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There are indeed French speakers in GG and some too in Porat Yosef which is just down the road.
Hi Assaf,
A good son who keeps in contact with his parents and has a warm relationship with them remains a good son whether or not he is off the derech.
Your honesty and desire to come clean show you are a person of principle, if you stay in regular contact with your parents and have kept quiet about your degree of observance that shows delicacy and hesitation which is natural. I am a mother of grown up boys, and believe me no one can tell or make sure their kids do all they want them to do, it is not right or proper for them to do so. If you have a good relationship with your parents and love them, be gentle and respectful but honest too. Not easy at all, but believe me a polite caring son who is not obsrvant is easier to come to terms with and more likely to be heard and appreciated. Initially they may be hurt and surprised, they may have some concerns they have not aired before but suspected nonetheless. You are their son, and if things are handled calmly and respectfully, then the relationship in the long term will not usually be lost. Your story is far from unusual, your dilemmas have been shared by many, I have been through this with one of my sons, yes I was upset he was not shomer mitzvot but most of all I cared that he knew we loved him and valued him, not just his observance. Things that alter parents perception of OTD children is when a relationship with a non Jew develops as that is crossing a line many of us find too painful to deal with, that is not lack of obsrvance but in my book desertion. To choose a secular life is your right, so is being a good respectful son, give it your best shot, knowing you did your best and showed your parents you still love them deeply is really important. Many young men and women wrestle with mitzvot, as a religiousJewish mother I appreciate honesty above all else. I would hate my son to go through the motions, or live a lie for parental acceptance.
What on earth does it take for health young men to defend themselves and their communities???
Every time there is threat of danger in EY I have read of CR posters asking if they should bring back home kids learning in Israeli yeshivot and sems. Meanwhile kids their age in Israel step up to meet and honour their military obligations.
Has not history taught Jews they must defend themselves, the Torah tells us to have an army, gives us halacha and guidelines for how to manage warfare etc. Why has the modern Haredi world turned itself into a bastion of pacifism except when it comes to arguing with one another?
If you would stop looking for why you cannot serve and rather how you can serve you could reach a happy compromise, without selling out on Torah values. Do you not wonder why there is discord between different sections of Israeli society, look into the eyes of those who have lost sons and nurse the wounded whilst living Torah true lives and think of your hateful references and insults.
The attempts to defend Webberman beggar belief.
The victim have been abused twice over, once by this pervert and once again by a community prepared to overlook his behaviour and turn against the victim and her family. No wonder people go off the derech! Fear of being alienated by a community is a great tool when it comes to silencing voices crying in pain and distress. Don’t you think your children deserve better?
|MorahRach: well said.!!
What happened to those millions of jewish martyrs killed in the Shoah, many were learned and devout. They could not fight back, just as their brethen could not fight back when the pogroms destroyed so many lives earlier in the last century. Yet, go back hundreds of years to the times of David Hamelech and you will see the Jews fighting, defending themselves and learning Torah too. Rabbi Shach zt”l stood up when his uniformed IDF grandsons entered his yeshiva, yes the war is on two fronts, so man up and defend them both!
In Israel to be a general you need to work up the ranks, USA has a voluntary army, there is a difference. Similarily in the Israeli Army no one is thinking of actually drafting charedi into combat units, there are plenty of jobs and training to be given in other areas such as admin, para medic, etc, there of course are organisations like Zaka where men can serve within strictly orthodox groups.
Sushee you are fortunate to be living in the USA where you are safe and the wars your country wage are not on your doorstep, in Israel it is important for the morale of the state for all to show themselves willing to make a contribution.
Israel is a young new country and needs all hands on deck to make things work. I have been in Jerusalem when the call up was sent out for reservists, seen orthodox men take their seats on the army buses and charedi neighbours watch them go by, can you not understand the resentment and sense of insjustice people feel. The m The men I saw being called up had all been to yeshivas for some time, including my own sons.
Right now Satmar are campaining in Israel against the elections, people here in the CR are saying that Satmar are taking nothing from the State. Well who is paying for the policing and security bill for this grand show against the evil zionists?
