Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Mikehall : thanks for your post and topic thread, believe me I know what you mean!
I feel embarrassed too! Big time.
Health I understand your reasoning, but I do not feel Jewish guilt is anything to with it, it is a sense of belonging to Klal Yisrael and hurting when things go wrong due to our long tradtions of infighting, it is nothing new, just horrendous to watch under a media glare.
I have over the years often had very religious Muslim students and co-workers come to discuss Islamic practices and fundamentalism with me, patiently explaining their brand of Islam is different to the more militant sorts out there, they tell me ” you understand as Jews too suffer from crazy extremists,”.
But for me Klal Yisrael are one people, when I see demonstrators harrassing children, or police arresting charedi protestors there is a division between head and heart, you see, Health, those whose behaviour I loathe ar still part of me and my people. Hence the embarrassment and awkwardness, a jew is a jew.
Mikehall, you are so right, to outsiders a jew is a jew, charedi or secular, no real difference at all in their mind, I hear this regularly at work.
Here in Uk the incident is making lots of headlines. so glad my workplace is closed for the Winter Break. When I look at the demonstrators dressed as so called ” charedi” I feel torn up inside, to see Jew arresting and protesting against each other, terribly painful and embarrassing Like seeing close members of your family beat each other up in public.
Good luck nottelling, seems a lovely kind gesture to welcome their new baby, not unusual at all. Seen before friendly relations between neighbours creating a true Kiddush Hashem. Very nice.
Thank you Y.W. Editor for your link highlighting the behaviour of wayward bochurim in Jerusalem.
As a parent of a yeshiva student I feel strongly this is not about yeshivas taking in students without proper care and responsible guidance, this is also about young men with too many hours in the day and night to mess about with and get into trouble.
If you are able to afford to send your children away from home to study Torah consider what is truly proper Torah study, is there time for chesed, helping the poor and disabled in Jerusalem, if not, why not? Is there time to teach English, sport or music to poor and disadvantaged children, if not, why not? If there is proper use of time for Torah study with all hours used appropriately for study and play then why is there time to riot and misbehave.
There is a terrible risk of young boys getting radicalised beyond their parents understanding, learning not to feel part of klal yisrael, but part of an imaginary superior sect far removed from Torah true values, able to act as they please with mentors and teachers failing to do their duty.
Middlepath, thank you for your post!
Where I live in a heimishe suburb it might shock you to know my local orthodox shul hosts zumba classes for ladies, the majority of whom are modestly dressed, snood or sheitel wearing mothers and daughters, the music is latin instrumental, no words and the moves are I guess watered down conservative interpretations of true Latin dance steps mixed with traditional israeli/jewish folk dancing.
I do not go but plently in my kehilla do.
many years ago when I married my sephardi sister in laws taught me how to dance, it was a revelation to see how graceful and lovely their dance steps were, at sephardi simchas if any ladies have the chance to see the dancing they will see refined examples of dance and happiness. Less big jumps and heavy footwork, more feminine gentle movements
Feif un you have made a very good point, one not thought of enough these days , marriage needs to be worked upon and treasured. Many women dress to please other women and fit in, nothing is more tznius than being modest when out and about but glamorous for one’s husband in the home.
The ywn links posted on this thread by the editor are most helpful for those not in Beit shemesh or surrounding areas to get a flavour of what is going on.
The area of Beit Shemesh has always had a mixed population in terms of observance, the so called “charedi” that have moved in have no right to move into an area and insult its inhabitants and disrupt local life.
One of my children works in a hospital close by, it seem ironical that he is a frum doctor treating people whom he may see later on screaming abuse at children as they walk to school, children clad in long sleeved, high necked tops and long loose skirts.
No one should be screamed at, no one should be insulted, egged, spat upon or threatened, irrespective of their dress. As a grandmother and mother it is so deeply distressing to think of jews behaving like this to other jews.
Where is the modesty in insulting and rubbishing women and little girls, hear the language yelled at this people and it is obscene, not jewish, certainly not charedi and plain wrong.
check out the ywn links for your own information, some of the other links on you tube and national press are too distressing to watch. I pray that soon some of our great rabbis will speak out as this cannot continue, religious indignation is being used to score political points and destroy a country, enough jewish blood has been split over the years, we do not need to torment our own.
Both Gush and KBY are outstanding yeshivas, its a win win situation when a young man goes to either!
