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Chemistry makes for more stable,happier marriages.
Chemistry after marriage is a must. Chemistry while dating does absolutely NOT make a better marriage. You don’t need too much sense to know that.
And many marriages with so much love in the beginning, ends up in a hateful divorce.
Love doesn’t gaurantee you a happy marriage.
Mdd- I never said your way is wrong.
When my kids grow up I don’t think I’ll put them into a Shidduch blindly. I think I will give them a little more chance to get to know each others.
But I wouldn’t let them be out alone late at night, go to restaurants, games, etc.
Again, I don’t think these things are wrong, but we’re a lot safer without them.
You make it sound like nobody here has a life.
The CR should only be a BTW. You should have countless things to do while the CR updates.
Msseeker- the question is how many images of girls he has in his mind even before he gets married!
TMB- that’s correct. But by bashing them on a public forum, you only make matters worse.
There’s a way to make people aware of something they are doing wrong.
I’ll leave it up to their Rav or mentor to teach them between right or wrong.
Popa- 8 dates with the 8th girl. Do your math. What number date is a boy up to by the time he dates THE ONE?
With how many girls did he enjoy the evening?
I’m not here to say whether its right or wrong, but extreme it is.
TMB- it is people with comments like yours, that turn people away from Yiddishkeit.
(And that doesn’t give my approval to watch TV)
Shabbos Zemiros.
In any event- we are at two extremes.
Beshows are extreme and dating became very extreme.
I wish we can find a middle way.
Why hasn’t anyone mentioned outside influence as a cause for divorce rates? Be it Litvish or Chasidish
Yes. Very big cause.
Msseeker- don’t stretch my words- I said “to some extent”.
Anyway, it’s the mother of the boy who makes sure the girl looks sweet, put together, and good enough. The boy only gives the last approval.
Msseeker- Chassidim are also into looks to some extent. It is very important. But it’s not the main.
For the 1,000,000th time were having this discussion….
MSseeker- that’s true. Anyone with normal brains, will feel some emotional connection to their chosson/Kallah, even if they only have 2 Bashows.
Gavra- yes I disagree. It won’t work with the Litvish world because they are so into chemistry chemistry chemistry.
Of course there has to be chemistry, but there’s more to a Shidduch than feelings.
Willi- of course it doesn’t always work. Many many many problems in Chassidish circles too.
But those problems dont necessarily stem from not dating.
The point is that people who date are NOT happier.
Gavra- it aint gonna work. You gotta do it this style for many generations!
No matter how much explanation you get, you’ll still think we’re insane. When I think into it, it also seems crazy that we meet 1-3 times and Mazel Tov!
But I live in those circles, and I’m used to it, and it works!
Sof Davar- don’t start. If you’re not Chassidish you’ll never understand.
But take it from a Chassidish woman who had a Beshow, YES IT WORKS.
Myself and all my friends are B”H so happily married for years and very genuinely at that. We face the same challenges that Litvish couples face. No couple is perfect.
So right- it’s got nothing to do.
Boys usually do follow everything their parents teach them to, but that doesn’t mean he close to them.
A daughter usually stays very close to her mother, even when following her husband.
Someone once told me that I’m a big perfectionist. Once I realized the truth in her words, I became even more of a perfectionist because I’m always thinking into it and living up to it.
Good or bad???
So right- I disagree. Married daughters always turn back to Mom for advice, suppers, shmoozing, and mommying!
A married son though has a wife to take care of him now and doesn’t need his mother as much.
If you monitor them well, and know EXACTLY who their friends are in real life, then maybe.
Wolf- thanks for the laugh! Very creative!
Thank you for the compliment. You’re correct… I’m not your father in law
Wolf- what makes you think it was a compliment… You don’t know who his FIL is!
(Sorry, just kidding! Couldn’t resist!)
I don’t see why this question is offensive.
If I ask: how many rooms do you have in your apt, is that wrong? It’s interesting to know and that’s it.
If you feel totally comfortable with it, then you should feel comfortable answering. Besides if the question is a breech in privacy. But here, it’s an ok question and shouldn’t offend anyone.
(And just as a side note, if someone asks me whether I have internet at home, I am embarrassed to say yes.)
Daniel- yes I’m female. But I or anyone else might be faking identity all these years.
Just trying to say, that as long as you don’t know the person LIVE, nothing is certain. Therefore this study won’t work.
Don’t play around with Shadchunis $$. It’s a very serious issue.
But you can give any amount. Doesn’t HAVE to be $1000. And of course it only needs to be given to a Shadchan(if the person did ANY part of the Shidduch process for you.)
Cshapiro- he doesn’t sound like a Rabbi to me. A long beard doesn’t make him into a Rabbi.
Mischief- you make me laugh. Do you really think that if someone says he’s male/44, that is true?
Anyone can fool you online when you don’t see/hear them.
It would be very interesting but ain’t gonna work.
And btw Mischief- I really seriously always thought you’re a boy.
Poster- today’s days, it’s a bigger problem to have internet at home, rather than a TV.
No jokes here.
Of course rewarmed Chulent is delicious.
Nothing like fresh Chulent but we always eat it on Sunday with some crispy sour pickles!
Vnishmartem- exactly. You took the words off my tongue!
They were amazing and interesting articles.
Each page was filled with various informative topics.
Did you want them to write about SHIDDUCHIM ONLY????
You’re so right Shticky Guy,
This thread was dead, “sigh”,
So prepare your pen
and use your talents again
And keep this thread very high.
Please read the funny Shidduch Stories thread!
It’s always nice to offer a seat, no matter to whom. You can so easily make a Kidduch Hashem.
Ruff Ruff, although your computer is not always assigned the same IP address, it usually is the same.
Depends on the reason why the parents divorced. If their divorce was ugly, disrepectful, or caused by abuse, then stay away.
These bad Middos and nature to abuse can very likely go over to the children. This is after all what the kids saw all their years.
Many, many times, children from abusive homes, are going to abuse their spouse/kids.
You have to be extremely careful.
If he’s a Nebach, just be happy that you are not that Nebach and treat him nicely.
Who are we to say that we don’t like another person.
Of course you may set limits as to how much time you will spend with him.
It doesn’t have to take over your life.
Tell it to someone HE respects so that person will be able to confront him.
I once heard that it’s brought down somewhere that a MIL and DIL naturally don’t get along because the DIL takes over the son and continues to take care of him and she gets any furthur Schar.
I’m not sure if this is legit, and if someone knows more about it, please share. It happens to make sense though.
I B”H get along beautifully with my MIL and most people I know also do. So maybe it’s just time for a change in attitude?