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eclips: Hi. I’m sorry you’re felling that you went through some very difficult experiences. I do not know who you are.
One thing though. It seem that there are several people here who do know who you are . If so, do you think some comments can be held back? Thank you
2morecents: I agree with a lot of what you said, but I think you may have been a little too harsh.
Your being a self centered, selfish, egotist that demands those closest to you to perform in ways that fill your over-sized ego issues.
A woman should care about her husbands spirituality. However, it should be out of love, selflessness, and concern, for him.
I think they usually get to share in Gan Eiden. She can want that. She should though, make herself aware of the halochos.
s2021: Everyone says love and respect cums with time, and it cums after the wedding.. when real life sets in, when u get to TRULY know the person..
Just like respect builds, so does dis-respect.
Its not exactly easy to close your eyes to the things u disrespect especially if they r young, and havent exactly built up a foundation..
All that means is that she has her work cut out for herself. She should focus on that, rather than her expectations of kavod she’d like to receive through her husband.
whoo the heck cares??????? let them do watever they want maibie thier talking to the oppiset gender. sooo whatt? its not like thier having boy frieds/girl friends its just texing relax
Texting to opposite gender among teens, almost always becomes a lot worse. Texting just quickens the process, as it removes a lot of the embarrassment barriers.
It is then an issur deorayse (according to Rav Moshe Feinstein). Would you say the same if a parent caught a kid eating traeif?
Papa Bear:
I’m a man, and have many had many women do it. It’s what some people do whilst rushing. Its not limited to gender. Same on the M buses.
Pushing back does not help. In fact, after a while, you’d end up a pusher! The one thing I’ve found that works most often, is to always try to move aside for them, maybe move aside in an exaggerated way. It then makes them feel. They’re all of a sudden, dealing with a human who respects them, so they may respond in kind.
s2021: I hear your point.
Wolf: Please. Condemn is after it was done. At that point we have to find merits. Prior, we have to seek to do what G- commands us to, without being more “righteous” than Him
These stories tear me up as well, even when rereading them. And I’m a dude
I’m sorry to be too much of a man here, but aren’t there halochos about this? For the three cardinal sins, one must give up their life. Otherwise I think, they may not give up their life.
Anyone clear on the halochos?
One thing is certain, they’re suffering and are escaping. I’m sorry I don’t have any nowledge on how to deal with this.
TG: “ain odom nitfas b’tzaro”. Pain, can bring on the worst “escapes”. Like teens cutting their hands etc R”L
s2021: Why did she agree to marry him, become his wife? It comes with the kinyan under the chupah and when he takes her into the yichud room.
Just an aside: Is her relationship with Hashem perfect?
s2021: I said not doing. There is a difference.
Wow. That’s so sad. How old is the young adult? A teen, in their twenties?
MIA (II): Thanks for the clarification. I read it very quickly.
Popa: I had read your opening post too quickly as well. I think your right, she should/has to respect her husband reguardless of what he is not doing in his personal relationship with Hashem.
Every man, no matter how great, has some shortcommings. Excuse the comparison, but even Moshe Rabbeinu’s wife could have a “tayne”. Hey, MR is not going into EY since he was punished…. But Moshe was a malach! Or greater than a malachaj It’s a wifes job to respect her husband, period!
(Not talking when he truly trult mistreats her)
That’s a beautiful and heartwarming story, Mike. Thanks for sharing.
You reminded me of another story, not too related. There was a grocer in Williamsburg, Mr. Medelowitz. When his brother passed on, after the levaye, as the aron was being walked through the streets, Mr. M walked into a competing grocery.
Of course, an onlooker was shocked, later went into the grocery to find out what this is all about. It looked so heartless..