Emunah thank you for representing so eloquently what is really happening.
always runs with scissors fast If you did not know the facts as you so readily acknowledge why be so quick to state
“The evil zionim created this beit shemesh thing- way out of control.”
“like the tactics that hamas uses, in Gaza. THey deliberately use hide outs near the dwellings of the people to hide beind. And the innocent suffer the consequences.”
To compare the Israeli govt you may not like to murderous hamas is really upsetting, Jews, secular or not, do not send their children on suicide missions and murder those they disagree with. Those extremists living in Beit Shemesh receive government aid and enjoy full use of Israeli infracture, just visit any hospital in the area. We may all have different opinions, but please do not compare the erection of a girls school to the hiding of bombs and military hardware amongst civilians, Beit shemesh is a lovely place to live and those extremists want the advantages of living there without allowing others to exist, the others being orthodox jews with different minhagim to themselves. Tragic
The tragedy is these crazy minority group of extremists are splitting the Jewish people even further and using abusive behaviour which is beyond the pale. Israel now faces a backlash against the charedi worse than ever before, from rioting over segregated buses to terrorising little girls going to school.
For countless times children at Orot Banot have walked past so called ” charedi” extremists shouting abuse at them in a fierce menancing manner. They are not charedi, not chassidische, nor are those that riot, use violence or injure jewish emergency workers, they are rubbish, beautiful words like ” charedi” and ” chassidim” shouldn’t be used for them, they are a hilul hashem, it is agonising to watch them in action, unfortunately I have.
Aries, I must just say all your posts are filled with so much generousity of spirit and goodness. On a cold rainy night in London they certainly lift the spirit, kol hakavod.
I wonder if both Middlepath and Aries are able to reach a wider audience through printed matter, feel certain a most appreciative audience would be waiting.
Health, reading your posts I wholeheartedly sympathise with you.
I actually think all of us who bother to read and share our opinions on the CR would be the sort of people who would support your sense of outrage and be indignant with any religious Jewish organisation that did not help a young Jew to find a caring environment in which to learn and flourish, part of our religious belief lies in supporting one another, especially our children.
None of us know the future, but nothing in life is set in stone, really hope someway this situation can be resolved soon. Wishing you well.
A beautiful post, many thanks to you MIddlepath.
Middlepath thank you for your kind post.
Sam2 thank you for your post.
Health I realise polite discussion is not appropriate here with you. You wish to stand up and defend Torah values, good for you. So do I, in my family we defend Torah values and people with prayer, learning and action. Action can take many forms, from doing local community volunteering, to being part of ZAKA or part of an IDF unit. I This thread was entitled ” is individualism allowed?” I applaud those frum young people able to combine Torah values and army service, a challenging thing to do, which merits great respect from me for each and everyone of those individuals. What a tragedy that in our world we insult each other so easily. I wish you well
Nothing is worse than taking and not giving back, contributing to the community is a crucial jewish mitzvah and value. Some are able to take active service in the IDF others take on positions in organisations such as ZAKA if they feel full army service is not appropriate for them. There are specific charedi army units and amongst younger officers a growing number of frum young people. Some young religious girls find different ways to give back to society be it in standard IDF uniform or other ways of undertaking national service.
Yes Health some do not go into the army, some healthy young men take money from the govt in Israel and stay in Yeshiva and learn, leaving it to others to defend, feed and support them and their families. Others go to hesder yeshivas, learn and defend as well as giving back to society.
I teach in a big multi ethnic university and notice there is a huge change between the earnest young frum freshmen and the self assured person who graduates. They learn to set boundaries and judge each situation on its own merit, a really important skill when it comes to working in a mixed workplace, both in terms of gender, religion and culture. Learning when to say” no thank you” politely is a really important frum Jewish skill.
Mamashtakah, kol hakavod to you and your family. I am sure you felt very proud for your daughter.
For a clear simple explanation of the bechira point read Rabbi Dessler ” Strive for Truth”, brilliant and well explained.
YES
In Israel there are always people seeking English lessons, they are others offering them but someone good and inexpensive will get work, is this something you could do? Maybe in local schools etc.,
Ice, so sorry you are feeling bad, I am in London, ( England) so cannot offer suggestions of where you could find help in the USA BUT all the others posting messages of support and suggestion have done just that.
