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Tzippi, my parents and many others did the same and found out the going rate pretty easily too; therefore, I suspect the question was asked theoretically and not l’maiseh.
I’ve set up approx. 500 shidduchim, 3 of them successful, and this was by far my NICEST experience:
The couple went out 5 times, boy was ready to propose, girl wasn’t sure. She had to call her sem teacher in E”Y, couldn’t reach her for a week, then stalled for time getting back to me, and finally came back with a NO.
The BOY’S parents bought me a gorgeous crystal gift and wrote a beautiful poem about it being “crystal clear that there’s a Master Plan up there” to thank me for all the time and effort I expended on behalf of their son.
You bet I’d set him up again…in a jiffy. What middos tovos! (Ok, ok, for the crystal)
REAL JUNK BELONGS IN THE GARBAGE!
No, it’s NOT my opinion; it’s a clear, medically-proven fact.
Artificial colors & flavors, preservatives, chemicals of every name, high fructose corn syrup, and no redeeming value to all that sugar…let me know what I neglected to mention…oh yes, that it keeps kids HAPPY (translation: quiet and out of Mommy’s shaitel).
Aren’t things only as unavoidable as we let them be?
Isn’t Yiras Shomayim the one thing that IS in our hands?
Books, books, and more books!
Listen to music and dance along.
Play “horse and wagon”- My oldest (10) initiated and runs this activity: cardboard box is the wagon, pile in some blankets and a pillow, tie jumprope around box and around “horses'” waists, and “drive” a light-weight sibling around the house.
(Sometimes the “passenger” falls asleep on the journey.)
Big kids spread old, large blanket on floor and shlep little kids around on it.
Make puppet shows! I once bought a puppet theater with puppets; very good $30 investment.
Turn the shower stall into anything- library, airplane, or just a little, fun place
(on condition that all props be returned to places of origin).
Hide and seek. Tag.
Anything, but housework!
When buying used, what’s the maximum mileage the used car should have?
Also, any input on good minivans would be appreciated. We’re not looking for one that’s “loaded”, just one that runs well.
Jphone, I realize you meant the yeshivos, and that’s why I asked if you volunteer to do this. That’s basically what teachers are- volunteers (sure, they’re compensated for travel time.) Many capable teachers cannot afford to volunteer, so they don’t teach at all (except their own children) or don’t teach in our yeshivos.
Take, for example, you, Oomis, Jothar, and probably some other posters hanging around here.
Gotta find their strengths and develop them- e.g. sports, music/chazzanus, photography, carpentry or something else with tools, science experiments, memorizing (use it for countries and capitols, Malchei Yisroel/Yehuda, dates, etc.), art, organizing events or waitering, chess, or chessed in whatever area suits him, to name a few.
The girls I’m seeing around today aren’t girls who could “get married straight out of high school,” and I believe their level of maturity nearly coincides with the boys’.
That’s where divorce becomes the crisis.
Guess what? My very quiet sister got married recently at the ripe old age of 22!
Her husband was davka looking for a quiet girl; he can’t stand the “lively” ones- thinks they’re “empty”.
Point is, maybe those looking for quieter girls are just not coming to you.
Don’t drink too much- you need a good night’s sleep!
Oatmeal cookies and warm milk are soporific.
Jphone, I fully agree that we need to teach our kids hashkofos haTorah. Do you volunteer to do this? At least, each of us must start with our own families.
The need for everyone’s internet usage to be filtered seems so obvious, it’s sad that we need to hear it from gedolim.
Jphone, I fully agree that we need to teach our kids hashkofos haTorah. Do you volunteer to do this? At least, each of us must start with our own families.
The need for everyone’s internet usage to be filtered seems so obvious, it’s sad that we need to hear it from gedolim.
Can anyone declare with certainty that he or she is ALWAYS in full control of his or her thoughts and actions?
If not, you require a filter.
(That’s why I have YeshivaNet.)
Ron- Last time and this time, you left quickly, but next time, or the next?
Why would you put yourself in a dangerous place so frequently if you can so easily avoid the danger??
Is this daughter the type who’d rather be out of the house working all day than stay home with crying babies and housework?
I have friends like that, and then their mothers tell me, “You’re lucky you only work part-time. My poor daughter works full-time and she has more kids than you.”
Yeah, Moms, but your poor daughter CHOSE to work full-time and hire cleaning help and spend less time with her kids…
I choose to live with minimum and forego cleaning help so I can be home more hours than away.
Then again, I’m speaking from the American viewpoint; maybe in E”Y things are different.
R’fuah Sh’laima B’karov! If you post your name and mother’s name, I will daven for you.
As you do travel this loney and painful road, know that “Eemo anochi b’tzara”- I and many others, I’m sure, feel some of your pain and cry for you. At least weekly, at night, I think about what you are enduring, physically and emotionally, and my heart feels like it’s breaking as I focus on your pain and I can’t stop crying.
Since each person knows what his strengths are, it’s probably a good idea for each of us to determine which area to perfect.
Out of curiosity, do you think the Dor Hamidbar chatted about the various flavors they consumed and constantly devised new ones? Funny to imagine those conversations!
