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i don’t know about a kiddush Hashem or not. i just thought it was really funny and very very professionally done. it was without music, everything was EXACTLY on beat and on key, they had good voices, the harmonies were excellent…i’m not educated with the goyish songs so i had no clue it was originally a goyish tune, however the first thought taht hit me was, “gosh this is really goyish sounding”
btw, i don’t know much about YU and im soooo confused about them. does anyone here know what they’re all about?
and that proposal…ummm lets just say a really embarrassing LONG one!
girls in general are more expensive than boys, when it comes to shidduchim, the girls parents have TOOOONZ of expenses, what do you want? pile this on too? shidduchim are hard enough…if they agree to go out with a girl from oot (yes there are those like that) than the girls parents pay for her to come in isn’t all that enough?
i dono this whole thing with appearing on tv and internet & go to court is not the right thing to do whether or not you won. True, this couple was not as big as a chillul Hashem as the other case seemed and btw, theres a lot of misfits with that other story… there are 2 georgies…shaitlach DO shrink when washed in washing machines…
i have some close relatives who were named after someone and it is an uncommon name, and they are a little resentful about it. How about two names (like some of you have mentioned) and only call them the “normal” one? or is there a hebrew/lashon kodesh version of that name? such as zehava/goldie faigy/tzippora… tzvi/hersh
this just brings to mind… did anyone read the mishpacha article about kids on the fringe? last week had some responses. I have to say that i just cried from one of those personal stories. Yes im on the internet, but it kills to hear about HOW damaging it could be.
if you KNOW its not for you, why is it so difficult to say no. Find one excuse that you use.
As Addicted said, rather say no right away, (when you know it’s “no”) than drag it out thinking of an excuse…
aside from tznius, we are in galus and we are not suppose to incite the goyim to hate us even more. By flaunting out money (sometimes people don’t even realize it they just do it cuz everyone else is…) we are causing the goyim to be jealous (aside from our own brethren…) and inciting them to hate us even more.
to answer the original question, although im not knew:
i read a whole lot of threads for a while before i decided to join.
Regarding HOW DO YOU HAVE TIME? Sometimes i have more time than others. i could go for a few weeks without looking at the computer (besides for work purposes)and when i have more time, i’ll go on.
my goodness i never thought a rav’s speach could be so boring. In the shul i go to, he always has something interesting to say.
Although i do agree with you that whether or not youre interested it is a chutzpa to learn something else. When said what goes on , it reminded me of kids in class while the teacher teaches sometimes…do other homework, pass notes etc. But it’s very different here because they are all adults, and should act with derech eretz. (true children in school should also but thats another story)
wolf i wasn’t directing my post specifically at you.
just wana point out. There are many places in chazal and the gemara where it says they did things which seem strange to us, and are assur for us to do. Ex: yaakov avinu kissed rochel by the well, yaakov married 2 sisters… the whole story with the 600 remaining men from Shevet Binyamin who each grabbed a girl from the vineyards of Yosef. (this is SEPARATE FROM TU B’AV)
IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT TODAY IT IS MUTAR. We don’t paskin streight out of the pshat of the Torah, Mishna or Gemara.
Yes Yaakov avinu kissed Rochel but does it mean that any man can kiss any women? Does it mean that one doesn’t have to be shomer negia? does it mean one man can marry 2 wives does it mean that that’s how to make shidduchim today? C’MON!
“I’m attacking the notion that a man should never, ever lay eyes on a woman in any way shape or form. “
for all those who believe its ok to look at women (not immediate family) just take a look in Mesilas Yesharim, Orchas Tzaddikim… and im sure theres many Seforim on halach that go through it. It’s not from me. These gedolai olam said it.
about the father dancing with his daughter at her wedding, i don’t think you can literally assur it. If someone really wants to do it , why can’t they do it privately in a separate room?
i vote yes, but it will never happen! good idea though!
clever, your story really hurts. But as other posters said:
1) Yiddishkeit is not all about the community of Yidden, its a relationship with Hashem. Hashem is waiting for you and is right by your side with every step you take, no matter what you’ve done, He’s waiting for you.
2) Unfortunately you do have a point about the labeling in the frum community. However the “yeshivish” community is not all that there is and i really think you should reach out to PEOPLE. (not a coffee room which is not personal.)and i hope that one day you will see the beauty.
geshmakehacker, b”h i don’t have such nisyonos. I don’t have an ipod and goyish music doesnt interest me. Someone suggested cutting ties with him. I wouldn’t say break away totally, but why don’t you “cool it off” a little. I had to do this once with a friend when i realized it wasn’t a healthy friendship. Be cordial and nice but start cutting off a little.
(sorry if im repeating i didn’t read all the posts)
It really matters where you work. If you are in chinuch (men and women) they should be dressed respectfully and dignified. No, denim and jeans are not respectful clothes. Have you ever seen a rebbi in a t-shirt and cotton pants? I sure hope not. No one said they have to dress to kill but there is a certain amount of respect and dignity that comes along with dressing well that is very important in the world of chinuch.
