Thinking out loud

Daas Yochid, thank you for that amusing summary!

Personally, I don’t think it resembles ANY other world or country. It’s almost a 3rd world planet!!! With a bit of its own language and syntax, and a unique approach to family living! It’s difficult to understand the system of government. Everyone does whatever they want. Sort of. But it’s not anarchy. There are rules. Or maybe it’s more correct to say standards. But you have to be a part of it to know what they are. The year-round locals have a regular American system. It’s the “country” constituency that live by different unwritten charters. Which sometimes creates, ummm, inter-planetary friction! (Perhaps it’s fair to say that Hatzolah is the only accepted governing institution!?!?!)

Also, it wouldn’t be “the country” without modern familiar traffic jams on Route 42, complete with the requisite Honda Odysseys, and Toyota Siennas not found in 3rd world countries. And don’t forget the FOOD resources. There’s way more up there than in a bunch of 3rd world countries combined!

We all LOVE the parking situation in Brooklyn from the end of June until Labor Day! That’s how working people know it’s the Summer!!!

Yehudayonas description is quite accurate! There’s an entire culture that surrounds this phenomenon.

I will paint a more descriptive picture for you:

A bungalow is a (very) small and simple dwelling. I wouldn’t say it’s a shack, but it’s a pretty basic set-up: Built of wood, un-insulated, with a small kitchen with appliances that may actually date back to the 1950’s. 1, 2 or even three Bedrooms (Very large bungalow)and often a porch that is enclosed with screens. Shared kitchens probably were prevalent in the 1950’s and ’60s; I think today each would have their own. The inside of the bungalow is for sleeping and keeping your stuff dry!

The idea is, you are going there so the kids can freely play outdoors in relative safety compared to the city. Also, Brooklyn, aside from not having much in the way of grass and trees, is hot and humid in the summer. The bungalow colonies are situated in an area that has a higher elevation, and therefore cooler temperatures. There is almost always a swimming pool with a solid mechitza, with separate hours for men and women. Sometimes there is a basketball, or racket ball court or other amenities on the premises. There is a laundry room (shack) with coin-operated washers and dryers. Most also offer a small day camp program for younger children; from age 2 up to about 10 or so. There is usually also some sort of communal building which doubles as a shul. During the week, there may not be a minyan of men, But from Friday through Sunday, there are plenty of fathers/husbands around. And more separate-swim hours for men.

The properties are grassy, surrounded by natural forests, that certainly are home to wildlife native to the area. They are owned by private individuals, or small groups. The owners rent out the bungalows to individuals – usually family oriented – for the summer months when the Jewish schools are closed. This period is from the last week(s) of June until the end of August, or even until Labor Day. Some colonies are owned by a particular organized community, in conjunction with their own set of schools and shuls in the New York City area.

A bungalow colony can have anywhere from 10 to a few hundred bungalows. Usually a few families that are acquainted will rent bungalows in the same colony. Additionally, the same friends will often repeat their specific arrangement for many Summers. It is common for a larger group to develop with adults and children that become quite tightly knit friends, having spent many Summers together, (in tight quarters) and maintaining their relationships throughout the year, sharing occasions such as weddings and other simchas.

These days, there are less and less of the type of bungalow structures I described. Many colonies have become co-ops, with individuals owning their own bungalows. Some of these slowly get more modernized, and expanded to include additional rooms, and are even “winterized”. New appliances, proper floors, private washers and dryers are added. So it develops into a very basic Summer home. There are “colonies”, that were first built in the last 25 years, in which the bungalows are really basic houses, with modern amenities, electricity, heating and air-conditioning. In a different setting, you would just refer to it as a housing development. With very small, quaint houses.

But there are quite a few hold-outs of the basic dwellings I described above, which you would see if you drive down the roads in the area of the Catskill Mountain Region being referred to. Most of these places are in towns or townships close to a stretch of Route 17 in South Eastern New York State. There are some additional areas a bit farther North East within the Catskill Mountain Region.

The colonies are largely in the same areas where most of the religious Jewish Summer camps are located. There are a number of Lakes in the area too, some of which offer rowboat, canoe, and even speedboat rentals. Since this is the Yeshiva World News website, I am describing the set-up (and culture) in the Yeshivish/Chassidish world. There definitely are additional bungalow colonies and co-ops where the crowd is modern orthodox, and may be in areas I am not familiar with. But the non-religious crowd has pretty much abandoned this destination.