Our dogs are retired ‘ guide dogs for the blind’, they have acted truly as “man’s best friend “for years and now it is time for us to give them some love and care. They teach people to be patient, respect those with disabilities and care for one another.
The Kanoi Next Door: to get to the rank of general one must start off at the bottom, and serve as an ordinary soldier.
Visit any hospital or clinic in Israel and see the number of charedi families benefitting from the State.
Miriam, thank you for your post, those living outside of Israel do not always realise the different options available to serve one’s country.
I cannot understand the concept of those engaged in Torah learning being disengaged from the world around them, quite the contrary the brave souls form Nahal Haredi, or volunteer in Zaka are closely connected to all of Klal Yisrael. The stigma of how does it look haunts so many haredi communities, breaking away from social expectations and doing the right thing is the action of the brave. Fear of breaking away with traditions which are in themselves only recent minhagim dominate the charedi rabbonim, who politically are busy using imagined slights against Gadolim to canvass opinion against the State as well as each other.
What of the people in the middle, the traditional shomer shabbat? Israeli jews, who do serve in the army, not just dati leumi, but sephardi traditional mizrachi jews, who are happy and honoured to do both, learn Torah and serve in the army, learn Torah and work, pay taxes and support the wider community.
The arrogance of those thinking they are not meant to serve because they protect Yiddishkeit with their learning and observance is breathtaking. There are plenty of soldiers who keep mitzvot and do their army service, or if they wish opt out and do a communal voluntary posting instead.
Yes there were some charedi Jews in Israel 1948 and if they opposed the state and its army their descendants may feel they do not need to serve, but how many frum immmigrants have come into Israel over the years, taken all they can from the state and not serve, thousands, just visit Ramat Beit Shemesh and see the upheaval and bitterness they have caused.
Zahavasdad you are absolutely right about the wave of grief that followed the killings in Mumbai and the respect shown to those killed. The State of Israel flew all those killed home, Chabad had state funerals but of course the Satmar refused, but they allowed the State to fly the deceased over. Right now the Satmar with foreign money are in Israel campaigning against the State, if they all hate it so much, let them go. Speak to Israeli social workers about child abuse or domestic violence in places like meah shearin and they will tell of you a community that will riot against the police or medical crews, but not stop internal suffering amongst their own weakest and most vulnerable. Tragic that what was meant to be a token of kindness of Ben Gurion is now abused so many years later, deals can be broken and the charedi world should find a way to make their men do their part of the bargain in an appropriate way.Cowardice is not part of Torah teaching.
Having a dog is a fantastic way of keeping fit as you need to take the dog out for walks all the time, much better than any gym membership, the dog has to have a walk, no ifs or buts.
Dogs are very loyal and loving, no need to have a fierce breed at all, so many lovely breeds. We live in a frum area and some of our neighbours were taken aback when we got our dog, now their kids come over to play.
“ZS go for it you are better than the rest GO FOR IT Tell you only stutter when talking to a very pretty girl” Robertz
Well said!
ZS, a top girl is one you like, and to find her you do need to go on dates, I know it can be tough as a very close relative also has a stutter and felt just like you do before dating. He is now dating a girl who has good middos and is pretty too. Looks and attraction do matter, not in the sense of pleasing everyone else, but above all else in pleasing you.
You may well find that with the right girl your speech and confidence are no longer an issue, and she, if a caring good person will actually delight in offering you support.
To those who ask why date someone with a stutter, good grief, a person is not an inanimate object to be viewed for value and worth, a date is fellow human being who can make you happy, laugh and think. Chemistry is what makes the world go round, and chemistry is far more important in making a shidduch work than a so called ” perfect” date who ticks all the boxes but lacks personality etc.
However a number of charedi schools are purely private, not wishing state interference in the school’s curriculum. In the United Synagogue the rabbi salaries are paid for by their congregational membership with no doubt top ups where necessary from the central religious authority heading their movement, eg., United Synagogue.
