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You should have found out from others at least partially before you agreed to meet him. A shadchen may or may not be honest. Your question whether you should bring it up yourself or wait for him to ask is worrisome. This is your life you’re talking about! If you’re always this timid, you need to see a therapist. I hope I’m not offending you by saying that. The forth date is certainly not too soon to ask. He shouldn’t mind your questions, and if he does it’s a giant red flag.
You can learn any Jewish subject with your own private teacher for around a half hour each week on the phone.
Check out:
or
http://www.partnersintorah.org/
Worth checking out.
A woman has the right to decide to bottle feed her baby for whatever reason she thinks it’s better for her. As long as the baby is getting proper nutrition and being fed by a caring responsible person at all times. It doesn’t make her lazy or selfish if she thinks her schedule will be too demanding for her to handle nursing her baby.
In any event, if someone would give me a penny, they’d likely be overpaying.
A very sad statement to make. The value of your mitzvos are priceless, and worth more than billions.
Mordechai AND Esther wrote it.
In my dictionary, Rebbish, is someone who has learned Torah and Chassidus and has a personality to be able to teach people and influence them in the ways of the Baal Shem.
It does NOT mean, someone who wears a colourful bekitche in the week, with a white scarf, schtrokkes (one of my newly learned words, it means the velvet patches on the collars and cuffs) and a silver topped stick.
Maybe your dictionary was printed 500 years ago. It certainly is not a current copy.
wish i didnt have to
You don’t have to.
but it won’t last forever. so better to find a phone now before my current phone goes bad.
You can still get a basic phone now, for the day your current phone goes bad.
Don’t make up that you wish you didn’t have to. Your reasoning doesn’t hold any water.
youll soon be going for a ride theres no place to run no place to hide”
While this makes sense for life (the nimshal) the mashal doesnt make sense what kind of train cant you hide from?
The cattle cars to the death camps?
Ivdu
‘”Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. thats right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?
I dont get this one. If you eat it you no longer have it, as the saying correctly points out “you cant have your cake and eat it too” it is one or the other
Unless you mean the word “too” isnt neccesary?
First you have the cake and then you eat it. If you don’t have the cake, you can’t eat it. I have never understood this quote. It makes no sense. It would make more sense to say, “You can’t eat the cake, and have your cake too.”
If you don’t like Shulchan Aruch or think it is no longer relevant or applicable in the 21st century, then I can’t help you.
One can like very much that it says this in the Shulchan Aruch. But it has nothing to do with women driving.
If yes, then what were the reasons for it? Who broke it off and what was the reaction of the person who was broken up with?
I don’t know the reason you are asking these questions, but if you are looking for answers regarding your own engagement, these questions, especially the latter two, are totally irrelevant.
mommamia22: I second that.
Also, know that it is your choice. Do not let anyone make you feel bad about it.
Then she makes a small comment about how her Rav says it’s ok to use.
My guess is she is aware that most rabbonim do not approve. So, no, I don’t necessarily think it becomes ok simply because her rav said it’s ok.
She is following a psak from her Rav, which is what she should be doing!
Are you sure about that? If a rav says something is permissible it’s permissible even if he is wrong? I don’t think so.
From the Kosher innovations website:
may we all be fortunate to complete our missions in this world ASAP so we can be taken to the only real & true world above with seeing & feeling Hashems presence 24-7
I don’t think anyone is suppose to hope that they will be taken to the olom haemes ASAP.
RebYidd23: +1
Everyone always says Middos is the most important. But one can’t just ask “does he have good middos?” Almost everyone will answer yes. What questions can one ask to really ascertain that he has good middos?
How appalling! This thread is shocking! How does Yeshivaworld allow it?
It’s entirely in the eye of the beholder. Some people care, some don’t. Decide for yourself if you do or you don’t, and don’t care what others think about it.
P.S. It doesn’t make you shallow if you care.
The OP is funny. Nevertheless, no one should take it seriously. It is VERY dangerous to insert anything into your outlets other than a plug.
In fact, I think this thread should be removed! Don’t give anyone ideas.
People are taking on kabalos to shut up their guilty feelingseople are taking on kabalos to shut up their guilty feelings
What is there for people to feel guilty about?
