am yisrael chai – no problem!

yehuda tzvi – thanks for keeping us updated, I hope you have a refuah sheleima very soon, and that it’s only up from here

Last year in Israel I stayed up all night going to speeches, and that was very meaningful. Then again that was Israel. This year I’m planning on staying up trying to learn stuff to help make Shavuos more meaningful, ’till I get tired. We’ll see how it goes.

Here’s a thread that was previously started for her:

http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/tehillim-for-chaya-sara-bas-chava-breindel

Not advice, but a lesson I always remember –

We all would like to think that during the times of Chanuka, we would have been in the small group of people who stayed strong and listened to the Maccabees. What was the difference between the masses of people who turned into misyavnim and the small group of people who didn’t? The ones who became misyavnim heard what the chochomim said and said to themselves: “Oh that doesn’t apply to me. I’m above that” etc, or “that’s a nice level, but it’s not for me”. They made decisions for themselves and thought they knew better. The small group that we all hope we would have been a part of were the ones who listened to the chochomim, no matter what they said, no matter how extreme it was or whether or not it applied to them. They followed blindly and they were the ones who were able to stick it out and stay on the right side.

This thought always crosses my mind when I start to doubt how much the words of the chochomim actually apply to me. Especially in these tough times, we have to cling to them, or else ch”v, we’ll be on the misyavnim’s side of Chanuka when this is all over.

Where I live the price for the lowest gas is somewhere at about 4.19 now. And it’s inching up day by day.

Wow, that is so hypocritical it’s not normal.

Yes, everyone should have the right to freedom in literally all aspects of life, to the extent that everyone should be allowed to marry gay. But the right to be Jewish, that’s different.

The world today…..

This doesn’t have to be morbid unless you take it to be –

The only thing everyone’s screaming in gehinom is “PLEASE JUST GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE!! JUST GIVE ME ONE MORE SECOND IN THE WORLD!!!!!!”

It’s more mussar than chizuk, but if you can manage to think about it now and again it really knocks you back into the right perspective.

Just goes to show how fake this whole thing with people feeling that they can only be friends with their “type” is. Here, where no one knows people in person, they just get to experience everyone’s personality in an unbiased way, everyone likes each other. Even if people disagree, I doubt they DON’T like each other, they just disagree and they accept that and move on. But out in the real world all the stereotypes and assumptions and personality/family/frumkeit related biases and social expectations create huge walls that are really just so invisible and meaningless if we would just wish to see through them. Everyone should realize that we’re all Jews here, we’re all family; we should act like it… At least the coffee room makes a pretty good attempt 🙂

…Ani Maamin…

I didn’t read all the above posts so I hope this hasn’t been said yet.

I think that we sometimes we get so caught up in the idea that “davening is for us” that we forget that this doesn’t mean that we should be at total liberty to decide whether we want to do this good thing or not.

Think for a moment before you start to daven about how much you appreciate everything Hashem did and does for you all the time. Take a minute to reflect over and remember how much you owe Him and how much a part of your life He really is, even when you’re not paying attention. He has kept you alive until now, he provides for you, He has given you a loving family… for everyone it is different, and we all have millions and millions of things to thank Him for. Just think about a few of those things, or one or two or three broad categories, and then start to daven. This helps me sometimes when I need to just try to pay attention. It helps me realize that I owe Him so much so the LEAST I can do is give Him a good davening, and show Him that I do know it’s all from Him.

It’s a real avoda though, good luck.

I also have so much trouble with meforshim, and it’s so annoying. I never did well with them in high school and now I’d so much like to be able to open up a sefer in hebrew and learn a bit, because somehow it’s just more meaningful in lashon hakodesh. I have a mussar sefer in only hebrew and I’m trying to labor through it with an english-hebrew dictionary but it can get so slow with me looking up every other word that i almost feel like it isn’t even worth it. Though I marvel and feel good about myself when I finish a page or two, and I’m happy I’m trying it this way. But I hear basyisroel94 when she says she wants to learn how to read meforshim. While I’m sitting there flipping through the pages of the dictionary I WISH I would have worked my heart and soul out in high school memorizing vocab words and reading more and more and more mefarshim until I “got” it.