Rabbi Mirvis is a superb choice for Chief Rabbi, we have been blessed to have him as our local Rabbi and seen him build our shul into an amazing flagship of Anglo Jewry, Sephardim, Modern Orthodox/Traditional Orthodox have their own services and come together in communal services and celebrations.
Middlepath, MAZEL TOV, Wishing you much happiness!!
We have found that a dog has added an enormous amount of joy and pleasure, not to mention exercise to our life. Walks take place three times a day except on Shabbat when she is happy to play in our garden, and wait for a long hike motzei shabbat. She knows when Shabbat comes in as we give her a special treat! I no longer go to the gym, and find having a dog is a great way to keep trim and healthy.
Have met other frum dog walkers out and about, we are a minority but no one has told us its not the done thing, our Rabbi has popped in to meet our pet and introduce her to his kids!. People often ask if they can bring their kids over to teach them how to behave around dogs, sad to see young kids unnecessarily frightened around an animal.
It should be obvious to all as to why in our history it became halachically crucial to rule that a Jewish child is born to a Jewish mother, the mother’s jewishness alone is the concluding factor. End of.
Of course there are complications in marrying a person with a non Jewish parent, those complexities are no doubt best judged on their individual circumstances. To those that wish to bring in different arguments from various Gadolim, do so if you wish to intellectualise the discussion in theory, BUT in practicse halacha is clear and simple on this. Jewish mother = Jewish child, a state of affairs given extra impetus by the Shoah.
Sure there are many who would not want added complications when contemplating marriage partners and also those that seek the value of yichus mispacha, but most important of all is the bond and chemistry between the couple. I have seen marriages arranged by eager parents on the basis of yichus and communal prestige, not always a recipe for married bliss!
Candy613 made a great point, a year in Eretz Yisrael is incomparable, and leaves a lasting impression. If it is too expensive, perhaps American sems organise trips out there so some young women can experience Israel if they have not done so before.
Parents should not be pressurised into paying for any sort of fad, a year abroad, fancy car or over the top wedding, they also need to show unity in number and not pressurise each other into comparing simchas and spending. It does happen and not just among kids!!
thank you for your post oomis1105! Beautifully put.
On Yom kippur we atone for so many different sins, we cannot look at another and judge them, it simply is beyond our means.
The more secular amongst my family have always spoken of utmost respect about the dati leumi and yeshivish in their midst
and vice versa. Differences of opinion do not need to mean divided families if handled delicately. At times discord can arise from two different frum groups refusing to yield or compromise, where a grandparent has a more secular take, it can in fact be easier to explain differences and create respectful tolerance from both sides. At the end of the day, if parents are respectfully treated they are more likely to respect the wishes of their children. One can explain how different family members observe different halachot, one cannot explain downright rudeness or hurtful behaviour.
wow. Wish you continued strength and support.
Just to say with regard to the IDF, I have seen a number of young men OTD who have eventually become more respectful and closer to their families as a result of army discipline and most of all life experience. Suddenly arguing over what to wear and how does it look seems really petty compared to other bigger issues. Seen a number of rebellious kids grow up rabidly, they may not have the appearance the charedi world might wish, but surprisingly army experience actually reinforces the importance of family and respect.
Put your shopping lists down, people are not buildings to be inspected over and given approval before a purchase!!!!
Age differences have and will always exists in married life, do not put some one out of the running before you meet them, if a woman is serious about marriage and a family than try going out with an older guy, be he divorced or widowed. You may even discover someone with a degree of depth and maturity who appreciates you as you are. With age ( sometimes) comes wisdom.
I am shocked to be in total agreement with Health on this.
In the cold light of day it is easier for an older man to find a spouse than an older woman and of course the basic reason is the biological clock, sure there is some evidence that older men may not be as fertile but plenty of older men have children into their fifties and beyond. We women do not, end of( unless you want to consider egg donorship and surrogacy).
