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Just found out that on Flatbush Ave and Ave I they have gas but it’s cash only. Go now as there are long lines there. Good luck!
Partners in Torah is a free service where you are paired with an Orthodox mentor and you study or talk together once a week by phone any topic that YOU choose to learn about in Judaism. You can check out their website and sign up for a free personal Jewish mentor.
Why assume that just because they don’t post their shiurim for the public to see, that they don’t exist? Many bungalow colonies have tehillim groups and sometimes that is also followed up by a daily shmirus haloshon halacha lesson. Some places have video lectures once a week and some live lectures once a week. Yes, it is common for the women to go walking or some other form of exercise. And for your information, the same women whose kids are in daycamp often have a baby or toddler not yet in day camp that they are taking care of. Yes, it is a form of vacation, and there is nothing wrong with spending the summer rejuvenating by swimming, exercising and yes, leisure time. Many of these women work all year or even from home which means by computer from their bungalows. So cut them some slack; just because they don’t post their schedule for your approval doesn’t mean they aren’t doing something constructive with their time.
I know there are different halachos for men and women who commit adultery. This is different; it’s viewing inappropriate content online. For all the men who were so understanding that’s he’s human, deserves support, and probably was lonely to start with, would they feel the same way if it was their wife who did this. Me thinks not!
Just wondering if the common reaction here of giving him support and love and understanding he’s human, would also be the common reaction if it was the wife who was human and doing the same things.
Sorry, gross error: A lot more girls than boys are in the gifted class. I know this because I’m in the educational system and it’s a known undisputed fact for anyone working with these classes.
In case anyone hasn’t noticed yet, Csar is another incarnation of Joseph, who is notorious for starting threads stating anything under the sun so long as it puts down women. He provides “proofs” that can easily be matched with counter-proofs, such as that statistically, a lot more boys than girls are in the gifted classes. Anyone with an agenda can prove whatever they want because you can find articles stating just about anything. So that’s how Joseph operates; find any statement putting women in an inferior light and start a thread with it. Best thing is to ignore him.
again you’re harping a topic about women. You’re so obsessed with women, relationships concerning making sure a women is in her place and whatever else would pass as acceptable talk from a man about women. Count how many threads you started and how many are harping on women? All of them! Makes one wonder….
Csar: Why the obsession with women? Notice all your threads start a topic of women? Is there nothing more you delve into?
As a woman, I have to say that of course the difficulties of a pregnancy are the woman’s; after all that was the curse of Chava. That being said, of course husbands have to be acknowledged and thanked for their patience and support throughout. Which is why I buy my husband a (small) gift and a card after each baby. It’s a way of showing thanks for doing his best to alleviate my discomfort, whether it’s giving up his Shabbos afternoon nap so I can sleep when I am overwhelmingly fatigued, whether it’s giving yet another back rub to ease the lower back pain, etc. Of course I’m the one experiencing all the discomforts and pain but he is there for me throughout and husbands thrive on being acknowledged and appreciated. It’s what makes them come back to give you more. So yes, woman have it much much harder than men but that doesn’t mean the men don’t deserve acknowledgment and thanks.
mods: Do you not see that farrocks is another name for Joseph? Note the pattern: start a hypothetical topic about a law in the Torah that is not much used today, always on the topic of women being subservient to men. His comments are written as facts, not opinions, and again, always about women and how they are factually and definitely lower. Only Joseph, with all his aliases consistently follows this pattern.
The assets that she brought into the marriage go back to her now, as clearly defined in Jewish law.
I have attended the last three siyums and there most certainly was a mechitza that was lowered for mincha and maariva and raised for the rest. This was last time, I don’t remember the two times before it. As a matter of fact, the NY Times commented on how the women were “blocked out” by a rising and lowering black curtain. This is certainly not new.
Just a thought: the only other poster to keep on insisting that women can’t leave their house more than the minimum, can’t initiate leaving her husband, etc. was Joseph on his various aliases. No one else ever kept repeating and repeating these points.
I don’t have disdain for any portion of the S”A just for people who pick and choose one detail to harp on when they neglect some other equally valuable. Often the people who do this choose one detail that allows them to be strict with other people but interestingly enough they don’t choose the ones which take their own self out of their comfort zone. I don’t mean you specifically because I don’t even know you at all so I apologize if it came across as personal.