The thing is, with all these interlinear Rashi translations – those just help you understand that Rashi that you’re reading, but it doesn’t teach you HOW to “do” meforshim. I wonder, is it just something that some are good at and others are not and will never be? Or do we just have to work harder? And if so, how, exactly?

Oh ok, well in that case! Glad I could be of service. And btw, thanks for opening this thread, I’ve heard some really nice stuff here I might have never come across.

Oh, and I would love to offer comments on your recent question but I thought about it and I guess because I haven’t really come across it I pretty much have nothing to say… but I would be interested to hear if anyone else did

Just wanted to wish a public shout out of good luck to everyone.

Just like men’s mitzvah is torah, ours is tznius; it’s the hallmark of what women are and what they stand for. If we keep that in mind hopefully we’ll be able to keep our heads on straight throughout all the cute *almost perfect* clothes we’ll encounter and remember to dress our best all the time. Hatzlocha everyone!

rebdoniel – well said. It’s too bad not everyone feels that way…

Ofcourse: I think we gotta ask the men on this one.

The best I can say on this is that if a woman who is naturally pretty is really keeping to all the halachos and sensitivities of tznius, she has done all she can and from here on out it’s up to the men to see her for what her dress says she is, and nothing less. Then again, I may be wrong as maybe there is always something you can do.

The average/not too pretty woman I guess should really just focus on the “Tznius is for yourself” aspect, if she really feels that it doesn’t make a difference to men what she wears. Even though I feel that it always does. It’s never good to lessen men’s sensitivities to parts of our bodies that should be covered, no matter how attractive or unattractive they may be. If a great rav saw an ugly lady’s ugly knee, don’t you think he would still cringe and look away?

Oomis: I just saw your comment to looking2grow. She said in one of her posts that she wants to lengthen her skirts because sometimes when she’s sitting or getting out of a car she feels her skirts can ride up and get untznius. If her skirts become untznius when she is in everyday positions then those 2″ inch below the knee skirts are NOT tznius for her k’halahca. So how can she keep wearing them for kibud eim??

looking2grow: I have an mp3 of a really good tznius shiur I heard in sem by R’ Osher Zelig Rubenstein. It was pretty powerful (it was actually the very last shiur we heard in sem) and he did mention mothers a bit. If you’re interested I’d love to send it to you with the mods’ help.

ZeesKite – it’s possible that most people aren’t posting on this thread because when people thank Hashem they usually thank Him and not the YWN Coffee Room 🙂

Either way, here I go…

Hashem has given me LIFE, and a chance to keep getting mitzvos and do teshuva for my wrongdoings. I hope I can keep that in mind when I go about my daily life.

And if you think that’s corny and expected – we just had a tragic young death in my community, and it’s really had me thinking. Hashem is giving us life every second we’re here, we can’t waste it!! Life is precious. We have to use our time here and everything else that Hashem has given us, to do all the good we have the opportunity to do. Before it’s too late… because you never know…

I know it’s all been said already I just felt the urge to comment anyway…

I feel like a lot of people look at tznius as so much less than what it really is. Of course there’s the halacha, but that’s just the stepping stone to try to get you to feel tznius so that you can act tznius and be tznius, in all senses of the term. It’s hard to be a tznius person in your actions when your clothing is telling you that you’re not that type of person. It’s hard to believe that adding an inch to your skirt can help you feel like a better person but I’ve experienced it and I’m sure others can attest to the fact that it’s true. Even the dumbest and tiniest changes you make in your clothes makes a difference in your self perception.

