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i don’t know the original sources but here are a few-
A grudge is a heavy load to bear.
taste makes waist
???? ??? ???? ?????? ?? ?????
translation: today is the tommorrow we worried about yesterday
??? ????? ?? ????? ?? ????? ????? ??? ????? ?? ????? ?????
in order to understand life you have to look back; in order to live you have to look forward
stress is what happens when your gut says “no” and your mouth says “sure i’d be glad to”
If you are happy with what you have, then you HAVE what you have.
I once read a very similar one in hebrew “?? ???? ?? ??? ??? ???? ???’ ??? ?? ???? ?????” if you want what you have you will always have what you want
There is one thing in life that is multiplied by division. Divide and share your happiness and you’ll find you’ve increased it.
Mosherose –
There are many halachos regarding this issue. All poskim agree that if the goy’s store is cheaper (machlokes HOW much cheaper ), has better quality/more convenient one is allowed to shop at the goyish store. mutar 100%. Many times it is this way because jewish stores are more “mom n’ pop” types and you can get better prices at these company owned stores. (major example – clothing)Goyish stores a lot of times have excelent return policies that are not offered at Yiddishe stores.
oomis – it really matters how old the kids are, and how responsible the individual child is. I think it’s good chinuch.
Dr pepper – it didn’t even dawn on me that that’s the type of “tip” she was refering to. That’s a scare for me, i should work on being don lekaf zechus. however, in the context it didnt sound like that at all.
da you are ASKING for trouble. you mean to say that’s were you all ALL day? c’mon.
Hashem gave everyone a chain to the place they live. so everyone can be happy and proud of where your from. Obviously, my dream is E”Y.
i really don’t chap. what connection is there between therapists and psychiatrists? a therapist is there to listen and help someone get past a trauma/painful times…or improve relationships and communication etc. a psychiatrist is someone who deals with people who are nebach mentally ill, and prescribes them medication. What’s the connection? and why would you tell someone you went to therapy? Lets say someone goes through a real trauma. they go to therapy , hopefully it helps and zehu. move on with life. what stigma? a lot of marriages are saved by therapy, a lot of relationships are saved and a lot of people become more emotionally healthy. Now there are therapists who are terrible and can batch up a situation and make it even worst. like everything else, it needs a lot of tefilla and siyata dishmaya. There may be a “stigma” one feels but ignore it. You do what you have to do, you do what you know is right and you don’t have to tell anyone.
myfriend – i happen to know for a fact that a lot of singles feel very lonely in NY BECAUSE there are so many people and it becomes very impersonal. I am a very proud out of towner and i can’t imagine raising kids in “in town” places with all the labeling and pressures.Visiting is ok, but to live? Even when i visit my relatives tell me you can tell from a mile away im an “out of towner”.
Cloting makes a big statement but i agree 100% with “wll informedyid”. unfortunately there are plenty of “frum” people who aren’t really as frum as those who don’t dress exactly yishivish. Plenty who have swinging payis and beards, or down hats, all black suits who speak in shul …
Regarding the “yishivish” garb in general, that’s because klal yisroel always dressed differently, that we are different then the goyim. But it doesn’t make someone any frumer because of their garb. Maybe it’s “yeshivish” but frum? The ultimate is to have both. That one dresses the part and is REALLY frum, tocho keboro.
with such a mother i woudldnt’ be surprised that the kids tease counselors about the tips.
I never thought it was a problem to give tips to kids to give the counselors. I never saw anyone teasing the counselors about ti. now that it’s been brought up i guess it can happen, but on the most part i think it’s good for the kids to perosnally show hakaras hatov. The counselors work really hard in certain places and get paid bubkis.
EDITED
i agree 100% BP totty
Clothing is an external thing, however it is VERY symbolic. It shows who you want to represent yourself as and who you want to be. However there are many cases of pple who aren’t “black hatters’ yet very very frum. I know of someone who’s from South Africa who would wear sandals and shorts in the summer no problem -(VERY NOOOT yishivish) however they are very frum and have real yiras shamayim. When this person moved to E”Y they caught on right away and now dress the part.
However my opinion is that once a teenager girl/boy who comes from a yishivish home is already dressing differently, it is very significant, and it already has gone far. I know of someone who dressed totally yishivish and everythign who had REAL basic questions and struggled with yiddishkeit. There were no outer signs. B”H they sorted themselves out but once they are already dressing in a certain way, it shows they’ve been struggling for a long time, not a recent thing. I’m not talking about kids who want to be “with it” and cool. I’m talking more like – kids at risk
i once heard from a nutritionest that women and girls should be careful with splenda cuz it can make have an effect on having children/the ability to have children. Now i have no clue if that’s true, The slight chance of such a thing is pretty scary and i suggest to go with the real sugar. At the end of the day all these supplements aren’t either healthy.