Dvorak, OMG! i feel bad for your teacher!
if your so worried about it don’t post. What i would do is keep the user name neutral and don’t give away what you are in any thread. If you do and someone catches it, its not the end of the world. just be careful. I do see what some people are talking about that that same dynamics that goes on when a boy and girl speak face to face happens in a similar sense on line.
btw i used to think it’s so far fetched.. having a bird drop stuff on you, well it did happen to me!
And i have this crazy fear of mice, not to a normal extent. or those HUGE HUGE quick water-bugs with wings… anyone know what im talking about they’re about 2-3 inches long…
LBK, i don’t know if i got all the details correct, but i recently heard the story because there was a similar one that happened near my community pretty recently. there was a moser (someone who told on other people who were doing something not 100% correct. in the story that happened recently it was not that they were over halacha it was against the law) in R’ Elchonons time who had gotten a lot of people into trouble (to get himself out of longer imprisonment… something like that) such a person has a din, one should / is allowed to kill them. (in America we don’t suggest this…) R’ Elchonon was physically a very strong person, and this person was in the mikva i guess the same time as r’ elchonon, and R’ Elchonon drowned him. Please don’t take all the details as fact, i will look it up to verify. I don’t think it was to do with molesting. THe reason i brought the story was to parallel, that a moser can/should be killed and so does a molester.
popa bar abba – i am appalled at you! so you’re basically saying that every person who does something bad its because of some kind of psychological… something they went through? do you know there is something in this world called RISHUS. PLAIN AND SIMPLY – EVIL. We all have a Yetzer Hara. obviously somethings that people go through leave a mark on them but that they have to get over, they still have complete bechira. Your saying that most molestors were molested themselves??? and we shouldn’t judge them?
also , i think you should ask a real posek what the din of a molestor is before you jump to conclusions, and don’t believe that R’ Elyashiv Shlit”a said that. (notice i said posek, not rabbi, because anyone can be a “rabbi” not everyone can be a posek)
to be honest, i was a little shocked but i don’t think that’s the typical 7th grader. (although no one is typical) it has a lot to do with the home she comes from, the school… etc there are a lot of factors
i know of a posek who spoke about this painful topic. he said that Al Pi Torah we should kill a molester (like a moser, the story of R’ Elchonon Wasserman who killed a moser in the mikvah) because he causes people to die (commit suicide) nowadays, we don’t suggest that (the killer would be in trouble) but at least imprisonment for life. Halevai more people got up and spoke out against these molestors. This same posek said he got a shayla from someone who asked if he can help a molester who just got out of jail find a parnasa.
i don’t understand, dont you take pepto bismo for nausea ? advil… that’s for headaches…fever etc
they don’t need it at all. Its basically a toy for adults. (unless they truly need it for business…)
gat, i don’t know exactly why it works this way, but it does, we are told by our gedolim that improper images leave a deep stain on the neshama, they come up in a persons mind when davening, and trying to concentrate in learning. It makes a lot of sense, its the pure tumah in the world that they saw, looked at etc. which has an effect on their learning, davening…basically ruchnius
although it doesn’t do the same thing to a girl, it does leave a stain on their neshamos too, and the images do stay etched in their minds. (i’ve read about this)
no one can come and say, “this is why kids go OTD” there’s no blatant rule however it is an idea, the article did have a point. Remember, all articles have to be taken with a grain of salt.
typical teen…or not? NO ONE IS TYPICAL. Everyone is an individual. Everyone goes through their teenage years differently … and just remember, this is a very hard stage, but it will past, youll sort it all out, you’ll get your answers… gam ze yaavar
another thing about the term “bashert”
the bashert that is for the neshama, that a bas kol comes out forty days before yetziras havlad…
a person CAN miss that bashert, and have an unbelievable shalom bayis with someone else they married.
on the other hand, someone can marry their real bashert and have a horrible shalom bayis.
in short, the shalom bayis of the couple has nothing to do with it being the real bashert or not.
LAer, c’mon, everyone makes mistakes. as you’ve probably already seen, spelling is NOT my strong point. sometimes i have time to fix it and sometimes not. yes it’s important to spell correctly, and have proper grammar, but this is not a job, resume etc this is just a simple blog!
some people say “you just have that feeling that it’s the right one” but this DOES NOT HAPPEN TO EVERYONE, far from it. The decision has to be made with a lot of sechel, and be well thought out. Some people say, you know its the right one if you feel completely comfortable with the other person. (like you would to a sibling). Again, this works for some and not for others.
I would say daven hard that Hashem shows you if it’s the right one or not
btw – sorry for the ignorance, but whats a “troll”???