I once learned (and I think it’s so true) that with tznius, if you just feel that for some reason, something may not be 100% right, YOU’RE PROBABLY RIGHT. Don’t doubt that little feeling inside of you that’s telling you that MAYBE there’s something wrong. It’s tough because although the halacha guidelines may seem so strict at times they feel SO vague. “Okay, I know I can’t wear tight clothes – but is this even tight? I shouldn’t wear something that makes me stand out too much – but please, I’m going to stand out if I DON’T wear this. Or, Come on, no one’s going to be looking at me when there are so many people dressed worse than me on the street.” etc etc etc. We paskin for ourselves every day when we get dressed. That one piece of advice has helped me decide not to wear something many a time. You have to listen for a little voice inside your head telling you “no”, and if it’s not there, then you know you’re good. If you do hear it, LISTEN TO IT. And that’s a must.

looking2grow – I’m sure your mother is an amazing person but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have more sensitivities than her in some areas. Don’t doubt that sensitivity that you have, because these sensitivities are your (and everybody’s) real key to tznius.

Maybe they don’t realize how close you were to your grandparent?

Maybe they had in mind to ask you about it but it slipped their minds because they were busy and would feel weird asking now, so far after the fact and having waited so long?

Maybe they feel that what they did really was enough, and have no idea that they left you feeling like you do?

I’m sure there are many different possible reasons, but that still doesn’t really help resolve it.

I actually also find myself right now feeling upset at someone for something they didn’t do, and wondering if I’m being too sensitive. I’m still trying to figure it out, but as hard as it is to accept, I’m starting to think that maybe I am. Although I am pretty certain of the other person’s reasons (forgetting – which can be one of the most hurtful reasons), I do have the obligation to judge others favorably, and who am I not to fulfill this Torah obligation? It’s really hard and I’m still trying to figure it out, but as of now I think that whatever the other person’s reasons, this is not one sided and I have my own responsibilities to pay attention to here. Maybe Hashem made them forget on purpose so that I can be tested in how good I am at really fully and truly judging favorably, forgiving, and forgetting? You never know.

There’s nothing wrong with trying to stay in a place where your yetzer hara doesn’t have a chance. You don’t have to give him a chance. There’s a reason Hashem wants people to learn Torah so badly. Barasi yetzer hara, barasi torah tavlin. It’s not a fantasy world, it’s a very real facet of the world and one that Hashem wants us to be a part of as much as possible. It’s definitely the real world. It may feel too good to be true but it’s real alright. (And if you’re worried that you’re not in the real world because you never feel the yetzer hara and then what’s the point, perhaps it’s the yetzer hara that’s trying to get you to second guess your learning now?? This is just food for thought and not ch”v an accusation)

The real question is, do you want to keep learning, but are worried that you will never grow up and be responsible that way, OR are you in some way afraid to commit your life to a reliant parnassah? Neither is wrong or right, but you have to decide where you’re coming from before you can come to a decision.

It’s hard to give personal advice because as ‘i can only try’ said, to learn or not to learn depends on each individual person. But I think that if you feel yourself able, you should try to stay for as long as you can and see where it takes you. Don’t ever be embarrassed of doing what’s good for your spiritual growth. It’s tough because no one likes to feel like they’re on the receiving end of things. But if you do enjoy being in yeshiva and you feel that it’s good for you – stay. It’s a hard thing to end up regretting.

Good luck whatever you end up doing.

I didn’t apply to Bnos Chava, but just wanna tell you about interviews in general –

Don’t worry, be yourself, try to show them the best side of yourself. I think that really what seminaries are looking for is to see if they can see you fit into their seminary. They know what type their seminary is and they know which girls would do well there and which wouldn’t. If you think that you would fit into Bnos Chava and do really well there, then just relax and be yourself. Just try to show off your mature and knowledgeable and yearning to grow side as much as possible 🙂

(Then again, I applied to a seminary and the interview went so horribly I literally walked out embarrassed of all the things I messed up on and did wrong, and I had a friend who had a really good interview with them. And I got in, and she didn’t. Getting accepted to or rejected from seminary is totally in the hands of Hashem, it has nothing to do with logic, as far as I’ve experienced.)