You would be amazed if you realised how many people feel the way you do. You have a right to be happy and you can help yourself to do that, dignity and self-respect come from within, you do not need the approval of others , you need to respect and approve yourself. Whether you are young or old it is never too late, people talk about their successes in life, not their challenges or feelings of inadequacy but we all have them. Life is precious and valuable, have you ever seen images of those facing hardship they have no power over, they are dealing with circumstances they cannot change. You CAN change yours, please contact one of the help groups so kindly mentioned by other posters and value yourself.
” deep down I’m very with it,” exactly! Point made! By you!
I must thank everyone who has posted up on this new thread-
thank you modche1
The reality of people running their kids’ lives, especially the financial side is new to me, and I am a mother with married kids !
There is a huge difference between curiousity and offending behaviour. Little children are curious about the world, little bigots offend. What worries me most are their parents and teachers.
DY
Reading your post I realise the merit in agreeing to disagree.
With regard to having Yeshivish children, one is never too old to learn from one’s kids.
As for a career in law/medicine being financially secure and allowing one to waive fees with more regularity than a shadchan, this had an element of truth but of course depends on what you choose to specialise in. |In the Uk we have a state funded health service, the salary of a doctor without private patients is nothing to write home about, nor a lawyer if integrity and fair play enter the equation. We specialise in cases and teaching where monetary profit is not king. We have a family rule : never turn a poor Jew in need away. Why ? Because we had family who were saved by good people who were generous with their own meagre portions.
I recognise difficult situations where shadchanim must make lengthy inquiries etc which are time consuming to undertake without payment, but to actively use money as outright incentive seems wrong, when money is an incentive there are many inherent dangers.
If Shadchanim were offered incentives in the way of reduced tutition fees / or free shul membership that would not be half as unsavoury as quoting large sums of dollars . It should be remembered few shadchanim rely on their matchmaking skills to pay the rent. If you fancy studying law or medicine it means years of study/training, and if you are a frum Jew that can mean entering graduate school post yeshiva/kollel as a mature student with young family in the background. Hence the need for marriages made with respect and dignity to see you through the good and the bad times.
DY Thank you for your comments and quotes.
I am NOT recommending unsupervised socialising! Chatting at a communal shabbaton or shul kiddush seem supervised controlled natural environments for a refined exchange.
Of course there is so much to admire in the yeshivish world, I am sure that is why so many kids from MO homes are drawn to yeshivish way of life, I as a parent support that and have seen it happen in my own back yard with PRIDE.
BUT there are problems in our communities as a whole which owe a lot to segregating the sexes from even exchanging a polite word to each other AND also being obsessed with material wealth. Yes it is an issue affecting our people we need to address. Shidduchim are affected by wealth and status, always have been and yes that is life, but for hundreds of years, Torah fearing men did not look at a partner and future mother of their children as a means of financial support.
To differentiate between young girls of 21 and 23 and use money as an incentive to find a match seems downright offensive. Yes shadchanim have always had a role and should be properly renumerated when so agreed, but a charitable organisation charging big bucks to get older girls married is basically saying money is the decisive factor. Just think of the message being sent out to the young, money talks! Yes it does in the goyish world but we are Jews and our Torah is not about big business it is about kavod, hesed and rachamim.
People wish to compare shadchanim to other services around, well in my family we are involved in law and medicine, when we come across a fellow Jew in dire straits urgently seeking our help, we do not CHARGE them. Simple.
i have been really shocked by the materialism I have encountered as some of our brethen eat in soup kitchens. I am not saying live like beggars but a bit of kavod to our fellow Jews instead of trying to keep up with the latest thing. Why does the Nasi scheme seems unsavoury? Because of how money and advantage will be used to influence and secure a shadchan’s efforts. Even more upsetting is the realisation a caring organisiation pandies to greed and business by offering bigger bucks to help match the more ” difficult older girls”. What happened to basic decency and helping someone out.
It is sad that we cannot respect our young people enough to trust them to have a decent conversation in a public place, what is wrong with a shul kiddush or a communal shabbaton?
Yes I am writing from a MO perspective, but my sons attend charedi yeshiva in EY where the behaviour of those from “stricter “backgrounds has surprised me. We are officially told no internet is allowed, so my son would not take a laptop or blackberry, we are told not to chat to girls in the street so my kid has developed a polite ” smile, nod and walk on ” to girls who recognise him and say hello. His friends however have internet connections, have asked him for introductions to those girls he says hello to, ( relatives and old family friends!) and have shown a remarkable ability to flout the system they are all so well aquaintainted with. It has been a real eye opener!
oomis1105
You hit the nail on the head, thank you!
