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my neighbor and good friend has a daughter in keser chaya this year. the teaching staff seems to be good, the work not overwhelming, the girls semi-yeshivish the premises are decent not great HOWEVER the administration seems to be very disorganized.
a few girls have made sandwiches and eaten shabbos meals in the park because they had no place togo, also the girls went tonetanya and went thru the hospital including seeing women in labor. pretty starnge sounding.
1 Telling your wife not only what you expect, but also demanding HOW she must accomplish it, is a dictatorship, not a partnership.
2. You can never tell anyone HOW to go about reaching a certain level in life. Just because something inspires you, doesn’t mean it will work for her. Shiurim may inspire you, but doing chessed may inspire her more. If you’re really concerned, maybe go thru a hashkafa sefer together at the Fri nite meal…….
1 in 500, 1 in 750, even 1 in 1000… those are pretty good odds… and yes, you are supporting a mosad also…
i work for a mosad. in most cases (except for maybe oorah) any mosad would be LUCKY to have a “few thousand” people buying tickets….. the odds are considerably better than that.
Rabbi Mechel Chill in Monsey
Goldenpupik,
Aishes Chayil was NOT written for/about each of our wifes!!!!
WARNING: Mrs. Jacobovits is leaving at the end of this year!
commonsense,
if you add up all the 12th graders from all the by schools in north america (include toronto/montreal) you get no more than 2k-3k girls applying to e”y in total!. yes, many apply to multiple seminaries, but there are a lot of seminaries, figure approx 15 by type seminaries.
anyone applying to lahav or mezuraz, which are half year sems, are probably not applying to nachlas.
anyone applying to the sems that stress hashkafic growth OVER academic growth (all sems have both, everyone stresses something differently) i.e.: machon raaya, ateres, … are also not applying to nachlas.
anyone applying to less strict sems (darchei binah, peninim…) are not applying to nachlas
Not only is that a ridiculous number, if you really think the numbers through (how many BY type high school girls apply to e”y”, how many seminaries there are in e”y”, you will realize that’s just a crazy number….. realistically, no sem gets more than 300 max max max apps a year,
btw, rebbetzin jacobovits is leaving nachlas at the end of this year, so i would expect changes. (also, it appears, mrs ulman is no longer at lahav, also big news)
ayshoshee,
where (city) do you live?
i work in a bais yaakov high school in the ny area, and they are looking to hire a post-seminary girl in the office starting during the summer.
G.A.W.,
I finally found your reference in S.A. Understand the topic somewhat, but don’t the phrase or what it is referring to… Need some help….. Can you direct me to an English sefer? Or explain to trak443 on the “heis” mail domain.
There are numerous ways to pay for sem.
MASA and TAP/PELL are the big well-known ones.
MASA is funded by the Israeli govt. therefore, some more right-wing seminaries will not accept it. Everyone is eligible for $1000. For americans, if your income falls below $22500 per person in the household (even boys learning out of town) then you are eligible for either $3700 or $4000 depending on whether the seminary school year is 9 months or 10 months long that year. (For example: If you have 8 kids (somaich al shulchunno) then if your combined gross income is $224,999 or less, you are eligible for the full 3700/4000). For those residing outside the USA, the amount is considerably more. (I have no idea why.)
MASA, too, can only be applied for, after the beginning of the year (Jan).
PELL is federally funded and is income based. Go to fafsa.gov after the beginning of the year (Jan) and once you have done your taxes, and file online. I takes approx 20-30 minutes. Max available: approx $5500.
TAP is for NYS residents only. (When you fill out your info on fafsa.gov, they offer to automatically send your info to TAP.) Max available: approx $4500.
