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Avi is a long process but I think a few days with Avi and at the group will give you a good idea as to what is going on and give you the support you need to go forward.
Your husband feels exactly like we ALL felt before we were trained by Avi. I threw my daughter out of my home! Most of us felt the same way as your husband does. Many of us wished that our children would disappear. He is perfectly normal feeling that way, however, I feel sorry for him for 3 reasons:
1. My daughter today is married and shomer Torah umitzvoss because we fully embraced Avi’s approach of Twisted Parenting. In less than 3 years she went from being completely off the derech and out of control, to being a great source of pride and joy. She is probably our sweetest most caring child. I have seen so many parents who follow avi’s advice end up with amazing results, wouldn’t he want this same result?
2. Aside from saving your son, look at the difference between your HUSBAND’S PAIN and my pain. Your husband actually has had much MORE pain that any of the parents who embraced Avi’s method.
I was by Avi’s weekly meetings for THREE YEARS and I saw dozens of families come to him in WORSE shape than yours, and I have consistently seen tremendous change in both the “rebellious” children and the parents in so much pain.
3. He needs to realize that we have a mesorah that teaches parents what Hashem wants us to do when faced with this situation. The Baal Shem Tov, the Chazon Ish, The Nesivos Shalom, R’ Shimshon Pincus, R’ Shach, R’ Pam and many more tzaddikim gave us clear hadrachah. A big part of this nisayon is that we parents are being challenged. We need to step up to the plate and follow what Hashem wants us to do. At least your husband should find out what THOSE TZADDIKIM wrote about your situation and follow their advice.
If your husband would have another mihalech of treatment, that would be one thing, however, he is stuck with the pain and frustration that I personally experienced before coming to Avi, but he is choosing to live with this pain for several years for absolutely no toelles.
Please ask him:
1. does he really PREFER feeling this way day and night compared to changing the way HE feels and also actually possibly saving your sons life?
2. If the way your son is acting is hurting him so much why not embrace the medicine that can perhaps change his behavior?
The offer still stands…
Every so often I check the blog. There are many success stories but a lot of work needs to go into it. As mentioned in the past. In the US we have a very powerful support group, and trust me it makes all the difference. Participants come from all parts of the world to learn how to deal with these kids. If a person had a sick child he / she would travel anywhere to save his / her life.
Your son is not bad but he falls into the category of sick. A Trip to the US will help you and your husband with the much needed help to get your son back.
My offer still stands – Free Room and Board.
You will still see a bunch of Nachas from him. Hang in there…
Please no Public School – there are people who can help. Nechomas Yisroel 718-871-7197 can help. they place kids into Yeshivas / schools all the time.
I dealt with a kid of ours who was thrown out of school and it did not take long for her to become a non religious.
I am here to help but the MOD wont let me post my info.
Please don’t take this the wrong way. Our kids are the most important thing we have. We were faced with a similar issue. If home schooling is not done 100% ACS (child services) gets involved and that is the last thing you want.
I would move to Brooklyn or another area to save my kids. Home School is not always the answer, a kid needs a social life as much as an education. If I can help in any way ask the Mod for my info.
All the best and Good Luck.
We have room – We have an apartment dedicated for Hacnosos Aurchem at no charge. All we ask is that there are no small kids.
YWN does not allow to post phone numbers or email address but I give full permission for them to give it to you.
We would love to help out.
There are Hotels located – Avenue Plaza 13th Ave and 47th Street and Park House 12th Ave and 48th street.
Thank you – 🙂
I wish you were in the US where the group will help you get through it.
write or wrong – I want to let you know that our KIP is getting married – Hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel
By the way Avi will only see you with the backing of your Rav
Avi is backed by every well know Rav and Chasidus. He only meets the Parents and not with the kids.
Nuchem Rosenberg has his own agenda and I will not elaborate. He will not nor can he help you all he will do is try to find out who the molester is and go after him publicly.
Your son needs to see a therapist and you and your husband need to learn to show the utmost support for him.