There are also flourishing commercial businesses; mostly small supermarkets, that have sprung up in the area for the Summer months. There are Brooklyn based pediatricians who have opened offices in the area, all but moving their entire medical practices to the area for the Summer months. Some of the towns have a commercial street with a few stores, which likely includes a Pizza Shop and/or Ice Cream Parlor. In the Summer, the emergency volunteer corps, Hatzolah has a full fledged division operating up there. For safety reasons, they have actually created a fairly accurate map listing and locating almost every known bungalow colony and summer camp. There are a few towns that are actually home to local residents all year long. (They live in normal houses). National chains such as Walmart, Walgreens and Supermarkets exist in those towns. These are highly popular destinations when it rains!

One humorous note you have to know to be an insider:

For some reason, many people who speak primarily Yiddish, actually call these bungalow colonies “countries”. That evolved from the term countryside, which morphed into the country, as in “for the summer, we go to the country”. This further evolved among some Yiddish speaking groups, to simply call the individual colony where they rent their bungalow, ‘the country’. If you follow this logic, there are numerous bungalow colonies which some people actually call “countries”. If you go into a kosher grocery up there, a friendly person may seriously inquire “Which country are you in?”!!!!

Just a note about Rabbi Dovid Ribiat’s sefer on hilchos Shabbos.

Although it may look intimidating, as it is a set of 4 volumes, I would highly recommend it. It is very well written and highly organized, with a very detailed index. In addition, as mentioned above, each volume is really one half of its size for the average reader. That is because one half of each volume is actually an exposition on hundreds of footnotes, written in Hebrew, for the more advanced scholar. He calls those entire sections “Migdal Dovid”.

I never “went through it” from beginning to end, but I use it for reference all the time. It is very clear on most topics, with a methodical approach to the halachic process on any area of the laws of Shabbos. Rabbi Ribiat gives many, many, contemporary examples, with the added bonus of explanatory illustrations where something may be confusing. He also adds a wealth of interesting information, useful to most readers, in connection to pertinent topics. (His sefer was the first place I saw mention of “scale insects” that look like innocent small bumps on the outside of oranges, attached to the peel)

Incidentally, Rabbi Ribiat’s full name is actually David Shmuel, and almost all of those detailed illustrations are his own.

I called a company that makes wheat thins, and asked them how they are made. Instead of answering me, they jumped in and told me their conclusion vis a vis the beracha. I explained that I wasn’t asking their opinion. I intended to ask my Rav. I totally trust their hashgacha for kashrus purposes, but regarding berachos, I ask a different authority.

(many packages of bread say “birchaso: mezonons”. No Rav that I EVER asked paskened that a loaf of bread is mezonos, no matter how much apple juice is in it. I am aware that there are Rabbanim who are meikel in this area – but that’s a different topic).

Finally, I reached a person at the company, who told me that the wheat kernels are steamed until they “pop” (like popcorn), and then pressed into forms to create the cracker-like shape. No baking or cooking takes place. I make ho-adoma on them.

Regarding rice, as mentioned above there are disagreements about its beracha, from the outset, regardless of the finished product. Opinions on the beracha on rice vary from mezonos to ho’adoma to shehakol. This chilukei dei’os apparently affects the proper beracha on rice cakes as well.

The current popular Seforim that deal with Berachos are written by experts on Hilchos Berachos. I would assume that one could choose which Rav he is going to follow in this area of halacha, and then follow his p’sak. The two that I am familiar with in English are written by Rav Pinchas Bodner of Lakewood, and Rav Binyomin Forst of Far Rockaway.

Incidentally there is a halacha hotline based in the 5 towns that is under the auspices of Rav Forst. There are regular hours, as well as an emergency option for situations that can not wait, due to the nature of the sh’eila.

516-239-2500

718-337-8370

@Lilmod U’lelamaid

Unfortunately, it is not the case that someone in my “condition” would not have been able to post.

They most certainly can and they do.