HOWEVER, to be “eligible” for TAP/PELL, besides income, you need to be registered in a college. Seminaries, by themselves are NOT institutions. There are currently three colleges that have an “Israel program”.
a) Touro. Registration in Touro requires (I think) an 85 average plus an you must take an SAT (starting in 2010) and get either a 1400 or 1600, I don’t remember. Registration cost $1500 (last year). Acceptance into the Touro/Israel option makes NYS residents eligible for both TAP and PELL. (www.touro.edu)
b) HTC/TI (Hebrew Theological College/Torah Institiute) is in Skokie, IL, so you are only eligible for PELL. I really don’t remember their academic requirements, but they do require an SAT score. Registration $1500. (www.htc.edu)
c) MJI (Michigan Jewish Institute) is located in Southfield, MI. Again, since it’s outside NY, you are only eligible for PELL. I don’t think you need an SAT. Registration (I think) is $2500, but as far as I remember, they only charge you a small part of it up front, and the rest they take out when paying out the remainder to the seminary. So there is less “out of pocket”. (www.mji.edu)
When registered with one of the above, the seminary year is probably good for approx 30+ college credits. For those eligible for MASA ($4000) TAP ($4500) and PELL ($5500), for approx $4K it’s a very good deal, besides you get to be in Eretz Yisrael.
For those NOT eligible for TAP/PELL, due to the economy, SOME seminaries are open to VERY SERIOUS discounts.
Meohr has a program where you can have your Charter Oak College accept Meohr classes for credit. (cost: approx $300).
Additionally, Execelsior now accepts Tiferes (NOT Ateres) and Peninim’s transcripts AS IS for college credit. There is currently NO cost for this.
Reizel Reit is working on an ISRAEL program, that will also help those who don’t want to go thru Touro etc.. but that won’t be up and running in time for this year.
Additonally, there are many private scholarships available. (Toyota, Walmart, Coca Cola etc….)
To address those who are bothered by the cost of the seminary year, a few points.
1. Take the cost of tuition in the USA, and add in all the additional costs of room, board, and travel, (plus the college credits) and suddenly it’s a pretty good deal.
2. Have you ever heard of a seminary supplementing their tuition with an annual dinner, like your local mossad does?
3. Nobody is forcing you to send your daughter. If you feel there is a perceived peer-pressure, GET OVER IT. HANDLE IT LIKE A MATURE ADULT. Don’t knock every one else who can afford it. I personally can’t, so my daughter who was motivated, worked very hard babysitting etc.. thru high school and paid for 2/3 of it herself.
4. Seminary is a business. Just like your local bagel store, supermarket, insurance broker, mechanic, seforim store, Walmart etc…… Not just that, but it’s a luxury business. So, if you can’t afford it, just move on. Just like you would walk past the Jaguar dealership. Skip the sour grapes.They are entitled to make a living. And they do make a DECENT living. I am privvy to what goes on behind the scenes, and they do well, no doubt about it. But they are not flying around in the private jets or even in first class. It’s a business, and they are entitled to charge what they can. Again, supply and demand. Think it’s so easy? Start a seminary yourself!
Having said that, they are subject to the same laws of capitalism as everyone else in the free world. So, if there wasn’t a demand, they wouldn’t be there (and constantly opening new programs). That doesn’t mean that everyone should go. Some kids cannot and should not be trusted on their own. Some are more mature than others. but many others do grow a lot in both maturity and in ruchnius.
There is NO rush at this time, HOWEVER, if you get married at 25? 28? 30? are you going to feel it was because you didn’t give it the proper attention at this stage in life?
Do your hishtadlus! That means davening that you two meet at the right time, and keeping your eyes and ears (and mind) open so you don’t miss each other when it happens, not necesarily making yourself (and those around you) crazy because you haven’t spoken to a shadchan in 20 minutes.
As for what gezunheit meant in his (her?) post…..
Sometimes girls leave the “cocoon” of all frum environments (BY, seminary…) and when exposed to more secular environments (college, office…) can slowly see their level of frumkeit erode. Slowly. Almost imperceptive at times. Skirts/tops SLOWLY (over a few years) can get a little more trendy (tight/short); not C”V against halacha, but they can beat a slow retreat over time. Arm yourself with a weekly shiur (or similar).
You can often (no, not always) see the differences between a single 23 y/o girl who has spent the past few years in a non-frum environment, vs one who has (for example) been teaching in a BY. Boys ahve the advantage of either being in Bais HaMedrash p/t or f/t, or just having a nightly chavrusa, weekly shiur etc… It’s expected.
i’ve done it. call the american airlines aadvantage 800 number, and give them the elal flight info.
seriously, where can one find the actual shayla and answer that was asked to rav moshe? (preferably in english by a well-known trusted translator?
cholov yisroel= milked by a yid
cholov akkum= milked by a goy
cholov stam=???milked by a gorilla?
