sof davar hakol nishma

i havent read everything, but it sounds to me like your afraid of her. like she has this fear about her that she manipulates you to do things for her, sort of almost like the “class queens” (in classes with girls) who no one really likes and aren’t really popular but everyone is scared. They’re scared to stick up for themselves, scared to tell her she’s out… well it sounds exactly like that in an adult form. You are scared to say no, and even when you do you feel really awful about it. CHESED BEGINS AT HOME. if you are able to help others and not neglect your family great. One thing that proves that she’s a mass manipulator, and instills fear, is that she is never grateful. My advice, maybe ask a rav or someone who is very people smart to get out of this. (i know someone who had to deal with a mass manipulator in their class throughout all of their school years, they got help and they were the only one who wasn’t afraid of this “class queen”)Hatzlocho raba

unfortunately this lack of respect has leaked its way into our frum community. A huge lack of respect for parents, rabbeim, teachers, principles… even a basic respect for each other, simply because one is a fellow yid. it’s the same shoresh as your example with president obama.

LAer, oops, i obviously know that, i meant wherever you are, in E”Y anywhere in the US or LA (which is known not to be so safe)

i havent read the whole thread, however, here are my thoughts;

at first when i read the title i also laughed and agreed it belonged to the thread of jokes. However, then i remembered when i started driving, it is a big responsibility safety wise, but more than that – you have it in you control to go very far away and do WHATEVER YOU WANT, especially in places OTHER than NY which is so easy to get around without a car. Basically it is an amazing device that makes life a lot simpler BUT HAS TO B USED IN THE RIGHT WAY, like everything else in life.

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superficial, Im not sure what BPT said that you took offense to, but I can say from personal experience, many, too many, but NOT ALL, of those who chose long term Kollel lifestyles, would have chosen differently if they had had a crystal ball. “

what are you saying? that if they knew what living a kollel lifestyle was about they wouldn’t have chosen such a lifestyle? well, young people have to make that choice for themselves, is it material comforts (and comforts that aren’t guaranteed, depending on if he makes parnasa or not) or a much simpler lifestyle. it’s not an easy choice but an ideal and strong desire for kollel can keep them going for a long time.

if they’re mature, and have their head on tehir shoulders, they are looking for yarei shamayim, Baal middos/derech eretz whose heart is in Torah.

If not, they want a good looking boy with specific personality traits…

mosherose, what will you say when you have chosson classes, and your rav tells you you have to shmooze with your wife, communicate with her… ask how her day was? what will you tell him? that the mishna says no? we don’t paskin according to the mishna, there’s a whole chain of torah shbaal peh, from the gemara…. till shulchan aruch …mishna brura.

simply yeridas hadoros. Just read all for the boss, biographies on R’ Yoseph Chaim Sonnenfeld, The Chazon ish, the Ch”ch, see what levels people were on then. (about 2 gen ago?) However, in every generation there are chotim too. Pre world war had their share of gedolim but also big waves of “ism’s” and masses going off the derech. Today were tested differently. Were bentched with LOADS of gashmiyus, and comforts were so steeped in it all.

WIY such girls who don’t work on themselves in high school also don’t work on themselves in sem. and sem becomes like a year at camp with lots of learning. It’s an amazing experience if the girl knows herself, knows her goals for the year and the purpose of the year. (and stays focused on those goals throughout the year) For some it can be a life changing experience. For others it can be a huge fortification and strengthening of all that they were taught at home and in school. It’s also very beneficial for the girls to be on their own. They get to figure out who they really want to be, without family and sometimes friends. Financially it can also teach them how to handle money, that they have to be responsible for themselves in many different areas. It’s a huge transition year between high school teenagers and responsible working girls/eventually married women.

what is ChaCha???

“Couples who need counseling should go to trained counselors and not Rabbonim who dabble in marriage counselors. Rabbonim who concentrate their kochos in Shalom Bayis is another parsha altogether. “

Aries! watch your language! how do you speak about a posek like that? i know of a posek in my community who has saved many many marriages. How can you speak that way? i know for a fact that he sends people for counseling and he doesn’t get payed for all the hours and hours and hours he puts in. and that’s definitely not what he concentrates all his kochos on. He’s a very busy person with a lot on his shoulders.

“when it comes to shidduchim, gelt is nisht kein maaleh & yichus is nisht kein chisaron! “

sorry to say, but sometimes yichus, well they’re so full of themselves because of the yichus that there’s no yichus atzmo. S/o i know was redt ashidduch and they kept on bragging about yichus yichus… the father kept asking “what aabout the boy himself?” it was clear that that was all he had- Yichus. (it like a bunch of 0’s without any one before it)

midwest, i couldn’t agree more.