A relationship between two adults is based on mutual attraction and shared values, single ladies of 35+ should never be under estimated nor should they underestimate their male equivalents in their forties etc. Grow up and realise good things come in all packages and all ages, I know of quite a few girls in their 30s who married older men. They seem happy and content with a Jewish home. Some had children some did not, but they found someone they could share their life with, and that is a pretty special thing in itself.
Marriage is not a shopping trip with a list of criteria but an intimate relationship for two, not their community, not their friends but them alone. Once people realise this and stop asking friends for feedback etc life would be much easier for those seeking a partner.
We should avoid fighting unless strictly necessary. BUT if life is threatened fight back especially for those too weak to run away.
RebRY
Please do not let plain bad manners and small mindedness take away the thrill and achievement of being you. The problems of the frum world are not about being jewish, but about being human and giving into weakness and temptation, everyone has a bechira point, and as Rabbi Dessler said, for many frum people lashon hara is that very vice. Ignore them, they are beneath you and everyone else, the dysfunctionality around us is due to inept parenting and superficial communal exptectation and pressures, a very dangerous combination.
According to my Sephardi husband’s family minhag, a sheitel is assur and all the women in the family upon marriage, keep their hair long and well kept for their husbands but outside of the home or in mixed company wear scarves/hats.
I respect the minhagim of different communities, on a personal level I feel it is very important to be attractive for one’s husband at home and I have passed this belief on to my daughters, who have adapted to the communities they live amidst, wearing a mix of sheitels and scarves. None of their neighbours know my girls have long hair, but their husbands do, they have spoken of how it has enhanced their marriages, creating a bond between husband and wife to have a wife whose true appearance is only known to her spouse.
Health my family did not go to the Kotel before 1948, they lived by the Kotel for many generations, and tales of Arab intimidation of families and especially young women highlight the tensions of living under Ottoman rule, the Turks officially ruled the area, but the locals were Arabs, huge difference. I am not talking history book reading, but the daily life of family members. In Jerusalem there was much support for the creation of the State, especially from those Jews evicted from their homes by the Jordanian army, recent years has seen a hardening of antipathy, started all those years ago when certain rabbis deliberately chose to attack the state as well as their rabbinical rivals. Check out the disgraceful attacks on esteemed rabbinical figures such as Rabbi Kook, Rabbi Goren and in our era the highly regarded Chief Rabbi Lau.
We understand you hate the zionists and attribute all that is wrong to the zionist liars and plot. Growing up with arabic intrepreters I recall for many years the Arab states would not call Israel by its name but refer to it as the ” ZIONIST ENTITY”, it is loathesome to hear a Jew espouse the same vitriol. Last month in the Zionist state I saw doctors treating members of virulently anti zionist neturei karta after a road accident, it felt sickening to see the wounded being helped as they actually wore palestinian badges in support of the terrorists more than happy to kill the very medical staff assisting these people.
If you are happy and safe in America good for you, but to pour your hate over those keeping Eretz Yisrael safe seems grotesque. Quoting the Satmar Rav is not going to get any brownie points from me, since when did Satmar understand what Shalom bayis means, let alone ahavat yisrael? They cannot keep peace between their own leading rabbis and brothers.
The Gedolim are gifted brilliant rabbonim and talmid chachanim who are have disagreements with each other. They are not infalliable.and the huge differences of opinion amongst them cause political deadlock and heart breaking communal discord.
Health, what on earth has following the particular Gedolim of your choice got to do with belief in Hashem. Is one Gadol greater than the other?? What happened to respect and basic decency/ We all believe in Hashem, we all love the Torah, we all also have lots of different opinions and beliefs, why denegrate those that with a different opinion?
My family lived under both Turkish and British rule in Jerusalem and nothing compares to having a Jewish State. Relatives imprisoned by the British remember the great kindness of Rebbenitzen Batsheva Kanievsky z”I.
The present sharp ugly divisions spoken of between Zionist and Charedi are enflamed for political purposes and to give credence to those extremists among both secular and frum that wish to insult and rip apart the Jewish people.