I don’t want to say cuz im scared pple will figure me out but im a very PROUD out of towner
for all of you “in towner’s” out there remember that there ARE yidden in other places besides the east coast, and not everyone takes regents!
i’m a little behind on this (i’ve been really busy)
but i know a funny story abt a yungerman who’s a red head and was trying to redt a shidduch to someone else who also happened to be a red head. I think it was the mother he was speaking to him when she said – oh thanks for the suggestion but , we’d rather not a red head. OOPS! next time be careful!
blinky – oh my! how sad! were getting to THAT stage already? where daughter’s have to tell their MOTHER’s that what they’re wearing isn’t tznius? The mother’s are sposed to be the EXAMPLES!
Continue about the Mon- and nothing to do with leftovers from shabbos. There is an issur of baal tashchis. Who ever said that you can’t eat leftover’s during the week because it has kedushas shabbos? I’d really love to find out about that one.
mosherose – excuse me you can’t be so quick to pass judgment. it’s obvious that you’re not involved in the kitchen (which is totally fine) however, YOU try to figure out which kid won’t be in the mood of chicken this week, and which one will finish off 3 pieces of potato kugel. Sorry, people are unpredictable, sometimes they eat way more than you expected and sometimes the opposite. You also don’t want to be stingy and prepare EXACT amounts so that people won’t feel comfortable taking more.
There is nothing wrong with leftovers, the idea with the man in the midbar (whether you were joking or not) really falls into the catogory of Emuna, of living day by day and not worrying about the future.
I always heard about these ridiculous questions but truthfully i had a hard time believing them. and b”h i’ve never heard of anyone who was seriously asked and i’ve never been asked myself. There is one thing i do feel VERY uncomfortable answering, (maybe it’s just my issue) but i HATE talking about looks, dress sizes… even if they’re absolutely gorgeous and a size 0-2. I don’t know i just feel like… it’s so chitzoniyus, so cheap… yes you want to know if she looks good, dresses well, and a normal healthy girl (what is considered healthy today? size 8-10 is already pushing it) I know someone who made it their policy that they don’t speak about looks. Period. end of story.
Where are our priorities? Are we soooo effected by the american superficial society we live in? Is this all Torah values? it makes me so upset when i see just how effected we are even in our hashgafos!
Real questions that should be asked (i sure hope this is already obvious) are if she’s a yarey shamayim, a baalas middos, baalas derech eretz, has kibbud av vaeim, gets along with people, is a calm happy person who will make a good wife and mother…
The Halacha is (one of the takanos after chorban bayis rishon but it’s a halacha) one may not eat a seuda with bread/something you wash for while listening to music besides for a seudas mitzva, regardless if there’s meat or not.Unfortunately many people are not aware a) of this concept b) that it’s a halacha and not a chumra/minhag.
Mod 80 – fine maybe that’s a little strong statement yes, maybe there are minhagim that we dont’ know the source but we follow them. Lets just remember that even within minhagim there are different levels. At least lets differentiate between them. Concerning this one with babies, i just follow my posek
Mod 80 – yes i would. I actually asked my posek when i had another shayla. He is very tall and responded to my question that it’s the same thing as stepping over someone. He ended off “noch a mazel they stepped over me when i was young otherwise i’d be like Og Melech Habashan” those were his words. He is a very respected and well known posek in my community and i trust him. Ch”v i’m not trying to be mezalzel in the minhagay Klal Yisroel. If there’s no source, it’s not a minhag.
This topic just gets me so upset. It hurts that all these things are going on – not only in the catskills, but all over. However like BP Totty said – we should realize that there is a very large percentage (i don’t think 30-50 kids who are doing inappropriate stuff is even close, i think it’s more) who ARE on the right path- Who go through their summers the way the summer should be spent. To rejuvenate for the coming year… listening to shiurim, haveing a set learning seder etc.
although i was so sure of myself that there is a mekor for this – however the answer i received is that there is No Mekor for it – just like stepping over someone – that they won’t grow. (I would be a shrimp if that were the case)
I’m almost sure it’s a halacha. the reason we listen to music at chasunas while eating is because one is allowed to listen to music while eating a seudas mitzva.
sms i agree 100% if the music is making someone move in a way that is not befitting… you know it’s not the type of music one should be listening to.