I do NOT think hes OTD at all. I think he is a very sincere idealistic teenager. (sometimes it happens to them, they FRUM out to an extreme.) i also think he gets a geshmak and kick out of getting everyone tzehitzd
chosson, you know that if your truly seeking an answer this is NOT the place to look for it… correct? ask your posek
bp totty, it’s very different. Gerr is VERy makpid and have MANY chumros when it comes to halachos between the married couple.
In general, all of the chassideshe rebbes stressed tznius. Toldos Aaron/Toldos Avrohom Yiztchok is very makpid with tznius. I don’t think they are as makpid as gerr with halachos between husband and wife.
Mosherose:
“I guess Sorah became pregnant, exactly how?”
“A neis, obviously. Of course it was a neis. How many ninty year old woman do you know who give birth?”
“I just had to laugh – you do realize that there are a few billion people in this world that believe this happened to another woman as well??? “
enlightened Jew, he knows full well what they were getting (hamaivin yavin) and chose to ignore it and answer differently. it’s funny what you wrote didn’t even occur to me
ben torah, from my experience girls fight more with words – nasty and hurtful comments than actual fistfights. (although that can happen on occasion, but not typical)
correction – exercise. sorry i ALWAYS misspell it
EXERSIZE! it’s a GREAT stress re-leaser. even when you don’t have time for it, just 20 minutes of a brisk walk, aerobics, treadmill, etc. you’ll feel SO much better afterward s, and you’ll be able to do everything peacefully.
i have to admit i was literally laughing out loud reading through this…
my question is why did so many people take the bait and respond so passionately? Dont you see through it? That’s exactly what this was done for
sjs c’mon, there a millions of yidden all over, what makes you decide you know who he is and where he’s from??? California is also really big… and his posts sound a lot more like an idealistic teenager than anyone in their 20’s. As far as i know , most people in their 20’s have already overcome that “extreme idealistic” stage. They are just a bit more level headed at that age. no?
ummm… do you have any clue just how much pressure and stress is on the women of today???? they are running the house (taking care of kids, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc) many are also bringing in some sort of parnasa, which means they are at work for a nice chunk of the day, and on top of having a house full of children they have to be extremely conscious of their weight, to stay that same perfect size as they were when they got married. this just doesn’t sound fair. Yes, a women must look good for her husband… yes she should try her hardest… but imagine all that stress on the HUSBAND, on top of which he has to stay slim.
i definitely don’t think it’s healthy,i don’t think its good to be heavy, you just have to see the flip side of the coin sometimes to get the whole picture
sacr – i know, here we also used to get them mailed. for some reason they stopped. (i think its because of the recession, they want it to be more difficult to get good buys…just my opinion)
momof4 – costco does have coupons (they used to send them in the mail, now you have to go the customer service desk to get them) however you can’t use other coupons there. only costcos. thats one of the chisronos, although for us its still worth it.
milchig ice cream
for us it sure is. You go once in a while, and buy up a bunch of stuff all in bulk so although your spending a lot in one shot, in the long run, for us its worth it. Daas yachid brought up a valid point though, because if you don’t have that much storage space (just cabinet space) for all that bulk than it may be worth it to buy less at a time.
bymaidel, i hear your point although i still don’t agree. You can’t demand it of your school to teach these things. Your school has it’s policies…it’s subjects…
If your truly seeking knowledge because you want to know the Torah perspective on it – get yourself books of this subject. there are many english halacha/hashkafa books out there for women. I don’t know what your mother would say to you reading it but… personally i know of girls who had not a clue of what life was about before getting married and it was a REAL shocker to them. almost traumatizing. on the other hand, what? do you really expect teachers to tell you these things? i think that the mothers should address it sometime or another to their daughters.
sphardik music doesn’t call to me. i just don’t like the style. nothing to do with shwekey.
when i was a kid and impatient about something my older sister told me “hold your horses” my response “my horses are held”
i was reading my little sister a book, who was at the time 2 1/2 and i wasn’t reading that fast, there weren’t that many pictures. after a few minutes she burst out “im losing my patience”
a different sibling was finishing off this 2 1/2 yr old’s breakfast. when she saw this, she burst out “im gona bless you”
moq – what about when it says “????? ???? ?? ????” AFTER they were married. REAL love always comes AFTER you know them for a long time (not only with marriage)
back to the original topic about sems teaching how to cook…
“I would rather my daughters have a strong foundation of Torah knowledge than know how to bake a cheesecake. “
SJS – i think that’s the first time i actually agree with you.
you can learn how to cook and clean “on the job” if you didn’t learn that at home. But strengthening and attaining strong hashkafos FOR LIFE. (that can literally change the course you chose to take in life) that’s not something that happens every day. And if your mother is one of those who doesn’t let her kids into the kitchen, try cooking by a married sibling/aunt. and don’t worry, many women who are great cooks today started out not knowing how to do ANYTHING!