It’s much easier to ask these questions to random people who are sitting behind a computer screen any place in the world. I was depressed. But I was not psychotic. I knew much of what was going on, I just didn’t care, so I didn’t (or couldn’t) pay attention. I was withdrawn, and had little “affect”. However, the average person in the street who did not know me previously, would not have known that. They would have (and they did), just assumed that I was a very shy and quiet person, (I guess without much personality?)

It was only when I was in conversation with someone that my negativity would come out. And many people – even those who do know me – would say, “you’re just trying to put yourself down”. Which I translated to mean that I’m responsible for making myself miserable, and I further used against myself.

Most of the negative things I said about myself came from a warped belief that I should be honest with people. My “logic” was something like “They think I care, and I’m misleading them by not telling that I don’t.” From my end I was just trying to describe myself honestly. Especially if they tried to tell me good things about myself. I didn’t want to be “fooling” them.

It’s really twisted. I was extremely descriptive in my posts. What you are not realizing, is that the posts are being written when I’m B”H fine.

Had I written them when I was not, I wouldn’t have described the parts that show how mixed up I was. I wouldn’t have said “I keep thinking about my aveiros, and how it’s terrible that I’m thinking about my aveiros, so I’m bad, and I don’t want to live, which is an aveira, and I’m doing so many aveiros…..” ad infinitum.

I would more likely have said, for example, that “I don’t feel like doing anything, and I know I should get out and do exercise, but I just don’t want to. Does anybody know how I can get more motivated?”

I saw some of the symptoms, but not the whole picture. Also, online, you would not have heard that there was little inflection in my voice. If you met me, and didn’t know me before, you wouldn’t know that I really have an outgoing, sometimes perky personality, but it happens to be not functioning right now.

For a time, I volunteered, doing paperwork at an organization. I did that because I was getting different types of counseling, and in one setting, I was being told that of course I can work, I just think I can’t. I said that I wouldn’t get there on time because I don’t want to get up. So they set up this volunteer situation, and I went, sometimes 3 hours later than the official time, because I felt guilty for “not trying”. The arrangement had been that I would get there at 11 AM. I usually got there sometime after 2 PM!! It’s not like anyone was going to fire a volunteer who is doing the most boring work possible.

For months, I worked at a desk, organizing papers, feeling like a robot. At one point the supervisor of the place, and the secretary, invited me to go out to lunch with them. I knew that they were trying to be friendly, and get to “know” me. But as far as I was concerned there was nobody to know. Because I no longer had any personality, because I no longer had any emotions. (Well really I did, but they had shut down). I couldn’t wrap my mind around the idea of enjoying each other’s company, because I didn’t remember what it felt like to enjoy anything. I just saw it as a well-intentioned waste of their money.

So I declined. I may have even told them something along the lines that I don’t enjoy going out to eat. Which would have sounded reasonably normal to them. But afterwards, I ruminated about how ungrateful I am, when people try to be friendly, and how bad it is that I am anti-social. My mind never stopped processing everything through this crazy filter that made no sense.

I don’t know each person’s experience of clinical depression. I have been extremely descriptive in my posts. Not everyone is as expressive as I am; both verbally and in writing. But when I describe some of this to people who have had major depression, they know what I’m talking about. So there is a commonality. There are definitely people who respond to medication. There are many, many who don’t. Also, I would bet that a lot of the medication that people are on, that does make a difference, has at least some element of anti-anxiety. My depression included a lot of anxiety. I’m sure I presented as an anxious person to the employees who saw me every day at that volunteer job. But what they saw mostly, was a shy, possibly inhibited person.

Doctors do try all sorts of medications to try to inhibit some of the symptoms. For example, if someone is constantly ruminating, like I was, they will experiment with medications that intercept brain activity. Many medications for the more common mental illnesses were developed to treat seizures. I don’t know the statistics, but it may be even most, were discovered by accident to be having an effect on emotional disregulation. There are also substances that numb the pain. Sometimes other parts of the personality get numbed as well. For some situations, there isn’t a choice, and if there is a medication that is “working” the person seemingly needs to take it, in order to function, despite unpleasant side affects.

