Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
ommis, it is not just semantics that you are arguing. complete emunah is believing that whatever happens, happened by the hand of Hashem. Levi Aron was the shaliach. He could have chosen to not be the shaliach, but this terrible tragedy would have happened nonetheless.
A separate questions is why Hashem did this, and what we are supposed to learn from it. Whatever that is, we better learn it well, and quickly!
One of the most beautiful things about Yiddishkeit is our diversity even among the frummest Yidden. If you are chasidish, your belief is that you become closer to Hashem through following the Rebbe’s advice to the T, since the Rebbe is on a higher level than we will ever be. On the other hand, if you are Litvish, you believe that you become closer to Hashem through your own cheshbon hanefesh, sometimes with guidance from a Rav, but that ultimately you are making your own decisions about which chumros to take on (in addition to the minhagim of your family) to help you grow spiritually.
I understand your dilemma because on the one hand you understand the greatness of the Rebbe and want a brocha and advice from someone on such a high madreiga, but on the other hand your being litvish means your not used to the Rebbe’s absolute authority in something that is not strict halacha or minhag (at least not your minhag.) The answer I can give you (and I hope it helps you have more clarity) is actually a litvish way of looking at it, that you have to make a cheshbon hanefesh and decide for yourself if this is a chumra you want to take on, or even to try at all. You asked the Rebbe for advice for a reason, so in your cheshbon hanefesh you might want to decide if there is a different chumra that seems more fitting for you, or if indeed you find after much introspection that shaving your head will benefit your (and your husband’s) ruchnius growth.
Tznius is a lifestyle, not just a length of the skirt. I know you want chizuk in helping you pick the “more tznius” outfit, and of course the halochos are important, but I want to give you a different type of chizuk as well. So much time and effort is spent these days telling women the exact measurements their clothing should be, the colors they should and shouldn’t wear, and it can be very confusing for good, tznius girls who are made to feel guilty because the measurements of their clothing don’t meet a certain rabbi’s requirements. In this process, the concept of tznius is completely lost.
As another commenter said, it speaks in the Torah of Sara Imenu’s Tznius by saying she was in the tent, but do you ever see anywhere mention in the torah of the measurements of her clothing? In fact the laws of the measurements of a women’s clothing is not stated anywhere in the Torah. The proof of the Moavi women not coming to greet bnei yisroel not being a sin because women don’t venture out to greet strangers, this concept as well cannot be applied to the specific halochos of length of skirts and sleeves. People like to say that these days, it is not considered the “norm” for women to stay home, but then again neither is it the norm for women to wear long sleeves and skirts. So of course I am not advocating dressing non-tznius, nor am I at all advocating women staying home, but I am trying to show how this logic is very flawed and only used to make women feel guilty to not living up to Sara Imenu’s lesson of “hineh baohel.”
If you are having a personal struggle with tznius, I wish you strength and perspective. Strength to overcome your personal yetzer hara and to dress and act b’tznius with simcha; and perspective to realize that it is not your only mitzvah, it is one of many, and it will not determine the blessings or tragedies that befall the jews, just as you leaving your house to go to work will not determine these things.
And as a last note, for the male commentors on this thread, and for all males who feel the need to discuss this topic, the most untznius thing on earth is a man telling women how to dress, especially when he gets specific about the measurements of her clothing and the tightness. Or when he mentions “looking cute” as one commenter here did. This is a women’s area, men are not welcome, and men who come in and give their two cents on this personal women’s topic are vulgar and should not consider themselves frum, at least in the area of tznius. Perhaps Avraham Avinu’s message was for you men, when the malachim asked about his wife, Avraham basically answered them she is not your concern, mind your own business.
i didn’t read through all the posts, so i apologize if i repeat anything that was already said. a few years ago i moved with my spouse and young children from brooklyn to LA. i have a lot to say about the matter, but i’m short on time right now, so i’ll keep it brief. LA has an amazing jewish community, close knit and warm. i especially liked the chilled attitude of the city in general, jewish and secular. however, it is more difficult to integrate into the community than you would imagine. and although the weather is awsome (summer all year, and about ten days of rain total the entire year!) and the scenery is beautiful (palm trees everywhere) and the people are really friendly and chilled, there is a big culture shock because the culture is COMPLETELY different, it feels like moving to another country. there are new parking laws (we got lots of tickets at the biginning) and there are unspoken driving laws (cars always stop for pedestrians here, as a new yorker you can imagine that was a shock!) and everything moves slower, etc… i felt very displaced for about half a year after moving here. and my children also felt the culture shock. the yeshiva is wonderful, but it is so different from what they were used to.
another important factor to take into account is that the cost of living here is really big, and although our parnassah is about 50 percent more than in brooklyn, we are having almost as hard a time meeting our monthly expenses because they are also 50 percent greater.
the tznius is not as bad as new york. since its more chilled here, even the goyim don’t dress as prizusdik, because they are in casual, baggy clothing. and the frum community dresses more tzinius than the flatbush crowd, in my opinion. there are billboards, but certainly not everywhere, like in times square, and the kids don’t really notice.
LA has many amazing qualities. but it will be a big change. and more expensive than you can imagine. if you have any more questions, let me know. i’ve been there, done that…