Doswin: Interesting how you are so makpid to follow the S”A in the precise details for this “mitzva”. Are you as makpid in all the other details of the S”A, particularly as pertaining to interacting with children, as parents and teacher? If you are not, what made you choose to be extra meticulous in this? Shows how ulterior motives get cloaked in righteousness. Those gedolim who were meticulously makpid in every detail of S”A also treated children in a way that commanded respect without demanding respect. And believe me, that didn’t include humiliating.
right. The boys mindset is I DESERVE everything in the world and what does he have to give? Why, it’s a privilege to be married to him in the first place so that’s called giving. I think the girls are being taught ideals and the boys are either not being prepared for marriage so they let their baser instincts take over or there’s a terrible way of life being promoted by the boy’s higher ups and that is look for wealth and beauty instead of look for a quality wife. For shame.
The point that I was trying to make originally was the reason the chassidim don’t have a shidduch crises can be for many reasons and not necessarily only the younger age the boys marry. They look for a shidduch wish such a different attitude. Poor girls don’t get left behind, neither to fat girls. That’s what I was trying to say.
Real life doesn’t always follow seemingly logical calculations; such as marry a rich girl, learn forever, marry a poor girl, you’ll have to go to work. The friends I was referring to actually come from families living very simply and Torah learning is truly the priority there. They would never dream of having their husbands go to work, and yes they do live pas b’melach. Marrying rich does not ensure more years in kollel; it’s very much dependent on the wife’s support. By that I do not mean financial, I mean willingness to do this for the long haul and doing without the luxuries that have been so taken for granted like $1000 carriages. In fact, if you look at today’s longest years in kollel people, most of them are poor and live simply. Those that married rich had it easy financially perhaps but somewhere down the line either they had pressure to go to work from their supporters or the rich lifestyle they were leading was not conducive to true shteiging. Face it, the ones that really succeeded in learning long term were those that had an inner desire to, a supportive wife, and yes, those that didn’t expect others to pay all their high standards while they were at it. So these girls may or may not have degrees but their parents can’t promise the minimum $4000 a month of support so they don’t stand a chance. Even if they are able and willing to be the best wives suited for this lifestyle. This you do not find in the chassidishe world. A good girl is valued even if she is poor.
AZ: I agree there’s a discrepancy in number of single girls vs. boys but I think it’s because boys will wait for the younger class of girls to choose their trophy so there are many girls left unmarried. I don’t think the population explodes so exponentially from year to year as you claim. Sure younger classes are fuller than older grades. That refers to first grade vs. eight grade. There isn’t a big difference if at all from grade to grade. You claim there is. Have you checked it out? It doesn’t make sense. Trying to close the age gap wouldn’t work as long as boys prefer to wait around for next year’s rich and skinny. They would never agree to take this year’s average looks and average bank account. Telling everyone the only solution is to close the age gap just instills panic because it will never be done so long as this distorted and twisted priorities are accommodated.
AZ: I have several friends in the Bensonhurst community who are really tochendig, are would be the types to have long term torah learning but because their father are dirt poor they are in their mid 20’s and still sitting. So yes, boys go for the hightest bidder most definitely.
another point: there’s this rally cry to get girls to agree to marry working boys. To have them lower their standards, even if those standards are based on an ideal, a holy way of raising their family. Oh, but not all boys are like that so the girls must lower their expectations. Why isn’t their a similar cry to the boys. They want rich, pretty and skinny. Not all girls are like that? No problem, they’ll wait for the next crop of 18 year old girls to choose from. But lower their stupid, shallow, materialistic and totally unjewish standards? No way. After all, a ben torah DESERVES to by supported, DESERVES a beautiful wife so how can they lower their standards. Answer me that one; why is it the girls that have to give up their lofty ideals that are based in holiness because not all boys are that way but the boys, whose ideals are based on gashmius, are not told to be realistic because not all girls are like that. Never mind because they are wrong ideals.
