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I just heard this in a shiur and thought it was really nice.
Take a minute to ask yourself: who am I really? Am I a body -my external being -my clothes and my hair and my features etc…, or am I a soul -my internal being -my thoughts, my feelings, my neshama?
In this world, we are constantly waging a war between what our body wants, and what our souls want.
On Yom Kippur, we are telling Hashem that we are clearly souls. We cry out to Him and beg Him to forgive us for all the uncleanliness we have brought upon our neshamas. But on Y’K, it’s easy to identify as a soul. We don’t eat, don’t drink.. we stay in shul all day and daven.
The real test as identifying as a soul comes on Sukkos. Here, we have grand meals, we sing & dance, we have vacation (hopefully) from either work or school.. On Sukkos, we are telling Hashem that we are taking our entire guf – our whole physical being – and bringing it out into the Sukkah to bring it up to a spiritual level -a soul level. Here we show that our physical body, when used properly, is really one and the same with our soul.
yiddeshemishpacha,
VBAC is a term used when referring to a woman giving birth naturally after having her previous baby delivered through a c-section.
health, I don’t know the stats, but there have been many people that have successfully had VBACS. The way your post was written makes it sound like that is not likely. There are doctors that specifically specialize in VBACS and have had great success.
The other point you made I agree with 100%. However, at the time of the emotional distress the mother may be going through, she may not be ready to thank the doc just then. Think of the pain and heartache she is going through.
If you want to contact me through YWN, my brother in law is the administrator there.
Shan:
What I object to is the community acceptance and the seminaries/yeshivos that teach that this is a normal (or, the ONLY way) to go. To have the boy demand that the girl’s parents support him. To have the girl’s parents (in many situations) worry how they will marry off their daughters when there is no way they can afford to support son in laws.
I’m sorry, but I agree wholeheartedly with HashemLovesMe. I think it is sad that this is considered the ‘ideal’ in many places. I could never be happily married and raising a family knowing that i was mooching off of my parents and that they had gray hair from worrying how they were going to pay their mortgage bill that month. The very thought twists my insides. I owe my parents so much; I also owe them that when I am old & mature enough to get married, I will find my way just like they did.
If someone has enough money to live comfortably AND support their kids?? Then go right ahead! I have no problem whatsover with that! But reading some other threads on the CR here, somehow it doesn’t seem to be that way very often… (just look at threads regarding tuition in various communities).
And just by the way: the fact that my father works makes him no less of a talmud chacham than others who learn. BH, my father happens to be very learned, and spends a nice amount of time each night in beis medrash. This, in addition to working hard all day. The concept of you either go out to work or you go out to learn is completely untrue. If you truly want to, you can do both.
Sorry for the rant. Phewwwwwwwww now I feel better. As some people know (kapusta, you around here anywhere??), this is a topic I feel very strongly about.
I think we can all agree that men have strong ta’avos and the nisyonos that go along with it. OK. That much is clear.
Can men understand that women also have nisyonos? A woman may feel prettier wearing a shorter skirt or fitted shirt than wearing something else. So just like men have to work on their nisyonos in life, women have to work on theirs.
Bottom line is, after 120, a woman will have to answer for her transgressions, and a man will have to answer for his. Blaming the woman for the man’s weakness really doesn’t get anyone anywhere.
Because you have the power to change ‘bad’ decrees that are destined for you, with the proper davening.
I go to a non-Jewish womens-only gym. About 50 – 60% of the clientele are frum women. Pretty much everyone wears pants; anyone who’s gone to a gym knows that practically speaking, it doesn’t make much sense, tznius wise or otherwise, to wear a skirt while exercising. The only thing that caught my attention is that I see some married women uncover their hair at the gym, while others make sure to always keep it covered.
i was just driving near a car that had ” ALAHAKBR ” on the plate… isn’t that what they usually yell before they blow themselves up? i definitely wasn’t getting too close to that car.
Ben Torah, who will replace the food that the Rebbeims kids don’t have because they are not getting paid? Most Rebbeim don’t have high salaries in the first place, and they rely on their salaries to pay their bills.
Is there really? I’d love to see it. I’ve seen many people in this thread say there’s a source, but I haven’t anyone actually quote it. Without it, I don’t see how anyone has the right to control someone else’s life in such a major way.
mazel tov, SJS and fam!!
blinky, I don’t know if you’ve ever been to a gym, but often you are much more tznius wearing pants while exercising, then attempting to do so wearing a skirt.