There are so many classes of medicines, and each class operates from a different angle. Some medications slow down the time it takes for a “good feeling” to pass. For example, when you hear good news, you feel happy, and invigorated, and perhaps add a spring to your step. At this time, there appears to be a chemical that the brain has released (seratonin), that is spreading the good feeling. Over the following days, or hours, (depending on the degree of good news), the lightness slowly recedes back to your “normal” mood. The chemical, it appears, goes back to the brain. So there are medicines that literally are meant to block the seratonin from going back into the brain too quickly. Some people respond to such medicines. There are many, many classes. Sometimes something works for a person, and then for some reason it stops working. Sometimes a medicine that had no effect in the past, suddenly does have an effect when tried again at a different time. No doctor can claim to know why that is. There are definitely people who are taking medicine for “lowered feelings”, instead of improving their lifestyle through diet, excercise and thinking habits. On the other hand, perhaps those people do not have the psychological strength to make those changes, but they still need to be more functional to be a responsible person. So they take medication because it helps them meet their responsibilities. A psychologist might be able to help them develop the strength to make the life changes that would reduce the amount of lowered feelings they have. But that takes time. So the medicine does the job for now. The side affects are very uncomfortable, and it won’t necessarily work forever. Life changes are definitely more reliable! You can see from the above that there are connections between chemicals, experiences, behaviors, emotional pain, and habitual thought patterns. Each one has an affect on the others.

There is so much disagreement out there about these things. There’s the well-known placebo effect. There’s the opinion that in some cases, whatever the medicine is doing, the whole point is to get the person functional enough to participate in some sort of therapy, and that is really the only thing that is going to make a real change. The one thing everyone agrees on, is that if somebody’s state of mind makes him at risk for harming himself, he needs to be hospitalized: just so he can be kept safe.

In the beginning I went to a number of rabbonim. I don’t know if I went because I felt guilty, or for advice. I can’t always re-create the kind of thinking that I had at the time, so I’m not sure. At one point a relative took me to a very chashuve rebbe. I guess for a Beracha? I ended up telling him all the bad things that I think, and that I don’t want to do mitzvos, or something along those lines. This rebbe gave my relatives the name of a different psychiatrist that he knew of. And he advised me to read stories about tzadikim!!

I couldn’t just “not listen” to a tzaddik, so I plodded through a number of volumes of some series, perhaps it was “Tales of tzaddikim”. The entire time that I was reading, there was a continuous dialogue going on in my mind, comparing my actions to the actions of the tzaddikim in the story, and judging myself to be a bad person. THE ENTIRE TIME. I read the words, but obviously I couldn’t have been concentrating much, because of the parallel thinking that was going on in my head. I don’t think I remembered anything that I read after I read it; unless it included a more powerful guilt producing element, that made it stand out from the rest of the guilt producing stories. It is not a happy memory, and it’s also a confusing one. Would the rebbe have suggested I read those stories if he knew that it would add to my guilt feelings, and deepen my depression? I certainly hope not. It doesn’t mean he’s not a holy person. But we are not required to believe that every Tzaddik has ruach hakodesh, and can never be mistaken. From an Emuna perspective, I believe HaShem decided I should have additional suffering. From a knowledge perspective, I think that sometimes advice that seems harmless can actually be harmful.

I don’t claim to know the answers.

As I’ve said before it is NOT a clear science at all.

We speak of the mind, and we speak of the brain – there is no blood test to tell which one is at the heart of the problem!

I have obviously not said anything about what actually did lead to my recovery. That is because it is very personal, and specific to me. I don’t think the details will help those who are reading this, and besides finding the cure for a specific case of (clinical)depression, wasn’t my goal in posting.

There are so many different factors in each situation. Depression can be caused by medicine taken for the common cold! I’m just trying to show that when someone seems just “depressed”, and expresses it as if it’s just “lowered feelings”, they may actually really be depressed. Clinically. And it’s not always easy to tell. It can also be hard to discern if they would really benefit from activities, or if it is just a way to keep them busy, but is not helping them at all. From the perspective of some professionals, it’s probably a no-lose proposition. Either the person will do the things and feel better, or he won’t feel better. Or he won’t do the things, and then we’ll never know if they would have made him feel better. The person himself doesn’t know. But if he is having clinical depression, than almost certainly he will be berating himself for not trying, or for not trying hard enough to be motivated, or interested, or more energetic, or whatever. So there is a risk: It can increase the mental suffering, and G-d forbid cause the person to do something drastic to try to reduce their suffering.

