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In my opinion, unhealthy.
psach libi bsorasecha: Please realize that once engaged, and spending lots of time together or talking, may lead to frustration. If you got engaged, you want to be and behave married. When you spend lots of time together you end feeling frustrated at not being married yet, which at times, leads to feeling frustrated at being engaged or at the perceived source of the frustration, the choson/kallah.
People don’t remember what they were told, they remember how they felt/feel
I don’t think asking is so bad, if you have reason to believe she’d prefer you don’t walk her in.
happiest: do really old stories count?
I posted a couple a few weeks ago on the nightly d’var Torah thread.
be good: You make some valid points. However, you may be turning a trivial matter into a HUGE matter. Aside from the fact that it may not be wise, it has a downside. When we play up trivialities we usually end up downplaying important stuff.
“I can’t believe nobody ever told him to walk a girl to the door”.
Megilah and Gitten
“To a Hungarian: a Hungarian. (Even a Hungarian goy, I suspect;)”
Sounds right.
“Yet he can’t stand Litvaks or Lutvaks as he calls them, and doesn’t much like like hardcore Chasiddim.”
This is how a lot of people describe heimish. Either look at it as the “best of both”, or the “worst of both”. This attitude can lead to people doing whatever they please…
But it means something else to each person. Its not definitive.
dunno: I’m glad to see this side of the advocates. I assume and hope your side is greater, but from another post we clearly see the other side does exist.
As for the general question of this thread, I agree with Popa that watching a girl walk lacks in tznius. (A guy could look in the direction without focusing his eyes on the girl.)
^MONIS^: Whats the prohibition? To ensure they’re not being lied to? When you sign up you are aware, or should/could be aware, that the mods can verify IPs to ensure honesty and integrity.
Professional: Good to see your sound advice, right on topic.
What would be the seven items Shlomo would use to define a chochom?
That story is amazing. I made sure to lend out the CD
mikehall12382: Rabbi Feur’s KOLEL is for older people, and for select individuals. As a generality, Rabbi Feur does not encourage boys attending university. Certainly not during one’s very young years.
jewish source: call your phone company.
oomis1105: I realize I lost this one with you before I started, but, may I ask you a couple of questions.
Lets say a fine guy, for instance a mathematician with a squeaky voice, goes out with a girl. when he brings her home, she asks him to let her out so she can take a short-cut to her house. How do you think the guy felt? Do you think this guy will now think twice before getting out of the car and walking another girl in?
Do you think that girls behavior may not have been all that refined either?
I posted my opinion, for all its worth, right at the beginning of this thread that its the right thing for a guy to walk her back. However, I would never consider it boorish. I just wonder if you consider this girls behavior to be boorish. And if so, just as she was able to do teshuvah, and come around to be a wonderful person, maybe these guys can as well.
What do you think oomis1105?
not I: The Hamodia refused to run some very important stories to “Torah Jewry” in order not to “offend” these customers and the advertisers they attract. Some truth. Lipshitz keeps on claiming, in public, that he has no connection to Matzav.
Joseph: This is why I sound like him.
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/siyum-hashas#post-200365
I may be incorrect, but I was told that R. Hershel Schachter of YU tells the YU “kollel guys to save most of the maaser money from their wedding gifts, for– themselves, in order that they shall be able to remain in kollel a little longer once familial support etc stops.
I wonder if he would pasken the same for the mitzvah of getting married.
Please do NOT rely on my tbt’s anonymous post, based on third, fourth or fifth hand information. (Especially if RHS is not your Rov).
Where are the YU posters on this
Pashuteh Yid: In Derech Sichah, which are conversations Rabbi Man, who learns with Rav Chaim K had with Rav chaim, he quotes this conversation.
Rav Man told Rav Chaim about a kiddush for an older girl he attended while he was visiting LA, which was based upon the story quoted about the Steipler. Rav Chaim rejects the story completely based upon the following.
1) He never made a kiddush for any of his daughters. (His mother-in-law did make one for his oldest daughter).
2) The Steipler never told any of his family members to make a Kiddush.
