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BS”D
I am on now as Purim night is not that big in my world. Tomorrow I may be on for a couple of hours between krias hamegilla/sholoch munes and the seuda.
BS”D
If you call out Cholent, you will have 1000 space aliens at your house this week for Shabbos lunch!
BS”D
A dollar per pound of body weight is a good rule.
BS”D
Eau de Javel is best for the frummest
Even if the taste might be the krummest
After all it’s under Badatz, or even Rav Landa
And it makes you very white, like the center of a panda!
You can use it also to clean the floors
But drink it only behind closed doors
After all for many it is quite a reach
To drink common household bleach!
For whether you refer to it in English, Ivrit or French
It tastes like getting hit in the stomach with a battleship wrench
Bleach really is a great disinfectant, but from the label we see
It should never be taken internally!
But first hand knowledge of bleach I have not attained
For if I tried it, few of my organs would have remained
The worst I have ever tasted was sour wine
But I know that sweet is the taste of turpentine!
BS”D
Purim is the day for matnois le’evyoinim
But Fetter Shmiel gibt ochet tzi ashirim
Even if you are the biggest gvir
You can get assistance throughout the year
Make sure you do everything in cash
And dress like you just got out from a smash
Put your business in your elte baabe’s name
That’s how you play the Hymish Welfare game!
BS”D
96 per cent is the very best
So much better than all the rest
While some say it tastes quite mean
It really keeps everything very clean
So if you brech some out onto the floor
You can go on and have even more
Because your vomit is so pure
It is the best cleaner for that very same floor!
BS”D
LOL YES!!! I am gone from the US for 4 years now, and before that I was just there for 2 years after 13 years abroad.
I think the last time I saw a dime was in 1992, between using my card for anything over about $5 and the way prices are set up now (2 bottles of water or soda at 89 cents plus tax each is about my usual cash purchase when I go to the US).
BS”D
Daddy Come Home
But he can’t
The judge say
He has to stay
In koilel to learn
As a guest of the Feds
So far away…….
BS”D
Metro, what you said is correct except that even the soinim have realized that these fools are not of any use whatsoever. There is a video somewhere of the gantze pamalye (Snow Weiss and the six or seven dwarves) visiting Mad Mahmoud when the tzoirer came to speak at the UN in NY and even he pays them little heed.
And they’re not even fun for Peerim anymore. After MAF retired, they lost their entertainment value. He was so outrageous that it was obvious he was in it to get attention; I discovered his performances on Nitel Nacht 4 years ago and found them a great alternative to Lipa and the Yarmer Rov (the difference being that I laughed AT MAF whereas we are besimcha and laugh WITH the real badchonim). Weiss just doesn’t have that amateur badchan quality; he is more of an irritating crank.
BS”D
I saw them dancing to Ashry Odom Oiz Loi Bach outside the Rockland County Psychiatric Hospital but they aren’t taking any passengers yet.
BS”D
Yes. I sit wrapped in tinfoil, waiting for messages from the space aliens who will come from the planet of Airmont to save us all. The aliens will be wearing bright yellow Chassidishe malbishim and they will be dancing and exhorting you to “Habt aff danne hentelach tzi Tatte in himmel!”
I will also share with you the password which you must utter when you want to board their spaceship to be transported to safety on the planet of Kaser.
They will yell out “What!” and you must respond “Abi MeLebt!”
BS”D
Charlie, the difference between your historical revisionism and my outlandish posts is that, while both are firmly in the Peerim tradition, I do not even pretend that what I am writing is true.
In addition, my outlandish satire may get a few laughs. Your historical accounts may make some people shed a few tears, though I know better than to treat them as anything but the ramblings of someone who is brainwashed by jaded, discredited 1960’s leftism.
Just as I will not leave local 5 hryvnia notes in my home overnight as they bear the picture of the tzoirer Chmelnitzki YMS, so, too, do I leave (now worthless) nickels which bear the likeness of FDR on the counter or put them in a pushka whenever I visit the US. The difference is that I can quickly spend the 5 UAH notes and get a bottle of water or a small soda, whereas the worthless nickel, which might as well be wooden, is a fitting tribute to the economic policies of FDR.
As for his war record, it really is unclear. However, he was no hero. At best he was indifferent to the plight of Yidden and just listened to Dreckinridge Long and Steven Wiseguy, and at worst he was indeed a rosho merusho.
The bombing the tracks idea may also not have been feasible; this I don’t know.
