streekgeek

Just checked in here for a few and its so happening finally. It’s been a while…

Wish I could be here to join the fun.

Oh well, too busy with good things 😉

golfer – I guess the difference between my perspective of my friend’s email and your’s is that I know her. She is in not “wallowing in self pity” or “lashing out”. She actually sent an addendum to her email a few hours later which I won’t post in full as I’m not sure if she would want that. However, a few points she did mention:

…nor do I walk around sad and depressed (everyone how knows me knows I like to take advantage of my singlehood now!)

I did NOT write this because a mother said NO to me based on looks.

I did however write this because I am part of a shidduch group and I get to hear a lot of crazy questions mothers of boys ask. I also get shidduch calls about my friends and hear crazy questions (yes, I even got “what color hair does she have? NOT BLONDE, RIGHT??” )

And, I am single myself.

So for all those reasons, I decided to get it out there. Of course not ALL mothers of boys are like this. But for the select (few?) who are, I just want them to please realize what’s important in life.

I don’t know where you’re holding in life, but trust me. I’ve been in the shidduch system up until very recently. It’s crazy out there. It almost seems like everyone is playing “survival of the fittest”. It’s downright sickening.

This thread had me seriously lolling. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s been a while since there’s been a thread like this here in the CR.

I got this in my inbox about two months ago from someone I know. Some of you may have seen it as I know she did send it to the Yated some weeks ago but for those of you who haven’t it’s very worth your while to read, even though it’s long. It sums up what a lot of girls are going through because of this whole system and because of the society today.

I wrote this… I think we can all relate hope it wakes up some mother of boys… .

I’m sorry if it hurts anyone.

This worlds messed up

This worlds corrupt

The worlds morals are all mixed up.

I’d like to propose a brilliant idea that will solve the shidduch crisis. See, I realized we are instilling our kids from a young age with the wrong values. Therefore, I’d like to propose a proposition to fix this big mess up.

I would like to open up a school that stops teaching kids to have respect, to share their toys, and help others.There’d be no rules like saying please and thank you. No tzedaka would be collected, and all Chessed programs would of course be obliterated.

All those are silly things, they aren’t important. They don’t show who you are, they only show the way you act.

In this school the only thing important is how you dress and what you look like. Dress sizes will be enforced, only the prettiest will get A’s.

The reason this school will be a smashing success is because you learn in school what you need to help you in life and help you to be the true eishes chayil. And now a days the only way to be successful in life and the only way to be a true eishes chayil is to be pretty and skinny. Otherwise you stand no chance. Only the pretty and skinny will make good wives, middos, ehh they are so over rated.

How you treat others will not prove you’ll be a good wife. Being a giver definitely won’t help shalom bayis. Having good middos, being growth oriented won’t be good for your kids to see. And being a caring person definitely won’t make you be a good mother. The only way to be a good mother and good wife is if you are pretty and skinny.

This worlds messed up

This worlds corrupt

The worlds values are all mixed up

Middos will never make one a good wife . Insides are not measuring sticks for what one truly is. Only externals are what really counts. If you’re not a size zero with blonde flowing hair, than you’ll never make a good wife. So let’s start this school. Are you with me on this? Let’s stop filling kids with stupid ideas like sharing and caring. Let’s stop filling their minds with silliy ideas like middos and chessed before it’s too late. Let’s start filling their heads with looks and weights. Because after all, that’s what’s important.

To all those out there who bash my generation as selfish and self obsorbant people…turn around and look in the mirror. You’re the ones to blame. You’re the ones who brought up my generation and your the ones who are messed up. You teach middos but preach externals. We’re not the messed up ones, you are. We are only the way we are because you brought us up that way and we feel the need to live up to your high standards of looks.

I may never get married because I am not blonde and not 5’5, but if I ever do get married thanks to some corrupt young man whose mad enough to think middos are more important than looks in having a good marriage, than I give myself a bracha that above all my kids should be mentchs. I give myself a Bracha that.my kids should be known for their middos, their derech eretz, their love of every Jew and desire to help anyone and everyone in any small or big way. And so yes, I guess that means I’ll be a bad mother and terrible wife because I’ll be shtooping my kids with follies and falsehood about middos and internals being more important than looks.

It’ll make me a bad mother. So be it.

But I refuse to allow my children to stoop to the level of what I consider folly and falsehood. I’ll be a bad mother for teaching my kids to respect and accept all. I’ll be a bad mother for teaching my kids to be positive and live life. I’ll be a bad mother, bad wife, and bad person.

But that’s just who I am.

I’m sorry my parents instilled in me that which I would like to instill within my children.

I’m sorry my parents taught me that it’s what’s on the inside that counts.

I’m sorry my parents taught me that looks can be deceiving and fade with time but the effect of an action will echo on forever.

I’m sorry my parents brought me up right.

And I hope I make the same mistake my parents made with me, when I bring up my children.

?Dear Future Mother in Law of some gorgeous model,

The reason your son is still single is because of you. Think it’s harsh? Well it’s even harsher to be judged by the color of your hair and the size of your dress.

It’s not a shidduch crisis, there’s nothing wrong with the girls, it’s a mother in law crisis.

And if you’d like to shift the blame to your son — “I’m only asking about looks because this is what’s important to my son”?, well guess what, that makes you look worse than if it was you who wanted to know. Because it means that looks is what’s important to you, AND what you instilled into your child.