Rav Chaim is convinced that if there were truth to the story he would of heard his father encouraging Kiddaishim.
Stories about our leaders are often interchanged. It was probably a different Godol who prescribed the kiddush.
Pashuteh Yid: Hello. Please don’t trust all these name-changing stories, unless you see them in a reliable source.
Anonymous posters who include a kiddush requirement as part of the story is very unreliable. It has been mentioned here that Rav Chaim never told people to make a kiddush for a girl (not that he is opposed..).
It was double wrapped, I always make sure of that. You know those brown paper bags, and it had wax paper around it as well.
It was on “regular heavy”. But I may be inclined to use permanent press next time.
You really expect me to remember how old all my frozen left overs are?
Shaila: If I use my dryer to warm up my left over frozen shwarma, may I use the dryer for frozen pizza, a couple of days later? Please help.
Also, ladies, please please, GET OUT of here. This is our very important thread. K? Thanks, see you in lipstick thread
swimmer: “I read somewhere that if someone has a first degree relative with MS, there’s an increased chance he/she will get it too.”
A couple of questions for you:
1) Where did you read it?
2) What percentage of society has MS?
3) Based upon the percentage mentioned in 2, how much of an increase is there?
I happened to have discussed this with doctors, they claim its basically zilch.
Please be responsible when posting.
Welcome to the coffee room (I’m pretty new myself). Its a friendly and cozy place.
#1) What does her father think?
I don’t know about down syndrome. MS is not hereditary. Make ure to check Dor Yeshorim, as in all cases
new2thescene: If the brotherhood can’t organize on their own, Iran and/or its many proxies will be right there to help them. After reading this, it is very very dangerous.
Our Holy land was always in a scary situation, but now it seems to have become a whole lot scarier.
Thanks for looking up the foreign aid numbers.
dunno: I hope You’re right.
Sounds like you are telling people not to follow their Rov.
“As for the story perhaps it was told over to me wrong.”
Or it’s all a bubba maaseh. Eidus shebotloh miktzoso, botlo kuloh.
Wrong. Either is not fine. If you are not competent in paskening shailos, Rav Chaim does not want you to conclude based upon his psak (alone).
Oh, and thanks for the compliment . Coming from you, its highly appreciated.
I agree with Popa.
It’s quite unhealthy to be forced into an engagement/marriage. Parents opinions are very important. They cannot though decide for a child against their wishes.
Find a competent mentor FAST.
But certainly, the less people know, the more brocha can exist.
Oh, and thanks for saying!
new2thescene: Thanks for pulling me in here. Good topic.
If they succeed in the uprising – which includes some anti-American sentiments- they may join Iran’s side as a practicality.
I think that would really change the whole Shidduch scene. Oops, um, I mean political scene.
Just my feeling. Agree? anyone else?
tumid bsimcha: Many girls feel embarrassed being seen dating or would otherwise like to keep it quiet. It is proper to walk her back, only if she would appreciate it. So a potential loss is involved. Just have to try and be atuned.
I, for one, can’t imagine why a girl would want her neighbors to know she was out on a date, prior to a very serious stage. Certainly not something that brings brocha.
yunger mann:
“I find it hard to believe too many posskim woul
d paskin such a shaila if they heard Reb Chaim shlit”a has a contrary opinion.”
Tonight: “My point all along was just to say what Reb Caim shlit”a holds, Not what you should do. All i said was ask your Rav.”
You quoted the sefer without mentioning that Rav Chaim’s father-in-law paskens otherwise. Rav Chaim says not to pasken based upon what he says. If your competent to pasken shailos, you may use what he says to help you conclude. Otherwise you shall ask a Rov who can pasken shailos. Thats what Reb Chaim writes in all the halocha seforim he wrote. This certainly holds true about a ssfer he did NOT write.
“Also my wife knows someone named Shira who Reb Chaim shlit”a told to add or change (im no sure which) their name. And he told them to make a kiddush when they do so.”
Reb Chaim K never made a kiddush for any of daughters. Neither did the Steipler. I find it hard to believe.