I think people have to be very careful what they off-handedly say and recommend to someone who says they feel depressed, or is behaving in a way that shows he isn’t feeling emotionally well. There is a need to pursue more information. One rough standard is known in some schools of thought as “F.I.D.”

It stands for Frequency, Intensity, and Duration.

How often is this happening?

How intense, and disruptive is it to the person’s functioning?

For how long has it been going on?

If you’ve give a “pep talk” to somebody close, and the advice is taken, but the “mood” isn’t getting better, you should take note of it, and possibly even validate it. As in “I see you are doing the right things, but you aren’t feeling better. Maybe we should take a better look at this”, or “Maybe we should get some help, maybe this isn’t your fault at all. That is a possibility.”

NEVER underestimate the request in Shemona Esrai for Chochma, Bina and Da’as (nusach sefard), a.k.a. Dei-a, Bina, V’haskel, when you are in a position of giving somebody else advice!

It turns out that all this writing has proven to be cathartic for me. Expressing oneself in writing is usually a good thing. No matter how well I now feel, there is always residual pain. By expressing some of it again, although it brought up some of that pain, it also provided another opportunity to process some of the leftovers, and let it go. And if it prevents even one suffering person from having frustration and guilt added to the heavy burden they are already carrying, then it was worth all the sleep I missed because I sat here writing into the wee hours of the morning.

What I meant by that is, that Project Makom will only be able to attract those who are still consciously trying to find a way to be “frum”. It addresses individuals who are challenging and questioning their way of life, usually because it is extremely unpleasant for them.

There is a different type of situation, where the young man or woman does not care any more, or never did care about keeping the Torah. They are emotionally burned out, and no amount of intellectual understanding or reasoning provides a respite from their misery. They don’t know what they believe, nor do they care. They just want to be FREE. FREE of all rules that have been used to control them, and repeatedly prevented them from any form of self-determination. For those individuals, it is not necessarily the severity of the rules, but the very idea that someone else’s rules can prevent their happiness. And so Modern Orthodoxy does not interest them. It still has rules. It still requires submission to a halachic decisor (the Rabbi). They have become convinced that rules are arbitrarily created by people who want to control others. These individuals still need a place to figure themselves out. They need to be able to talk about ANYTHING without being judged, in order to understand themselves, and accept themselves as they are now. For the time being, any suggestion of organized religion or belief systems will elicit intense emotions, including fierce anger. I do not think exposure to other practicing Orthodox families is indicated at that stage.

Regarding Project Makom, I did come across their website sometime in the past. I think at the time they had not had any events yet. I was very excited about this project. I imagined it might be something that might help my own young friends. (These are two unrelated young people for whom I was presented an opportunity to enter their lives, each under particular circumstances). I may have even sneaked in a link as an “item of interest” in a social email to one of them.

I believed, and still do believe that the Modern Orthodox option can help many people who were raised chassidish or yeshivish, but for whatever reason, felt stifled or trapped by the intensity of yiddishkeit as it was presented to them. Project Makom, in addition to the support services they offer, appears to be a wonderful resource for those individuals, as they are exposed to religious practice in a way that does not trigger their defense mechanisms, and allows them to experience fulfillment and meaning that is inherent in Torah living. That is the way we were all meant to experience it in the first place, but for these individuals, something backfired.

A Torah centered life, which follows halacha, and allows for some of the things that were not accepted in their communities of origin may be very attractive. Too many people have no idea that there is a concept of “machlokes haposkim”, which explains why there are different derachim, and hashkafos still within the framework of halacha. In addition, they have somehow grown up unable to appreciate the difference between an emotionally meaningful family minhag and Issurei Kareis! Once they are ready to discard the former because of the strings attached, they often go straight toward the latter: they don’t know the difference. Education and information about basic halacha, chumra, hiddur, and minhag is key to their remaining Shomrei Shabbos and Kashrus, instead of tossing it all out together.

But I mentioned in my previous post, that, to quote myself,

By the time they are seeking a place like Footsteps, such individuals do not believe that there are satisfactory answers, or validating approaches in a Torah life. In my experience, that includes a Modern Orthodox Torah life.