Mazel Tov!! 🙂
My younger sister got married when I was 21 and she was 19. I never for a second thought that it was my right to tell her not to start dating. Who am I from preventing her from getting married? Why should I have that power? It is Hashem alone who decides who will get married and when. I did not feel jealous or bad that my sister got married first; what is meant for her in life has no connection to what Hashem has in store for me.
I don’t understand the concept of one sibling ‘not allowing’ another to start dating. To me, that reeks of immaturity and selfishness.
If the numbers proved that the frummer the worse, you’d kvell, I’m sure.
Sorry, but I don’t think that was necessary. I wouldn’t kvell at all.
I think what Josh31 was saying is that because as a whole frum Jews have turned to the right, if a kid does something that’s not against halacha in any way whatsoever -for example, wearing a different color shirt/pants, playing sports etc -but is scorned because it’s not ‘right’ enough, that would not motivate him to become and strive to be more ‘right.’ That, I agree with.
But in no way did I say ‘sure I’d love to hear that the more yeshivish you are, the more OTD kids you have. Please!
I’m sorry, but I think asking what kind of school everyone went to and calculating the percentage of students that went OTD from their grade is pure silliness, and completely pointless.
msseeker:
I know someone who works with OTD teenage boys specifically from 2 very Chassidish communities. So does it exist? Yes. More than you think. Why does it matter anyway what kind of background people come from? OTD kids come from all communities.
Like I said before Insulin by itself isn’t necessary for life -it’s just easier to live with it.
How in the world is insulin NOT necessary for life? I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what you’re saying at all.
Kudos, aries.
You said exactly what I am trying to say, only you said it much better.
Philosopher, as aries pointed out, you don’t have to use the term “judge” to be judging. Just from the way you write your posts, you seem to be judging them, something that I think no human being has a right to do.
“Aha. So just that those who sin could feel good about themselves, we aren’t meant to overcome our tests in life. In other words, if all is easy and keeping Yiddishkeit is a breeze, then great let’s do it. But if it’s a challenge then we aren’t davka meant to pass them.”
I hope you don’t really believe that that’s what I meant when I wrote my post. I’m simply saying that I personally am not in a position to judge others. I am also saying that I and you and everyone else here do not know the reason Hshm does things.
According to you, if you’re supposed to pass all tests in life and you fail some, what does that mean? That you are going against Hshms plans? That He didn’t know you would not pass it? That you’re banned forever? Can never get back on the right track?
Hshm is always giving us nisyonos; just because you fail one doesn’t mean you won’t pass one in the future. This is not to say that you shouldn’t make every conceivable effort to pass the challenges you are given in life. But we are not perfect. We make mistakes. We do wrong. Hshm never says that if you sin, He doesn’t love you. He will give you more opportunities and challenges in your life so that you can try to overcome those.
But how can we judge others who didn’t overcome their challenges? Does it make me a better person, because I didn’t go OTD but maybe I spoke loshon harah the other day? Who can judge whos sin is worse?
Of course people have bechirah. If the person who went OTD did so as an adult, it might be a different story. However, a lot of times with people who go OTD, the process starts when they are very young -early to mid teenage years. There’s a reason why they are called teenagers and not adults. There’s a reason we don’t marry off our kids when they are 13 and 14 years old. People are usually not mature enough at that age! For the same reason, kids sometimes cannot handle what is put in front of them at that stage in life. They don’t have years of life and decision making to look back on and take them through their troubles.
I can’t answer WHY Hshm gave them those challenges if ultimately they did not pass them. Maybe they weren’t meant to pass them. I don’t know. The whole concept of bechirah is so complicated and there’s much I don’t understand about it. I can only look at the parts of life that I (think I) understand and go from there.
But philosopher, just because you were able to keep going and searching for the truth, doesn’t mean everyone else can. Everyone is created with different personalities and strengths. Not everyone can go through what you did and continue to search and ask. Why can’t you understand that just because you were BH able to continue and search, not all people can do that? It doesn’t mean they are any less of a person. Some people cannot look past that hurt and hypocrisy, especially during the vulnerable teenager years. Some need to go through being not religious and taking years to search for the truth before they are able to come back. Some may never come back. But I don’t think it’s a failure on their part; I think it’s a failure on the part of those who should’ve been there for them and weren’t.