BS”D
I had a friend who was a very successful fire insurance adjuster. He adjusted the fires so his clients would collect insurance, and he got about 30% of the take. He did very well, but because he was a stalwart anti-Zionist, Aviva insurance, which as you can tell by the name is run by the Mossad, had him prosecuted on charges that he adjusted the fires a little too well.
For about two more years he will be learning full-time in a Federally supported koilel, and then he will use his knowledge to become a Medicare claims adjuster.
In other words, he will adjust the claims so his clients get reimbursed by Medicare. Hopefully he will not also adjust the patients!
He never went to college; he started his career when he was 13 because his father, who was tired of hiring outside help to adjust his building fires, gave him a blowtorch as a bar mitzvah gift.
Fred Phelps (the Moshe Ber Beck of notzrus), i don’t think this belongs on ywn…
BSD
You’re right. Comparing Phelps to Beck is a bit of a stretch. Helbrans is more like it.
The name that really does not belong on YWN is Mandela yemach shemo. He is a garden variety anti-Semite of the new politically correct anti-Zionist breed. Phelps was on my GAG list for Peerim; no Jew with any amount of knowledge should even say or write the name Mandela without a YMS. (Phelps is too much of a clown to merit a YMS).
He and Tutu have a haisse gehennom waiting for them.
BS”D
Absolutely nobody. We are not supposed to die for anyone.
We only choose death to avoid the Big Three.
BS”D
We forgot Homer Simpson’s cousin, OJ.
Seriously, it is interesting no one mentioned Abraham Lincoln or George Washington.
And I forgot Rudolph Giuliani.
BS”D
67, as brave as they were, they were drafted soldiers following orders. At home, they could have been the worst bigots, the most dishonest of men, the most violent wife-beaters, but once drafted they became part of something bigger than they were which was ordered to do something.
Anyone who has been in a situation where there is a crowd mentality, which, I am the first to admit, includes being part of a Jewish community, knows that following the crowd just about comes naturally, even when it comes to something you would not ordinarily want to do.
It is those who do right when they are ordered to do wrong, or those who do good when living in a society where evil is considered right, who are the ones truly worthy of admiration.
Oh, and some of those soldiers were Jewish: ” The American cemetery, in Colleville-sur-Mer, contains row upon row of identical white crosses and Stars of David, immaculately kept, commemorating the American dead.:” (Wiki which I assume is correct in this case).
BS”D
(Purim list)
Laffy Ghadaffy
Charlie Sheen
Mel Gibson
John Galliano
Fred Phelps (the Moshe Ber Beck of notzrus)
David Duke
Pat Buchanan
Lindsay Lohan
Al Sharpton
Charles Rangel
Vanessa Redgrave
Muzzie Hussain (of beheading fame)
and of course Mad Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
BS”D
Winston Churchill
Ronald Reagan
Geert Wilders
Silvio Berlusconi (his personal life notwithstanding)
and all others who fight against darkness even when it is not popular to do so – this of course includes Chiune Sugihara as well as the names mentioned above and others who saved Jews during WW2.
Pope John XXIII (Angelo Roncalli)
Pope John Paul II
BS”D
You have non-frum Jews who know no better and are endangering Jewish lives with their foolish campus and political activism (J-street comes to mind).
Other non-frum Jews look to the state of Israel for their Jewish identity because that is what they learned at home and in afternoon Hebrew school. Both are tinokois shenishbeu at this point (2 generations ago both were porkei oil malchus shamayim). However, the behavior of the J-street crowd is pure rishus even if they know no better.
You have a handful of ragtag fools who are frum (filt mit rishus, veniker mitzvos) and are looking for attention and making a few bucks by visiting our enemies and demonstrating alongside them.
Frankly, the J-street crowd are a real threat to Jewish safety and not just to E”Y. We need to do more to reach the non-frum Jews who center Judaism around the state of Israel, as they do have Jewish identity and just need to be shown the way of Torah in a proper and non-judgmental manner.
The Ku Klutz Kartel should merge with the Phelps family of Westboro fame and go back to pre 1-a.
In gal-paz in Israel, for 100 Shekel ($28) they will fill up your iPod with the latest jewish music.
BS”D
WHAT? If it is music they have the copyright and the full rights to then they can sell it at any price they want. To do that is very dumb on their part, and I am quite suspicious to put it mildly.
However, Reb Moshe Goldman’s son sells his father AH’s albums for bulk download at a very low price, far lower than the stores, and as he is the copyright holder or at least the holder of the electronic music rights, he can do so (and it is probably his father’s ratzon that he do this as he did it before his father was niftar as well). Reb Moshe AH had other parnosso and I do not think he ever set out to make money on any of his albums; I think he really did it because it was his avoidas Hashem to compose as he did.