We have indeed blurred the lines for the young generation of what is and is not appropriate behaviour and mixing of the sexes. Chatting at a shabbat table or a shul kiddush is hardly inappropriate for young people going to college or entering work.
No wonder people have huge shopping list of unrealistic requirements if they never have a conversation with a member of the opposite sex. If you speak to someone you makes you laugh the size of their wallet, weight or status is not always upper most in your mind! By treating marriage like a business investment, we are making young people and our whole community money obsessed to a shocking degree, this affects countless marriages afterwards, not a good way to start married life.
I was mocked for saying as our kids get married we try and think of their single friends, but we have seen at least four shidduchim take place as a result of introducing young people to one another at our simchas. We always make a young peoples l’chaim for every simcha, so allowing chosson and challa friends to meet up, they do and we have seen results. Age differences of a couple of years do not seem so noticeable when you actually MEET the person first before you hear their resume.
We are talking about people not commodities,parents should be wary of talking about future dates as lists of required ingredients, too much segregation and too little respect for actual Jewish youth lead both sides to view the other in an unsavoury and unnatural way.
As we are organising the Vort for children’s forthcoming engagement we will also be having a separate informal l’chaim for our children’s friends.
Maybe I am idealistic or living on a ” fantasy island” but as I do get busy planning our children’s weddings I have always made time to think of their single friends and arrange informal introductions at a celebratory party, nothing staged, just young frum people getting together to celebrate a friend’s happiness. As we do not mix at our weddings, a casual l’chaim offers the chance to meet someone suitable. It is a perfect avenue for young people to meet and can be a relaxed setting for those less confident to meet a potential partner.
I know it can work, as it has done before, with one chuppah leading to another.I am not alone in doing this, I suspect it has been done since time immemorial. Of course official shadchanim have their role to play too, it needs to be handled delicately.
oomis1105
Thank you for your post, the financial aspect of the whole project is what is so disturbing indeed, it also can affect judgement and expectation when a match is finally made.
Intermarriage exists everywhere it is an evil we have to fight, but zionism cannot be blamed for that alone !
Sure the early zionists were secular and the State was founded by them, but they founded it in Eretz Yisrael, not Uganda or anywhere else, they built it on our ancestral Torah homeland.
There is intermarriage and lack of mitzvot in Israel, but so too all over the world. You cannot take Jews from all over the world, raised in different ways and with different beliefs and wonder why the State is not a bastion of frumkeit. But it is our state, with our people and our land.
How does it feels to daven in Jerusalem, to wake up in EY and see your people and land?
Nothing is perfect, but constantly attacking zionism as we face attack from the rest of the world seems futile and divisive. We have different roles in life, there are plenty of frum Jews in EY who contribute and perform Kiddush Hashem every day of their lives, if you are worried about secular zionists praise and support them, not constantly undermine our homeland and our heritage as children of Abraham by sniping about secular zionism. It provides a wonderful get out clause for those not wanting to contribute to the wider society, a society that provides security, hospitals and public services.
Eyes are too precious to play around with!!!
In Hebrew as a term of love one can call someone” my eyes” aynayim sheli -it means you are my everything.
If someone is worried about appearances for shidduchim, then makeup lessons, advice on wardrobe and weight control are all relevant, but surgery to change one’s eyecolour? All eyes are beautiful in different ways, think of beautiful people not all are blue eyed, variety etc makes life fun.
AinOhdMilvado Thank you so much for your informative succinct posts
It is about time we re-examine the title Zionist before hurling it about as an insult.
I write as the proud Mother of a frum officer in the IDF tired of defending my son as someone “off the derech”. I do not expect all klal yisrael to offer wholesale support for the State and many ill founded political irreligious decisions, but I ache when when” zionist” is used as a term of abuse in today’s world. It is used most of all by our enemies, we should be mature enough now not to repeat it along side them. I teach in a university where students use the word ” zionist” along side words like “racist and nazi” Ignorance amongst our enemies is one thing, we can oppose idealogies amongst our own without resorting to abuse. Next time a frum Jew has the honour of davening by the kotel, remember those young men who died to reclaim it back for us and who today defend our precious holy places and people.
