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“ Not even people who feel entitled to call others idiots without explanation and then hide behind their comfort level.”
Umm, that was 2 separate people.
“ maybe you just should refrain from commenting, at least on authors whom you don’t want to engage with”
Cute. I’m not sure what life is like for you in the 3D world but you don’t get that level of control over other people In here.
“if you cant explain it when challenged, then you probably shot from the hip and really have no basis for what you said”
no, not at all. I can explain it and definitely did not shoot from the hip. I already explained why I didn’t respond to you and I explained that you do not seem to accept (respect?) other people’s words. Here it is again for you:
“point #2 – I don’t want to have a back and forth with you.”
Sorry. I just don’t like your style and I am pretty sure I am entitled to engage per my comfort level. Ive actually mentioned it a few times over the years but, as I keep pointing out, that doesn’t seem to matter to you.Ouch, sounds like your ego got bruised. Sorry to hear.
I’ll respond to your sincerity but I am guessing I will regret it. Here goes:
point #1- I don’t have to bring it to anyone, we all were together when we read it.point #2 – I don’t want to have a back and forth with you. I find you don’t stick to the points, have trouble hearing other people’s points, don’t argue with humility and are not concerned with whether or not you heard their point, only what you interpreted from it.
The only support I will bring for this is the fact that I quoted ONE sentence, and you start listing ALL the points you made in the previous posts and problems I MAY have been alluding to. Why not just hear what I said and think about it? Or, like I said, ask someone else who can answer you face to face to avoid misunderstanding.last point. I do believe that some statements really are so wrong that it doesn’t need to be explained. If you aren’t among those who see that, that’s fine. Not everything applies to everyone.
Good Shabbos.Emotional abuse requires long term for it to be problematic.
So one more day while we investigate usually won’t make a difference.Oh. My. Gosh. This has got to be *the* most ignorant, incorrectand uninformed comment yet. And if you want to know why, print it up and bring it to any legitimate therapist worth their credentials.
Midwesterner – exactly, which is the problem with everything people try to use as a ‘proof’.
I didn’t think it was a siman from Shamayim, as much as I just had a fleeting thought of it being an opportunity to prove ourselves. I try to apply meaning to everything Hashem sends our way but don’t ch”v assume I *know* the meaning. I just try to be cognizant of possible messages and opportunities to do His ratzon and be mekadesh His Shem.it depends which gedolim you decide to listen to, based on what you are hoping to hear.
yochy – Try reading that again. I wasn’t blaming Gd, I was telling you that your idea is contrary to what Hashem has asked of us. How could you have mixed that up?
“Perhaps this epidemic came because how we mistreated the antivaxers. Just as we expelled them from schools so too we are being quarantined from society.”
That’s an interesting perspective. That we mistreated the antivaxers. I’m not sure that asking people to respect the health of the public is mistreatment.
I did think of that same correlation, though in a different way. I was thinking that now that the general public has, r”l, been exposed to a highly contagious and potentially life threatening virus, all those anti vaxxers will see how we are willing to abide by the quarantines and precautions that we asked them to abide by without instigating a total Chillul Hashem or mass epidemic ch”v.It’s not okay . Its just some poster thinking it’s funny cuz of the other threads.
Yochy- what a great idea! instead of looking for the zivug Hashem designated for us, let’s make our own criteria and actively avoid shidduchim sent our way that don’t fit our made up rules! 🤦♀️How could we not have thought of that years ago?!
GH – she had a comma between male and boy. her point was obviously that there are also boys looking for shidduchim
No….but repeated postings in frum media about a Fake News created “Shidduch Crisis” might eventually traumatize every 14 yo bas Yisroel who hasn’t yet locked-in her besschert (not to mention the stress level of her parents).
3 votes for this one
{insert laughing emoji here}so change your values.
”
I am not fixating on any girl.
The shadchanim told me that the girls would rather marry closet apikorsim and then simply divorce them, ””nobody ever said that. and I hope nobody here is stupid enough to believe the garbage you are trying to spread about people who want to live their lives the way they chose instead of your way.
what kind of stupid question is that? Why is it so important to you to point out that there are Yeshivish boys who are not who they should be. And what does this have to do with this? Do you want to have a mature conversation about something or are you stuck on wanting to bag a BY girl to prove yourself to some imaginary audience?
Either grow up and have a mature conversation or move on. Stop talking down on others.Alefbeit- that was a great post and i am sure it will bring intelligent responses. Just to clarify, nobody was denying this issue being real and worthy of discussion, the “hurtful comments” were directed at his attempt at humor by parody
“I can vouch that the OP is serious.”
No you can’t
DY – the OP doesn’t answer questions, he just keeps rewroting his op. Cute for a 5th grader, no?
Puh Lease -the guy is trolling. He thinks he’s funny. He’s not. Please please don’t give him the pleasure of a response.
“ Yes your posts are boring and you don’t follow the flow of conversation so we get sidetracked on irrelevant side issues (that you end u dsyi g were never our point of argument”
I find myself torn between admiring your self confidence and pitying your self assurance. Having witnessed and participated in many conversations of yours you seem to be repeatedly telling people they are missing their own points and contexts. It is possible , when there is such a recurring theme, that it isn’t “everyone else who’re driving the wrong way around you.”