However, if that Gal-Paz deal includes any music from Noam Hafakot or Moishe Laufer, to name just two, then it is ossur and illegal.
Also, is this Gal-Paz doing it or their employees? I always felt that their employees were given free rein to do what they want (like changing money, and all kinds of little shtick deals) in both the NY and EY stores.
BS”D
Doesn’t the wife belong to the husband as chattel as well? Or is it that the husband belongs to the shvigger?
BS”D
Besser a moron vi a (insert your favorite Yiddish word for dummy or jerk)…
BS”D
All Klein’s Natural nut products have the nut warning on them, either because their dried fruits may be processed on nut lines or to avoid lawsuits in the event of a mixed up cover.
And of course there is a large sign above the NK mosque on Saddle River Road that also says: “Warning. This building contains nuts!”
BS”D
Natrunia (Satmar) is legitimate and does indeed educate regarding anti-Zionism. Zionism is dead, and today’s post-Zionism is a real danger to Jews and Judaism, not that secular Zionism was much better.
The wannabe NK clowns hang around with our worst enemies, and in London one of them appeared as a witness for the defense in a case against an Islamic terror imam. Usually they endanger no one because even the yishmoelim don’t take them seriously anymore, but that one should have been put in cherem (he has a very generic first and last name so I’m not going to post it as confusion could result and harm could be done to an innocent man with the same first and last name).
The extreme NK spreads stories about having helped Jews in Iran etc as a way of legitimizing themselves. Those stories are urban legend. They could not even get the wife and children of the lunatic meshummad Youssef Khattab out of an Arab village.
The bloodthirsty yishmoeli vilde chayes in EY do not care one bit. They planted at least one bomb in Mea Shearim that was publicized. To them a Jew is a Jew.
BS”D
The Marshalls example is not valid. Sorry.
Marshalls is a liquidator. They bought the shoes for pennies on the dollar, either from Rockport (Reebok) or from a store or distributor who had overstock or was going out of business.
Anyone who knows retail would assume that the haimishe store owner bought his stock at full wholesale price and was simply unaware that they are now available at Marshalls as overstock.
Small shops keep their old stock until it is gone, or they have two clearance sales, one in spring and one in fall. Could be that next week he will get his new styles and then he’ll put these on sale as well, albeit not at Marshalls prices.
If, on the other hand, you see that his shoes have Marshalls tags on them, or you know that he, too, purchased them at liquidation, then there is an inyan.
What it seems to me is that the store owner is a simple small business owner who does not pay much attention to what is going on out there. He may not care that they are last year’s stock, because he still gets enough customers for them to keep them at full price, and he isn’t interested in more than having a parnosso for himself and his family.
(Then again, there are some haimishe [and other “ethnic”] store owners in NY who are actually running or having their wives and children run clothing, food or hardware stores for cash to live on while their real money is tied up in buildings or other investments. These owners can be the best or the worst when it comes to keeping up with prices, styles etc – it depends how badly they need the cash).
BS”D
And this is assuming that you do mean the Shushan Chronicles and not the more underground Purim related Creedmoor Chronicles which were not around 20 years ago :))).
BS”D
A crow bar and a transponder cloner so that if cops recognize the car I am driving, or I see one I like better, I can just switch cars and drive away.
I usually have about three kilos of unmarked washing powder in my cooler as well. This way if I am searched, the cops are distracted by the washing powder, and they realize immediately it is not cocaine. Therefore, they drive away and forget all about the Grand Theft Auto arrest.
BS”D
Simone Silverstein is Simone Blaustein’s married name. She is a former child actress who became a baalas tshuva many years ago.
I think she now goes by Sara Chana; check any Chabad directory for Avrohom and Sara Chana Silverstein and give them a call.
BS”D
2 POUNDS a person sounds like very little. Do you mean 2 kilos? That would be on the high end, for a big eater or if you are very machmir and need the matzos to fill you up because everything else you eat is not very filling (ie you don’t like potatoes).
You will finish a pound for the sedorim alone.
I highly recommend the Shyster Shortweight Matzo Bakery in a town that begins with an O and is located in Upriver New York. They charge 13.95 a pound (9-11 ounces to the pound by the Shysterlach).
BS”D
The pig burial is said to be an urban legend. Their imams would just “pasken” that the pig does not prevent them from getting their 72 Helen Thomases in der erd.
BS”D
There really is no Neturei Karta anymore.
It was never a movement or Chassidus to begin with; Reb Amram Bloy ZYA was not a rebbe; he davened in Mishkenois HaRoim and their mesivta is named for him. (His daughter, not his niece as I had thought, is married to a well known Chabad posek and his grandchildren are on Chabad shlichus in the Western USA and South America.).