Finding a match for life is not about playing a game and fitting in. It is natural for parents to try and choose good schools and a good ” crowd” for their kids, BUT social concerns and ” how does it look” can colour people’s judgment when it comes to their kids shidduchim and future. Being successful in Jewish terms is not about being in the ” in crowd” it is about Torah values and love. Shiddichuchim is not a science BT guy you are so right!
Aries, what an insightful post, just wanted to thank you!
working on it, so sorry to hear of how you feel. A trained caring therapist ( not always easy to find) might help, especially by focusing on what can unite you as a famiy, putting personal obstacles to one side, sometimes total agreement is not possible. Compromise can be a good thing.
Thinking of you and wishing you and your family well.
HaQer you are quite right, I used the adjective ” gorgeous” when describing my daughters’ friends because to me they all are, I speak not of looks but of personality and potential. I should not have used such a superficial word- thank you for the correction.
What I simply mean is if we as parents have the pleasure of seeing our kids get married, we should try and help those around looking for their match too.
Ofcourse in answer to your question, I would consider for my girls a possible match with a boy up to 10 years older, and for my sons a girl up to 5 years older.
I would never DELIBERATELY SEEK an older match, but if my child was finding it hard to meet the right person, I would suggest greater flexibility age wise. I am indeed a proud mother !! I want my children to be happy, settled and Torah true, we all do don’t we, for me that means looking at the individual not the package and social expectations.
It is hard to meet the right person and dealing with communal expectations make it even harder.
Do not let those older frum girls go! We have to make them feel wanted and appreciated, not swept aside and undervalued.
And as for the girls themselves, try and think outside the box, sorry to sound patronising but if someone makes a suggestion or gives you an invite, go for it, honestly you have nothing to lose. If you are a great girl nothing can take your dignity and self esteem, but do not shrug off those not ticking all your boxes, sometimes they can be most interesting of all. As for age differences, an older man who has been divorced or widowed can offer better appreciation for a young woman than a fussy young boy, think about it .
Short, simple and absolutely brilliant, ” Of Mice and Men” by John Steinbeck
Thanks Queen Bee for your posts, really appreciated them!
Ashkenazi and Sephardi do indeed marry( I did) My parents were delighted once they met the other side, more than delighted, elated by the welcome and warmth.
There are some fine boys and girls out there who may not be exactly like you, but that could make it more interesting, a frum Jew is part of klal Yisrael, that is all of us. The more introverted one gets, the longer the shopping list
When I read of fine young single girls considering to pay $1000s to a shadchan I feel very upset.
I applaud NASI trying to come up with an idea to get shadchanim involved , but is this money motivated approach healthy? How terrible for girls to ” invest” in their chosson financially before they are even married, not such a great basis for a marriage.
What about increased activity from local communities? I really urge people who are able to help to do so! Try! It is not difficult. Every other month I host shabbat lunches/teas and invite singles over, so do my friends. It works! No one feels pressurised, no one G-d forbid pays, we the hosts are happy to follow up queries , making a call etc
It is a pleasure. Please every mother with a married child think of others! I started doing this when my eldest daughter married, I felt upset thinking about her gorgeous friends who were single. Once you manage to break the ice, young people talk naturally, without a shopping list of PRE-CONDITIONS!
Thanks ontheball for putting it so well.
Since time began, it has been usual for men to marry younger women. Most boys outside of chassidishe communities are not ready for marriage at 19, it is most unfair to pressurise them to even consider it, marriage is not a mathematical equation!!! I applaud NASI for trying to help, but the financial details are sordid and upsetting. There are some great shadchanim out there, but some are rather tough too. Family yichus and wealth are NOT EVERYTHING.
I have introduced a number of couples to each other, cried with pleasure when they married and NEVER would take a penny. Sure there are professional shadchans out there charging who do a great job, but focus please on personality and middos, not prestige and wealth.