WHOA!!!
Did you just compare Cholov Stam (which IS not great, but “yeish al mi lismoch) and leitzanus, to stealing from the government?
And those to borderline tz’nius?
and all of those to an issur d’oraisa?!?!?!?!?
Rav Yaakov Kaminetzky told me that the woman does NOT have to cover her hair when she goes down the aisle, but someone must be “in position” to quickly cover her hair the moment her chosson finishes saying “Harei At Mikudeshes….” (in other words, she wears it immediately)
i heard that the plastic from the chulent bag leaks into the food!
i stopped using them!!!
i could use this! it really works!?!?!?!
can i get her contact info?
Being “dun l’kaf zechus” goes for the boy AND the Menhael.
1. Maybe he IS a good boy.
2. Maybe he isn’t.
3. Maybe he was warned.
4. Maybe he wasn’t.
5. Maybe he shouldn’t need to be warned. (chassidish, or black hat etc…)
6. Maybe there are extenuating circumstances in favor of the boy.
7. Maybe there are extenuating circumstances that the Menahel had to take into consideration.
And last, but definitely NOT least:
Sometimes it’s actually best for the student to be thrown out!
Maybe it isn’t about his short term reputation, but about learning there are consequences to one’s actions in life. Giving him a “ride” now, might just push underlying problems down the road, and the Menahel (maybe even asking Da’as Torah? gasp!) had to do, what he had to do.
Letting him learn this lesson now, might save him a lot of grief and issues later on in life. The Menahel doesn’t have to hate someone to throw him out. He might have to LOVE AND CARE for him.
Unless you heard from both the Menahel and the boy FIRST HAND, this is all kinda ridiculous at best, and loshon horah (if anyone reveals the name of the boy, girl, or school) at worst.
To get the full pic, you will probably have to speak to a couple of people on each side. Additionally, you may wanna try the shadchan.
i was discussing this blog with someone over shabbos, who said something intelligent (i thought).
when dating, his focus was “what type of grandchildren would i like to have?”
this woman will have a large influence on the type of house and therefore the type of children you will have, which will have a large influence on the type of grandchildren you will have.
probably a little more important than her weight between the l’chaim and her first pregnancy…..
A23,
Maybe don’t look at the pictures. or tell them not to send the picture. this way your brain can make the decisions…. wouldnt it be a shame if your bashert was mentioned to you, but you turned her down due to a (“bad/non flattering”) picture? now you get to spend the rest of your life alone, or worse, with the wrong person…..
v’lo sussuru…….v’acharei eineichem……
i was guilty of only wanting a “model” when i was dating, too. every girl i went out with was not pretty enough. then i went out with my (then future) wife. i came home and my parents asked me about her, expecting the usual physical run-down. i rehashed the entire conversation we had on the date. when they asked me what she looked like. i couldn’t remember!!!! i was just soo smitten!!! (it turns out my wife was a size 12; i dont mind admitting, since nobody here knows who i am).
ps. after 5 kids, she still is a size 12!!
moral of the story: when it’s right, it’s right. have faith.do your hishtadlus; HKB”H will handle the rest.
pps. my son is in shidduchim now, and we have discussed not focusing on weight/looks. he is naturally not interested in skinny, anyway. he is more worried about emotional health and personality. so to all you not-skinny girls i say, bring on the shidduch resumes!
send out an email to “all your friends who get free services” (make sure to put “all” their names in the “bcc” area), informing “all” of them that unfortunately starting after Pesach you can no longer afford to give “ANYONE” free services.
MASA offers $1000 to ALL applicants, and a maximum to US residents of $4000 if you’re income is less than $22,500 per person in the household (including boys learning in yeshiva). Some of the more right-wing seminaries are a little leary of (being known that they) take MASA, so they go thru “Peninat Yisrael” a clearing company that arranges and coordinates the MASA program for them. Peninat takes $600 administrative fee, so the girl only gets $3400.