I guess I just view it differently from you. BH, you were able to get past the responses you got when you asked, but I don’t disrespect those who weren’t able to. Every one of us was created with different strengths and weakness, and Hshm gives each person their own struggles in life. Who am I to judge how I would have been had I been in that person’s shoes? I am no tzaddekes to know if I would have overcome that test had I been that person. I think those who are OTD are turned off even more when they see religious Jews disrespecting them. What they need is love and caring, not disrespect and a holier-than-thou attitude from us.
“every Jew who turns away from Yiddishkeit knows that this is wrong”
Philosopher,
I completely disagree. One of the reasons many kids go off is because there is NO ONE whom they know who can answer their hashkafa questions. When they ask in school, they are told they are apikorsim. When they see no one is there with answers, well then, what’s the difference between blindly believing Judiasm, and blindly believing Christianity? Kids are not born with the answers to everything. When they have questions, they have to be taught the beauty of Torah.
Amen
cut me pie:
I completely understand where you’re coming from. Most teachers and parents nowadays are not capable of answering questions on basics of Judiasm, and it is a really sad fact.
However, I know Rabbis from Aish that are ready and willing to answer questions like those. Asking them “how do I know there is a G-d?” is a perfectly acceptable question to them. These Rabbis are amazing. If you want to contact me thru YWN, I can get you a few names and email addresses and I think it might be very helpful to you.
Just remember: There is NO question that you are not allowed to ask. Every question is OK. You just need the right people to ask them to.
The letter and the responding posts are very powerfully written, and so scary to read.
I agree with artchill; all teachers and mechanchim should undergo some sort of training. The power they have to ruin a child’s life is frightening.
In addition, teachers have to understand that it’s NORMAL for kids to question Judiasm -belief in Hshm, the Torah, the halachos, etc. If teachers blow off such questions with answers like “if you ask that you must be an apikores,” the kids never have the chance to truly learn about Yiddishkeit. Unfortunately, I think the majority of teachers do answer that way, and I think it could be because they don’t know the answers themselves.
We are in this world to question and to learn so that we can grow. No one should ever be made to feel ‘stupid’ or ‘not frum’ because they are asking.
I know, but I hate fish 🙂
Lol, sorry, blinky, i know it sounds very confusing! Either way, good luck!!
Much better to look nervous than to look over-confident. Don’t try to be ‘cool’ -like driving with one hand on the wheel or anything like that. Most instructors will fail you if they think you are way too confident.
Health-
Thank you for that last suggestion – I am not willing to go on meds at this point in my life, but I can definitely start taking omega 3 fish oil pills as a supplement.
Re: the lifestyle modifications you wrote about really wouldn’t apply; as I stated before, I exercise, eat healthy, don’t smoke, and am a healthy weight. I can’t stand alcohol (I get a headache) so that’s pretty much ruled out. However, since I do have a family history of high cholesterol, starting with the Omega 3’s may be a good idea.
Thank you!
Sigh. And this is stuff I was certain had been spoken.
But seriously, this is how rumors get started. We think we heard something, and misquote it… and on and on..
IMHO, it sounds like you have not been able to forgive this person and forget this incident in your heart. It may be therapeutic and healing for you to be able to write down all the feelings you went through at the time. Simply opening up and writing it down may be enough for you. If you still feel like you want to mail it after, I think you should. When we harbor hurt in our hearts against another, Hashem takes that into account when judging them. Sending him a letter may open the lines of communication and bring you to forgive him.
Disclaimer: I am NOT a therapist or a Rav. This is simply my humble opinion.
Thank you, 80
LOL, 80
My question was really more, is there anything I can do about it? If it’s simply a matter of genetics, then obviously the answer is no.
Does anyone know why I would have a low HDL if I:
Am relatively young (in my twenties)
Exercise regularly (I’m at the gym 5 days a week)
Eat pretty healthy (Margarine doesn’t exist in my house; nor does egg yolk. Don’t drink alcohol. Eat a lot of fiber [fortified cereals, fruits and vegetables]. Don’t eat cake/cookies.)
Can it just be genetics?? My LDLs are fine.
As someone who crossed the road one morning and DIDN’T look, I can assure you it’s not worth it. I spent long months recovering from being hit by a car (completely my fault).
Take that extra minute.
I use palisades till Exit 18 (left exit) which takes you to a ’roundabout’ – a little circle – and then i think its the second right (?) which is Route 6 (cant remember if its East or West, sorry, anyone here who knows can clarify), which becomes Route 17 after a few miles (so you just continue on the same road- very easy). I never take the thruway, which I heard has awful traffic. The Route 6 way does get a little traffic-y on Fri afternoons, but I don’t think its nearly as bad as the thruway gets.