Did you ever hear of the expression -“fan the flames of hate?” you bet I have heard the phrase over and over again, but with rather different protagonists to the ones you have in mind Health.
Pogroms and the Shoah have taught us to lift our heads up and not fear fanning the hate of our enemies, but learn to stand up for ourselves, thats what hesder yeshiva boys do, they learn to daven and to fight, following in the footsteps of the Torah. I can understand different great rabbonim have different opinions (and political ideologies too but that is always kept quiet), however why do people quote sefarim written in relatively recent times, without going back to the Chumash itself and see how Joshua reclaimed the land, how David fought for his people etc. We can all quote the rabbonim we specifically follow but why do people place rabbinical political ideology before Torah? There are differences between what is d’raita and what is d’rabbanan for a reason.
The in fighting in charedi communities is awesome, every bit as troubled as disputes between orthodox and reform, and truly tragic, with great rabbis assigned body guards to protect them from the followers of those they dare to disagree with.
The Satmar Rebbe describes the hate towards Israel today, whom does he blame for the hatred that has existed for the last few thousand years, were the zionists to blame for pogroms, for the Chomnetzki massascre, for the blood libels?
I am confused, I thought there was a shidduch crisis, young people on the street in full view of the community should not politely greet each other with a ” Good Shabbos”? In Mea Shearim, or Gateshead probably not, but most other places why not?
There are so many young and not so young singles out there who should be helped to interact, I am not talking secret rendevous, simple hellos and shabbat greetings, it really does not hurt. And yes I asked a couple of my LOR, shock horror they agreed. Perhaps I live in a liberal part of the UK.
Yes indeed well done Aly Raisman, her reference to the tragedy of Munich was very apt. If you do not consider it appropriate to watch, don’t
A jewish girl should dress like a nice modest jewish girl, forget the princess tag!!!
Princesses all over the world were and are famous for wearing fashionable and revealing clothes, from today’s celebrity royals to many past royals in courts all over Europe. OOmis is quite right about wealthy and aristocratic women being figures of immodest fashion and allurement, they did not wear practical clothes to wear in the field or about the home, but clothes of status and privilege designed to highlight their bodies and give prestige to their men. These values are not ours!! Paintings, diaries and court accounts from many different periods all lavishly detail this, if you are not sure find portraits of Renaissance, Reformation, 17th, 18th, 19th as well as 20th and 21st century royalty. History and History of Art are my passion as well as profession, so believe me when it is always so funny to hear people talk of tzniut girls dressing like royalty!
Girls should indeed be encouraged to be modest, and to take pride and pleasure in their appearance, but to associate high class status from the gentile world with our moral stance is to create confusion and misunderstanding.
What a lovely story!
Can’t we do the same? Invite groups of single people to meet at our shabbat tables and kiddushim,(young and not so young, single widowed and divorced) or do we need to wear a uniform to break the ice !
on the ball, I must say you have expressed yourself most eloquently and I do indeed apologise if I caused offence, I do indeed recognise Rabbi Falk is a respected and world renowned scholar.
I also realise that for me his book is not appropriate nor the references to personal opinion, chumra and practices which I consider at odds with my understanding of Yiddishkeit, eg., amulets or references to ayin hora, sure these ideas exist in my world too, but not as part of Torah Judaism, but rather more to do with a socio cultural legacy we have inherited from our forebearers, I understand their relevance for some. For me the Rambam and his followers are the school of thought most informative to my own Jewish ideals and beliefs. I am a Jew and a rationalist, I do believe the two go together.
Many thanks for explaining your opinion on the ball and ohr chodesh, it has served to make me more aware of how varied the Jewish world is and to understand how many different commentators and rabbonim influence the world we live in.
I
It is the ” attitudes concerning tznius of dress and conduct ” that Rabbi Falk writes of that cause me both equal degrees of discomfort and mirth. Chapters entitled “biographies with pictures harmful to tznius” which try to explain the danger of
” non-kosher” photographs of chosheve women in biographies of the Gedolim speaks volumes about censorship and lack of tolerance. He actually advises publishing houses to ” doctor” the pictures beforehand.
