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The boys should realise that girls who want to marry Bnei Torah would rather stay single than take a boy with a Smartphone.
There is no reason for someone in Yeshiva to need a smartphone. It is the antithesis of being a Ben Torah.Any good idea should be approached in what is clearly a broken system. Especially at out of town weddings, it should be the prerogative of the Baal simcha to arrange a discreet place for a shadchan to meet singles and spread the word that 5 minute appointments can be arranged. The main thing is for it to be low key, so there is no big line for the Shadchan, thus taking away from the Mitzva of the day.
Many Mikvaos are Makpid not to allow men to use it, as it may put some women off using it thereafter – certainly defeating the purpose
With all due respect, there is much more rebirth and growth in Gateshead than Bournemouth. How many Bar mitzvas are there in Bournemouth every Shabbos?
Bournemouth really isnt on the regrowth map. If you want an example of a Jewish stronghold look at Gateshead.
Bottom line is, in the places where people worked hard to set up Jewish schools, they flourished. Where that was not a priority, they went out the window.They should have chosen an indoor exhibition centre like the Javits centre. You cant expect people to enjoy a Siyum in the outdoors even if it’s not raining or snowing.
Whats wrong with wearing a blue suit? You will be making you father in law happy which is Kibbud Av Vaeim. And probably make your wife happy too. So its a no brainer. Wear the suit from the shver tell him you chose it because he bought it for you tell him how grateful you are. And you will look like a nice frum guy with your kappel and hadras Ponim and modest wife – that is a kiddush HaShem all round.
The Yetser Hora is dancing.
A marraige is foremost Eizer Kenegdo – for the wife to support her husbands Avodas haShem (not financialy – thats his problem). Generally a woman who wears pants is not gonna encourage her husband to learn more and grow in his avodas HaShem unless she is also growing and learning contiuously and aims to reach perfection. So its not only about the homes they come from its about their perspective. If they are both heading for the same goal then a marraige can help both to acheive that. But if the end games are miles apart there will always be friction. Not worth the risk.
The girls are also too picky. They are taught to expect to marry a type of guy that hardly exists. The extreme end of the litvish market – the super frum and the super modern find it easier. Its the middle road market that has trouble defining itself and so 8/10 suggestions are turned down even before dating. The girls in this market want a frum but chilled boy who shouldnt eeven be thinking about going to work but would have what it takes to run a business. Who is perfect in his learning, davening and yiras shamayim but will still have a wife with halachically questionable size and style of $5000 sheitel. The profile that will satisfy these girls requirements simply dies not exist.
If girls would look someone to love and care about them and to do his best in both avidas haShem and Parnasah, without being rated and stereotyped, we would see many more shidduchim being made much easier.As a father of a girl in Shidduchim, when a shidduch was looking positive by both sides, I always made an excuse that I happened to be in Israel next week, would fly in for a day and would sit down for a chat with the boy.
Yes its expensive and Im not rich and yes we dont want to preempt the boy into an impression based on the father, but in the crazy world we are in asking shidduch info is hardly any use, you get the same answers about boys that are miles apart. Unless you have someone who has your cause at heart it is really hard.
Also the girls are shy to really prod about the boys standards and levels.See long shaarei teshuva siman tod samech. In a nutshell, they used to make matzo meal from thick Matzoh which had a real chance of not baking thru as the producers were in a rush. However ours is made of same thin matzos that we eat with the same neglible risk of chametz. So its a minhag based on historical risk. Which should not impede on simchas yom tov. However those who are stribgent should not be chastised.
Wine & dine is fine.