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I am sorry to hear you are going through a hard time. Mental Health challengers are real and, I’m sorry to say, running away to a new town will not make things better. You need to address your issues with a good therapist and maybe some additional help. Moving is likely to increase your troubles, not make them go away. If you aren’t happy in Lakewood, I understand, and I would advise you consulting with friends and relatives to an area you can vacation at for a while. Moving without a solid plan won’t do you any good and moving and hoping to find a good therapist is not an option.
I recommend you continue looking for a therapist that works for you. Move if you must, but only to a place where you already have connections and know people. Don’t make the problem worse.
This is a classic scam tactic. I’m sorry you fell for it. NEVER EVER pay anyone who promises you money. These guys know that credit card charges are very hard to fight after 90 days. If you have any US addresses you should report to the FBI or FTC.
That’s not how we fight a war. We fight by sitting in the Bais Medrash and crying Tehillim.
Don’t get me wrong, the rally is a good thing, but not for those who sit and learn all day and certainly not for out tzidkoniousim and young girls.
IMO, I think it is contraindicated to do anything that would push more frum into social media.
We have enough of the shmutz in our lives just due to business and the velt.
Supply:Demand
Lakewood is experiencing continuous, overwhelming growth while NY is loosing people.
BTW, if you think Lakewood is expensive for kosher meat and milk, try buying CY milk in Pittsburg, Cleveland or Detroit.
Avirah,
Who says they’re doing it for the wrong reasons? If they are going to a Jewish school to learn about Judaism, it seems that they are doing it for the right reasons.
Personally, I think it’s very silly, what they’re doing. But I don’t see an issue with it halachicly.
While I heartedly disagree with many things YU does, and believe wholeheartedly that YU should be, not just Jewish, but a frum institution, requiring all students to be shomer shabbos, the issur you mentioned is misplaced. Halacha allows for non-Jews to learn Torah shebichsav. From the article, it seems that the classes are limited to teaching the background and model of Torah shebochsav without any mention of Halacha and Torah she’bal pe.
Much of modern art, like modern music, has inappropriate themes. There are many pieces of art that you will find in many homes that can afford it. These include landscapes and grunge.
This is similar to the typical disenchantment with non-Jewish instrumentals.
Lastly, many simply cannot afford, or choose not to spend money on paintings. There are many homes filled with artwork by Jewish artists that have beautiful themes of Israel, Torah learning and Gedolim.
It’s not a lack of appreciation but a concern of allowing, even subliminally, inappropriate themes into our homes. That, and a lack of money.
yechiell,
Mainstream orthodoxy is a defined term that encompasses the commonalities of hashkofos of the litvish/yeshivish and ashkenazik world.
There is a Halacha, admittedly that is disputed, that limits tzedakah to 20% of income. However, one should not be gavadik and “show-off” one’s wealth.
A larger issue is that people feel they MUST be wealthy and too many achieve their wealth through less-than honest business practices.
That being said, these questions are almost always raised by the less fortunate seeking to influence the financially successful into giving away much more money.
To those I say the following: do not judge those who are financially successful as you may never know and can never appreciate their intense yetzer hora to use their largess for physical satisfaction. Those who give of their time and money for klal are often fighting an internal battle that we cannot comprehend which is why, despite some obvious character flaws in some of those who make up the rich, we must still appreciate that they are spending time energy and money to benefit the Klal.
To answer your question, I will present the four differentiators of “mainstream” orthodoxy vis-a-vis “modern” orthodoxy. However, none of the four has anything to do with Halacha as modern orthodoxy maintains, nonetheless, that Halacha reigns. What you may be referring to is the unfortunate failures of some who practice modern orthodoxy.
1. The role of the Rov: mainstream orthodoxy views the Rov as a life mentor who is often asked questions about marriage and business and child rearing as much as Kashrus and Shabbos. This differs in modern orthodoxy which views the Rabbi as strictly a religious figure to answer halachic questions.
2. The State of Israel: Modern Orthodoxy believes that the Medina is “ikvisa d’meshicha” and therefore requires accepting the bad with good as the bad is only temporary until Moshiach. Mainstream disagrees and believes that we must fight every attempt of anything that “smells” of being contrary to Torah to the point of harog v’lo ya’avor. This results in religious Zionism being synonymous with modern orthodoxy, while the mainstream believes that the term “religious Zionism” is an anachronism.