Cshapiro- as a Mother I was getting worried until I read your last post, thank goodness it is much better than it could and best of all you fiance sounds a good natured sweet young man, the most important thing of all. Sorry about the fuss pre-wedding, as simchas approach friends as well as family can get rather busy and unwittingly change the mood to one of tension and stress. STOP and THINK you are blessed with a fine fiance and some rather silly but well meaning friends. Step back from the friends, be polite, sure stay close to those you trust and care for but as you approach your wedding think of the bigger picture. You and your future husband together, if you think of your friend as someone to tolerate and indulge, rather than a close confidante it will help you, she means well but she is not you and you do not need to waste time thinking about her. the shower and gifts are all lovely, but sorry to say unimportant be they
$5 or % $500, you are getting married and are a lucky lovely girl. It is the happiest time of your life an it is just beginning, honestly to find a good man is everything. I have lots of daughters, and often girlfriends have tried to do so much to make their engagements and weddings extra special, all of which has been unnecessary. Easier said than done, but show your fiance he is your main focus in life, your friend will back off because she has to. Sure you can show her your appreciation for he shower etc, but this is small fry, you are about to build a Jewish home, treat her gently but remember this is your time and your future, a lot of other things to think of. Wishing you Mazeltov
Miritchka, hope your hair grows fast!
I have noticed that ladies who do wear snoods more often than sheitels tend to have better natural hair, but must be honest and say for work and special occasions I do go for the sheitel. We are lucky to be able to alternate between the two
Sure broken engagements are painful, but often they are a necessary painful break that stops something worse from taking place. So sorry for young people hurt and feeling rejected by broken engagements as parental expectation and communal gazing affect judgement and pain enormously. But once the break is done those directly affected the girl and boy can have a breather and re-evaluate what they want and need in a shidduch. Often the hurt that comes out from a broken engagement is from a sense of hurt pride and shame, natural and healthy to feel but greatly exaggerated because we live our lives so closely with the extended community. We feel embarrassed by it all. But TIME AND MOT OF ALL EMUNAH HEAL! Later we realise it is so often not the other person we miss but a sense of awkwardness that hurts. Take it easy and when ready date again. You will be amazed at the way when the right person comes along, nothing else matters. I am not being naive but speaking from experience.
Of course a sheitel is a valuable commodity and the right one can make a woman look fantastic, many times I have been amazed at the transformation a good sheitel can make.We want to look nice for our husbands and indeed many men hate tichels and snoods. But it is also nice for a husband to have a wife who looks good for him alone!!! I am not saying go out plain and simple, a nice sheitel/haircovering is always important, but our biggest duty and pleasure is to look good for our husbands. My husband before we married begged me never to cut my long hair short, so I wear a variety of scarves in the Israeli style, with make up and coordinating outfits etc for much of the time, sure for Shabbat and Simchas I get a lovely shevy sheitel out, but my own hair that my husband alone sees is in peak condition, thick, nicely coloured and for him alone. My daughters do the same, they do not look dowdy at all with their scarves, often getting compliments from strangers as to how to tie them up and where they can buy them from.
Smartcookie, I totally understand!
It is both normal and crazy as we strive to look good in a modest way and not waste money. My family traditionally have always had long hair when married which we keep well styled but covered up under scarves/snoods,idea being to look good at home for our husbands but be modest in the street. But now my married daughters wear sheitels which are both very expensive and very nice, their husbands are always amazed by the prices, but want their wives to be happy. Goodtip though, now looking at sheitel prices which are so high, think tzedeka, we have started to give 10% of what we pay for a glamorous sheitel to tzedeka, especially those medical charities that pay to help victims of illness or terror recover from scars birthmarks. As my girls go looking for a cadillac of a sheitel to buy they have now think about someone living less fortunate, good discipline all round. Sometimes they come home, and think they might just stick to a scarf for weekdays.
Zahavasdad, you are indeed so right, we are envious of your comfortable approach in the US to religious tolerance.
There were no anti-Jewish riots in the UK when our great previous Chief Rabbi Jackobovitz did not attend a royal wedding. There would be no anti-Jewish riots now, instead there is a mood in Europe and Britain in particular which is not comfortable or truly safe for us. Charles and Diana married in 1981, today in 2011 the mood in the UK is very different. I teach in a London university, sometimes the things I hear are truly shocking. Ordinary people just want to get on with their lives, but at times especially on subjects such as Israel or Jewish education and the opening of new schools public sentiment is far from friendly. Chief Rabbi Sacks unfailingly presents a positive image of Judaism to the public, broadcasting on the radio with gracious dignity. The debate of whether or not he should attend a royal wedding were obviously carefully considered by him, and he responded with all the wisdom of the Chief Rabbi’s office behind him in the affirmative, if you were in the same boat and chose not to go, fine. Since when do we agree on everything?