Turns out he went into his competing grocery to ask him to provide bread, milk etc for a poor family- who needs it for surrvival, on Mr. M’s bill, since he’ll be unable to provide through shiva.
msseeker: During the intiffada, right when it started, a person I know personally drove to schem (it may have been beis lechem), not knowing that an intiffada began. When he arrived the soldiers were shocked, but told him not to stop for gas or anything on his return. Anyhow he got an Arab store to dress him and the members of his car up with shmattas on his head. He asked for the hamas style.
I guess you would say, ??????? ???? ?? ??? ????… and that hamas ym”s is ???????? Very weird logic
What does your husband like?
mdd: Please. You made several accusations of sinas chinum. Very briefly and clearly, what is the “hate” you’re writing about, and where has it been seen in this thread.
That line about “frummer” does smell of motzie shem ra!
mdd: Food prefferences can directly affect a marriage. As can other differences.
But before you accuse me of sinas chinum, please read all my posts on this thread.
Troll:No, no. BIRTHDAY! Not apeasment flowers. The same rabbi Reisman who announced the story/minhag to the world, said it’s was a birthday present, not apeasment.
And you can take offense, that’s perfectly fine.
troll: You are disgustng and wrong. Who knows her identity? Rav Gifters son-in-law rabbi Reisman (not from the nach shiur) told the world that Rav Gifter went to the flower shop, himself, on erev Yom Kippur after minchah, to buy his wife flowers for her birthday.
You, my friend, are too babyish to accept someone not buying your garabage. She is a isha ksheira, haoseh retzon baaloh. EDITED
Only way to properly asses whether the bike is the wrong size, whether adjustments can be made, is learning how to ride first.
True, that sometimes divorce can be needed, buts far and few in between. A fraction of our divorce rate
Here comes HaLeiVi…
Best idea is to “daven” in Yehudah Levin’s “shul”
nfgo3: Must a girl who is 5′ 10″ date a guy who 4′ 10″? Do you think Hashem wants the Jewish people to be divided over height, or looks, or personalities?
SJSinNY: I cannot see any logic behind that claim. Divorce now and fix later doesn’t make any sense to me, if marriage is a serious deal. Do you throw out a bike first, then learn how to ride, then buy a new bike?
Yes, learn how to ride better, but don’t throw out the bike in order to buy a new one. How can there be an honest assesment of the bike if one doesn’t know how to ride properly?
The marriage is the ride, the spouse is the rider. Don’t throw out the “faulty” bike/marriage prior to learning how to ride/behave married. The new bike doesn’t help, iff it’s the rider who is “broken”. Yes, riding while not knowing how to ride is toxic. Throwing out the bike is not even a band-aid!
binahyeseira: The guys are not the ones getting paid, it’s the shadchonim. The shadchonim are getting paid for some of their work (and as a motivator)
AZ: Good morning. Your post before your last one really bothers me. Why don’t you open your own threads to talk doomsday? You go into a thread by a person seeking a shidduch and just discourage. Open a different thread.
Do any of the 70 RY who were signatories to your kol korai agree to this type of fundrasing tactic? It dosent sound fair to these OPs
tro11 shelita:
I know of several gedolim who would get an aliya on the day closes to their birthday.’
That’s because they viewed birthdays the way I do. They did it to get the zchusim. Similar to the way people get an aliya for somebody’s yartzheit.
You never answered my other point, why a present is indeed very appropriate.
Now that we’re here, we celebrate the opportunity to do mitzvos and to “earn our bread”. The birthday present symbolizes that we’re here earning our bread (reward in the real world).
(I may have the names wrong, but am pretty sure) The first time MH wanted to go meet Arafat ym”s, his father-in-law RAK went to the Eidah Hachreidis to stop him. Of course, he didn’t listen. So the Eidah went to the secular police, and had them stop him at the airport!
As a side point, if the Eidah went to the police to stop someone, you know they felt it was of up most importance. Either way, he knowingly violated his father-in-law as well as the Eidah.
So most don’t know (hopefully), but some sure do.
Grandmaster: I did not at all suggest who is worse. All I’m saying is, that some of them are knowingly incorrect in some of their actions. And I do believe they are putting us in danger.