The boys who insist on pretty or rich would rather stick around for the next year’s pretty and rich girls than take this years other girls. So the rich and pretty girls are desired by more than one year’s worth of boys. That’s why there are “less” girls for more boys. If boys would still insist on only rich and pretty than closing the age gap would help nothing. They would still rather wait around for next graduating class to choose rich and pretty than take something else. So having boys date younger wouldn’t change anything as long as they still have screwed on priorities. I cannot even print what one shadchan quoted to me from the “great Lakewood boy” she was inquiring about my friend for, of why he needs someone skinny. The girls are taught to look for tochen, and to seek to develop their inner qualities and the boys both look for external and overly value external.
Maybe there’s a reason you have to keep repeating yourself for four years: where’s the proof that the population grows so exponentially from one YEAR to another YEAR. Perhaps there’s a reason so many people are still so skeptical about this theory.
Daas Yochid: where’s the proof that the population growth is as high as you claim it is? That was never proven to us; just repeated over and over until it is taken as fact. Who says there is such a high population growth from YEAR to YEAR? Until that point is proven, many people will continue to not trust the whole age gap theory. How about it’s a social crises that caused a shidduch crises. In the litvish world, more than in any other group, there is a huge emphasis on the highest bidder and the prettiest girl. The chassidim do things differently in many ways. Who says the fact that they marry the boys younger is why they don’t have a shidduch crises. How about it’s because of how they look for a shidduch in the first place. Of my entire chassidishe class, the poor girls and the fat girls did not get engaged later than the rich or pretty girls. Not so by the litvish. You can have great girls, but they are dirt poor and they are standing around for years. Look at the Bensonhurst community; many great girls with depth and real ben torah material but their fathers are very poor. Do you know how many of them are older and single. You’ll never find that in the chassidishe world. Same with weight. I know of several wonderful, truly wonderful, intelligent, kind, erliche litvish girls who are somewhat overweight and they can’t even get a date. The first question shadchan’s ask is “what size is she”. Once again, you don’t find this in the chassidishe world at all. Fat girls, poor girls, they get married at pretty much the same time the rich or pretty girls do. So who says it’s the age gap problem. How about screwed priorities social problem where litvish boys think they are God’s gift to humanity and if this year’s graduates don’t have enough rich pretty girls, no problem they’ll wait for next year’s.
There are some things you can do to have a some normalcy in the house. 1)preventive measures. Scissors and ajax should not be accessible to kids at all. Lock some cabinets if need be. All detergents and all sharp things should be locked up. 2)read the book ” 1 2 3 magic” to give you some idea of having some house rules and how to enforce them. 3) plan ahead. You know they are coming home at a set time. Have drinks and snacks ready. Be willing to go play with them on the floor with toys. You basically have to teach them what it means to play with toys that are age appropriate. Be willing to devote the time when they are home to positive and meaningful interactions with them instead of leaving it up to themselves how to entertain themselves. 4) I reiterate: there must be clear house rules that will be enforced. Not taking your clothing or shoes is one of them. As much as these actions are normal in every household with kids, it’s not normal if this is your daily life. You can take steps to change it but it has to be done with planning and thought. Good luck!
okay, let me rephrase. The IBS is not caused by food but for an individual with IBS it’s definitely food that triggers the symptoms and elimination of those foods improves the symptoms a lot. This has been told to me by my gastroenterologist and I found it to be true in practice as well. So you are right, technically the syndrome isn’t caused by food but the symptoms can most definitely be controlled by food.
the chair pad isn’t meant to be shlepped all over. How about using it at work and you can pretend it was for comfort and noone has to know what it is really for. You’ve mentioned uncomfortable work situations due to the IBS so this might help in one way.
One more thing: the charcoal pills don’t prevent gas. They absorb existing gas. They also absorb any medications you might be taking, making them ineffective. But they do help relieve the bloating and gas. There are even chair pads made with activated charcoal to absorb odors! Google it.
how about try one week free of hummus or any product containing legumes. See if there is any difference in your body. Then it’s your decision to have some hummus but know it might give you a reaction. For now your goal should be first to identify which foods are the triggers. The only way to do that is by completely eliminating that food and see if it makes a difference. Sometimes there’s an improvement but not completely so that means there’s an additional food you’re eating that’s no good for you. Keep in mind the highly uncomfortably and embarrassing symptoms you are having is coming from the food you eat and it’s up to you to identify and eliminate those foods for your own good. I also gave up some of my favorite foods but the exchange was that I can feel like a healthy person without enough gas in me to blow up all of Gaza. Good luck and I hope it works for you!
