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Tzippy,
Yes, you’re right that there are women who come from out of town to shop in Lakewood, especially around Yom Tov time. People are generally very courteous and welcoming to these women. I personally will always give a warm smile and try to assist them if they need help finding products…
However, the people I was referring to are those who obviously live here – you don’t drive to Lakewood to give your shirts into the cleaners! If you meet certain faces in all the different stores around town on various occasions, that’s a pretty clear sign that they are locals.
In addition, perhaps as you mention the way these women dress is a step up for them. However, especially with the Inyan of Tznius, Minhag HaMakom plays a very large role in determining what is and what is not acceptable in that location. I have also met a few people that I personally know from before their marriage, and their mode of dress is definitely not a step up from where they’re coming from.
So as much as I agree that being Dan L’Kaf Z’chus is praiseworthy, that doesn’t change the fact that those who dress outside the parameters of Minhag HaMakom, as determined by the Rabbanim of the town in it’s current state (and not based on what the town looked like 20-30 years ago!), are inviting resentment for lowering the community’s standards.
I do live in Lakewood, and while I do not echo the sentiments of the original letter writer, I do have to say that the standards of tznius in town have changed dramatically since I’ve come over 7 years ago. I don’t know if it is the “newer” crowd that is “not associated” with the yeshivah that caused that change, because as SJS rightly said, you can be very ehrlich and frum and not be associated with the yeshivah. One is not directly related to the other.
However, when we first moved in, you would never see anyone shopping on Clifton Avenue with hair sticking out of her “Bandanna” or whatever it’s called. In recent years, I have on many occasions seen women out in public with hair showing, without stockings on their feet, with very tight clothing that even I am embarrassed for them, with skirts that don’t adequately cover the knees… I don’t know if their husbands are learning or not, and it doesn’t matter. For those people who see Lakewood as an Ihr HaTorah, it is not whether or not you are associated with the yeshivah that matters, but how closely you are associated with dikduk hamitzvos and chavivus hatorah.
When a town has certain standards of public dress in place, for someone to move into that town they are de facto saying that they will uphold the standards of the town. To see people blatantly disregarding the minhag hamakom is very upsetting, and will of course breed resentment. There’a a whole Perek in Mesectas Pesachim called “Makom SheNahagu” which details how one must adhere to the local minhagim to avoid Machlokes.
SJS asked how far away from the yeshiva is considered another town. That is a fair question. In my humble opinion, if one shops in the major shopping areas in and around the town, then her home is considered to be a part of that town.