OOT are NOT jealous AT ALL. I give up a LOt of conveniences to live OOT and i LOVE it. I thank Hashem all the time that i live where i do. It’s a wonderful community with a shtraka kehilla. Sometimes i think that because there are so many yidden K”h living in Brooklyn there’s so much machlokes. That’s just a thought. I guess it’s true – 2 Jews 3 opinions.

Many “flock” to brooklyn areas for a simple reason – job opportunities/shidduchim/family situations

not to take away anything from these books, but all of them have to be read with chuchma. Not like lehavdil Shulchan Aruch/Mishna Brura. They have good ideas and advice but use common sense and as some have said, there’s no greater teacher than experience. And you only learn from your own marriage the do’s and dont’s.

“Tznius is about the person him/herself not about who they are dressed in front of.”

it’s both. there are two concepts in tznius. 1) in front of others (which applies more/mostly to women)and the shayla once came up if girls can go swimming near a guest house that was being built by goyim (and they could see in a little) and it was – assur. 2) in front of Hashem. In front of yourself

“This has nothing to do with their having an objectionable religion. It has to do with their attempting to memorialize their attack on us. “

this is also very true and quite frightening. In high school we learned all about the Arab ideology – sometimes i was so frustrated i wish the president would chap! (there word means nothing, they keep quiet and submit, until they feel they’re strong enough to conquer and spread islam ideology… )

current singers? i dont know,

i like MBC the music is very rich and full, sometimes i think singers should pay more attention to the words they’re matching up with the tunes.

i like the old

abish brodt,

yonasan schwartz

shwekey- the older ones

someone i know once told me a funny story that happened to them. THey were on the bus in E”Y and there was a group of MO kids taking some sort of trip together. (anyone out there MO, don’t take offence there are apparently different levels amongst the MO’s.)One boy asked the girl for her drink and he was about to take a sip, she urgently patted him on the shoulder, “stop, don’t forget to make a bracha” The person observing couldn’t help but ask them “i don’t understand, you make brachos, and your makpid on them but what about a BASIC? what about shomer negia?” to which they responded – “were not makpid on negia” as if it’s a chumra/not so chamur minhag. (there are different levels of minhagim.)You can’t pick and choose in yiddishkeit. We have to abide by EVERYTHING the Shulchan Aruch dictates.

Don’t think i don’t have my fine share of things i have to work on. However, this attitude towards yiddishkeit bothers me terribly.

chosson – “Why is it that by our conveniences we become such “believers” and when it is not to our greatest convenience, we tend to question our Rabbonim?”

well said. Unfortunately it’s all too true.

This reminds me of the Gemara that states that in the times before moshiach, the leaders will be like dogs, who are always looking back to see where their owner is. We’ve seen this already all too often in today’s day in age.

“GAW, as my husband is not a Kohen, that is a (spiritual?) impossibility for us. I guess that gives me an excuse not to act like Kimchis! “

The whole thing with kimchis, the question was asked why she was zoche that all her children become Kohanim gedolim, and she answered because even the walls of her inner room didn’t see her hair. It’s not a question of excuses/not.

i never understood this abbreviation, and why it’s used SO often. Sorry blinky, i don’t think that it fits everywhere.

Lots of Love? i never heard of it, that’s interesting

i know someone who joined an exercise aerobics class and had the same problem. it was all frum women, and they would go with pants, (no skirt on top) short sleeves (and sometimes worse, hameivin yavin) no head coverings… she asked a shayla about it and the answer was that al pi halacha it’s 100% ok because it’s all women. the analogy her posek used was – swimming and bathing suits. It’s really a sensitivity. Lemmaasa, there is a different part of tznius that is – even when someone is alone they’re suppose to dress properly because the Shechina is everywhere, and we have to be respectful and dressed accordingly everywhere. (this is one aspect of tznius that also applies to men)

As far as music, they also used goyish music, and sometimes with words – that were NOT appropriate under ANY circumstances. She found herself humming the tunes and songs throughout the day. At this point, she just left. she tried speaking with the lady who ran it and she got no where.

Blinky, it’s all a matter of extra sensitivities, and it never hurts to be more careful.

oomis hate to break it to you, but “kashe shidduchim kekrias yam suf” wasn’t recently made up. My grandmother recently told me that shidduchim were hard than too. Maybe not a “crisis” but shidduchim were never easy.

As far as divorce is, i also know many divorced people unfortunately and the most i would say, is that only in one case the girl was too naive to pick up a serious problem.

Marriage is not friendship. it’s a whole different realm, you are forming a LIFE together, towards one goal, building a family, raising children al pi torah… that does not have that status of friendship. And didn’t they tell you, one of the first things when you got engaged that your choson is NOT your “new best friend”? it’s much more elevated.

i hope everyone who i hurt in some of our fiery debates and “arguments” is mochel me. I definitely did not intend to hurt anyone.

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