The OP is talking about telling someone they are a mechallel shabbos. If you “think” they are, dont call them one.
I don’t think the OP was talking about telling someone they are A mechallel Shabbos! One should NEVER call someone a mechallel Shabbos unless they are being melacha Shabbos l’hachis.
apushatayid: If I see someone doing something that I believe one may not do on Shabbos, I simply tell them, “I think one is not allowed to do that on Shabbos”. I don’t need to get a rav to talk to the person.
(it has happened several times. none of the people I said that to got affended)
The Accountant: While it is indeed a good idea to find something else to fill the time, someone who watches movies are not necessarily doing it only because there is nothing more important to do, or just to unwind. People watch even when they need some much needed sleep. And watch even when there are other important things that need to be done. Or watch at a time when there are other things that could be done.
Why are we so afraid of secular education? If torah is the emes, there should be no fear of falling into the trap set by academia.
Wrong. The Torah is Emes. But still everything influences a person.
If someone dresses like an oddball, outcast, out of the norm, there’s a pretty good reason for it. And ever watchful, protective mother was doing her natural instinct.
And her RESPONSIBILITY.
BTW Trust 789, When I see pictures of apples in frum newspapers, I cringe. Ditto, frum websites. It isn’t “faltche frumkeit”. I don’t cringe for myself, since I love apples)
Really? And why might that be?
ubiquitin: When I see pictures of women in frum newspapers, I cringe. Ditto, frum websites. It isn’t “faltche frumkeit”.
I don’t cringe for myself, since I’m a woman.
I agree with DY. It is religious intolerance.
Also, is this a new thing? If it is, you need to figure out what you changed in your life that is cooling your commitment to yiddishkeit.
Cuz I do love Hashem, more than anything, He’s the one thing that keeps me from just running away from my life….
Perhaps you need to figure out why you want to run away from your life.
If she was that worried about his character, why approve the shidduch, to begin with? If they are of the mindset that three to five dates confers some sort of serious commitment then surely they checked him out to death prior to the first date.
With all due respect, it is obvious you don’t know how things work for those that three to five dates is sufficient. You are using your own way of doing things as a measurement of what is normal and what isn’t, which you can’t do, since other people do things differently.
People do the best they can with checking things out, but no, it is impossible to really be able to check a person out, unless you yourself know them at best and lived with them with worst. It is irresponsible for anyone to ignore any signs of trouble, no matter how wonderful all the information about him was.
To be perfectly honest, if my daughter were to see a boy, and after the second date, decided he wants to take a trip of Israel for vacation, and didn’t have a VERY valid reason for doing so, I wouldn’t even ask anyone questions! I would not go further at all.
Which doesn’t mean that in this case, it is problematic. I just don’t see the harm in getting another person’s perspective.
If your child were seeing someone who was chronically late and didn’t even apologize? Would that concern you? Or would you think, you don’t own him and therefore you have no right to expect him to come on time?
In all fairness to the “shvigger”, the trip to Israel was not mentioned at any time until after several dates and only then she questioned whether it was right to keep the girl in limbo while he is away. she should have asked, is it ok to go with someone else while he is away, for after all, just like she has no “claims” on someone who dated her daughter several times, he has no “rights” to this girl either. Unfortunately, she didn’t ask that, instead she came across as a whiny interfering shvigger.
I didn’t read the article in question, however, Oomis said that she wanted to know if they should be concerned about him. I think it’s a valid question.
For some people three to five dates can mean both parties are really serious. For some people even after twenty dates, it doesn’t mean they are really serious.
For you, it would be normal for her to wonder if she can see someone else in the interim. For others, such a question would not seem normal, and would make them keep far away from a person who asks such a question.
And it’s not a question of anyone having the right to control another persons behavior. But rather to evaluate if the person is acting in a decent manner, which is something very vital when looking for a marriage partner.
Were I that boy, this would raise major flags with me, as to the kind of interfering shvigget I could be getting! She does not own him.
If it was the girl herself who had that concern, would you think the same?