I am not a politics person so what ever reb doniel refers to is not for you be concerned with.
Your Son now is # 1
It is amazing that you know what happened with your son. If you live in the NY metro area contact Avi Fishoff. If you cant get his number ask the MOD to get in touch with me.
You as a parent need to learn how to deal with this issue as much as the kid needs to deal with his issues. We are with Avi a year now and we see a big turn around.
There are people in the group who have tried everything to no avail – Avi’s method works wonders.
Avi does not fix the child but fixes the parents – We are all broken and need to learn how to deal with it.
Everyone in the group will tell you that Avi’s method works wonders.
Good luck and remember I am here to help.
Toshia may help they are part of Eitza it is run by Rabbi Weiss and Shemlka Klein.
The number is listed…
By the way – We are parents in Avi’s Group – You will learn that there is no issue when it comes to Shidduchim. We just married off a child and there was no issue.
And by the way we all speak up – You are not alone.
The first Step is for you (the parents) to meet with Avi Fishoff so you can learn how to deal with the situation. Coming to Group will help you find the correct path for your child.
Avi deals with close to 200 parents and he is your best source as well if anyone can help he is the one.
Avi married of his child last night so getting in touch with him today maybe difficult.
write or wrong – The picture is a big one – by the time the kid goes off you need an AVI. You need to catch the problem early. Most people find out too late.
Get my eamil or phone from Avi or the Mod and we can talk.
But if parents are able to take their egos out of the equation; if parents are able to stand down; if parents are able to even prostrate themselves and admit they were wrong or apologize to their children, then there will be plenty of room in the house for everyone. Their OTD kids will want to stay home. And the actions of such parents are worth Asorah Zohov Milayah Kitores.
write or wrong – I will no longer respond – I will communicate thru email or phone.
aries2756 – Kids who are bullied in school and alike also go OTD.
gavra_at_work – Your are correct that Children can tell a lie from a mile away. That does not cause OTD. Something happened to the kid for this to happen.
I have met many parents that have OTD kids. The common issue is trama.
No normal kid goes OTD.
write or wrong – I will stop responding to this thread – you are welcome to contact me thru the Mod or you can ask Avi for my info.
write or wrong – What made us contact Avi was that my daughter got to the point of hanging out with boys. She spends weekends with them.
Before Avi she left the house when we thought she was sleeping. Now we at least know where she is.
I wish I have answers but this gets worse before it gets better.
write or wrong – Last week we were zocha to be at a wedding from one of Avi’s group. It was amazing to say the least. The kid may not come back the way you vision it. He may wear a strimel or a kipa sruga but he will come back.
Always remember this needs to be done with both you and your husband otherwise you fail at it.
At the support groups we all talk it out. Doing it on this forum will not resolve your issues. You need to sit face to face and talk to other people who are living the nightmare.
My daughter who was sick wrote a very inspiring book on her cancer ordeal. It may be worth your while to read it. I am sure it will give you chizik.
Ask the moderator for my email and I will send you the link to her book.
write or wrong – We have been doing Twisted 9 weeks. My daughter is not coming back to the derech at this point but there are no more fighting or sleepless nights.
The house is very calm and back to normal. She is now very respectful of all – parents as well as the siblings. Am I happy?
This is a very hard pill to swallow but we see a very bright future. We have tried everything before Avi and it only backfired. Avi is very extreme but with very positive results.
Did you get his audio files? It is well worth listening to them.
write or wrong – Our daughter would leave and not tell us where she is going and when she will be home. As parents we had many sleepless nights. Once we started Twisted our relationship grew and we built a trust. She still goes out but lets us know every move.
See and listen to Rabbi Benders Speech. He is not as extreme as Avi but he is on the right track.
He needs to know from you and your husband that you will cry when he goes to Yeshiva – He needs to know that you will miss him…. and nothing that he ever does will change the love you have for him will ever change.
Home Sweet Home has nothing to do with Twisted. This is Avi’s project and none of our kids go there.
write or wrong – Avi never speaks to the kid – only to the parents. For a kid to go OTD something happened, School / Home … He is angry – the best thing is for him to have his parents as best friends.