NK was more of an organization that represented the various anti-Zionist groups, provided assistance and even created a parallel economy in Mea Shearim, and organized demonstrations.
The more official remainder of the NK is weak. Those who have taken the name for their own purposes are really just a ragtag band of oisvorfen from every kreiz and yeshiva you can think of (Beck is from Vizhnitz, Weiss is from Chaim Berlin and also tried Satmar and Vizhnitz before getting the boot and joining Beck, Cohen is supposedly a yekke of old British stock, Weberman is from the Malochim of old, Fryman is from YU, the London crew include Polish and Hungarian Chassidim etc).
The only reason they are not in cherem (well, Cohen is in super-cherem in Manchester) is that there is no kehilla in most of the places that they infest to place a binding cherem on them.
Peerim time is the right time to discuss these clowns. In fact Moshe Hirsch of not very blessed memory started off as the Purim Rov in Chaim Berlin years ago. He liked the attention so much that he married into a real NK family, broke with his family, and eventually became the Minister of Jewish Affairs for the PA. He was paid for his work, and his son lives quite well too especially for Mea Shearim.
BS”D
I’m gone from the US for 4 years but my recollection is that one of the major haimish labels of cake decorating type supplies is indeed under the Hisachdus and one other major certifier. I do not think it is Lieber’s. It might be the newer one that has a pic of a chef’s hat as its logo.
Go into any major grocery and check :).
BS”D
Sadly, these beasts are so depraved that they thrive on death. Hanging them in public would do little good.
The only answer is to remove them and their supporters from every inch of the Land of Israel.
And the medine blew that chance a long, long time ago, in 1967 when the Arabs were expecting to be thrown out.
Now, unless there comes a day when the Arabs run out of oil or a substitute is found, only Moshiach can extricate the medine from the mess it made with its lack of gaon Yaakov. Hanging beasts on meat hooks will not accomplish much when these beasts worship death.
BS”D
A corn cob usually doesn’t give a quality smoke.
And Health, chances are you will not find a single pipe smoker in a yenna machla ward in the US who ended up there because of smoking a pipe.
BS”D
I smoked pipes for 18 years. I started during finals week of my last year of college, because I needed an alternative to eating while studying.
I stopped because I felt I was at risk for addiction because I was smoking stronger and stronger tobacco, and the nicotine is absorbed. However, I was able to quit completely, and in fact I started again a while after I quit but sold my new pipes a month after I started again and have never smoked a pipe again since then. I did smoke cigars on and off after giving up pipes, but it was more off than on and I had my last cigar over two years ago.
My dentist in the US (a well known frum dentist in Brooklyn who has written articles about early detection of oral yenne machla), told me never to keep the pipe in one place in my mouth if I absolutely had to smoke. Another dentist abroad, who had practiced in Germany where pipe smoking and oral yenne machla are more common, told me that once a day, which was about how much I smoked, would never have an effect.
The only strange persisting effect I seem to have from all the years of smoking is that my sense of taste is slightly “off”. All that means is I use a lot of mustard, chrein and charif :).
Best place to learn about pipes was alt.smokers.pipes on Usenet. I am not sure how active it is today. The brand of pipe I started with was called Aldo Velani; not high priced at all. When I stopped I had over 100 pipes, some quite valuable but most of which I purchased on Ebay or from collectors at a very steep discount.
Some insurance companies do consider pipe smokers as non-smokers.
BS”D
Ah, how much easier it is here in Ukraine. $500 and a photo, eppes a copy of your passport, no road test, no written (none of my friends who went this route can read or write a word of Ukrainian as we’re in the Russian speaking part of the country but the official language is Chmelnitskish).
BS”D
I live in Otisville.
BS”D
1) Overcharging and using roundabout routes. Happened to me when I used a non-Jewish car service for Purim deliveries. Agreed to one price, he charged me another. Also happened to me with a Jewish service when I relocated a few years ago and needed to get to the airport. The first one agreed to one price and then said he could not make it. Second one charged me more.
2) Unsafe cars and drivers.
3) The unthinkable.
Use only a known, community run car service or a regulated cab.
BS”D
Bezalel, your theory is no better than the work of David Irving. It also smacks of the work of the “new historians” in EY.
Jews were allowed only to rent land and were at the mercy of these pritzim. As soon as a Jewish inn started to become profitable, the pritzim would raise the rent and throw the innkeeper in jail, knowing his people would raise money for pidyon shevuim no matter how much it cost.