A mother wrote to the shadchan in the “Flatbush Jewish Journal,” about being annoyed that the boy her daughter was dating a few times, was going to E”Y for Chanukah. She wanted to know if they had a right to be upset with him, and I think basically she was saying she felt he had no business going on a trip while dating her daughter, and wanted to know should they be concerned about him.
It is perfectly acceptable to ask if they should be concerned about him. Many times people see warning signs and ignore them because they don’t trust their own intuition.
If they are used to getting engaged after 5-6 dates, and they already had 3, then the question is a good one. It may after all not be a concern at all, but to ask the question is definitely a good choice. It is not called pushiness to get advice during your child’s dating process.
my mission is to only use my internet for my NEEDS (i.e. email & to buy something or to listen to shiurim etc…)
Those don’t sound like needs. Just get rid of the internet altogether. And if possible, the computer too.
a mamin: It makes no sense to say it needs to match. A shiptzel is an extra degree of tznius or taking the mitzvah of covering the hair to a more stringent level.
Maybe up in heaven it is very choshuv that she wears a shpitzel. And imagine not wearing it because she decided to drive, which maybe there is nothing wrong with. Unless you think there is something wrong with women driving, and then it does matter what you think regarding women driving. But if you are not giving a thought about that, then it’s narishkeit to say “it does not match” simply because people are too close-minded when it comes to women driving.
Anxiety is not necessarily irrational thoughts. Sometimes it comes from misguided information regarding what is proper. Sometimes it just a lack of awareness.
P.S. I know erlicher chassidishe women who live in BP who drive. There is no halacha that forbids women driving.
sorry to disappoint you, you don’t belong in a shpitzel driving in your community. Therefore you choose which one to change or both? If you feel you need to drive, simple move out and take off your shpitzel. You won’t be the first or last one unfortunately.
Seriously? She should remove her spitzel if she wants to drive?
I can understand advising her to move out of her community, because it may be better for her and her children, but to change her mode of dress because she wants to drive? I am quite shocked! I have always found your posts on target. This one is NOT.
brotherofurs: From your posts, I believe you are female and young? If that is true, unless this boy is your brother, you should steer clear. It is no mitzvah for you to teach him about this inyan at all.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t have a cake, get a card or a present.
Why a cake, a card or a present, but not plus 2?
Maybe she decided to say the whole tehillim on her birthday and that’s why she took off from school
yytz: When one is being mistreated by another person, where does one draw the line?
Do we just thank Hashem for our troubles? And allow the other person to take advantage or abuse us?
Get your own trash can.
Or, send an email to Dan saying that you will empty the trash can every other day. He will empty it on those other days. CC the email to your manager. If he doesn’t empty the trash on his days, empty it in a garbage bag, and leave it their for him to do, so the trash can should start off empty on your days.
People have more respect for those that stick up for themselves. Even if at the beginning it looks like they don’t.
hashtagposter: I am really happy you found a friend who you can share your story with and get emotional support and validation. I actually wanted to suggest that in my first post, but forgot to post it.
There is one thing I want to add. When getting advice from anyone, use your own judgement. Even if it’s from someone you trust.
Hatzlacha rabba.
You need a therapist, not a rabbi. You need to find someone who will help you learn how to make your own decisions. You need to find a therapist who can help you explore why you allowed your rabbi to verbally abuse you and degrade you. I’m not at all implying it was your fault. Rather for you own good, you need to explore how you can protect yourself from being abused by others. You need someone to help you realize your own value, and what kind of marriage partner would be good for you. You need someone to help you believe in yourself and be confident in the decisions you make.
Find a therapist. Not a rabbi. Maybe Relief organization can direct you to find a therapist.
Sam: It doesn’t say “if a man forces he daughter to learn gemorah”.
Rather it says, if a man teachers his daughter……..
Saying that a woman is allowed to learn but a woman is not allowed to be taught is essentially saying she’s not allowed to learn. You can’t learn anything, especially Gemara, without a teacher. If she is allowed to learn when she wants to learn, then obviously she is allowed to be taught. Saying otherwise is illogical
Perhaps if a woman can learn on her own, then it is permissible. If she needs to be taught, then it isn’t permissible.
If you are saying it is impossible for a woman to learn gemora on her own, I disagree with you. There are woman who have the intellect to do so.