None of us are complaining about their backgrounds. These boys have made themselves unappealing though their attitude, outlook, word choice, perception of selves and others and seeming inability to accept and respond to other’s feedback. The idea that anyone can think these responses are because of their parents and not themselves just supports our claim that perhaps there is more to the lack of dates
woah Avi – thanks for proving my point. I wouldn’t subject anyone’s daughter to be spoken to that way for the next 80 years of her life. Unless of course you have a son who knows enough to keep his distance as well.
in answer to a few of your questions (if you are really asking and not telling…):
And on what bases is a “young woman” deciding that a young man is not a good match for her?
differs for each. Sometimes values differ. Sometimes he has expectations she can’t meet. Sometimes his idea of ‘family’ is very different than hers.
What’s wrong if someone has a regular stable job. They aren’t worthy of getting married?I would doubt anyone said that. But does that obligate each girl to be the one to marry you?
They don’t deserve someone in their life?
Of course they do. Try looking for that person instead of being mad that the one YOU picked wasn’t her.
Who said they won’t get something better later in life or advance or get a better opportunity? And ehks to say the one with the career won’t lose it?Ive never heard this used as an excuse to turn someone down so I can’t comment
And where do we factor in someone’s personality, caring, respectful, giving,considerate,patient, fun to be around, attentive and so on?exactly my point. Who ever said that that wasn’t the reason for the “no” in the first place. And why can’t someone look for the person who has the nature they are looking for without being accused of being petty, materialistic, money hungry and everything else you called her….
rightwriter – you are making no sense at all. So the ultra cookie cutter FFB BY girl doesn’t like you because you don’t have a good enough career? I think you need to wait a bit from this last experience you may have had or witnessed and post when you are calm.
And here’s a tip for ya – if you think your experiences can be generalized into all the girls out there, no matter how many you have seen, you are doing yourself a huge disservice. Ask an adult in your life if your self perception matches your reality, and how it compares to what the girls are thinking. It may not be what you think it is. And if this stuff you are screaming about is all you see around you, you may need to find a different group to hang out with.Avi – that’s just nuts. You are going to use this opportunity to try to make a point about your hashkofic differences? If only you were willing to afford the tolerance (let alone respect) you are advocating for. If I married in to your family and had to listen to a 24/7 rant about my minhagim and hashkofa I would say that would be enough to build more than just a wedge between a couple. Or would you miraculously stop all conversation, remarks and non verbal gestures cold in their tracks. Marrying people with a similar lifestyle isn’t a put down. The fact that this guy doesn’t seem to want someone like him but only whatever FFB BY girl he can get is just him doing what he is complaining about. Or a troll post. you choose.
Rightwriter – same as before. You have had bad experience, you perceive the girls underlying reasons and you go and apply it to a whole group. If I wanted to apply my personal experiences I could do that too. But the fact remains that it goes both ways.
I know girls who are afraid to commit, who are afraid to put aside the place in life they have earned for themselves and it is unfortunate, they do seem to turn boys away for the wrong reasons.
When a guy claims he is being turned down because he ‘missed minyan once or twice’, usually he misses a lot more than that but would rather not face it. It’s human nature. So the “reasons” that they think the girl gives looks petty to he who would rather not face them. Also human nature. Few people will admit even to close friends that the girl found some serious painful trends in his dvaykus and cut off the shidduch.Expecting perfection? That has been more of a guy issue from all I have seen (tho I will assume it all goes both ways). I have seen girls end shidduchim for the reasons above, even when I personally might have thought they could have discussed it (info I am getting from the shadchan of male family friends, so I know these guys). But the guys have been the ones to say “Nope” from the resume or picture. I have yet to get any questions from the girls side that make me blush as I have from the guys side. (Again, I assume it goes both ways)
The OP in this thread doesn’t want to know why he can’t find a good shidduch, he wants to know why a cookie cutter BY girl doesn’t want him. If you remove bias and think about the question you will realize it’s ridiculous. And the ongoing rants against single females here is either just what he was looking for, or not, but isn’t fair to people who are being misrepresented or who are buying in to the fiction. This thread is a serious and damaging badmouthing of people who are already suffering from the mouths of the communities they live in.
rightwriter – what are you being so nasty for? You obviously didn’t follow the conversation. This guy writes a troll post and deliberately says dumb things to be funny and stir the pot. She responds to them and says that her daughter deserves better. That’s not sick logic. Based on your rant it sounds like you have been burned but that can’t be projected on everyone, and it doesn’t mean that everyone who wants a quality relationship is nuts.
I have seen guys present themselves as wonderful, straight, serious guys but they forgot that their facebook pages are public. They may think the girls said no out of pickiness, but that’s because they don’t have a clue that they are presenting a very unattractive side of themselves that doesn’t quite match their resume.
Don’t assume you know what makes people tick. Lots of guys and girls out there are not quite as put together/socially healthy as they think and in their minds it will always be the other person’s fault. The phrase “for no reason” ends with “that I am aware of”.