Sometimes I’m jealous of those women- the whole family likes the supper!
Then again, she can’t take credit.
But look where their desire for more tastes led them…
I take the liberty of posting without reading through the whole thread.
PROFESSIONAL SHADCHANIM? Who needs ’em? When my class was in shidduchim, we discussed making a trip to a well-known shadchan who works with bochurim in a particular yeshiva of the type most of us were looking for. We decided against it, and no one in my class (about 15 girls) went to ANY professional shadchan. B”H, close to fifteen years later (actually, much earlier already), only 1 of us is still single (not to minimize her plight, c”v).
Everyone’s shidduch came through family, friends, networking, etc.
But, THAT ONLY HAPPENS WHEN WE TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR EACH OTHER!
Feif Un, do you mean to say that as the non-kosher world creates more varied foods (or perversions thereof), we Jews need to scramble to re-create these items in Kosher form?
Do we not have other ideals to which we devote our time and energy?
I’m all for variety and non-traditional cooking (especially natural!), but to whet our appetites for more temptations seems quite un-Jewish to me.
Nothing wrong with incorporating foods from the whole wide universe into our diets, but pursuing teivos is definitely not in the spirit of Judaism.
Shindy- A note’s fine, but it seems to me that most parents give junk that teachers don’t appreciate. If they’re gonna spend $$ on chocolate, already give them a few dollars instead.
My father and husband are yotze “ad d’lo yoda” with a nap!
Don’t teenagers love to sleep, too?
We give to our not-yet-frum and elderly neighbors ONLY!
If I happen to be speaking to frum, young neighbors/friends before Purim, I make sure to mention that we won’t be giving them (by now, most know), so no one feels left out.
This way, we can make the few(?) that we do give nicer than if we were giving 100 mishloach manos.
We try to add a new person every year- a non-frum neighbor we don’t know that well, usually.
There were small things that people did for my husband before he became frum- e.g. gave up a seat in a crowded shul on Yom Kippur, which made a roshem on him.
As for teachers: give ’em gelt! Their meager salaries don’t pay the bills, but if every kid gives $10 (or more!), that’s a piece of an overdue paycheck.
I can’t believe no one mentioned “Torah” by Shmuel Brazil, sung by R’ Abish! It’s about T’shuva and very soul-stirring.
Also, like oomis mentioned, there are so many gorgeous songs from t’fillos; my particular favorites are Avinu Av Harachamon (not Tatte) and R’tzeh.
Oh, but there are just sooo many BEAUTIFUL songs out there!
“There’s nothing like a niggun, it’s music for your soul!”
I once told R’ Abish (through my husband) “Thanks for giving me a daily mussar seder.” He responded that that’s exactly what a good song is: mussar!
Mrs. Ben Levi- You’re a yekke with a chandelier?! Oh well, at least you keep that important Haman cookie minhag. Yeah, my yekkishe ancestors did it too, only with challah, and since there was nothing to hang it from, they gave Haman death by the sword.
(Then they asked the sha’aloh: “Do we need to kasher our challah knife?”
They were told that since they didn’t display derech eretz to a human being and killed him, they don’t need to worry about Torah laws either.
Then WWII broke out, and all those “human beings” around them showed themselves to be animals, so they realized that Haman probably fell into the same category. Since then, we’ve been kashering our knife after the shechita each year.)
On our fourth date, we opened our fortune cookies at the Chinese restaurant. I read mine first: “You will soon be sharing good news with all the people you love.” He then read his: “If you have heard of something good to happen, it shall be fulfilled.”
They were indeed prophetic messages!
My eight year old was supposed to be brushing her teeth and heading to bed. When she finally emerged from the bathroom, she informed me that she had been shining the faucet and mirror. I said, “Thanks, you just won a good night’s sleep,” and moved her toward her bedroom. Turning toward my bedroom, she said, “No, I won a night at the inn!”
The suburban guy (barely 20 years old) showed up in a fancy little car, and as we’re approaching the car to head out, he says, “Oh, I’m just gonna leave my hat and jacket in the car. It’s so convenient that you live near the subway; I hate driving in Manhattan. We’ll just take the train- I hardly ever have a chance to ride it!” Of course I met lots of friends and neighbors on the train, and of course I said hello to them. He says, “Don’t you think they’re embarrassed to meet you on a date? Just pretend you don’t see them!”
The first time my four year old met a girl whose name is Ruchama, he called her “Ru-Nechama.”
My kids were fighting over a book, so I took it and said, “It’s my book.” My four-year old laughed and said, “Mommy doesn’t have regular books, only cook-a-books (cookbooks)!”
(As if I like to cook.)
My Russian-accented babysitter informed my 4-year old that her mother just turned 88. My kid said, “She’s gonna die soon; please can I have more soup?”
I overheard this from the other room, and I wanted to stay there.
Why must mingling be an eventuality?
To avoid the “real world” workplace necessity of mingling, many BY girls take up professions that permit them to remain in a frum environment, e.g. special ed, therapy, nursing, ob/gyn sonographer, or work independently in their chosen fields, as a social worker, etc.
These options also offer part-time work, so the women can raise their families.