JayMatt19: Does the sefer discuss changing names once a name been given?
yunger mann:
“I find it hard to believe too many posskim would paskin such a shaila if they heard Reb Chaim shlit”a has a contrary opinion.”
Tonight: “My point all along was just to say what Reb Caim shlit”a holds, Not what you should do. All i said was ask your Rav.”
Why not?
But if you’re asking the question that means there is something else that your thinking about but are having a difficult time (or just dont want to) verbalizing
JayMatt19: Thank you.
yunger mann: You very nicely skirted the question.
Is it an H A S K O M A, or a personal brocha??
Derech Sichah, which is a more accurate book/sefer which quotes Rav Chaim K, quots Rav Chaim as taking issue with the name Matan. He says matan who is mention in Tnach was an evil person. He is quoted as having told people to change their name to Natan (Nossen).
This, well-known sefer makes no mention of your new claim. What does this suggest?
yunger mann: “which has the haskama of many poskim birosham Rav Ovadia Yosef shlit”a”
A haskoma on the whole sefer or a michtav brocha that the auther should be able to learn Torah????
Rav Chaim Kanyevskiy’s son is busy putting out a sefer of his own since his father’s over 70,000 (yes over seventy thousand) teshuvos are being misrepresented. Rav Chaim K also insists that no one should pasken from his teshuvos.
eclipse: “tycoon”. Guys may have certain unrealistic expectations for looks (and other things). Girls have different unrealistic expectations, both in regards to appearance and romance. More so on the romance and tycoon part, that the guy is both a respected talmud chochom and a successful professional. They may end up getting “hurt” (offended) easily.
I hesitate to say this is how it is. However, it is prudent for an older girl to consider these potential pit-falls and avoid them.
mytake: Are you a guy or gal??
This post sure makes you appear to be a gal.
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/curly#post-199437
mytake: Welcome(, though I’m pretty new here as well.)
Pre-1. I think its extremely important to have a good conversation with a Rov/Rebbe/competent mentor in addition to getting all the good advice here.
1. I think you can, if your life-goals are clear to yourself.
2. Depends on what type of references and how you ask the questions. best is if you find someone you know who’s close enough to them to know or find out accurate info.
May you find your zivug very soon
Ofcourse: Very true.
Only guys, not girls? I think the same holds to true, to the same degree, to girls.
hmy1: I don’t think anyone should consider changing their name prior to consulting their Rov. These are stories and for now, hearsay.
We don’t decide halocha from fifth hand stories
yunger mann: One of the people I work with, whose daughter is named Shira, just told me that he had consulted Rav Chaim Stein prior to naming her. Rav Chaim gave his haskoma and brocha to it. He claims that RCS even spoke at the kiddush and was complementary of choosing this particular name.
We have to be very careful with this. R. Chaim Kanievsky is quite insistent that halocha l’maaseh shall not be paskened from his written teshuvos. Here we’re going after people who’ve been named already, so we should be careful and considerate about it. Ask your Rov.
Also, whats the famous story about rav Dessler and his Kiddush Becher? Probably very applicable here.
bochur24: I didn’t say it’s only thinking of yourself. If you’re going to call it love, its love of yourself. But I sure hope that you deeply care about the person you are about to marry. Part of that would be engaging in selfless acts, as they present themselves. True love, however, can only come after marriage.
As an aside, why would doing something for another person cause you to cry? Is everything OK? Is something else causing you pain?
mikomos.com
shidduchdateguide.com
tumid bsimcha: You are correct. When people start dating they all do it. Its after suffering from PTDS (Post Traumatic Date Syndrome) that people stop.
By the same token that its proper for a guy to walk the girl back, so too, its proper for a girl not to lead a guy on. Guys who have been led on will not walk a girl back to her door if he thinks she may be playing the same game. Its too painful.
Consideration goes BOTH ways. Girls have just as many responsibilities as guys. When we understand that, we usually end up with very few complaints as we are busy focusing on our responsibilities.
Once a person is ready for dating, then if it works with guy/girl #1, they have been really blessed. Using dating guy #1 to be prepared to marry guy # 12 is not only mean, it is foolish.