“ None of are you answering the question.
What are the reasons for the taboo …”
1. That wasn’t your question
2. Nobody claimed it’s taboo except you
3. You did get responses to the question you asked, just not the entertainment you were hoping for.thank you
okay. then go ahead.
Haimy – your insertion of aspergers in that list and context is incorrect and offensive.
Okay, I’m calling troll post. Starting at the claim that a modern orthodox family would agree to support you in learning “for a few months” and moving onward to the “this includes girls taller than 5’7″ ”
On the chance I am wrong – I think CA answered well and I will add to it. It is very difficult. Problems spring up all the time and it is not an easy situation. I think it would be wrong not to consider a boy from a more modern home or a baal tshuva if he is the right one, but your blow off attitude about potential problems is totally wrong.
1 – that is just a dumb response. sorry, rude response. and it isn’t even an answer. does a girl using the money she works to earn imply she would rather be alone because she isn’t rotting on a chair by a window?
My boys dormed in local yeshivos
My coworker needs to make a shehechiyanu on her coffee…if she ever drinks some. She’s 56 and has never tasted it!
why are you all jumping on the community for making a new mishagas minhag just because one person posts anonymously that he had this singular experience? And instead of calling it out as an outlier, our first responses come from those who are always complaining about the way the we do things and they validate it as a possible new trend. Shame on you guys!
This story is nuts, the guy in the story is nuts, and your dislike for the kollel/parent support system should not allow you to start rumors like this. Do something to fix it or leave it alone.I am having a very hard time believing this happened….
it’s so good to have you back Health! How have you been doing? It seemed like there were some rough times last time around.
stop calling single girls agunas! Like they need your curses!?
You can’t say it’s unquestionably if some question it. And if you are somehow saying that your not being alone is a raaya then so what, I am not either. You sound like the democrats talking about undisputable proof that the Republicans keep disputing. Why can’t you learn to have an opinion that differs from other people’s without needing to make them wrong? I can’t fathom how you cannot see what is so obvious to so many, but I have the decency to allow you your opinion. try it.
Or you can read it carefully and see that they don’t
Are- B”H our community has the girls on the front burner so I don’t see it being hushed.
In response to your second comment, I wouldn’t want a 21 year old boy for my daughter any more than I would want a 15 year old girl for my sons.Ubiq – no. He/we did not say we LIKE him for those qualities. He was pretty clear – those qualities make him effective in todays political climate. Don’t take the liberty of replacing *stuck with” with “like”.
Of thete was*an effective* candidate without those qualities then of course hed be the choice“When it was shown that that didn’t apply,”
When I changed the conversation to something else based on my understanding it differently than it was presented and then went on a monologue about it until it worked for me
fixed that for you
Ubiquitin – is it possible to step out of the emotional part of the political debate for a sec cuz I am curious about something.
IF YES — continue here. IF NO, skip til next post 🙂
Separate it , please, from the whole picture of the Trumpers using it as an acquittal angle cuz I am really curious to hear a logical/rational/honest thought process to this – (like I said, got nobody in real life to ask. And I am NOT asking what the officials think, I mean specifically what a frum individual thinks)1. given that some have said they need trump out so he doesn’t get reelected, how is that not election interference?
2. I am not understanding how people can claim that someone is dangerous and that ‘everyone was able to see that thru the hearing but they’re afraid to admit it’, and yet he will still win the election. That idea baffles me a bit and I am curious about the thought behind it. (again, not defending trump or discussing the impeachment details, just really curious about the logic)
Regardless of how dumb, boring or irrelevant I find many topics and conversations, I am often fascinated by the thought processes behind them. It is hard to find people who can separate the topic from the process but I figured I’d give it a try.burnt steak – I don’t know if I have an opinion about the whole bag situation. I mean personally I find paper bags hard to carry and I cannot manage to carry around infinite canvas bags but I so agree that it is really about the big picture. Which is why I am wondering about the give and take. I’m old enough to remember that we went to plastic to prevent killing so many trees. If we stop using plastic, don’t we just upset a different sector of the environment?
Ubiq – I just wrote a whole long response but my computer froze and it disappeared. I always take that to mean Hashem decided not to send it. And I do have a policy not to argue with Him.
blah“As Iv’e said I understand liking Trump for and even voting for him becasue xyz. I don’t understand the adoration and even prestige thrown upon him,.”
Me neither. And I don’t really know anyone who does (of the group mentioned)
I do disagree with most of the rest of your post, but unlike many I’m encountering here, I don’t have a problem with that 🙂 I think it’s stupid when people (this is directed at people globally) only support someone if they agree with them, a senator is only smart/legit/voting his conscience if he votes your way etc. How bout they just have a different view point.
Whatever. Glad it’s over.haha ubiquitin, cute.
I always get taken aback when I read your pro democrat posts. im from Chicago and I don’t think I know a single frum person who supports these dems so it throws me to think its even possible.Coffee – i’d love to answer but I don’t even get the question. I think the impeachment hoax was about all my brain had room for.
“She didn’t like Joseph’s assertion that a group of Jews were beyond redemption and would surely sin.”
👍🏻
shkoyach