Yita- many things aren’t spelled out clearly, but that’s what my posek said. Maybe i’m incorrect, but i understand that There are lots of things out there that aren’t clearly spelled out yet one should use their natural inherent sensitivities.
I haven’t read the entire thread but here are my thoughts.
I really don’t know what this whole Feminism thing comes about. Men and women are Biologically different, how can we fulfill the same roles in life? A Mans role is to learn and support his family , a women’s is to take care of her husband and family. We just have different roles, and yes because of that we are made up differently to be able to fulfill those roles. This whole American feminism thing is ridiculous. what are they trying to prove/deny? We are biologically, physically, mentally, and emotionally DIFFERENT, A painter can’t use a stone cutter’s tools! I really don’t understand all this fuss of whose greater etc. we are equal in stature but DIFFERENT in our tafkidim.
Now i didn’t read the whole thread but for all those that were saying they are a lot more than a mother/wife or husband/father – no one’s saying that your not. It’s just what’s your PRIORITY what’s my main goal. Yes you can be a machaneches, head of some chessed organization, amazing and dedicated daughter,sister,friend home decorator, etc or avreich, tutor, rebby, doctor, father, brother, son…but whats the main goal? what’s the main priority? (which should be in any case the HOME.)
I’m almost sure there is a mekor and is exact info abt this i’ll try to find out asap
Engagements are very stressful and this can be a reason why people break them. Once you make the decision you chap what a major decision it is and many get cold feet. Engagements are ALWAYs stressful whether its done in a more chassidish way, with very few meetings (sometimes even one) and barely/no interaction during engagement, or when they speak very often and date for long periods of time. I have friends who did both. Both were very stressed out during the engagement and both were happy with the way they did it. (the ones who dated longer didn’t date anywhere near a few weeks, just wasn’t only 2/4 dates that were limited.)
not tanach if anywhere throughout the doros goyish music was assured
I actually just ask my posek if anywhere in tanach goyish music is assured and the answer was no. However, he did say that it is a sensitivity, one of those things “in the spirit of the law”. There can be beautiful goyish music…
now before one of you mentioned that there cant be tuma in music.. Unfortunately i once heard a goyish real disgusting untznius song and being sensitive to music i heard it and it really bothered me (some people, believe it or not just don’t notice it). how would you explain all the horrible lyrics and music that sounds so angry that is there? Isn’t that what klal yisroel are all about? we ELEVATE the gashmiyus!!!? Priests and nuns don’t get married, we do, monks fast… we eat lavish shabbis and yom tov meals… clothing… the list is endless!
No one would ever say it’s ok for women to dance in the same room as men cuz men aren’t looking anyway!!! what a lie! I’ve been to many FRUM even “YESHIVISH” weddings where “just like” 2/more men “had to be” in the women’s section and they were doing nothing else but STARING at the girls dancing!!!
Most dreams today don’t have significant meaning. However many times they reveal subconcious worries and thoughts. A few months after a very traumatic incident happened in my commuinty i had a VERY frightening dream. I was soo shaken up and asked someone reliable about it. He confirmed that because i was so effected by the incident although i’m not consiously thinking of it every day, deep inside i was, and hence i had a very similar incident in my dream.
There is such a thing as “hafaras cholom” or something like that. if someone dreamt the same exact thing over, and a few other requirements, they have 3 rabbeim or something… and they’re mafir the dream. i don’t know the details but something like that.
I know of someone who remembered all their dreams and would write them down. Years later, after a few of them became true they burned the book.
no one said denim is clearly assur, it’s one of those gray areas that needs a great deal of inner sensitivity like so many other aspects of tznius which you can not say are 100% assur.
and if you flip through Rav Falk’s sefer, you’ll see practically every paragraph has sources. He doesn’t make anything up, and is a great posek in his own right.
Each case is very individual and although we like to think we know everything, we really don’t know what’s REALLY going on. although it’s a sad phenomena but lets try not to just jump to conclusions.
yitay – i’m very sorry, i strongly disagree. maybe in that specific case the music brings up other memories, but as for me, an ffb, when i hear goyish music it DOES have an effect. some pple are more sensitive to it then others, but it is coming from a tumadike source and it has a great effect.
and if you say you have asked your posek, maybe ask again. The Koach of music is quite frightening.
Trying my best – no one outright assured denim however tznius is NOT all about clear cut halacha. There are a lot of gray areas, where the natural sensitivities of bnos yisroel should kick in. As i once heard – “tznius is a sensitive mitzva given to sensitive women” meaning tznius requires A LOT of sensitivities and is not so clear cut- women who are naturally blessed with these inner sensitivities should use them! (halevai we saw these natural sensitivities being practiced by all.