I am not good in typing but Avi and his groups has helped us so so much.
write or wrong – Avi has hundreds of hours worth of recordings. It is important that you listen to them so you will hear first hand as to what other parents are dealing with and their progress. Being part of the groups is a nechuma on its own.
If Avi is unable to email it, he can put them on a USB player and you can make arrangments to get it.
write or wrong – You are welcome. The invite is long standing 🙂
write or wrong
As mentioned, I am a member of Twisted and if you follow the rules it works at the onset. I don’t want to say that I have it worse than you, I have a 16 year old girl…
I know that you live in Israel and communicating is very hard. If you are willing to travel, I will host you and your husband (at no charge) – Seeing is believing.
If doing Twisted you need to do it the proper way by attending a few groups as well not only speaking with Avi. You need to hear it from other parents as well.
All the best.
wow – Here to help is correct – it took one week to see change. It takes time, but if you give love the kid will come home. He may be Kippa Sruga but frum and part of your family for life.
WOW – Correct Twisted is for BOTH parents and not the kid. Twisted gives you the tools to work with the kid and the family. Twisted has support groups as well and they are very important to attend.
Write or Wrong;
This is not an easy pill to Swallow trust me, but everything we tried and that your are trying (control) has not worked. I have met many of the Twisted family and everyone including myself agree that we will not fix the kid but life around him or her will fall into place. As to the kid;
His email address was in my previos post
Avi Fishoff is the founder/director of Home Sweeeet Home a residential living facility for off-the-derech boys ages 16-20. The boys move in to the home for a full year and the staff of volunteers care for them 365/24/7. The track record is sensational. Many rabbanim and askanim know of the HSH miracles. Ken Yirbeh.
Aside from that, Avi gives guidance to parents of off-the-derech kids (boys or girls) who are “out of control”. He meets JUST the parents and TRAINS them on exactly all the questions that you have all been talking about.
He has haskammos and backing from:
Belzer Rebbeh Shlyt”a
HaRav Yitzchok Scheiner shlyt”a
HaRav Moshe Wolfson shlyt”a
HaRav Shmuel Kamenetsky shlyt”a
HaRav Yosef Rosenblum Shlyt”a
HaRav Yecheskel Roth Shlyt”a
Novominsker Rebbeh shlyt”a
HaRav Shmuel Dishon shlyt”a
HaRav Chaim Kohn shlyt”a (Ger)
HaRav Binyumin Eisenberger shlyt”a
Krula Ruv; R’ Naftuli Horowitz shlyt”a
Kossoveh Rebbeh; R’ Shraga Hager shlyt”a Dr. David Pelcovitz Rabbi Shimon russell Dr. Trish attia Rabbi Yerachmiel Milstein Mask David Mandel (ohel) R’ chaim glancz (our place) Rabbi Yerachmiel Milstein Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz
Instead of going to meet someone for an hour a week for six months till they understand the issue and give you advice, he meets new parents (mom and dad) for one long incredible 12 hour session. You walk in hunched over and confused and – take it from me – you leave a new person. You have a “derech”! You have guidance that is oisgehalten 100%.
After the first amazing life altering session, he sees you every week for 3 hours in a group with other couples who have gone through this same 12 hour initial session. The groups are UNBELIEVABLY POWERFUL and believe it or not we all leave charged with chizuk and practical advise – ready to face whatever craziness will come our way. Difficult to imagine until you experience it.
He holds your hands throughout your crisis and never let’s go. You will never feel alone. You will never feel confused. You will have complete PRACTICAL VERY REAL Torah guidance that WORKS!!
Oh… And he doesn’t charge for any of this.
He can be reached at: Edited. I am hesitant to publicize his email address. If anyone wants it I will email it to them privately providing I am the Mod who catches the post. Mod 18
He can help!!
Hatzlocho Raba
Mod – I tried the link and it did not work so I edited out, try just typing the address with no link.
He can help!!
Hatzlocho Raba