I am using this thread as an opportunity to expose the dangers of Footsteps, as well as my heartfelt wish that someone develops a proper alternative. I actually lose sleep over this. Due to significant personal limitations, I can not personally realize my dream of creating such a place. But I certainly would be willing to give of myself to support such a place in any way that I could.

First of all, regardless of their claim to NOT encourage abandonment of Torah, there is a particular unspoken message at Footsteps. True, there is no pressure for a member to change. Many members come clandestinely, and there is a very strong code of confidentiality. Nobody is ridiculed for holding on to the clothing of their community, or to any particular minhag. Acceptance is a given.

However, a Member who has the “courage” to leave the community, or try treif for the first time, or completely shave off their payos, or leave tznius behind, is provided with a great support system and cheering squad – literally. They are considered to have “overcome” their inhibitions, and their fear of judgement. There is no need for indoctrination. It’s built in socially. I know this from friends who have unfortunately turned to Footsteps to meet their needs.

There is currently a tremendous need for a place where originally frum young (mostly already adult) Jewish people are able to speak out their frustrations, to a listening and sympathetic non-judgemental ear, and have their personal experiences validated. There is a need to find that they are not alone and that others are also unhappy in the “system”. They are in the process of finding themselves; often for the first time experiencing their individuality, which is the birthright of every human being. This is not heresy! – no Yid has the same road to travel as the next, despite the aim for a common destination of closeness to Hashem. They have the need, to assess the situation they are coming from, and sort out that which is integral to their identity from that which seemed either arbitrary, or downright controlling or hurtful. In a place where experiences are validated, without fuel being added to the fire, acceptance of reality can become a platform from which to rebuild, rather than further destroy.

The sad part, is that because there is currently no place for these people to safely explore their thoughts, feelings and emotions, they are highly likely to make use of the acceptance that Footsteps offers. And those who started Footsteps, as well as their more popular and well known members, are not shy about declaring the value they have found in a Torah free, or G-d free life. Freedom from the burden of mindless, meaningless rituals is very attractive. The yetzer hora is still alive and well in the world.

There is a genuine need for members of certain communities to catch up on skills that will help them get a job, and function in the “outside” world. This includes compensating for education that was minimal in the school they attended, and or almost non-existent by mid-high school. It also includes coaching in how to behave in the world: How to acclimate from a very insular situation, to one in which the rules and the norms are unclear. Their experiences, besides being insular may also include a range of abuse from mild to serious, which leaves them without a barometer of what is considered normative behavior, speech, and body language. This is in relation to all members of society at large, Jewish, non-Jewish or anywhere in between. It goes without saying that they must learn basic propriety – and boundaries – with members of the opposite gender in a professional environment, or even in a social one.

It is truly painful to me that I could not refer the 2 people I am referring to, to a better place. They were no longer “at risk”. They had already heard speeches from all the successful kiruv rabbonim, all the answers to the questions they posed. For whatever reasons, their pains, and feeling of being “trapped” by rules and a controlling system, were not successfully addressed, and they wanted nothing further to do with anyone who clearly wanted to change them, and show them they were wrong.

By the time they are seeking a place like Footsteps, such individuals do not believe that there are satisfactory answers, or validating approaches in a Torah life. In my experience, that includes a Modern Orthodox Torah life. I do believe they need a lot of what Footsteps is providing. But they DON’T go there with a need to be metamei their neshama with unkosher food. That isn’t what they are seeking at that point. They are also not primed to be seeking out every physical pleasure that exists – yet. There is no need to introduce hedonistic pleasures, when there is so much to offer that is not against halacha.

Those of us who are blessed with a comfort level in Torah observance, function with the help of emunah and/or bitachon. We are lucky enough to know that after all the confusion is cleared up, at the end there is Emes. We know there is an objective Truth of why we were created (within our limited understanding), Who created us, and Where he wants us to direct our energies (Torah, Avodah, Gemilus Chasodim); each in his or her own way. At the end of our sojourn here, we know we are going to be returning our neshamos back to their Source, and what we have done on this world to enhance our neshamos, is all we will take with us. We get distracted, but deep inside we know.