And see Rav Falk regarding denim “chukas Hagoyim”… not exactly what a queen would wear. Aren’t bnos yisroel – Bnos Melachim?
Well yes i know of for sure one niggun made up by a rebbe who heard it from a guy singing it with words … lets just say not a very kaddosh things…. it has to be channelled the right way.
it’s pretty much impossible for a women to stay indoors and only go out a few times a month. the world has changed drastically and we buy everything instead of e/th being “home made” We live a very different life than even 70 yrs ago. HOWEVER, there is A WAY to go out in a tzniusdike fashion, going about your business without attracting attention to yourself. (both in dress, speech, actions…)
like some of you mentioned:
*avoid naps past 1-2 pm
*ask your posek about music – the answer i got was one shouldnt’ listen stam whenever you want and lechatchila one shouldn’t wake up and go to slp with music but if you cant’ fall asleep one may listen. (and my posek is VERY machmir abt music in general)
*exercise has been proven to help one slp better however one shouldn’t do it 3 hrs or less before going to bed.
*once in bed breathe in and out slowly and try to relax
mayan dvash yes its amar lay – i’m almost positive it’s in pirkay avos same mishna as ben bag bag omer…
MBD’s Someday we will all be together… as a kid i couldn’t understand why it had to be that on SUNDAY we will all be together…
postsem i’m totally with you, it gets me sooo nervous when i don’t know the words so usually i read along the first time.
another one of those cute mistakes kids make:
artchill – i agree 100% you find good quality well made clothing at decent prices when on sale. However it you’re on the taller end, skirts can be a problem. (even in the frum stores nowadays!!!)
home made is the best! it doesn’t take that long and is probably the healthiest choice (obviously if made without margarine, and too much sugar)
no one’s denying that music comes from the surrounding cultures. they can have real quality beautiful music we just have to make sure it’s the type that awakens us to be closer to Hashem. Music has a tremendous koach – letov ulera for good and bad. lets just channel it correctly
Clearheaded – thanks it would be a good idea want to start it?
yitayningwut – wow, take a chill. Now no one said music isn’t by taste and it has to do with waht you’re used to however, i beg to differ – there are many songs that if you thought into them a drop mamish don’t fit the tune. I have many examples but I really don’t want to start with that and bash anyones song. i’m no posek but i don’t know if your familiar with the Medrish about how the Torah comes to Hashem in sackcloth and Tells Hashem how “Your children have made a laag out of me” it’s spking about Shir Hashirim being used in songs… and the mefarshim add that in general pesukim from Torah… the whole sheila of music to begin with stems from there. I know of a posek who told me he asked many gedolim where the heter to stam listen to music regularly comes from for a few halachic reasons and didn’t get a satisfactory answer. Nowadays many came out against concerts – lezecher chorban …all i can say is that music is a sticky subject and there are many things that have to be taken into consideration. BTW i am a “pure” born and bread american.
yes girls spend 100’s on their looks, and clothing costs A LOT nowadays! so if you have a whole wardrobe clearheaded (if your a girl) for good prices – let me know where you shop!
I’m so happy this subject was brought up!
yitay- I dont know about al pi halacha but i know that fyi throughout all the doros the style of music was taken from where they came from. Persians have their music many chassidim that stem from russia – have russain sounding nigunim… the tune ko echsof which was made up i think by one of the Karliner rebbes – he heard a shephard singing it longing … but it all CAN be implemented in the right way. today unfortunately american music is all jazz and rock with no taam whatsoever. and many of the Jewish singers just go along with it all using words from most kodesh places with JAZZ!!! it really gets me upset when the words simply don’t match the tune, i mean you can have nice leibidige music that DOES have a yiddeshe taam, it doesnt have to be a contradiction, unfortunately some think otherwise.
that story that was floating around before about the step siblings marrying each other is true. i know who they are and b”h married happily. on one side the mother passed away, the other side was divorced and both had kids in shidduchim and so – it was a shidduch!
If someone is REALLY overweight – meaning it can be unhealthy i understand 100% however nowadays… what pple consider overweight… is it’s own story. your allowed to be healthy. not everyone is built so tiny!
over the years the music by weddings has definitely gotten louder and i’m well under 30 so it has NOTHING to do with age. i want good hearing ad meah vesrim! it’s a bit ridiculous, and one solution which i have seen is to put speakers all around and keep the volume at a DECENT level!!! what are we trying to do? it’s not pleasant for ANYONE! and it’s nothing to do with age, maybe the younger generation isn’t as sensitive to it though.