We have communities that use sheitels and head scarves, smart fitted suits and floaty long skirts, some of us even wear denim !!! And the diversity we have whilst keeping a degree of tzniut should be cherished,the nuturing words of oomis1105 do a sterling job of promoting both tzniut and ahavat yisrael.
Perhaps we as a community should understand the difference between unity and uniformity.
As a mother of daughters I find Rabbi Falk’s book offensive and deeply upsetting, merging halacha with chumra, mentioning amulets and superstitious behaviour which have no place in a jewish home and confusing personal opinion with Torah obligations.
However there is wit and humour too, his observations on air hostesses is quite comical and makes me wonder how on earth any Rabbi can honestly testify that ” flying waitresses” are good role models for our children. Also his personal ideas about how some sheitels are appropriate for certain types of faces, exactly who is to judge what is an appropriate face is not specified.
Rabbi Falk may be relevant for Gatehead, but for the rest of the world he is far from appropriate. If this is what is termed as a Gadol I am deeply offended as it belittles the important mentors and guardians of our Torah.
As for mothers and daugthers, tznius is a sensitive and very important subject to be handled in a delicate manner, the work of Rabbi Falk and his followers has probably led to a climate of over zealous bigotry which led to the grotesque debacle of Beit Shemesh earlier this year.
Bustercrown , you are most definitely not alone, there are many women in your situation.
Really important to realise the difference between men and women and also the even bigger difference between the man you care for and respect and the inappropriate behaviour you have discovered.
To make a marriage work chemistry is need, both for frienship and marital relations, if you recognise you have that chemistry you can both make it work, but be open and honest, not with your friends or family but with your spouse. Deceit and lies create far more problems than looking at inappropriate stuff on the internet, sure it is wrong to visit inappropriate sites, but the lies and deceit needed to get to them undermine marriage, not a few adult clips or images. With gentleness and respect for yourself first work out how to approach the man you love about this matter, then approach him. Rabbonim and therapists can help, but the desire for shalom bayis is something that needs to be established first.
Nice frum jewish girls are taught to behave with modesty but once married we should remember the importance of attraction and chemistry. Your husband does not love you less, this is about furtive thrill seeking . Recognise men are humanbeing created by Hashem to have different needs to us, recognise your marriage for what it is and can be and work with him. A woman no less than a man is entitled to a fulfilling marriage based on trust and honesty, alongside chemistry. All three can be worked on in a marriage, in fact later on this could be a turning point which could lead to a long term happier marriage and relationship.
Above all else, be discreet and selective in whom you confide, marriages can be warped by ill considered advice and confidantes.
Our brillian Gedolim are meant to help us not dictate to us, can you not tell the difference???? Jews have a direct line to Hashem, what is with the intermediaries?
Have all those years in Catholic Eastern Europe seen our revered rabbonim turn into living saints for some.
This debate is nothing to do with religion and simply is politics, with different groups desiring not to ” dilute” their identity or re-examine their attitudes, something we have always previously done!
My sons have served in the Israeli armed forces and have never felt compromised in religious terms, what they have felt, especially the rabbi is a sense of confusion from some within the charedi world, fearful of traditional values being lost or cast aside.
Those values have less to do with Torah and more to do with cultural affiliation and sectarianism. Torah is clear about the need for an army and sets clear halachot. Ask foreign yeshiva bachurim in EY how many times they have sought the help of Israeli armed forces or emergency services as one of their tiyulim has gone wrong. The answer is plenty, as ill experienced sheltered young men have strayed onto dangerous territory or encountered volatile situations. They do not just sit and learn Torah when in danger, they call for help, Hashem gives us free will and the power to learn, fight and work.
Why are people focusing on isolated stories that certain groups exaggerate to promote the status quo. Have any of you been in a life or death situation, understood what pikuach nefesh actually means when dealing with warfare?