And don’t try to cover your despicable behavior by saying that even though looks are important to you, middos of course are more important. If that were true, you wouldn’t even ask for a picture in the first place. If that were true, your trash cans wouldn’t be filled with resume’s of girls who you nixed before looking into them because you saw a picture and she didn’t fit your bill of beautiful.

And if that were true, your trash cans wouldn’t be piled high with resumes of girls you looked into, heard great things about, and then crumbled up when you saw their picture.

I’m not interested in a mother in law who has to flaunt me to her friends. I’m not interested in a mother in law who only cares about my body. I don’t need a mother in law who looks at my body. I don’t need a mother in law who will bad mouth my body to my husband after I have kids and my body changes. I don’t need that pressure and I don’t want it. No need to say no to me dear Mother in Law of a model, because I have already said no to you because of your lack of middos.

I’m not a piece of garbage that needs to be passed from mother of boys to mother of boys to be decided if I’m worth keeping. I’m a prize that you should be fought for.

You have it all wrong, mother in law. It’s not that I’m not pretty enough to marry your son, it’s you’re too vain to deserve me as a daughter in law.

This worlds messed up

This worlds corrupt

The worlds morals are all mixed up.

But I was brought up right.

And as the years go on and the situation gets worse, at least I know that my kids will have middos. It’ll be comforting to know that next generation of self conscious, and eating disordered kids are growing up, there will be a select few kids who have tremendous middos and tremendous self-confidence. Yes, those will be my kids. Because that’s what’s important to me. But don’t worry dear Mother in Law of a future model. Your stunning and dazzling daughter in law will come to take your prince out of singlehood. Don’t worry dear Mother in Law of a future model, you’ll get your gorgeous, skinny precious low self esteem grandchild- with no middos- soon.

I had an American History teacher in my BY school that had us sing the national anthem and pledge allegiance every day before class. And America the Beautiful too; “Oh beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain…”

LF – I, for one, really enjoy your posts, and I think I may have even mentioned that to you once or twice… You don’t have to be perfectly brilliant, perfectly funny, or perfectly passionate about certain things. Be yourself and let other posters enjoy that.

I have a small feeling that you’re gonna disappear one of these days and reappear with a whole new identity. Keep in mind, you can’t escape from some of us 🙂

lol guys

Seriously, I never heard of this until recently. Is it really an issue? Is it worldwide or just here?

I don’t even remember all of mine…

Where is WIY?

And good old eclipse?

And SanityIsOverrated?

I miss the old days!!!

My life is a musical. Seriously. And I love it this way 🙂

It would be great if you would allow a tag that would align Hebrew text to the right.

And once doing that, may as well allow us to use inline css styles in the html tags. Now, that would be cool!

Does your future husband know who you are here?

He knows I’m here, though I never told him my SN.

Does he post here?

Nope.

Will you post here together?

I like having my own identity. Will he make his own account? Possibly.

I would think of you as an egoistical queen with puppy dog eyes (pretty please with all the toppings on top????) – Streekgeek

You can’t quote me saying that!!! That was before I knew you, k? Though I think I’ll stick with the puppy dog eyes. They suit you.

That was cuz of me, and TAOM, OurTorah and Oomis….

Hey I know I wasn’t around for a while, but <sniff> did you really forget about me?

I know this is a bit late, but haven’t found time recently to log on here. B”H Shulamis bas Sara has returned home shortly after Pesach. Please continue to daven that she will be able to fully recover as she has a long road ahead of her…

(BTW There is a great very-down-to-earth book called “Outside/Inside” from Targum Press about Tznius, if anybody wants to read it)

I highly recommend this book, along with every other Gila Manolson book. They are simply amazing. She has speeches on her website, as well as on simpletoremember dot com, all which are worth listening to.

There is a certain refined characteristic that every Jewish person intrinsically has, and this trait should shine through in every situation, not just mode of dress. The challenge is that it comes from the inside, and it’s up to you to figure out how to let it shine through.

I had a teacher in HS who claimed that she was able to tell who watches movies and who doesn’t according to how a girl holds herself and how she walks and talks etc. (I can’t say explicitly what she says cuz I want my post approved, but you can probably imagine where I’m headed…) Honestly no one believed her, but having been to both sides I must say that I know how these things affect you subconsciously. Walking, talking and just your general disposition can be very negatively affected by what you’re used to seeing and hearing, which is where the walking, talking and acting b’tznius fits in.

As with everything, positive and negative. If used properly it’s great, if not, then well….not so great.

My high school would send a notice with every mailing sent that read (exact words): “Cell phones are dangerous and texting is life threatening. Do not let your daughter use a cell phone unless in case of extreme emergency.”

For use at the Seder, it is very impractical to have a Hagadda with lots of Pirushim, which require lots of page turning, and there is no time to look things up at the Seder anyway.

I’ve got plenty of time at the seder. The beginning of the seder goes something like this:

Father: “Kadei”

6 kids: “I have a Dvar Torah!”

2 other kids: “Me too!!!!”

Father: “So who wants to be first…”

20 minutes later: “Wait, don’t make kiddush yet!! I still have another…”

And I slowly turn over and continue my nap. Good thing we have pillows 😉

I have plenty of time to read a nice long hagadda, but I really need an English one.

anonymouse – Thanks! Litvish doesn’t scare me off…

I know someone who was on a first date with a guy and he proposed. She declined saying she thinks that they need more time. And then she went out with him again on a second date, still not sure why… And no, they’re not married now 😉