If you can not relate to what I just wrote, I strongly recommend that you seek out a non-judgemental Rav, kiruv professional, or mentor. Those of us who have been blessed with circumstances that fostered these beliefs, whether from the safety of a warm family home, or later in life by searching, and finding an environment which nurtured our beliefs, certainly still have challenges and doubts that crop up in our lives. The difference is that we believe that the problem lies somewhat within ourselves, certainly not within the Torah. And so although we struggle, we are grounded by the belief that eventually we will have satisfaction and understanding. We know that challenges will bring us to the Truth that we already believe. If we are smart, we are not threatened by another person’s struggle to find their place in a Torah guided system. Hashem is not at risk, and neither is His Torah. We have challenges that we are meant to overcome, and we are taught that we have the internal resources that we need – if we make the effort to access them, sometimes with assistance. At the very least we can be motivated by the concept of eternal reward, the likes of which we know will be better than we can fathom in this world.

But those who run that organization do NOT have an underlying belief in Torah. Some are publicly avowed atheists. They mock the places they came from, sometimes in a very subtle way – perhaps due to contradictory messages they received. As leaders and mentors, they share the experiences they have discovered, that were once impermissible. In that cynical environment, there is very less chance that the self-exploration that some people justifiably need to do will lead back to the quest for Truth they start out with. Objective Truth is another word for Torah! Just as they were lacking “permission to be independent thinking people” they are now lacking “permission to believe”!

We sorely need a place for the affected teens, or even more so, post-teen young adults, to get the technical life skills they need, be validated and supported for their individuality, and be accepted with patience as they struggle to find a comfortable way to house their own “pintele Yid”. Because they all still have one. If you have seen videos of impromptu kumsitzes, where young people with tattoos, body piercings, provocative clothing, and a generally “rebellious” demeanor, sit together and sing the zemiros from their shabbos table of origin – than you know what I mean. Much of their search is necessary and inevitable. But many would eventually find Torah living again, if the support people around them would be people with conviction that the answers to a satisfying life are found in a life that brings us closer to Hashem. At this juncture, they will not tolerate being lectured to, or disapproved of in any way. They are not receptive to “answers” to the questions that they seem to be asking, so hashkafa classes are not indicated. But their pintele yid is in fact starving. And when they are ready, they will come forward again with a mind that is open to the possibility that they all but threw out the baby with the bathwater. Unless of course, they are surrounded by more “experienced” formerly frum successful people, who just by their presentation alone convey the message that happiness and success are found when yiddishkeit is left behind.

If we manage to provide a place for their current needs, without trying to manipulate or change them, we can give them a safe place, where the food happens to be kosher. We can listen to their twisted understanding of Yiddishkeit as an oppressive, cold religion, without the need to put them in their place, but rather with a listening ear to how they came to those conclusions. Certain latitude is probably indicated in terms of interaction between male and female members or they will not come. Boundaries and rules of conduct, will surprisingly be respected, if the atmosphere is not oppressive. Opportunities for acceptable self-expression, and celebration of accomplishments is part and parcel of such a support environment. Instead of hearing repetitive disappointment from family members who hoped for a different son, daughter, sister or brother, there should be events to give credit to these young people for anything of value that they have accomplished and ought to feel proud about.

It is what will NOT be provided that also matters:

There will NOT be a group event, led by a lawyer, to help them set up a legal plan to ensure that when they die, their religious relatives will NOT be able to give them a proper, halachic, Jewish burial. Yes, such a group workshop was offered free of charge to members one fine evening in the recent past, R”L. I know this because my friend attended, not knowing what the planned topic was. But the encouraging part is, that although this group was listed on the members’ calendar, only one person showed up! Because the neshama isn’t dead. The mere offering of such a group event says so much about the unspoken agenda at Footsteps. I have no doubt that there are other “open minded” workshops with goals that by definition are a rejection of some of our most hallowed mesora.

We must find a way.

Since Dr. Abraham J. Twerski’s parents were cited here as an example, and somebody used the word “abuse” to express their reaction, I would like to make a statement specific to this family.

The Twerskis of Milwaukee are known for being extremely stable, down-to-earth, caring and agreeable people. They are actually quite exceptionable in their capacities of interpersonal dealings and approachable leadership. That is neither a reflection, nor an endorsement of the way their parents were married. It is simply a truth.

It is my opinion that their incredible talents and reputations may very well be a reflection of their genetics (nature) AND certainly their nurture (observable middos passed down). Ask (almost) anyone who deals with these people on a regular basis. I have been thus fortunate.