Pell (also known as “FAFSA) is a federal grant offered to those enrolled in a US college. Like the Tour Israel option mentioned above, HTC in Skokie, IL, and MJI in Detroit both offer opportunities to enroll and learn abroad. HTC like Touro requires (decent) SAT scores, MJI doesn’t. HOWEVER, MJI costs considerably more to register. (HTC also charges registration up front, MJI, I THINK, doesn’t require $$ up front, but take a bigger piece of the $$$ before forwarding to the seminary.)
TAP is a NYS grant similar to FAFSA, and that would be the only reason to pick Touro over one of the others.
Most seminaries due to the current economy, will offer a small discount, if requested.
TTI (Raizel Reit) is working on an ISRAEL option. Don’t know if it will be ready in time for this coming September, though.
If you live in NY and got over an 1875 on your SAT, then you MIGHT be eligible for the Byrd scholarship (1500 @ year for 4 years!)
General note: Seminaries ARE a for-profit business. Don’t like it? jealous? get over it! or start you’re own if it’s so easy. I don’t own one, but I know a few of the owners, and yes, they are making money, big deal, they are entitled to charge what they want. BUT, none, of them, I REPEAT, none of them are making TONS of money. They are comfortable. and why shouldn’t they be?
re:my form
1. I offer it to mosdos that request it. It usually requires some explanation and directions for the first few parents.
2. it has two boxes on the side of the page. i put the same unique (in my school, only i know the code- i encourage other schools to do the same) alpha-numeric code in both boxes. the top part with the family name and the code, gets ripped off and filed. the bottom part (95% of the form) with the second matching with the matching code gets submitted to the tuition committee for review. it’s double-blind. the tuition committee has no idea who they are discussing, and i never reveal the names of the people on the tuition committee. i’m the only one (in my mosod) who knows the identity of all people. TOTAL tz’nius.
I am on a tuition committee, and I developed a one-page form, that asks for all the basic details. I can tell from that one page EVERYTHING I need to know INCLUDING which families are telling the truth and which ones are faking poverty.
1. you don’t know who lied. the girl or the shadchan. if it looks good on paper, go out. if she lies when you ask her, her age, that’ll tell you what type of person she is.
2. her weight. so what? if you marry skinny and she gains weight after she gives birth, then what’ll you do?
i personally had a list of physical features i would absolutely not go out with. my wife was everything i said i would NEVER marry.
1. i thought one is buried next to the spouse they had children with.
2. i thought the halacha is that a woman can never remarry her first husband once she marries someone else. therefore, how can she remarry #1 when moshiach comes?
Many years ago, when DY only checked for one disease, being a carrier carried a stigma. Nowadays, they check for many different genetic diseases, so there’s NO way to know which one you (and the other person) is a carrier for if it comes back “no” from DY.
That’s why I just put the DY number on top (under the address/phone number) on my son’s and daughter’s shidduch resume…..
looking for an 06 or 07 sante fe (or tuscon?) any good ideas in the ny/nj area where i should go?
bnos sarah: definitely more to the right than bc, but not as academic. more of a mix of girls at bc.
monsey girl: yeshivish, but not super academic? tiferes is very yeshivish (there are 5 girls from bais rochel this year). most of the parent body are roshei yeshivos, rebbeim, etc… while that is not necesary or even impot=rtant to the girls, it IS an indication of the yeshivishness of the place. (there are several girls from non-klei-kodesh houses, but the girls themselves are yeshivish. hadar has been losing girls to tiferes and masores rochel (VERY academic, mix of girls, think bjj) so there will be a mix of girls there (as they needed to fill in the past couple of years)
what school are you in? where are your classmates going?
this is NOT meant to be a knock on the Star-K, but they tend to be maykil when it comes to bugs/veggies.
i only allow my wife to buy eden, because it’s grown in a greenhouse. go ahead, check ’em under a bright light.
as for bodek (or other fum brands). nobody says they are bug free. they only need to be MUCHZOK to be bug free.
“….I was a goy for seven days….”
That’s not how it works. As far as I know, this is something you would have be mekabel (in front of eidim? a beis din?) at bas-mitzva, and I’m pretty sure it would include teviloh.
pascha bchochma,
it’s the closest i’ll get to lakewood. every boy there has 5 people working for him.
wife, shver, shvigger, mother, father.
i’ll sponsor one proper tznius skirt.
email me name and number of local frum store where you live and your name or other way for the store to identify you.