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The attitude of children “not wanting to have anything to do with” their parents is due to the children overlooking the positive and focusing only on the negative.
Squeak, I agree with you. Children do need to focus on the positive. It is sometimes very hard to see positive when there is so much overwhelming negative. When a child was so hurt by parents that they don’t want to have anythink to do with them, it is a high madreiga to see the positive – but for sure something to strive for. I hope one day I will have this madreiga.
On the other hand as parents, we need to remember to always look at the positive of our children and not to let their negative behavior – whether trivial or not – overshadow their positive aspects of what they do and what they are. It is VERY EASY to forget to truly see our children’s positive behavior.
Mtornek, You sound like you are in a lot of pain. I understand your pain because I have parents like that who expected their kids to turn out perfect but had no tools as far as chinuch is concerned. They are now blaming the system, the rebbeim and everyone else around them. It is so much easier to blame things on others such as a teacher than to take the blame on ourselves. Who wants to say that my kid turned out messed up because of me?
By the way, as a working mother myself, I know that I can give my children plenty of attention, love and quality time. It is not the quantity so much as the quality! My mother was a stay at home mom and it did not make a positive impact at all.