I can not say, for certainly this is only known to Hashem, but it seems to me, that having such middos passed down, AND being extremely aware of it (as they are, incredibly without ga’avah), might make for a successful marriage despite the young chosson and kallah not knowing each other before.

As far as their next generation, since they are normal people, and quite insistent on being normal and approachable, it is understandable that not every shidduch involving the offspring of the parents was successful. Every situation is different, and every individual, if raised in a healthy way, is a separate entity with an independent personality. I am also quite sure that their children definitely saw/met their respective spouses, some more than others before their shidduchim, despite their strong and proud adherence to their mesorah.

Again, this is neither an endorsement, nor even a study of the format of the senior Twerski’s (Z”L) form of pre-marital introduction. It is simply a statement meant to maintain the high regard that I, and many others have for this wonderful family, who have given, and continue to give of themselves, publicly, as well as very privately to others. Would that we would have more such examples of Kiddush Hashem amongst us!

He’s a very obvious Talmid Chochom, based on his translations alone, so I can’t imagine calling him Mister. Rabbi Finkel worked on a Tanna D’vei Eliyahu published by the Yeshiva as recently as 2013, so maybe he does in fact have email. Regardless, it isn’t published anywhere.

I’m wondering, why is it necessary for you to use email, instead of investing in a short telephone call? You can call Rabbi Finkel and ask if/how you can contact him via email, since that is easier for you. The call would only last less than a minute or two! Worst case scenario, he will tell you that he can’t be contacted via the web!

Independent rebbeim/staff at Yeshiva Beth Moshe have personal/private email formatted like this: “… @ybm.edu“.

I can not find any public resource that lists a contact email address for the yeshiva office, or administrator. If you are determined to avoid freely published telephone contact numbers, there is some information that can be helpful if you use google. There’s a Scranton Jewish community site to promote information and interest in the kehilla: Jewishscranton dot org.

Under the “community” link there is an education link. That page has a description of the 4 schools there. The Bnos Yisroel high school has a contact email address listed. The address is using Yeshiva Beth Moshe’s email domain. So apparently, Bnos Yisroel has or had some technical connection to the Yeshiva. I imagine they would have any online public contact information for the yeshiva – if it exists.

Perhaps you can send a quick email to Bnos Yisroel, asking for the email address that Yeshiva uses. Or request that they forward your email to the Yeshiva for you. Many yeshivos and Bais Yaakov type schools in consolidated Jewish Communities do not have a need to maintain a presence on the web. A listed address and telephone number serve their needs.

I still think it’s simpler to call Rabbi Finkel.

Rabbi Finkel who translated many books (some as fundraisers for Yeshiva Beth Moshe, Scranton, PA) lives in Boro Park.

We have a book that lists phone numbers by address – and he is listed there as Jack Finkel.

I don’t know if Yeshiva World allows posting phone numbers, but do a search at whitepages dot com for Jack Finkel in Brooklyn, New York. He lives on forty seventh street, and is listed. The listing may alternatively be Jack A Finkel

Hatzlacha

(I haven’t logged in or posted in years… I’m going back to routine lurking now!)

US Mint 801 9th NE St

Washington, DC 20002

(202) 354-7227

1111 20th NW St

Washington, DC 20526

Neighborhood: Downtown

(202) 622-2000

1500 Pennsylvania NW Ave

Washington, DC 20220

Neighborhood: Downtown

(202) 283-2646

Dr. Weissberg’s office scanner blew up causing a massive fire. It may have been an act of terrorism.

Is the Hasgacha on Corn Bagels reliable?

Many months ago, I posted a comment on YWN. I posted with the best of intentions. However, in the process of making my point I made a very grave error. I was lax with the honor that is due a gadol batorah. It is a terrible, terrible sin to disparage a Talmid Chochom, and even more so to cause others to do so. YWN removed my comment as per my request.

Since I am known by a screen name on this website, I apologized in the appropriate forum, where I made the error. May it be H-shem’s will, that no further harm should come as a result of my mistake.

In the zechus of the efforts of the many people who are trying so hard to restore kedusha to klal yisroel, may we be zoche to merit teshuva shelaima, and the resulting geulah.