ASF,
I don’t understand your point. Are you saying we shouldn’t use Dor Yeshorim? The organization was only started because there WERE people born and dying from completely preventable diseases.
I don’t understand the possible reason one would have for not wanting to use Dor Yeshorim, when their whole purpose is to prevent families from having to go through the pain and suffering of having an unhealthy child, when it could’ve been prevented.
hereorthere,
Tay Sachs is a genetic disease. It only manifests in the children if both parents have the gene for it. By Dor Yeshorim testing for it, they are checking to see if both the man and woman carry that gene. If only one carries it, there will not be a problem in the children.
BP Totty:
I agree that it if he’s for real, he would definitely benefit greatly from speaking to a Rav. Frankly, if his posts are truly what he thinks, they scare me.
I know, I’ve been trying to figure out if mosherose is for real, or if there’s someone behind that screen name just writing the most outlandish things they can think of, and then laughing behind everyone’s backs when they respond.
“Wrong. Anyone who goes off the derech is at least a little bit crazy. Ain adam chotei ele im kain nichnas bo ruach shtus.”
I absolutely cannot believe you would say something so awful. I truly hope no one who is struggling with Yiddishkeit is reading this thread, but if you are, I hope you know that there are many more people out there that want to help you, that know you are NOT crazy, but struggling for whatever reason.
The term “four letter words” refers to curse words, since many contain 4 letters.
But if you never knew what that phrase meant, kol hakavod.
d a
We don’t use any beans in our chulent. We start it up Thurs night, so that when Shabbos comes around, its really well done and yummy.
We start off w/ one jar of marinara sauce, then fill the jar w/ water and put that in too. Then we add potatoes, meat and barley, and set the crockpot on auto (every crockpot works differently, so don’t know how yours would work). On Fri mid-morn/afternoon, we spice the chulent and depending on whether it looks a little dry or not, we add a can of tomato sauce and then fill the can with water.
It’s sooooo delicious. Everyone loves our chulent!
myfriend:
I’ve had the zchus to meet very FEW people like that, and I have met many people who are NOT that way. I am not in any way saying it doesn’t exist. I’m just saying that I think growing up in town does give one a certain bias towards people who don’t dress/think exactly like they do, and they don’t open their hearts and minds to them.
Please understand that I am not talking on an individual basis at all, nor am I negating the fact that a tremendous amount of chesed is done ‘in town’ all the time. I am simply saying that I personally believe that those who are OOT are more open to others, on a general basis, than those who hail from ‘in town’ places.
And in terms of Hachnasas Orchim in town being incomparable – In my family, my mother loves to invite people over for Shabbos. We have guests over all the time, so I know Hachnasas Orchim in town can be amazing.
However, we have had guests who have been georesis, of different skin color, who were welcomed in our house with open arms. But they told us that almost no one else would invite them -because of their skin color. Didn’t matter that they were full fledged Jews. People just didn’t want to ‘expose’ their kids to that, or didn’t want their neighbors to see. What is Hachanasas Orchim then? Inviting only people who are like you? I think this ideology is much more common in the ‘in town’ world.
Why is there a joke then, that circulates, where someone is walking in Bklyn on Shabbos, and says Good Shabbos to the person passing by. The person stops, turns back, and says “Do I owe you money or something?”
That is NOT to say that this is the case in all, or even, in many, situations. But the fact is there is truth to that joke. I don’t think you would find that joke applicable in OOT.
The reason we in towners have all those organizations is because there are so many more people that #1 are able to volunteer and #2 need the services! When you have a much smaller OOT community, you don’t have the either one of those nearly to the extent that an in town community has.
And chesed is not confined only to official organizations. There are many other ways of doing chesed. For example, true Hachnasas Orchim, inviting people to your home regardless of whether or not they fit your specific level of frumkeit etc, is much more common, IMHO, in an OOT community than in an in town one.
I live “in town” but agree with the out of towners.. I think that “in town” there is a lot of looking down at others and more shallowness. I’ve been to out of town places and find that the people there in general are so much more accepting and friendly. I don’t know that stats of kids going OTD in town vs. out of town, but I’d be really surprised if the stats OOT were higher.
That is NOT to say that there isn’t loads of chesed and goodness being done in the ‘in town’ places, because there is. However, I am sure that OOT, there is just as much chesed being done.