You must understand how this works. Cutting back is not enough; you have to avoid it like you are allergic to it. Start with beans and legumes because those are the worst and having IBS means you are sensitive to it. No chick peas (including humus and falafel), no cholent if it contains beans and no soups with any beans even split peas. Start with that and see if you see any difference. Removing fresh lettuce also helped a lot. You see one food at a time, as you remove it, see if it’s any better. Think about what you are eating and see what other food can be the culprit. It not easy but once you know which foods causes it you learn to remove them from your diet completely and then you will iy”h enjoy such tremendous relief from the symptoms.
I have the same condition and know what you feel like. It got to the point where I was embarrassed to be with anyone. It got much much better lately. two points: 1)it is definitely caused by food you eat and therefore can be controlled by extreme eliminating of all such foods. 2)when the gas is really bad, it can be relieved by a BM even when you don’t feel like you need one. I eliminated the following foods and saw dramatic improvement: all legumes, meaning no more cholent, no falafel, no split pea soup, no corn, no humus. Also no more fresh lettuce, no broccoli, no citrus juice, no bananas. It wasn’t easy because that was basically what I was eating on my weight loss diet. I saw a tremendous improvement. For a temporary solution, try activated charcoal pills. It absorbs the gas but you don’t see results instant; maybe in about an hour or two. Google activated charcoal there’s lots of products that absorb odors with various uses. Check it out and hope you feel better soon!
What I meant by “external” mitzvah was simply that the examples he gave were only of mitzvahs that are obvious for all to see when they are kept. Mitvas like Shabbos, kashrus, taharas hamishpacha, believing in Hashem, mitzvos bain adam lachavairo, brochos, etc. where women are equally michuyav. In fact, there are SEVEN mitzvos that women are not mechuyav in and the OP chose to harp on those. That gives a cursory glance at the obvious (external) mitzvos of men and says those are conditions of being a Jew.
News flash: Being Jewish does not depend on some external mitzvas like tefilin and tzitzit. Being jewish is based on having a jewish neshama by being born to a jewish mother or converting. When the yidden stood at Har Sinai and accepted the Torah, they became Jews, men and women alike. All their descendants are jewish provided they hadn’t married a non jewish woman.
In any case, this topic, like so many others in the coffee room is just looking for another way to demean women, as them being “less than”. That’s the real obsession here.
I will add my two cents because based on the description of the wife’s job, I have a similar job and can relate. If my husband makes calculations of how much I can earn if I worked more and more hours, I feel very resentful.
a) Is my worth based on how much I can earn instead of the person I am?
b)There are other factors to consider besides money multiplied by hours. I don’t want to come home from work minutes before my kids with no energy. I know it’s cheaper to higher more cleaning help and work more hours instead of working less and doing more housework but I want to run this house the way I feel works for me instead of dealing with a strangers way of putting things away, etc.
c) This one’s the bomber but it’s true. If I wanted to work full time I would have married a kollel guy and have the respect and sense of loftiness of supporting a learning husband. I knew that having the burden of parnassah on top of having and raising kids wouldn’t work for me so I purposely married a working guy. Now I should work full time too? That’s not why I chose a working guy.
d) Having a degree enables me to work part time and come home with more money than a secratary job would yield. That doesn’t mean I should work as many hours as possible, it simply maked the supplement income easier to earn.
That being said, I think the wife should be understanding of the tremendous pressure the husband is under trying to earn parnassah. A simple but sincere expression of appreciation for the efforts put in trying to support the family comfortably would go a long way. Asking for vacations when the money is tight is being oblivious to the facts on the ground. There are many ways for a couple to spend quality time together withough spending a lot.
pmtci: The reason why so many reactions you are getting is not to believe the husband was such a tzaddik, is because it’s the cry of every divorced man: “I did nothing wrong!” Of course plenty of times one side is suffering from the other, but by all means, the relationship has so many aspects to it and most likely they both contributed to the demise of the marriage, even if one side more than the other. Blaming one side totally while claiming complete innocence is rarely believed because it’s rarely true. While divorced women most often claim to have been abused, most men claim they did nothing wrong! Both have to take at least some responsibility for the situation.
Read the book “1-2-3 Magic” or watch the DVD. If you can implement the discipline methods outlined, it will save your sanity and your relationship with your kids. Good luck!