3. Secular Education: Modern orthodoxy believes there is an inherent value of achieving success in secular education as doing so makes one worldly and “educated”. Mainstream orthodoxy disagrees and views secular education is only as important as one’s need for panosso. Therefore, any other time spent on secular education is being b’tul Torah at best and blasphemous at worst.
4. Women’s Roles: Mainstream Orthodoxy believes that we must follow the longstanding mesorah, articulated by the Chofetz Chaim and the Ger Rebbe when questioned by Sarah Schenirer. This dictates that women and girls should largely focus on Torah Shebichsav and Halacha. Further, while women do you get jobs and may have careers, their focus remains largely on the homefront. Modern orthodoxy believes that, as the world has changed, women must be intellectually stimulated by opening up all forms of study, across the board, and allowing, even encouraging, women to seek careers that satisfy their intellectual quest.
In closing, I hope I presented these ideas in such a way that the reader will not be able to know my personal beliefs on the subject.
Going from MO to NY Yeshivish will be transition. If you put Torah first, you’ll do just fine. If you are bothered by “yeshivisha shprach” you’ll be continuously unhappy.
The yeshivish world of America carries a lot of weight on of the “yeshivisha” mindset. It’s there because it helps keep the standard flow. As someone who went through it, without being comfortable, I can tell you that I had no no issue with the sprach. I had my own struggles and was, and remain, deeply appreciative of the yeshivisha oilom who never ostracized me for my own shortcomings.
I always felt welcome and I always felt the push to self improve. Hopefully, you’ll feel the same.
I have friends and neighbors who are Chabad and the issue rarely comes up. When in Israel, I was shocked at the posters all over and my disgust boiled over. I asked about the problem and was told that in Israel, lubavitch is run by the crazies. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but when you have friends who correct you with “Ohel” when you ask if the trip they’re making is to the “Kever”, you can’t help but wonder where they stand.
You can start a gutter cleaning business. You can easily charge $60-$100 and it will likely only take you an hour or so per house.
Amateur photographer for families and children
Armature videography for funerals and speeches or small family events
Book binding
Painting / repairing of furniture. It is typically single color stuff.
Minor handy work like hanging pictures and fixing closet doors.
Sheleping or moving help
Currier / deliveries
Shamus pickup
Grocery store shopper
Call a mechanic shop and offer to pickup or drop off cars for clients who have no time.
Become a voice artist and record books digitally.
Gardening
Become a colorist. Black Magic Davinci Resolve is free to download and you can learn how to use it with a class from LinkedIn learning.
Become a video editor using the same program.
Call companies and offer to file paperwork.
Call companies and offer to straighten out the shop or sort out parts.You said side hustle. The keyword is hustle. You’re not going to get rich (al pi derech hateva) by only being willing to do “rich” work. You gotta “hustle”.
Directed to the OP:
Don’t let the well-intentioned, but ill informed, bother you. “Hanging out” is normal for any teenager, and the fact that you asked specifically for a kosher way to fulfill your desire for camaraderie is laudable.
There are many places where girls can go and “chill” and it doesn’t need to be to another shiur or ”chessed project”. Go bowling or ice skating or sit on a porch with a slurpee. Find a good kosher coffee house or art gallery (that your parents approve of… art can be great when not inappropriate).
The unwillingness to accommodate isn’t from das Torah, it’s from people who are too afraid to ask an open shaila. I’ve spoken to many great gedolim including several just last week while in Eretz Yisroel; a big yetzer hora of this dor is to asur everything to the point of causing resentment and anxiety.
Go chill, hangout, relax… in a kosher, yosher way. Make sure you have solid Moros to guide you. Hatzlocho!
This appears to me to be a chumra born in the Lakewood mentality. Move outside the east coast and everyone buys from the same handful of stores that supply the entire community…and they all sell their chometz.
Not to judge, as to each his own. I just wonder how the Rabbonim of 100, or even 50 years ago would view the “chumra” culture of today. Many Rabbonim have been outspoken about the added chumras which add stress and anxiety to an already overwhelming modern society.