The USA like the UK is blessed to have no need for national conscription and has a fine professional army, Israel’s position is very different. It really is grotesque to read of how fighting in the IDF or learning Torah are described as two separate entities, deliberately ignoring and besmirching the thousands of observant men in the armed forces who do both.
Yes they do, my sons have served with them in recent years.
All my sons serve (or served) in the Israel armed forces, and they have different religious identities, from dati leumi to yeshivish. The rabbi amongst them has noted the shock amongst his yeshivish peers that he served in the IDF, no he did not violate Shabbat or kol isha, he was respected and treated properly, he has not met anyone forced to violate mitzvot personally. Yes mistakes have been made by some army commanders but as a mother I could not support my sons living/learn Torah in Erez Yisrael without seeing them do their duty. They have done military service and learnt Torah, together!!!!!!
Stop outdated parallels with Tzarist Russia, take a chumash out, listen to the words of the Torah, note the halachot for army conduct and service.
Recently I read on the CR a post where it stated charedi jews are pacifists, really???!!! The post concerned fighting for the USA during the 1940s, guess what some posters actually suggested it was ok to avoid the draft and not seek to serve as it went against Jewish belief. If people with the benefit of hindsight would avoid the US draft in the war against Hitler and can still consider themselves Jewish I am disgusted and repulsed.
We have always had to fight to protect ourselves, read the Torah and understand what communal duty means. Some rabbonim tell their yeshiva bachurim do not fight well plenty of rabbonim disagree with each other, the world of rabbonim is filled with politics as much as anywhere else. Different groups are dominated not just by Torah but politics too.
Each person has to live with their own conscience, if people do not wish to serve fine, leave the land and leave your responsibilities. Staying with us now we have some wounded IDF veterans, yes they are shomer shabbos but above all they are full of dignity, I am so ashamed to read the continual slander of decent honourable men by those kept safe and sound.
The young boy seems to be a lovely ambassador for American Jewry.
We come in many shapes and forms, our religious affiliations are very diverse, for gentile America to see this young boy is a positive and heart warming thing.
You are obviously being thoughtful and are anxious not to cause offence, but you are quite right too. Don’t be made to feel that you must go on another date because the shadchan says so. You can politely decline, saying the date was obviously a nice person but not for you, you could detect there was no chemistry and do not wish to lead anyone on.
Chemistry is very important, not often discussed but crucial if a couple are actually going to get along, sure you need to have things in common, but you cannot be forced to find somone attractive. Be firm but polite and defend yourself, it is harder to let someone down after a serious of dates then just one.
DD / yichusdik; Thank you both. Outside Israel the merits of the Hesder programme are played down, in today’s IDF these amazing young men serve with astonishing zeal and spiritual feeling.
Talk with her, direct communication removes doubt and can establish a closer bond.
Yussel thanks ! Sorry if misunderstood original point, I can indeed see the joke now! Sometimes it is not always apparent to me first time round, especially as you would be amazed by how many don’t realise the various associations of music etc and their cultural motifs .
nitpicker +1
Sure Bach if you fancy, beautiful, but Wagner at a chuppah!
MorahRach and oomis1105 thank you, the observation regarding frum and not frum members of a family when it comes to shidduchim was beautifully answered by your well chosen words.
women have always had to hide their intelligence, a lot of men are nervous of clever women. In some societies women are taught ot appear submissive to make men feel superior, instead of openly showing their intellect a lot of women sadly have learnt to manipulate things in a subtle way.
As for Jews and intelligence, one of my favourite Americans, Mark Twain was a big admirer and recognised the Jewish intellect and power of resilience.
Since when have Jews followed Catholic teachings on hell damnation and burning in hell?!. And are teachers who allow this to be sent home even aware of the religious and cultural implications of this piece of rubbish.
I know we lived in Mid and Eastern Europe and picked up some recipes and musical tunes, but Catholic teaching on reward and punishment!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know some Chassidish groups glorify their rabbonim to the point of beatification, but getdown to basics we are Jewish ! We must treat our Torah and rabbonim with proper JEWISH kavod and respect, not follow chukkat hagoyim.