I actually know of a case here in Ukraine where a modern-day poritz (who today are called gangsters) bought off a judge and prosecutor and did just that to a Yid who had business dealings with him and had trouble because of the crisis. And yes, the money was raised to get the Yid out of prison after only three days of remand.
The pritzim also used the Jews to do their dirty work, which is what resulted in the Chmelnicki pogroms.
Killing someone who is out to convert Jews is a mitzvah, if your name is Pinchas haKohen. Yad leAchim handles it a bit differently today.
However, the only S Barnabas that I know indeed exists is an excellent hospital and burn centre in New Jersey that should be filled with all of our soinim.
The notzri legends are just that. We don’t even know for sure if yoshke existed, let alone who killed him.
BS”D
As an aside, I am dressing up as Ghadaffi for Purim, time and money permitting (we have loads of yard goods shops here but I don’t know how long a seamstress will take to sew what I need or how much it will cost). Does anyone have Galliano’s phone number – I can be his first free practice client!
BS”D
Actually, Galliano can become the official designer of Libya if Ghadaffi remains in power. Ghadaffi shares his taste in clothing.
BS”D
For many reasons, I do not hold at all by R’ Aviner. However, note the following:
Those of us who know the morals of the entertainment industry know that most everyone involved does NOT fall into the above category. And that includes classical musicians as well – take an orchestra of 10 people and believe me, you have 1-3 MZ’ers there.
So, unless you want to listen to notzri pop, stick with Jewish music (never mind that almost all words of secular music aren’t kosher – and when a notzri sings words from Torah it is the old testament to them and it does not elevate the words).
BS”D
Meanwhile, so-called Proud Jew Natalie Portman is about to marry a non-Jew. She is the problem, not some drunk mishigginer who claims he loves Hitler YMS when he himself would have been gassed because he is an M”Z’er.
Galliano is off to rehab, which is where he belongs. Either that, or he’ll emulate fellow MZ’er Alexander McQueen who is now a Gay in der erd.
As for Dior, the last name of the head of the firm is Toledano, a 100% Jewish surname. These wacko designers depend on Jews for their bread; somewhere along the line from designer to manufacturer to wholesaler there is at least one Jewish exec or firm and many of them are frum or traditional.
The real shanda is the so-called proud Jew.
BS”D
Mike – the answer is secular, except Matisyahu who is borderline (probably OK for teenagers who are rebelling or falling off, and something that should be outgrown by about age 20).
I heard a Leonard Cohen album once and he takes vaguely kodesh themes mixed with notzri themes and turns them into the worst trash imaginable. That is metamtem es halev :(.
BS”D
Those items are available from a number of wholesalers, mostly Koreans and other Asians, who have wholesale shops below 34th St, just south of the Manhattan schmatte district and Penn Station, on Broadway, 6th Ave, maybe going to 5th ave as well.
BS”D
Look back at my first post. I said the WORDS matter. I’ve said millions of times that we just don’t have enough composers because the market is too small. I am not moved by the music; if MBD would have found another tune the words would be the same.
And look at what I wrote. The WORDS are written in simple, clear Yiddish that make it seem as if Moshiach is in the streets – is the MUSIC written in simple, clear Yiddish?
Treyf words = treyf song. For that matter, some performances of Jewish music are treyf as are some Internet parodies set to well known Jewish tunes.
No words, goyish music = treyf (and I am sick of hearing that kind of stuff used to announce the chosson and kallah)
Kosher words = kosher song. Kosher music = a plus especially because we support our own when we buy an album with a Yossi Green or Boruch Levine etc composed song.
Borderline – using a few notes from goyish music as a backup during a wedding or on an album.
BS”D
The words to Yidden Yidden are so good and in such basic, clear Yiddish that I really feel as if Moshiach is in the streets every time I listen to the song. Of course MBD or whoever wrote the words is not Reb Izekel Kaliver but he turned klipa into kedusha.
BS”D
As far as MM downloads are concerned, they loosened the rules. You used to have 5 downloads over a certain period of time. Now the downloads sit in your account permanently and you can keep downloading them. I had a problem with one of the downloads that was restored to my account and they sent me a copy using a download service to replace it. Next time I buy a download I will check to see if it is a rental or a purchase.
Yesterday I used what seems to be Lipa’s own production company’s download site to buy his new album. It is a new site in beta and while it is supposed to save my purchase history it did not. It looks like a technical problem, though and I am sure that if there comes a time that I need another download he will enable same.
BS”D
And the Koran stole much from the Torah. Do we read the Koran? Gregorian chants are notzri music – great for them because for them it is worshiping Hashem but for us it is shituf.