW, while this is a couple’s great dream, they get married not “to have children” but to build a bayis neeman b’Yisrael.Encouraging people to get married without shared goals is not in klal Yisrael’s best interests.

I’m with DaasYochid. Encouraging the boys to come back early means that they’re not going to E”Y because that’s the best place to be learning at this particular time, it means that they’re being just as much a part of a herd as the thaw date at BMG as you describe.

IF, and note I capitalized if, IF boys do go to learn in E”Y it needs to be part of the organic process of their Torah growth. No other cheshbonos. There has already been enough damage done to our kids by arbitrary pigeonholing rather than a concerted chanoch l’naar approach.

So what AZ’s trying to say is that the 70 can be quoted specifically for what is in that kol koreih, they have good feelings about NASI in general, but no one other than whoever’s on the actual rabbinic advisory board can be quoted as endorsing everything NASI or its spokespeople propose?

To Droid: is that because the right wing of Chareidikeit isn’t on the internet?

Ladies, think about when you and your friends did. If you can hold off till almost then, because kids grow up faster, you’re doing good.

The question is what they should be allowed to wear. My approach is whatever the school allows, and a little more liberal. The school has very strict guidelines, e.g. no nail polish because it wouldn’t be constructive to spend time checking hands. So if the kids wear b’tampt make up, and DON’T break school rules while in school, you’re probably ok. This is assuming this is your school’s approach as well. If their approach is that it’s never acceptable, then don’t go against the school.

Do you mind sharing what condition this is for?

Bombmaniac, the way the system is set up, and with the relative prosperity we have, there is a certain level of literacy that most boys can achieve, which will take having some beis medrash (maybe use another acronym) experience necessary. Sad to say, an experience like yours means a kid’s not with the program. Nothing against such kids, I’m proudly related to some. Just saying that they’re off the beaten track, and the track, to some degree, is good for a good many boys. It’s not being given permission to work that’s an issue. There are so many people who have maximized their learning, by working/learning, from a younger age and ashreihem.

I like Rabbi Birnbaum. He’s had a lot of good stuff, out of the bos stuff to say. And out of town is a great place to live and raise a family. Kollelim are booming in our city and frankly, I don’t know where the funding is coming from. It can’t all be coming from the gevirim.

And as for Rabbi Bloom, he is an adom gadol. I am grateful for the clarity he gives us on so many issues. At the risk of inciting all sorts of ire, often I read him and I leave with, now I know what to think on this issue. I haven’t read the current Yated yet but am looking forward. I’m sure that Rabbi Bloom thought long and hard before sharing his thoughts with the olom. (Interesting dovetailing with R’ Avi Shulman’s column of the same week on airing linen.)

Levana Kirschenbaum has one, without margarine, in one of her cookbooks. A few tips: measure oil carefully, you don’t want to go overboard, and if the oven is truly preheated take them out at exactly 8 minutes.