I second the call for “Bimchitzosom”. Its from R. Shlomo Laurence, who was a chaver kneset, yet had very very close relationships with the brisker Rov, the Chazon Ish, Rav Schach and many other gedolim. Here, he “tells the stories”. In reality its a fun musser sefer.
They now have it in English as well, but the Hebrew may possibly go better for your husband
msseeker: How in the world can I think that someone who violates the will of all the gedolim, including those on the Eidah Hachareidis, to be well-intended?
How can I think people, who knowingly misrepresent the words of the Chofetz Chaim and many others of his generation, “have good intentions”? (I say misrepresent, since all of their talmidim who were alive recently said so. Now, their talmidims talmidim say so. It reminds me of those who misrepresent Rabbi Miller and the Kasho Ruv posthumously)
Maybe and hopefully they somehow do have good intentions.
tro11: I know of several gedolim who would get an aliya on the day closes to their birthday.
Now that we’re here, we celebrate the opportunity to do mitzvos and to “earn our bread”. The birthday present symbolizes that we’re here earning our bread (reward in the real world).
How about a table shtender, or something of the sort? And you’d be surprised, that if there a is a nice new sefer out there, he may appreciate it. But a good supper takes the cake! (I’m sure you do it nightly, but extra special)
msseeker:
Megalgilin zecus al yedi zacai, v’chov al yedai chayev”
??????? ???? ?? ??? ????, ???? ?? ??? ????
What are his likes, hobbies? age bracket?
passion4music: Since it’s OK to be selective, is it OK to be selective due to food style and culural attitudes?
Are you a psychiatrist by any chance?
popa_bar_abba:
Good morning,
I only read the question and the first response. I did not see what you see. She claims he’s a “night owl”. Therein may lay the problem. If one goes to sleep late, they wake up late.
So, the first response was to motivate him to get up early, through making him a good breakfast (and between lines I assume, to be a pleasant wife).
It may be that he’s good at learning, but he’s simply more motivated to put bread on his table (working from home as a night owl), or that he’s overcome from financial pressures which clout his head for learning.
BTW, are you at Starbucks today?
grada:
Can you believe this scene. I saw parents not allowing their toddlers to play outside by themselves. And you know what, well, these are my thoughts to them:
none of you have any respect or trust in your children. If I didnt know any better id think ur talking about a bunch of convicted felons. “By the time you realize, anything could have happened”. like what they gonna rob a bank. come on have a little trust in you kids.
AZ: Please reread my last post.
It was a suggestion to the OP, not me.
Seeing their pictures is so so hearbreaking
Back in my Yeshiva days I recall my RY quoting the Ramban. Chazal tell us that “Ain puronios bo l’olam ela bishvil Yisroel” (suffering comes to the world because of Yisroel).
If so, what about Sedom. Why were they destroyed? There were no Yisroel around (other than Avrohom, to a certain degree).
Certain filters can be downloaded unto “smartphones” even though the connection is through wifi or the phone company. Matzav is on mine
Where is the trust you all have,in yourselves,and in your h.s.kids?
Must you block yourselves out of your own ” toy “? Then don’t buy the toy to begin with. My kids are all not h.s. Age,and each one has thier own computer and cell phone. They are all unblocked. But I TRUST THEM.
You should trust them! But make sure they not to trust them to ever spend a minute out of your house. Not at their grandparents, not in camp an no sleepovers. Just bring the unfiltered street/world to them!
AZ: Thanks. It was a suggestion to the OP, whose thread we’ve hijacked out of only the purest of intentions
But thanks for the encouragement.
It makes us feel good to tell others what to do. That way, we can look aside from our own inequities.
Oh, BTW, did you make sure to put your kids to sleep an hour earlier tonight? NU!
jk 😉
AZ: I happen to know a couple of people who’ve made several shidduchim who would be very likely to do it for someone they know and care about.